90s Jokes

Social Security benefits.

90+91+92+93+94+95+96+97+98+99 = 945

There was a lady in her 90s who became a sort of local celebrity because she had recently gotten married. The local news station decided to interview her. The interviewer asked questions like how it was to be a newlywed in her 90s.

"This isn't my first husband, so it's not much different than... read more

That’s just a stereotype.

Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, cinco, seis.

A beautiful woman walks past them on the sidewalk, glances their way, smiles, then continues on.

After a minute or so, one of the men says "Boy that women was a looker. I wouldn't mind walking hand in hand with her."

One of the other men says "No kidding—I wouldn't say no to kissing he... read more

It gave them a flashback!

your vaccinations were mandatory and no one in your class got measles.

While the 92yo and 94yo were playing cards in the dining room, the 96yo calls down, "Guys, the bathtub is full, but I can't remember if I was about to get in, or if I just got out."

The 94yo shakes his head and starts up the stairs to help him out. Halfway up, he calls out, "Hey, guys? Was I ... read more

They tell him they'd like to file for divorce. He looks at them and asks, "Why would you get a divorce at your age?" The husband replies, "Well, we wanted to wait until the kids were dead."

Steve

They really really really wanna zig-a-zig ahhh!

That track really slaps.

What did Jeffrey Dahmer ask Lorena Bobbitt?

*Are you going to eat that?*

I must be dating myself

One studio always put just one Black guy in each of their movies as a diversity hire. You know, the clerk at a convenience store, some guy in the background, one of the protagonist's lesser of many friends. Someone who wouldn't get a lot of screen time, would probably die first.

During a 1994... read more

I told her, Blossom (that’a my nickname for her), let’s take this Step by Step. We are far from Perfect Strangers, so I will Coach you through this. As Time Goes By you will see that I’m a Smart Guy, but If I can’t help you, we will start calling our Friends for help. Except for your brother Frasier... read more

The later replied "That's because you are not rolling them tight enough honey".

"Doctor, where is the heart?"

To which the doctor replies: "it is at the height of your left nipple"

The elderly woman thanks the man and ends the call.

A new day arrives and the doctor reads the headline of his newspaper

"Elderly woman wants to commit suicide, shoots he... read more

It's all just a Blur.

(born on December 31st, 1999)

A Millennial Falcon

Hell, meanwhile, is where the music is from the 2000s, the TV shows are from the 80s and the internet is from the 90s.

fwd:fwd:fwd:fwd:fwd:fwd:fwd:fwd:fwd:fwd:fwd:...

He got pulled over for speeding.

Like so-duh

From 1995 to 2002 George R. R. Martin was busy publishing another series and no new Wild Cards books were released. I can't imagine being in that situation, waiting years and years for the next book in a series by GRRM that I've come to love.

Reporter: "Why did you attack Iraq in the 90s?"
USA: "Because we suspected that they had Weapons of Mass Destruction"
Reporter: "Why did you attack Syria now?"
USA: "Because we suspect they have Weapons of Mass Destruction"
Reporter: "Why didn't you attack North Korea then?" ... read more

It’s been seven hours and fifteen days.

They're watching Air Bud on their iPad through their Air Pods earbuds.

you've been to the mall

Me: I collect box sets of 90s sitcoms.

Her: Interesting. Do you have Friends?

Me: No. I’m very lonely.

It was Mad about U.

Back when my president didn't mind people getting on their knees

...then I thought I should aim closer to my age

It started out just awful. Everyone ignored me and horsed around. Once they started trying to wreck my moms furniture, I had to take out my secret weapon.

My dad had scored an early VHS release of the last years most popular movie. I could have been the only one in the country with this mo... read more

A joke from my granddad. Maybe his favorite. "A man goes to the bank to ask for a loan. He presents his case to the banker. The banker turns him down. The man ask 'Do you mind if I ask if you wear a glass right eye? The banker replies 'Yes. What made you ask that?' The man replied 'I thou... read more

The producers brought the two of them into their office to go over potential roles for them.

Before they could even get a word out, Stallone says “I wanna be that Amadeus guy.”

The producers exchange looks, nod and say, “You got it Sly.” They turn to Arnold, “And what about you.”
... read more

He ran on splitting up gangs.

60s kids: Grandma called.

70s kids: Gramps called.

80s kids: Granny called.

90s kids: Grandmother called.

Kids now: Boomerang.

and goes up to the clerk and says “I’m looking for that classic 90s Seattle grunge sound on vinyl if you carry it.” Clerk says reluctantly, “I’m sorry the only styles we carry are children’s, Christian, classical, or folk.” The man looks puzzled and becomes a tad irate. He responds back saying, “You... read more

..I guess it's a dying art.

It depends.

An optimistic Ukrainian learns English.

A pessimistic one learns Russian.

A realistic one learns how to shoot a rifle.

 

It's an old Romanian joke, from the '90s, it suddenly became relevant for our neighbours.

hire an attorney and tell him they want to get divorced. He looks at them in shocked disbelief and exclaims, "Henry! Dorothy! You are both in your 90s. You've been married for 72 years. Why do you want a divorce now?"

Dorothy looks him in the eye and says, "It's been awful, but we wanted... read more

What did the cat say when it’s tail caught fire?

“This is the end of me!”

( found in a cat and dog joke book from the 90s but it was a perfect execution! )