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Worrying Jokes

I keep worrying that my cells will stop metabolising.

But my doctor says I'm just a mitochondriac.

An old Irish saying about worrying.

There are only two things in life to worry about: if you are well or if you are sick. If you are well, there is nothing to worry about.

If you are sick, there are only two things to worry about: if you will get better or if you will die. If you get better, there is nothing to worry about. ...

Quit worrying about life.

You won't survive it anyway.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some worrying news for grammar Nazis, a new study shows...

that homophone misuse is at an awl thyme hi.

Well, after spending all day worrying about a food shortage at the annual spoonerism contest...

it turns out it was just a lack of pies!

The amount of bad Coronavirus jokes are starting to reach worrying numbers.

Some scientist claim it might become a pundemic!

My family was furious at me for not worrying about my cousin who got the left side of his body crushed by a boulder.

I knew he’d be all right.

Hear the one about the guy who couldn't stop worrying about shelves?

He was shelf conscious.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he migh...

I think the world would be a better place if everyone stopped worrying about good posture...

It's just a hunch.

My friend went to the doctors worrying that he had caught the Coronavirus from his complete collection of Matt Groening animation figures.

Luckily his diagnosis was negative, despite having all the Simpsons.

Over 90% of the things you worry about, never happens.

Which proves....Worrying really works.

What is the worst thing to say to a worrying friend who is waiting for Covid test results?

Be positive!

German celiacs have one day a year where they eat whatever they want without worrying about the consequences.

This is known as the Gluten Tag.

Pretty soon we are going to grow fond of being trapped in our own homes, worrying about having enough supplies....

We are going to develop stock home syndrome.

BlackBeard the pirate visited his doctor about some moles on his back he'd been worrying about.

Doc - "It's ok Blackbeard, they're benign"
Blackbeard - "Count them again me heartie, I think there be ten!"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My psychiatrist told me that I should stop worrying and start enjoying little things in my life.

Now I play with my dick everyday.

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