We fear no wives

Three guys are sitting in a bar. Suddenly the first guy’s phone rings, he immediately answered it then without saying anything he ran out the door only to rush back, quickly throws 10-dollar bills on the bar while muttering, “Damn I forgot to do the dishes, the wife’s on the way home.” Then he ran f...

I’ve been diagnosed with a fear of giants.

It’s called Feefiphobia

I had a fear of speed bumps

I slowly got over it

So you know the fear of spiders is arachnophobia? What’s the fear of chainsaws?

Common sense.

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What do you call the fear of spiders crawling up your butt?

Arachnoprobia

The only thing that Flat-Earthers fear.

Is sphere itself.

While sports fishing off the Florida coast in Key West, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber walking on the shore, the tourist shouted,

“There wouldn’t by chance be any
alligators in these waters?!”“No,” the old man hollered back, “haven’t been any for years!” Feeling relieved, the tourist
started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway toward shore he asked the old man,
“Say, how’d you get rid of the gators, any...

A flat-earther's greatest fear is...

Sphere itself.

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Three black ladies were on a plane They were good friends and were really excited to travel together. However, this was the first time they had ever been on a plane so they were understandably quite nervous. They began discussing what precautions they had taken to relief their fears...

The first lady said, "I'm wearing bright green panties, that way, if we crash into the ocean, my butt would float and they'd see me first!"

The second lady retorted, "I'm wearing bright pink panties, that way, if we crash into the ground, they'd see me first!"

The two looked at the las...

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Patient: I have an irrational fear of the Backstreet Boys

Therapist: tell me why


Patient: AHHHHHHHH

I have a fear of overly designed buildings.

A complex complex complex

I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my Latina mother-in-law who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles.

She gets off at 6.

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Me: I have a fear of abbreviated US state names

Therapist: OH, OK

A flat earther was asked to describe fear...

They said there was nothing to fear but sphere itself.

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I have eurotophobia (fear of women genitalia) and my therapist tells me I should confront my fear more

But every time I try I always end up beating around the bush

I finally understand why parents don’t want their kids to get vaccinated. It all comes down to fear. Fear that their child is

going to definitely end up smarter than them.

What is the only thing a flat-earther truly fears?

It's sphere itself.

A feudal peasant declares that he no longer wants to be a farmer. He wants to tear down his farm an build a nuclear reactor there instead. Further, he says that he fears no punishment from any peasant, soldier, or king.

Another peasant turns to him and asks: "uh, ok, but whattabout cher' noble?"

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I told my therapist that my biggest fear is ejaculating twice in one day..

You can believe my shock when her response was, “come again?”

Mathematician: Doctor, I have a fear of the irrational

Doctor: Don't worry mate, all the things u worry about are just imaginary

Mathematician: That makes it even worse!

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Me: I've conquered my fear of ghosts!

Therapist: That's the spirit!

Me: Oh fuck where

Two prawns are in the ocean discussing their hatred and fear of sharks

One prawn is called George and the other is called Christian. One day while discussing their fear of sharks, a nearby cod overhears them and swims over to talk to them. The cod promises to grant George one wish. George decides he wants to be a shark, so wishes to become a shark. The cod grants Georg...

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I went to see the doctor about my irrational fear of palindromes.

Bastard prescribed Xanax.

I have a fear of elevators...

but I'm taking steps to avoid it!

Reddit no longer has to fear the Catholic Church!

Now that it has turned 14 the priests are no longer interested.

Me: I'm here for medication to help with my fear of the spice girls

Doctor: we have 3 types so tell me what you want

Me[screams]

What is a suicide bomber’s greatest fear?

Dying alone

I went to the doctor to see why I had such a big fear of snakes...

He said I have a reptile dysfunction.

I have a deep-seated fear of running water.

Or any liquid with legs really.

Let me tell you why you shouldn't fear those rats

They don't got no back bone

What did the tied up lobster fear more than boiling water?

Claw-Strophobia

I live my life in constant fear...

That one day the real “World’s Greatest Dad” will come back to claim his rightful mug.

I have a fear of long distances

I go to great lengths to avoid them.

My one friend has a fear of clowns....

...so I took him to McDonald’s and now he’s not afraid anymore, but now he has a weight problem.

There are only five types of fear.

1.Terror

2.Panic

3.14 missed calls from Mom

4.Username or password is incorrect

5."We need to talk."

What is the distinction between nervousness, fear and panic?

Nervousness is when your wife is pregnant.

Fear is when your girlfriend is pregnant.

Panic is when they both are.

