UPJOKE
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A woman in her 90s calls her doctor and asks:

"Doctor, where is the heart?"

To which the doctor replies: "it is at the height of your left nipple"

The elderly woman thanks the man and ends the call.

A new day arrives and the doctor reads the headline of his newspaper

"Elderly woman wants to commit suicide, shoots he...

Now that I’ve gone back and listened to the 90s Fresh Prince theme song…

That track really slaps.

Heaven is where the music is from the 80s, the TV shows are from the 90s, and the internet is from the 2000s.

Hell, meanwhile, is where the music is from the 2000s, the TV shows are from the 80s and the internet is from the 90s.

What do you call it when an Apple fan is watching a 90s movie on a tablet about a dog that plays basketball on their wireless headphones?

They're watching Air Bud on their iPad through their Air Pods earbuds.

In the 90s, it had become pretty hip to include just one or two minorities in a Hollywood movie.

One studio always put just one Black guy in each of their movies as a diversity hire. You know, the clerk at a convenience store, some guy in the background, one of the protagonist's lesser of many friends. Someone who wouldn't get a lot of screen time, would probably die first.

During a 1994...

An elderly couple in their 90s go to a divorce lawyer.

They tell him they'd like to file for divorce. He looks at them and asks, "Why would you get a divorce at your age?" The husband replies, "Well, we wanted to wait until the kids were dead."

What happened when the '90s kid saw a disposable camera?

It gave them a flashback!

What's a narcoleptic's favorite 90s sitcom?

Suddenly Snoozin'

You know you’re a 90s kid when...

your vaccinations were mandatory and no one in your class got measles.

90s kids won't get this . . .

Social Security benefits.

This sums up the 90s

90+91+92+93+94+95+96+97+98+99 = 945

Kids these days have no idea how good it was growing up in the 90s!

(born on December 31st, 1999)

What does a prudent Ukrainean learn?

It depends.

An optimistic Ukrainian learns English.

A pessimistic one learns Russian.

A realistic one learns how to shoot a rifle.

 

It's an old Romanian joke, from the '90s, it suddenly became relevant for our neighbours.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everyone's talking about the 90s like it was almost thirty years ago...

Oh.

...Fuck.

How did every joke in the 90s start?

fwd:fwd:fwd:fwd:fwd:fwd:fwd:fwd:fwd:fwd:fwd:...

When I was a boy, sometime in the mid-90s, I had absolutely zero friends. My concerned mother brought in the neighbor kids for a dreaded 'play date'..

It started out just awful. Everyone ignored me and horsed around. Once they started trying to wreck my moms furniture, I had to take out my secret weapon.

My dad had scored an early VHS release of the last years most popular movie. I could have been the only one in the country with this mo...

My Girlfriend couldn’t remember the name of a certain 90s sitcom.

I told her, Blossom (that’a my nickname for her), let’s take this Step by Step. We are far from Perfect Strangers, so I will Coach you through this. As Time Goes By you will see that I’m a Smart Guy, but If I can’t help you, we will start calling our Friends for help. Except for your brother Frasier...

Only 90s kids will get this...

What did Jeffrey Dahmer ask Lorena Bobbitt?

*Are you going to eat that?*

Jobs from the 90s that aren’t around anymore:

Steve

Watching the original “Baywatch” series on Amazon Prime…

…they got a hot girl riding a jetski shooting an AR-15, boy do I miss the 90s!

Newlywed Woman In Her 90s Is Interviewed

There was a lady in her 90s who became a sort of local celebrity because she had recently gotten married. The local news station decided to interview her. The interviewer asked questions like how it was to be a newlywed in her 90s.

"This isn't my first husband, so it's not much different than...

How do '90s kids count to 6?

Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, cinco, seis.

A woman in her 90s told another "My joints are weak".

The later replied "That's because you are not rolling them tight enough honey".

How does the kid tell you that their grandparents called?

60s kids: Grandma called.

