A flat-earther's greatest fear is...

Sphere itself.

​

I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my Latina mother in law

Who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. She gets off at 6

A friend has a fear of pi.

I keep telling him it's irrational, but he doesn't listen.

What is Apple's greatest fear about China?

That they stop their sensor ships.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Me: I've conquered my fear of ghosts!

Therapist: That's the spirit!

Me: Oh fuck where

There are only five types of fear.

1.Terror

2.Panic

3.14 missed calls from Mom

4.Username or password is incorrect

5."We need to talk."

I'd tell you a joke.about the fear of navigational errors

But I'm afraid it'd be lost on you.

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair

so she goes to a gun shop and buys a revolver.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead.
She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.
The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.
Hysterically the blond...

Why do Artificially Intelligent systems fear popcorn?

Kernel panic.

What's the suicide bomber's worst fear?

Dying alone.

I have a fear of over-designed buildings.

I have a complex complex complex.

Therapist: what was you biggest fear again?

Me: the kool-aid man

Therapist: oh yeah

Me: Oh No

I've been diagnosed with the fear of giants...

...feefiphobia

I was recently diagnosed with a fear of all things Italian...

My psychiatrist named it "atsalottaphobia."

I live in constant fear

I live in constant fear that one day while I’m least suspecting it someone might break in to burglarize and kill my mother-in-law, who lives at 375 Woodland Ave in the light blue house, only one dog who is friendly and no alarm set, always leaves the kitchen window unlocked and without screen, sleep...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a fear of spiders and sex?

Erect-nophobia

What do infantile criminals fear the most?

The Hanging Gardens of Babylon.

What is the distinction between nervousness, fear and panic?

Nervousness is when your wife is pregnant.

Fear is when your girlfriend is pregnant.

Panic is when they both are.

I have this wierd irrational fear of two letter words.

I get extremely scared just thinking about it.

Women who don’t ask men out for fear of rejection...

... should take inspiration from Theresa May.

I used to have a major fear of speedbumps...

Now I'm slowly getting over it.

Some people don't realize the original "Mad World" is by Tears for Fears

I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What does Edward Penis-hand fears the most?

An itching butt.

A hypochondriac’s fear

I don’t think I’m a hypochondriac but I worry a lot that I might be.

FDR: The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

Truman: I'm gonna have to stop ya right there.

If you accidentally knock up an anti-vaxxer, fear not!

You'll probably only have to pay a few years of child support.

What do you call a fear of over-engineered buildings?

A complex complex complex

Credit to some guy named Slow Poke on YouTube

I used to have a fear of vaulting...

But then I got over it.

(Vaulting as in gymnastics)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Eyes wide with fear, lips trembling, I pleaded, “Doctor! I accidentally ate one of those ‘Do not Eat’ silica packets. Am I going to die!?”

Reflectively, the doctor replied, "Well, everyone is going to die eventually."

I shot back hysterically, "Everyone?? Holy shit, what have I done?!"

What do you call an extreme and irrational fear of transformers?

Transphobia.

Why do Germans fear getting cheese in their hotdogs?

Because for them it's considered to be a Wurst-Käse scenario.

"Never fear failure, always embrace it."

My mom said as she released me from her hug.

Have you heard about the man with an irrational fear of empty spaces?

Nothing scares him

The only thing round earthers have to fear...

...is nuclear war. That’ll flatten things pretty quickly.

A man walks into the doctor's office and says 'Doctor, I have this terrible fear that I'm going to be eaten by a chicken.'

I feel like a grain of corn trapped in a man's body.'

The doctor says 'Don't worry, we can help you.'

Months go by and after many therapies the doctor says 'We've done everything we could to help you and now I can safely say that you don't feel like a grain anymore.'

The man s...

I've developed an irrational fear of escalators.

I always find myself taking steps to avoid them.

Therapist: It seems like you have an acute fear of marriage. Do you understand the symptoms?

Man: I can’t say that I do.

