UPJOKE
disconcertunnerveroilrileirritateexasperatefazeinfuriateantagonizebewilderupsetdispleasedisturbperturbannoy

Unsettle Jokes

The doctor called me into his office today looking unsettled.

I asked the doctor why he looked so dismayed. He looked at me and said “I have bad news and worse news”. I boldly looked him in the eyes and told him to inform me of the issue. The doctor replied “You have 29 hours to live”. To which I uncomfortably asked what the worse news was. The doctor replied ...

A drawing is walking in an alley, and seems unsettled.

The drawing thinks to itself, “Man, this place seems a little sketchy.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lemon, a potato, and a pea all had a tough week working at the grocery store...

...so they decided to let off some steam with a bar crawl at the weekend.

They had a great time, hitting bar after bar, knocking back drinks, but being so genetically different, the alcohol affected them each in different ways: the lemon got very acidic and refluxy; the potato, being a big...

Go the Right Speed Limit!

One night a state cop saw a car going only 22 miles per hour. He pulled the car over.

When he approached the driver's side, he noticed five old ladies were seated in the car and all them looked to be in shock. They were all very pale.

The old lady driver greeted him, "Officer, Whey di...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trucker is hauling a B-double with three containers full of computer parts.

It's getting on toward dark, and so he stops at a steakhouse for a bite.


The first thing he sees is a sign on the door:


NO THONGS


NO SINGLETS


NO NERDS


MANAGEMENT RESERVES THE RIGHT TO REFUSE ADMISSION


No nerds? Weird. But whatever...

Once upon a time there were three kingdoms.

They all bordered a large lake, which created trade and travel for all three kingdoms. Eventually, the ruler of the first kingdom decided that it wanted to control the whole lake. With his superior navy, he took control. In the generations to follow, his kingdom prospered. The second kingdom tried i...

A ventriloquist decides to retire to and buy a farm.

So this ventriloquist decided he is going to retire and buy a farm. He sees a farm for sale from an old widowed farmer. He meets the farmer and learns his name is farmer Brown. The farmer is showing him around and the ventriloquist decides he will have a little fun with the farmer. As they walk p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar that is empty apart from the bartender...

...he orders a beer, the bartender gives him the beer along with some peanuts and then says

"listen buddy I have to go into the back room, do you mind being alone for a little bit?
The man says "no that's fine". He is enjoying his beer when all of a sudden a voice pipes up and says "hey I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Steve and Natalia

Steve and world famous super model Natalia are stranded on an uninhabited island after the sinking of their cruise ship. After securing their survival they eventually start having sex and Steve is ecstatic. After about three weeks he gets antsy and asks Natalia, if she could put on one of his shirts...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tell me, what part of my body is the greatest?

A man had just moved inn, in a new apartment on the 5th floor. One morning, he was going to get his mail on the first floor. When he arrived, he saw a beautiful, blond woman, getting her mail as well. She was wearing an almost transparent morning robe, and the man started to blush. The woman saw the...

A businessman walks into a bar

After a long day working late at the office. He settles into a stool near the bar and orders some suds from the bartender.

Out of nowhere, the man hears a tiny voice call out "Nice tie!". Startled, the man looks around, and only sees a few locals tending to their drinks a few seats down. He ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So an Englishman marries a Pakistani girl...

An Englishman by the name of Alfred always wanted a pure bride. A virgin, a girl who's never been with another man. But everywhere he turned, he didn't find such thing. One night at the pub, he struck up a conversation with a Pakistani, who tells Alfred about her pure, untouched sister. Alfred decid...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.