What's the suicide bomber's worst fear?

Dying alone.

I have a fear of over-designed buildings.

I have a complex complex complex.

I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my Latina mother in law

Who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. She gets off at 6

A friend has a fear of pi.

I keep telling him it's irrational, but he doesn't listen.

I was recently diagnosed with a fear of all things Italian...

My psychiatrist named it "atsalottaphobia."

I'd tell you a joke.about the fear of navigational errors

But I'm afraid it'd be lost on you.

I've been diagnosed with the fear of giants...


I live in constant fear

I live in constant fear that one day while I’m least suspecting it someone might break in to burglarize and kill my mother-in-law, who lives at 375 Woodland Ave in the light blue house, only one dog who is friendly and no alarm set, always leaves the kitchen window unlocked and without screen, sleep...

The only real thing that Flat Earthers fear...

is sphere itself

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair

so she goes to a gun shop and buys a revolver.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead.
She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.
The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.
Hysterically the blond...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a fear of spiders and sex?


What do you call a fear of over-engineered buildings?

A complex complex complex

Credit to some guy named Slow Poke on YouTube

What is the distinction between nervousness, fear and panic?

Nervousness is when your wife is pregnant.

Fear is when your girlfriend is pregnant.

Panic is when they both are.

FDR: The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

Truman: I'm gonna have to stop ya right there.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Me: I got rid of my fear of ghosts

Therapist: Thats the spirit
Me: Oh fuck, where

If you accidentally knock up an anti-vaxxer, fear not!

You'll probably only have to pay a few years of child support.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What does Edward Penis-hand fears the most?

An itching butt.

I used to have a major fear of speedbumps...

Now I'm slowly getting over it.

Have you heard about the man with an irrational fear of empty spaces?

Nothing scares him

I have this wierd irrational fear of two letter words.

I get extremely scared just thinking about it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Eyes wide with fear, lips trembling, I pleaded, “Doctor! I accidentally ate one of those ‘Do not Eat’ silica packets. Am I going to die!?”

Reflectively, the doctor replied, "Well, everyone is going to die eventually."

I shot back hysterically, "Everyone?? Holy shit, what have I done?!"

I used to have a fear of vaulting...

But then I got over it.

(Vaulting as in gymnastics)

What do diabetic Redditors fear?

Cake Day Karma

A hypochondriac’s fear

I don’t think I’m a hypochondriac but I worry a lot that I might be.

"Never fear failure, always embrace it."

My mom said as she released me from her hug.

Obscure Phobias 41. What do you call the Fear of Power Tools?

Common Sense.

Therapist: It seems like you have an acute fear of marriage. Do you understand the symptoms?

Man: I can’t say that I do.

Therapist: Exactly. That’s the main one.

Why do Germans fear getting cheese in their hotdogs?

Because for them it's considered to be a Wurst-Käse scenario.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What is a Jewish conspiracy theorists biggest fear?

The Illumi-nazis.

😂Thought of this while driving yesterday...so it’s original as far as I know

Flat-earthers have only one fear.

Getting buried too deep.

A man walks into the doctor's office and says 'Doctor, I have this terrible fear that I'm going to be eaten by a chicken.'

I feel like a grain of corn trapped in a man's body.'

The doctor says 'Don't worry, we can help you.'

Months go by and after many therapies the doctor says 'We've done everything we could to help you and now I can safely say that you don't feel like a grain anymore.'

The man s...

The only thing round earthers have to fear...

...is nuclear war. That’ll flatten things pretty quickly.

My friend keeps asking me why I have such a fear of 'No Entry' signs

I say "Don't go there"

Co-pilot: why did you become a pilot? Pilot: to over come my greatest fear. Co-pilot: heights?

Pilot: no, dying alone

I've developed an irrational fear of escalators.

I always find myself taking steps to avoid them.

What's a fat ghost's biggest fear?

Being exercised

I've always had an irrational fear of speed bumps...

But don't worry, I'm slowly getting over it...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I understand many men avoid female urologists because they fear the embarrassment in case they get a boner.

But (whispering) wouldn't this be even more embarrassing with a male one?

I'm a germaphobe and my doctor said to face my fear

So I did it, I booked my flight to Germany.

Don't fear hell

It's lit

Did you hear about the mechanic with a fear of commitment?

He likes to screw, nut and bolt.

Why don't Amish people fear lightning...

They resist electricity.

The fear of darkness

The serial killer pull his victim by the hair into the dark woods. She starts to scream: "It's so dark here, please leave me alone. I'm so afraid". "You are afraid? Just think that I will have to come back on my own".

Authorities fear that the collapsed bridge in Genoa was made with 'Mafia' concrete.....

....they've found 6 more bodies than there were people missing.

What's a Saudi's worst fear?

Children in a school bus.

My wife kicked me out because of my poor Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonations. But never fear,

I’ll return.

Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.

So I went to a Psychiatrist and told him I’ve got problems.

Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it.

I’m scared.

I think I’m going crazy.

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the psychiatrist.

"Come talk to me three times a week a...

The only thing anti-social people fear,

Is peer itself.

Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces

For example, I am going to the liquor store and I'm afraid that it's closed

What's a pirates worst fear on a blind date?

A sunken chest and no booty.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My fear of palindromes is really starting to affect my life, so I asked the doctor if he could prescribe me anything.

The bastard gave me Xanax.

The Only Thing Flat-Earthers Fear

Is Sphere Itself.

my only joke i've ever came up with and it flat-out sucks.

no way around it.

I fear change...

The pennies make my hands come out in a rash.

Therapist ask what my greatest fear is

therapist: what’s your greatest fear

me: randomly going blind

therapist: i see

me: but for how long??

Did you hear about the guy with a fear of subtraction?

He made no difference.

Studies show that a fear of spiders means that you're more likely to find them in your bed...

... Then I should mention that I have a fear of beautiful women with long legs

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was always paranoid and afraid that everyone would sexually assult me, so I went to see a therapist. And my fear came true.

Apparently I didn't see the space in between "therapist".

I used to have a fear of elevators...

But I took steps to get around it.

Did you hear about the mathematician that had a fear of negative numbers?

He would stop at nothing to avoid them.

If Bruce Wayne overcame his fear of bats by becoming his phobia...

why am I still afraid of failure?

I have a fear of highly sophisticated engineering constructs

It's a case of Complex Complex Complex

The swordfish doesn't have any natural predators to fear of ...

... except for the penfish, which is thought to be even mightier.

Why did the man fear the other man calling next to him?

Because it was a close call

Instead of using the fear of prison to dissuade criminals, we should start making them eat Tide Pods.

That would be a real crime detergent.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The natural fear cycle.

Cockroach afraid of mice

Mice afraid of cats

Cats afraid of dogs

Dogs afraid of men

Men afraid from wives

Wives afraid of cockraoches.

One of my biggest fears is getting married. I hear that 50% of all marriages...

...last forever.

I fear my neighbor may be stalking me, she's been googling my name last night on her computer.

I saw it clearly through my binoculars.