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Emotions Jokes

I like my water like I like my emotions.

Bottled

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My therapist told me I can't identify my own emotions.

I'm not sure how I feel about that.

What do you call mixed emotions?

Watching your mother-in-law reverse off a cliff in your brand new car

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Mixed Emotions

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of “mixed emotions”.

The husband turned to his wife and said, “Honey, that’s a bunch of . I bet you can’t tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”

She sa...

What do you call the unit that measures emotions?

A sentimetre.

There's a stereotype that Scottish men are bad at showing their emotions. This isn't true!

I once knew a Scot who loved his wife so much he almost told her!

Q: What kind of emotions do noses feel?

*A: Nostalgia!*

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According to my therapist, I have extreme trouble verbalizing my emotions.

Can’t say I’m surprised.

Why do Amoung Us characters bottle up their emotions?

Because they get kicked out of the group when they vent.

What part of the leg understands your emotions?

The empathighs.

Hey! What do they call a bear that has uncontrollable emotions?

A Bipolar bear.

Mixed emotions: watching a bus full of lawyers plunge off a cliff...

... with five empty seats.

I just got diagnosed with the inability to feel emotions

Now I'm sad

How many Texas cops does it take to save children from an active shooter?

Still under investigation.







Edit: For those who assume I think any part of this situation is funny... [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black\_comedy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_comedy). Also who gave me a Wholesome award? That's seriously messed up.

Edit ...

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A couple is watching Dr. Phil and he begins to talk about mixed emotions.

The man laughs and says "I can't have mixed emotions. Either I'm happy or sad. There is no middle ground. And I don't believe anyone can be."
After a lengthy debate, and the woman not making any head way with him, she sighs and says, "OK, I can prove it."
He laughs more and says "there is noth...

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Men have two emotions: Hungry and .

If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

You know, people are always telling me how I dont communicate right or dont understand emotions.

You know what i say to that?

Kiss my ASPERGERS!

(Joke curtousy of my Autistic coworker and good friend)

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One of the most beautiful things in the world is a women's heart. It is fragile yet strong. Delicate yet resilient. It's a cradle of love, emotions and compassion. It like an ocean of secrets.

And of course its covered with .

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Heard the body paint store now has some color mixes named after emotions

Well, color me surprised!

also English is not my first language and I am really proud of that joke

What do you call emotions of a DNA?

Gene expressions

My ex told me we broke up because I'm too reliant on logic and refuse to acknowledge my emotions.

I told her, correlation is not causation.

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My friend urinated on a robot capable of feeling emotions. It got angry, but then it shut down.

He really pissed it off.

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Convincing your girlfriend she's crazy or paranoid is called gaslighting, and it's a move.

But convincing her she's a robot with artificial implanted human emotions is called bladerunning. It's a Phillip K. move.



Edit: Source > Nathan Anderson

via /u/GoodLordigans

What word is used to describe a plant's range of emotions?

Chlorofeels

A professor asked one of his automotive students if he knew what the definition of "mixed emotions" was...

The student said "watching your mother-in-law drive off a cliff in your new Cadillac."

George W. Bush is sitting with his aides...

and he is getting debriefed on the world news of the day. The news is rather mundane and unexciting, but one of his aides states that 3 Brazilian people perished in a plane crash early this morning.

Dubya's reaction is pure shock and grief, he's shaking and can't control his emotions.
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