15 Jokes - 100 Hilarious 15 Jokes

15% of women admit to having used vibrators.

The other 85% said they bought them new.

Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 15 more children. (NSFW)

A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away.

At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together."

Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her seco...

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15 minutes late..

A group of men live and die for their Saturday morning golf game. One of them transfers to another city and they're lost without him.

A new woman joins their Club. When she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if...

Yesterday I froze myself to -273.15°

And you know what?

I was 0K :)

A 15 year old boy comes home with a Porsche

His parents began to yell and scream. “Where did you get that car?”

He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”

“With what money?” Demanded his parents. “We know how much a Porsche costs!”

“Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.”

The parents began to yell e...

A woman goes into a restaurant with 15 kids.

The kids start goofing around while she's talking to the waitress. The mom gets impatient and yells, "Eddy! Stop that! Or else!" All 15 boys suddenly sit down, obedient and quiet.

The waitress asks, **"Did you really name all 15 of your boys Eddy?"**

"Yup," says the woman. "Makes it ea...

A chemist froze himself at -273.15°C.

Everyone thought that he was crazy, but he was 0K.

Chinese takeout $15.00, gas to get there $1.50

Getting home to find they’ve forgotten one of your dishes.

Riceless.

what do you call a guy with 15 and a half rabbits up his bum?

Kyle. My names Kyle.

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Once there was a man with a 15 inch penis.

He absolutely hated it, because it was too big for any woman to handle. Every time he tried to have sex, he ended up accidentally hurting his partner.

One day he went to the witch at the edge of town and asked her to help him make it smaller. "I cannot do that," said the witch, "But I do know...

What has 15 actors, four settings, two writers, and one plot?

632 Hallmark movies.

Amber Heard's net worth is $2.5 million and she now has to pay Johnny Depp $15 million...

Yeah, she's forever going to be in Depp!

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A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15.

She asks why the last one is so cheap?

"Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper. She pays $15.

When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs.

When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!" The girls laug...

A dad told his 15 year old son that he would buy him a car…

…in 6 months on his 16th birthday if he (the son) got a job, made all “A’s” in school, started going to church every week and cut his hair. The son agreed to do all four things.

Six months go by and the dad told his son, “Son, you got a job, you are going to church every Sunday and are making...

A couple of counterfeiters made a mistake one time and ended up with a batch of $15 bills

One of them says "We gotta get rid of these things. We'll go to Florida. I know a little town there. They're so dumb they won't know a thing."

So off they go. Soon they arrive at a gas station and buy some gas. The guy at the counter looks a little simpleminded.

"Hey can you break a 1...

Thieves broke into my shop and stole 15 cases of Red Bull

I don't know how these people sleep at night

A fortune-teller told me that in 10-15 years, I would suffer the most terrible heartbreak any man has ever faced. I was so upset over learning this.

I decided to cheer myself up -- I adopted a puppy, and I've never been happier!

My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!

It's not my birthday but a scary looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house

Police pulls over a car driving 15 mph in a 70 mph speed zone

It was an older woman driving. He asks her why she was driving slow.

She says - "I saw a sign that said I-15, so I thought the speed limit was 15 mph"

Officer - "That is the sign for the Interstate 15. The speed limit is 70 mph on this road"

Then he notices 3 other older ladies ...

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My wife of 15 years has just told me she has been faking her orgasms every time we've had sex.

I can't believe she lied to me, not once, but twice.

Did you know Alligators can grow up to 15 feet?

Most only have 4

I'm going to freeze myself -273.15°

My friends are worried, but i will be 0K

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A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lo...

Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years. Each and every morning of those 15 years, Bob has woken up, farted loudly and proudly, rolled over onto his back and got out of bed to go to work...

And each and every morning for those 15 years, Martha has said to him disgustedly, "One of these days, you're gonna fart your guts out!"

But this has had no effect on Bob as he has continued merrily with his routine each morning.

Martha is totally fed up with this and then one Thanksgi...

Just got scammed out of $15.

Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes." Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money.

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Priest: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him.

Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?

George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighte...

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It's my cake day today, so I'll give you one of my favourite jokes since 15+ years ago.

There is a factory that makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.

The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. Th...

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A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational.

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

‘About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes int...

Hey, are you -273.15°C?

Yeah, I'm 0K thanks.

I have 3 eyes, 6 heads and 15 limbs, what am I?

A liar.

A 15 year old boy turns 16 tomorrow.

He asks his mom for a brand new car so he can drive around, but his mon tells him that if he wants his own car, he'd have to work for it and get it himself.

The mom leaves for work the next morning, and when she comes back that night she sees all the street lights in her cul-de-sac covered in...

Made love to my girlfriend for an hour and 15 seconds last night

Thanks, Daylight Savings Time. I couldn't have done it without you.

3/15 is The Ides of March. Do you know what time it officially starts?

“At two”

.
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If ya love Shakespeare then ya love a groaner. Enjoy!

