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Emotions Jokes

I like my water like I like my emotions.

Bottled

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My therapist told me I can't identify my own emotions.

I'm not sure how I feel about that.

What do you call mixed emotions?

Watching your mother-in-law reverse off a cliff in your brand new car

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Mixed Emotions

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of “mixed emotions”.

The husband turned to his wife and said, “Honey, that’s a bunch of crap. I bet you can’t tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”

She sa...

What do you call the unit that measures emotions?

A sentimetre.

There's a stereotype that Scottish men are bad at showing their emotions. This isn't true!

I once knew a Scot who loved his wife so much he almost told her!

Q: What kind of emotions do noses feel?

*A: Nostalgia!*

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According to my therapist, I have extreme trouble verbalizing my emotions.

Can’t say I’m surprised.

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Emotions

Three guys are walking down the street in Manhattan when they spot a party. They knock on the door and are turned away because they don’t have costumes. As they walk away one of them spots a can of red paint in an alley, he pours it all over himself, goes back and says “I’m red, red with anger” and ...

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Emotional Party

Myself and my friend went to a fancy dress party. You needed to dress as an emotion. We went to the supermarket and I got a pear and put my dick in it while he got some custard and did the same. When we got to the fancy dress party the host was appalled and said we had completely missed the point. ...

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Emotional party

Haven’t seen this one posted before; apologies if I missed it. I heard this at least 30 years ago.
——
Sarah throws a fancy dress party with the theme “emotions”.

Her friend Alice turns up in bright colours and glitter. “I’m happy!” she announces, and Sarah lets her in.

Meg turns...

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Emotions NSFW

3 dummies decide to go to a party. They arrive at the party and are promptly turned away because it’s a costume party and they are not wearing costumes. Determined to go to the party they go looking for props to make costumes. In the back alley they find a pile of painting supplies, brushes, rollers...

How many Texas cops does it take to save children from an active shooter?

Still under investigation.







Edit: For those who assume I think any part of this situation is funny... [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black\_comedy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_comedy). Also who gave me a Wholesome award? That's seriously messed up.

Edit ...

Why do Amoung Us characters bottle up their emotions?

Because they get kicked out of the group when they vent.

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Emotions Party

A guy decides to throw an emotions themed party and he invites all his friends. He sets up his apartment with snacks, including chips and soda, puts on some good emotional 80s ballads and waits for his friends to arrive.

He hears a knock-knock at the door, goes to open it and sees a person dr...

What part of the leg understands your emotions?

The empathighs.

Hey! What do they call a bear that has uncontrollable emotions?

A Bipolar bear.

Mixed emotions: watching a bus full of lawyers plunge off a cliff...

... with five empty seats.

I just got diagnosed with the inability to feel emotions

Now I'm sad

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Heard the body paint store now has some color mixes named after emotions

Well, color me surprised!

also English is not my first language and I am really proud of that shitty joke

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Somebody is throwing an emotions party...

Somebody is throwing an emotions party (i.e., a party for which guests are supposed to dress up as emotions), and the hostess has included two Jamaican guys on her invitation list. The doorbell rings, the hostess answers the door, and it’s a guest in a green devil outfit. The guest says, “I’m envy,”...

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A couple is watching Dr. Phil and he begins to talk about mixed emotions.

The man laughs and says "I can't have mixed emotions. Either I'm happy or sad. There is no middle ground. And I don't believe anyone can be."
After a lengthy debate, and the woman not making any head way with him, she sighs and says, "OK, I can prove it."
He laughs more and says "there is noth...

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Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.

If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

You know, people are always telling me how I dont communicate right or dont understand emotions.

You know what i say to that?

Kiss my ASPERGERS!

(Joke curtousy of my Autistic coworker and good friend)

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One of the most beautiful things in the world is a women's heart. It is fragile yet strong. Delicate yet resilient. It's a cradle of love, emotions and compassion. It like an ocean of secrets.

And of course its covered with boobs.

What do you call emotions of a DNA?

Gene expressions

My ex told me we broke up because I'm too reliant on logic and refuse to acknowledge my emotions.

I told her, correlation is not causation.

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My friend urinated on a robot capable of feeling emotions. It got angry, but then it shut down.

He really pissed it off.

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A man is hosting an emotions party.

In order to get into the party, guests had to be dressed as their favorite emotion.

As the host is getting ready for the party, he hears the doorbell.

He opens the door and sees a couple dressed all in red. The man says, "And what are you supposed to be?"

The couple replies, "...

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Convincing your girlfriend she's crazy or paranoid is called gaslighting, and it's a dick move.

But convincing her she's a robot with artificial implanted human emotions is called bladerunning. It's a Phillip K. Dick move.



Edit: Source > Nathan Anderson

via /u/GoodLordigans

What word is used to describe a plant's range of emotions?

Chlorofeels

A professor asked one of his automotive students if he knew what the definition of "mixed emotions" was...

The student said "watching your mother-in-law drive off a cliff in your new Cadillac."

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A new emotion

So one Halloween a group of friends decided to throw a small costume party with the theme being you need to dress as an emotion. The party begins and everyone is enjoying themselves until they realize that Darryl hasn't shown up yet. The doorbell rings and in walks Darryl stark naked with nothing bu...

George W. Bush is sitting with his aides...

and he is getting debriefed on the world news of the day. The news is rather mundane and unexciting, but one of his aides states that 3 Brazilian people perished in a plane crash early this morning.

Dubya's reaction is pure shock and grief, he's shaking and can't control his emotions.
...

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