Therapist: Exactly. That’s the main one.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What is a Jewish conspiracy theorists biggest fear?

The Illumi-nazis.

😂Thought of this while driving yesterday...so it’s original as far as I know

What do diabetic Redditors fear?

Cake Day Karma

I've always had an irrational fear of speed bumps...

But don't worry, I'm slowly getting over it...

The Only Thing Flat-Earthers Fear

Is Sphere Itself.

my only joke i've ever came up with and it flat-out sucks.

no way around it.

What's a fat ghost's biggest fear?

Being exercised

My friend keeps asking me why I have such a fear of 'No Entry' signs

I say "Don't go there"

Authorities fear that the collapsed bridge in Genoa was made with 'Mafia' concrete.....

....they've found 6 more bodies than there were people missing.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My fear of palindromes is really starting to affect my life, so I asked the doctor if he could prescribe me anything.

The bastard gave me Xanax.

Flat-earthers have only one fear.

Getting buried too deep.

I asked my dad why did he become a pilot. He said, "to conquer my greatest fear."

"The fear of flying?", I asked.

"No," said dad. "The fear of dying alone."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I understand many men avoid female urologists because they fear the embarrassment in case they get a boner.

But (whispering) wouldn't this be even more embarrassing with a male one?

I'm a germaphobe and my doctor said to face my fear

So I did it, I booked my flight to Germany.

Don't fear hell

It's lit

Did you hear about the mechanic with a fear of commitment?

He likes to screw, nut and bolt.

Why don't Amish people fear lightning...

They resist electricity.

Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.

So I went to a Psychiatrist and told him I’ve got problems.

Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it.

I’m scared.

I think I’m going crazy.

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the psychiatrist.

"Come talk to me three times a week a...

My wife kicked me out because of my poor Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonations. But never fear,

I’ll return.

My mother has an unhealthy fear of noodles.

It all started 5 years ago. I came home to find my mother covered in blood and in shock at the discovery of my father. He had been stabbed multiple times in a garish display akin only to the Manson and Zodiac killings. The police report determined the suspect was between 8-16 inches, slightly boiled...

What's a pirates worst fear on a blind date?

A sunken chest and no booty.

Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces

For example, I am going to the liquor store and I'm afraid that it's closed

I've developed a new treatment for the fear of spiders:

You eat a steak, then you open your mouth and let a spider eat off the little pieces of meat remaining between your teeth. After repeating this three times, the spider is no longer afraid that you might bite it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There was a little girl who really loved dolls. She had a big collection of them in her bedroom.

There was a little girl who really loved dolls. She had a big collection of them in her bedroom. One day, while she was browsing through a shop on her own, she spotted a really beautiful doll. It would make a perfect addition to her collection. She only hoped she had enough money to buy it.

...

Therapist ask what my greatest fear is

therapist: what’s your greatest fear

me: randomly going blind

therapist: i see

me: but for how long??

What's an illiterate pirate's greatest fear?

An AB-sea serpent

Did you hear about the guy with a fear of subtraction?

He made no difference.

What's a Saudi's worst fear?

Children in a school bus.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was always paranoid and afraid that everyone would sexually assult me, so I went to see a therapist. And my fear came true.

Apparently I didn't see the space in between "therapist".

I fear change...

The pennies make my hands come out in a rash.

Studies show that a fear of spiders means that you're more likely to find them in your bed...

... Then I should mention that I have a fear of beautiful women with long legs

The vampire thought he had nothing to fear from the sun.

Then it dawned on him.

Governor what your biggest fear about hurricane Florence hitting North Carolina?

President Trump

I used to have a fear of elevators...

But I took steps to get around it.

Did you hear about the mathematician that had a fear of negative numbers?

He would stop at nothing to avoid them.

If Bruce Wayne overcame his fear of bats by becoming his phobia...

why am I still afraid of failure?

The swordfish doesn't have any natural predators to fear of ...

... except for the penfish, which is thought to be even mightier.