My neighbor grew tired of being a taxidermist after 15 years, and went to veterinarian school.

His new business never got off the ground so he decided to operate both his taxidermy and vet business together to save money. His new slogan was: "No Matter What Happens - You Get Your Cat Back."

My friend's body temperature is currently -273.15 °C

Don't worry though, he's 0K.

Change for a $15 bill

An incompentent counterfeiter spent all day making his funny money. At the end of the day he realizes he spent all his time making $15 bills.

He figures that the only way he's going to get anything from this batch of money, is to find a place where the people aren't too bright and change his ...

Listen…did you know falcons only live 12-15 yrs? That means every falcon alive right now was born in the 21st century which makes them…

Millennium Falcons

An F-15 pilot was assigned to escort an aged B-52 Bomber

Being a bit bored he started executing loops and rolls, never worried about being able to catch up to his lumbering charge. He got on the radio to boast to the BUFF pilot.

"Ha! Anything you can do, I can do better!"

The bomber pilot replies, "Oh, yeah? Let's see you do this!" and kee...

15+15 is thirty

16+16 is thirty too

Every year on April 15…

…the IRS pays its taxes to Chuck Norris

If you buy a goat for $10 and named him Mohammed, then sell it for $15.

Did you make a prophet?

God finally answer my prayers for winning the $15 million lottery.

The answer is no.

I’m going to freeze myself at a temperature of -273.15 degrees celsius.

My friend thinks I’m crazy, but I’ll be 0K.

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A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your Note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons of milk. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath".
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blo...

The 15-dollar bill

The local barber was showing the guys in his barber shop a novelty 15 dollar bill he had bought in a novelty store.

They were all laughing at how phony it looked, when one of the guys commented that his dumb brother was heading their way, and that he was dumb enough to think their bill was a ...

The room is 15$ a night.

Innkeeper: The room is $15 a night.
It's $5 if you make your own bed.

Guest: I'll make my own bed.

Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood.

Arthur is 75 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 15 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn’t see where it went.”

His wife sympathises and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try.”

“That’s no good,” sighs Arthur, “your brother is 85. He can’t help.”

“He may be 85,” says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”

So th...

A redditor repeating 15, 15, 15 ... passes by a hedge fund manager.

The hedge fund manager starts to follow him curiously. The redditor keeps repeating 15. The hedge fund manager follows him out of the town, on an unpaved road, to the edge of a cliff where the redditor looks down repeating 15. The hedge fund manager comes next to him to look down into the cliff. The...

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to Hoover the house.

Turns out she was a Slovak.

Just got off a 15 hour flight from Chernobyl

and boy are these arms legs.

I lent my friend $15,000 for plastic surgery...

Now I don't know what he looks like.

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It cost about 15 million

To shit in someone's bed.

My sister bet me $15 I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti.

You should've seen her face when I drove pasta.

I saved 15% on car insurance by switching....

The gear to reverse and pulling away from the accident

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A guy goes to Las Vegas to gamble and he loses all his money.

He doesn't even have enough for a cab, but he flagged one down anyway. He explained to the driver that he would pay him back next time and gave him his phone number, but the driver told him, "Get the fuck out of my cab."

He walked all the way to the airport and got home.

Some times ro...

I lost 15 pounds

But in my defense, babies are easy to misplace.

When a woman says she'll be ready in 15 minutes she will be.

No need to keep reminding her every hour.

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15 Best Two-Line Jokes

1. Parallel lines have so much in common
It's a shame they'll never meet

2. My wife accused me of being immature
I told her to get out of my fort

3. Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me ugly and poor

4. How many Germans do...

Foolproof: How I became a billionnaire in just 15 days. You can do it too.

When my wife and I got married we only got 0.50$ of combined wealth.

I was wandering around in the fruit market in desperation, that was when I saw an apple for 50 cents. I was so hungry that I spent our 50 cents in a blink of an eye. On one apple.

But then it hit me: What have I done?...

R. Kelly in the news again--tested positive for the COVID-15 virus

...apparently COVID-19 was a little too old for him.

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What do you call 15 minute sex?

A quarter pounder

15 sleeps til Christmas...

4 if you do meth.

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Do you smoke?

Lady: Do you smoke?

Guy: Yes I do.

Lady: How many packs a day?

Guy: 3 packs.

Lady: How much per pack?

Guy: $10.00 per pack.

Lady: And how long have you been smoking?

Guy: 15 years

Lady: So 1 pack is $10.00 and you have been smoking 3 packs a da...

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A man joins an order of Monks.

A man goes to join an order of monks.

The head Monk says to the man "This is a silent order. You will only be allowed to speak once, every 15 years."

The man says "Ok" and so begins his time with the silent order.

15 years pass and the man is sitting in the refectory when the h...

When I tell people my parents have 15 children, they ask me if they are practicing Catholics.

At this point, I don't think you call it practicing anymore.