70s kids: Gramps called.

80s kids: Granny called.

90s kids: Grandmother called.

Kids now: Boomerang.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Chris Farley say when he found out Norm MacDonald was coming to Heaven?

Well La-di-freakin-da!


R.I.P. Norm. Ill miss you greatly. As a GenX kid growing up in the 80s & 90s you bought me lots of laughs, and made my shitty life a little better. Thanks so much.

And Chris, you're still missed, referenced, and thought of often. And again thanks for all ...

What do you call a bird born in the 90s?

A Millennial Falcon

I don't remember 90s music much.

It's all just a Blur.

Reporter: "Why did you attack Iraq in the 90s?"

Reporter: "Why did you attack Iraq in the 90s?"
USA: "Because we suspected that they had Weapons of Mass Destruction"
Reporter: "Why did you attack Syria now?"
USA: "Because we suspect they have Weapons of Mass Destruction"
Reporter: "Why didn't you attack North Korea then?" ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Al Gore is in the wrong line of work

Some people's names match their careers surprisingly well. Imagine a psychic named Krystal Ball or a stylist named Barbera Cutter.

But Al Gore is a failure in this regard. He had the perfect opportunity to start a math rock band in the 80s or 90s and just chose to not. It should have been fa...

T and V were angry when something came between them and watching good 90s reruns.

It was Mad about U.

the #MeToo movement actually started in the 90s

But it never really took off because PoundMeToo didn’t really send the right message

I have this 90s pop ballad stuck in my head.

It’s been seven hours and fifteen days.

What does a 90s girl drink?

Like so-duh

If you be been to one giant shopping center from the 90s

you've been to the mall

I wish i could go back to how it was in the mid 90s

Back when my president didn't mind people getting on their knees

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call nudes from the 90s

hot mail

In the late 90s, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sly Stallone auditioned for a film about classical musicians.

The producers brought the two of them into their office to go over potential roles for them.

Before they could even get a word out, Stallone says “I wanna be that Amadeus guy.”

The producers exchange looks, nod and say, “You got it Sly.” They turn to Arnold, “And what about you.”
...

I used to go to bars to pick up girls in the 90s...

...then I thought I should aim closer to my age

And elderly couple...

hire an attorney and tell him they want to get divorced. He looks at them in shocked disbelief and exclaims, "Henry! Dorothy! You are both in your 90s. You've been married for 72 years. Why do you want a divorce now?"

Dorothy looks him in the eye and says, "It's been awful, but we wanted...

The youth of today don't know how to make those 90s rainbow tie-dye t-shirts...

..I guess it's a dying art.

Freddy from scooby doo was a candidate for mayor of L.A in the 90s

He ran on splitting up gangs.

[First Date] Her: So what do you do for a hobby?

Him: I collect complete season DVDs of 90s sitcoms.

Her: Do you have Friends?

Him: No.

Joke my 5 year old son told me

What did the cat say when it’s tail caught fire?

“This is the end of me!”

( found in a cat and dog joke book from the 90s but it was a perfect execution! )

There was once a man who had 100 kids.

There was once a man who had 100 kids. He was not a creative man, so he named the kids after the number of their birth. One of his kids, 90, had a few kids when he grew older. One day, they found a dog on the road. They took him in, and named him This. This was a very good and well behaved dog. “Dad...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The glass jar

A guy walks into a bar and sees a huge jar filled with money on the counter, he glances at it curiously but doesn't think much else of it, about two beers later he asks the bartender about it. The bartender tells him it's a simple game, you pay $50 to play and then you complete 3 tasks, the man gawk...

Judy came home from shopping and met her 19 year old granddaughter Tae walking out of the shared apartment.

Tae was wearing a sleek black top through which her nipples were easily seen against the threads. In shock, Judy said "Granddaughter! I cannot allow you to go out of this house in such apparel! Your goods are showing way too much!"

To which Tae replied, "Loosen up, Grams. This isn't the 70s, ...

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