Don't fret.

You're not a guitar.

So I walks into a guitar shop having a clearance sale

I was fretting when I saw most of the stock had sold out. Luckily the owner pulled some strings for me!

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NSFW - The Queen is touring a prestigious hospital...

They come to the special care wing and she is utterly disgusted when she sees a nurse giving a male patient a hand job.

"What is the meaning of this?!" she screams.

"Don't fret, your Majesty. This man has a rare condition that requires him to ejaculate once every hour or he will go int...

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A man approaches a priest. “Bless me father, for I have sinned,” he says.

“I’ve spent the week with seven beautiful women.”

“Do not fret, my son,” says the priest. “All you need to do is take seven lemons, squeeze the juice into a glass and drink the juice.”

“Will that cleanse my sin from me?”

“No, but it’ll wipe that fuckin’ smile off your face.”

A pun I found while cleaning out my school papers

A musician told me he was going to hit me with a guitar.
Is that a fret?

Someone ran up to me with a guitar and said they would hit me with it

I then said “is that a fret”

Some bloke just told me he was gonna smack me with the neck of his guitar....

I said, is that a fret?

A person is taking guitar lessons

and he's getting upset that he isn't learning as quickly as he'd like to. So he tells the instructor this and the instructor says, "You'll get the hang of it eventually. Don't fret."

Why are violinists braver than guitarists?

They never fret.

Many people who get something that’s incomplete will worry.

But the man who buys a guitar with no neck does not fret.

What did the banjo say to the worried guitar?

Don't fret

Guitarist Arrested for Fingering Minor...

Considered to be a fret to himself and others

There once was a Nike shoe.

There once was a Nike shoe.

He lived with his wife who was also a Nike shoe and together they had identical twins, an adorable pair of two left Nike shoes.

But Nike shoe wasn’t happy. You see, he hated his job--the mundane monotony of never being the shoe he knew he could be. One day...

The lady of the manor is out for a drive...

...and, in defiance of all probability and the manufacturer's promise, the Rolls-Royce grinds to a halt in the middle of nowhere. So the chauffeur gets out and, finding himself unable to call the RAC, decided he'd better see what he can do for himself.

After a while, milady gets out of the ca...

A young married couple are out golfing together...

The man heads up to the first tee box with his driver and takes the biggest, hardest swing he can muster. As you'd expect from an amateur golfer, the ball slices hard right and off the fairway, breaking a window in a nearby house. Slightly embarrassed, the man says to his wife, "Well I feel bad. We'...

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So Cinderella was crying...

...when her fairy godmother shows up. She asks poor Cinderella, "What's troubling you, my dear?" "My sisters have all gone to the ball, but I can't! I have nothing to wear and no way to go..." cried Cinderella. "Oh fret not. Let me handle this for you," said the fairy godmother. "But first, you have...

A guitar player was panicking because he couldn't play his open strings

His instructor told him don't fret

Why did the anxious guitarist quit the band?

He didn't want to fret anymore.

Why don't guitarists like ukuleles?

Because they don't fret the small stuff

An old man was piloting a small plane with his wife and kids aboard as a powerful storm raged.

“Don’t fret so much,” he said to them as they were filled with fear. “If anything should happen to me, I've provided for all of you very generously in my will.”

Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?

They strung him up, but he didn't fret.

*Cogwheel takes a bow*

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Did you hear the one about the Monastery?

There once was a monastery located in a small town. Over the years, less and less people were donating to the monastery and the friars that lived there started to fret about lack of funds. The friars sat night after night, brainstorming into the wee hours of the morning. Finally, they decided that i...

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A joke my philosophy professor told me

So philosophers are known to have horrible jokes, and this one is no exception. I'm just posting this for any philosophers who may or may not appreciate it.

John has a date tomorrow with a pretty girl from his philosophy class. He's a nervous fellow and is worried about how to break the ice ...

I get suicidal when I play guitar

So I don't fret about it

Sorry [8]

A man moves into a haunted house

After several nights of ghosts keeping him awake with their moaning and moving furniture around the house he calls an exorcist. A priest eventually comes round, performs some incantations, and sprinkles holy water around. The man was grateful for the priest's help with this haunting but says that ...

What do you call a worried bounty hunter?

Boba Fret

How do you know a guitarist is sad?

They start to fret.

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Can Cold Water Clean Dishes?

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather
in a very secluded, rural area of Saskatchewan

After spending a great evening chatting the night away,
the next morning John's grandfather prepared
breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.


However, John noticed a film like substan...

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Cinderella's Fairy Godmother

The horribly ugly Cinderella really wanted to marry the handsome prince, but was afraid to ask him to marry her because elf her looks. Her fairy godmother told Cinderella, "don't worry, everytime the prince denies your offer for marriage, your breasts will multiply in size 3 times". Cinderella asked...

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