A 15 year old boy with long hair wants a car when he turns 16

His grandmother is very rich, and tells him she will buy him a car on one condition: he cuts his hair. The boy is upset, as he loves having a full head of long hair.

He thinks of a loophole for days, and finally comes up with one. His grandmother is a deeply religious woman.

He comes...

Married 15 years and every date is just like the first.

She still charges me 80 for a date . Or 60 for a quick visit.

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A man is walking the Las Vegas strip, and runs into the most beautiful women he has ever met. [NSFW]

He starts talking to her, and to his luck he finds out she is a prostitute. So, he asks her.

"How much for a hand-job?"

"5,000$" she replies.

"5,000$?? You must be nuts, no way."

"Walk with me." She replies. He agrees and they walk for a moment to end up in front of a re...

Misunderstanding

An old man with hearing problems crashed his car into a very expensive automobile. The owner of the expensive automobile jumps out and confronts the old man and says “Give me $10,000 cash or I will beat you to a pulp!” The old man replies, “Woah wait buddy, I don’t have that much money but let me ...

It’s been 15 years since the show ended, but people are still making “Friends” references.

No one told me life was gonna be this way.

What do you call ice that is chilled to -273.15°C?

Still water.

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My cousin was hospitalized after shoving 15 plastic horses up his rectum.

Doctors described his condition as stable.

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What did the county Sheriff say about the black man who was shot 15 times?

"Worst case of suicide I've ever seen"

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15 Inches

An Asian man, a black man, and a white man are sitting in a bar when a thug busts in and pulls out a gun. He demands everyone to empty their valuables into his bag or he will shoot them but no one moves. Confused, the thug asks why they aren't moving and the Asian tells him that they are all really ...

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Why are circumsized penises so popular among Jewish girls?

They love anything that's 15% off

Just a joke lol

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There's a man with a 15 inch penis...

This is a problem so he goes to the doctor to see what he can do about size reduction. The doctor says "sir, I can't do anything about it here. But I do know of a magic frog. Go into the woods, find the frog and ask it to marry you. Every time it says no, your penis will decrease by 3 inches."
<...

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15% of the men are actually born gay..

The rest were sucked into it

A new Navy recruit has his first day on the submarine...

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

"Son I'm changing your post ...

A Blonde Woman Asks For A $5000 Loan

A blonde woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan.

The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?"

The woman says, "Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce."

The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,000 Ro...

80,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" convention.

The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!...

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A skinny little white guy walks into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 15 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."

The little guy faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy s...

“Son In Iraq I killed 15 people.”

Son: Dad you were a helicopter mechanic

Dad:Never said I was a good one

A boy asked his bitcoin-investing dad for 1 bitcoin for his birthday

Dad: What? $15,554??? $14,354 is a lot of money! What do you need $16,782 for anyway?

I asked 15 women what shampoo they use.

They seem to all use 'get out of the girl's shower'.

15 dollars for a rat trap, 3 dollars for cheese

Coming home to find a house not full of droppings?. Miceless.

My faithful old shredder has finally given up the ghost after 15 years without a single problem.

I'm tearing up here.

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A lady on the bus next to me this morning was sneezing, about every 3 minutes...

Each time she sneezed, her eyes rolled back, she gave a moan and shuddered.
Curiosity got the better of me after about 15 minutes, so I asked her if she was alright. She said, "Yes". Then she explained she had a very rare condition, whereby every time she sneezed, she had an orgasm!
I asked if...

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What organ in the woman's body is still warm 15 minutes after her death?

My cock.

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What does Bill Clinton say to Hillary after having sex?

"I'll be home in 15 minutes."

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I was sexually active at 12

It’s now 12:15 and my arm is killing me.

I asked my babysitter from 15 years ago if she remembered how hard it was to get me in bed.

I told her it that it would be much easyier now.

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One ejaculation has about 15,875GB of data

That’s a lot of information to swallow

Two parents are dragging their 15 year old son to a lion safari.

"Mom, Dad, why do I have to go? I'm 15 and we're going to a frickin lion safari????"

"Son, it's pronounced 'African' Lion Safari."

My ex left me because, according to her, I’ll never amount to anything. 15 years later, I have one thing to say to her.

Lucky guess.

My boss calls me "The computer"

Not because of my calculation skills but because I go to sleep when left unattended for 15 minutes.

What do you call something that explodes at -273.15 degrees Celsius?

0 K boomer

Putin, Biden and Zelensky are all in a hot air balloon

... when suddenly they started to lose altitude. They need to lose some weight to stop from crashing.

Putin throws out a bottle of vodka and says “don’t worry I’ve got too much of that in my country anyway”

Biden throws out an AR-15 and says “don’t worry I’ve got too much of that in my...

Alligators can grow up to 15 metres...

The joke doesn’t work with the metric system...

15 Things To Do At Walmart

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/...

I’ve heard the only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

Which is a shame, because I was hoping to use it as a book title.

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