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Distort Jokes

The inventor of distorted mirrors has passed away.

His funeral will be held in asymmetry.

Sod's law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

Moore's law: The complexity of integrated circuits doubles every 24 months.

Campbell's law: The more any quantitative social indicator is used for social decision making, the more subject it will be to corruption pressures and the more apt it will be to distort and corrupt the social processe...

Twin sisters just turned 100 years old

Twin sisters just turned one hundred years old in St. Luke's Nursing Home and the editor of the Cambridge rag, "The Cambridge Distorter," told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these 100 year old twin bitteys.

One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Dr. Seuss wrote instruction manuals.

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Religion is a bit like porn.

You know deep down it’s all lies but you still buy it.

It’s a multi-billion dollar industry making a few people very rich.

It distorts reality, inciting desires it never satisfies.

AND the scripts it’s based on leave allot to be desired.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Accidental Exposure

A man is walking down the street on a nice Spring day, casually gazing into the many shop window displays. Suddenly, he notices a woman walking in the opposite direction, and as she gets closer he notices that one of her breasts is hanging out of her blouse. She seems oblivious, and the man is in tw...

A little girl, around 10 years old, walks into a bakery

The baker's wife, taking care of the sales at the till, can't help but notice her deformed face, her palate cleft and her whole distorted body, forcing her to use crutches to move around. The wife, thinking what a poor life she must have had, asks kindly what she could do to help the lil girl :
...

I was in a small city in Israel...

and I met this gorgeous woman. Truly beautiful. We had a crazy night of drinking, and passion, and maybe even love, but she was gone in the morning, and I had to go back home. I couldn't even remember her name, only the translation she'd given me into English. "A length of time." It was a dumb thing...

The World Expert on Wasps

A man was walking down a quiet street, when something caught his eye in the window of a charity shop. He wandered over to take a closer look, then smiled to himself, nodded, and entered the shop.

He walked up to the counter and said to the man serving there, "Is that record in the window real...

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