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair

so she goes to a gun shop and buys a revolver.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead.
She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.
The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.
Hysterically the blond...

A friend has a fear of pi.

I keep telling him it's irrational, but he doesn't listen.

I have this wierd irrational fear of two letter words.

I get extremely scared just thinking about it.

Why do Artificially Intelligent systems fear popcorn?

Kernel panic.

Some people don't realize the original "Mad World" is by Tears for Fears

I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad

I'd tell you a joke.about the fear of navigational errors

But I'm afraid it'd be lost on you.

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Therapist: what was you biggest fear again?

Me: the kool-aid man

Therapist: oh yeah

Me: Oh No

I live in constant fear

I live in constant fear that one day while I’m least suspecting it someone might break in to burglarize and kill my mother-in-law, who lives at 375 Woodland Ave in the light blue house, only one dog who is friendly and no alarm set, always leaves the kitchen window unlocked and without screen, sleep...

I used to have a major fear of speedbumps...

Now I'm slowly getting over it.

I asked my dad why did he become a pilot. He said, "to conquer my greatest fear."

"The fear of flying?", I asked.

"No," said dad. "The fear of dying alone."

Women who don’t ask men out for fear of rejection...

... should take inspiration from Theresa May.

If you accidentally knock up an anti-vaxxer, fear not!

You'll probably only have to pay a few years of child support.

Why do Germans fear getting cheese in their hotdogs?

Because for them it's considered to be a Wurst-Käse scenario.

I was recently diagnosed with a fear of all things Italian...

My psychiatrist named it "atsalottaphobia."

What do infantile criminals fear the most?

The Hanging Gardens of Babylon.

What do you call a fear of over-engineered buildings?

A complex complex complex

Credit to some guy named Slow Poke on YouTube

The only thing round earthers have to fear...

...is nuclear war. That’ll flatten things pretty quickly.

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My fear of palindromes is really starting to affect my life, so I asked the doctor if he could prescribe me anything.

The bastard gave me Xanax.

A hypochondriac’s fear

I don’t think I’m a hypochondriac but I worry a lot that I might be.

I used to have a fear of vaulting...

But then I got over it.

(Vaulting as in gymnastics)

Have you heard about the man with an irrational fear of empty spaces?

Nothing scares him

I've developed an irrational fear of escalators.

I always find myself taking steps to avoid them.

The Only Thing Flat-Earthers Fear

Is Sphere Itself.

my only joke i've ever came up with and it flat-out sucks.

no way around it.

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What does Edward Penis-hand fears the most?

An itching butt.

"Never fear failure, always embrace it."

My mom said as she released me from her hug.

FDR: The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

Truman: I'm gonna have to stop ya right there.

What's a fat ghost's biggest fear?

Being exercised

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Eyes wide with fear, lips trembling, I pleaded, “Doctor! I accidentally ate one of those ‘Do not Eat’ silica packets. Am I going to die!?”

Reflectively, the doctor replied, "Well, everyone is going to die eventually."

I shot back hysterically, "Everyone?? Holy shit, what have I done?!"

Authorities fear that the collapsed bridge in Genoa was made with 'Mafia' concrete.....

....they've found 6 more bodies than there were people missing.

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Therapist: It seems like you have an acute fear of marriage. Do you understand the symptoms?

Man: I can’t say that I do.

Therapist: Exactly. That’s the main one.

Flat-earthers have only one fear.

Getting buried too deep.

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What is a Jewish conspiracy theorists biggest fear?

The Illumi-nazis.

😂Thought of this while driving yesterday...so it’s original as far as I know

I've always had an irrational fear of speed bumps...

But don't worry, I'm slowly getting over it...

A man walks into the doctor's office and says 'Doctor, I have this terrible fear that I'm going to be eaten by a chicken.'

I feel like a grain of corn trapped in a man's body.'

The doctor says 'Don't worry, we can help you.'

Months go by and after many therapies the doctor says 'We've done everything we could to help you and now I can safely say that you don't feel like a grain anymore.'

The man s...

My friend keeps asking me why I have such a fear of 'No Entry' signs

I say "Don't go there"

What do diabetic Redditors fear?

Cake Day Karma

I'm a germaphobe and my doctor said to face my fear

So I did it, I booked my flight to Germany.

What's a pirates worst fear on a blind date?

A sunken chest and no booty.

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I understand many men avoid female urologists because they fear the embarrassment in case they get a boner.

But (whispering) wouldn't this be even more embarrassing with a male one?

Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces

For example, I am going to the liquor store and I'm afraid that it's closed

Don't fear hell

It's lit

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