I like my water like I like my emotions.

Bottled

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One of the most beautiful things in the world is a women's heart. It is fragile yet strong. Delicate yet resilient. It's a cradle of love, emotions and compassion. It like an ocean of secrets.

And of course its covered with boobs.

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Emotions

Three guys are walking down the street in Manhattan when they spot a party. They knock on the door and are turned away because they don’t have costumes. As they walk away one of them spots a can of red paint in an alley, he pours it all over himself, goes back and says “I’m red, red with anger” and ...

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As expected, my therapist said I have trouble verbalising my emotions.

I can't say that I'm surprised.

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Two guys are getting ready for a costume party...

But there's a catch: The host said they have to get dressed up as 'emotions.'

So the first guy goes home and sticks his dick in a pear.

The second guy goes home and sticks his dick in a big bowl of custard.

They show up at the party together and knock on the door. The host opens...

Why do Amoung Us characters bottle up their emotions?

Because they get kicked out of the group when they vent.

How does a cake show emotions?

It tiers up.

(My cake day ends in 2 minutes.. I forgot)

A man walks into his first session with a psychiatrist

His mood is almost as dark as the room, shades drawn almost fully closed with just enough light to cast shadows like a priest’s confessional stall. *Perfect*, he thinks, *this will be easier if he can’t see the tears welling in my eyes*.

He sits down and breathes a heavy sigh. The clock tick...

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My therapist tells me that I have difficulty identifying my emotions.

Not quite sure how to feel about that.

Q: What kind of emotions do noses feel?

*A: Nostalgia!*

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Mixed Emotions

**A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of “mixed emotions”.** **The husband turned to his wife and said, “Honey, that’s a bunch of crap. I bet you can’t tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”**

**S...

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Heard the body paint store now has some color mixes named after emotions

Well, color me surprised!

also English is not my first language and I am really proud of that shitty joke

There's a stereotype that Scottish men are bad at showing their emotions. This isn't true!

I once knew a Scot who loved his wife so much he almost told her!

What do you call mixed emotions?

Watching your mother-in-law reverse off a cliff in your brand new car

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Emotions NSFW

3 dummies decide to go to a party. They arrive at the party and are promptly turned away because it’s a costume party and they are not wearing costumes. Determined to go to the party they go looking for props to make costumes. In the back alley they find a pile of painting supplies, brushes, rollers...

What do you call the unit that measures emotions?

A sentimetre.

You know, people are always telling me how I dont communicate right or dont understand emotions.

You know what i say to that?

Kiss my ASPERGERS!

(Joke curtousy of my Autistic coworker and good friend)

My ex told me we broke up because I'm too reliant on logic and refuse to acknowledge my emotions.

I told her, correlation is not causation.

Mixed emotions: watching a bus full of lawyers plunge off a cliff...

... with five empty seats.

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My friend urinated on a robot capable of feeling emotions. It got angry, but then it shut down.

He really pissed it off.

TIFU - I made a bad decision and now I can't get my laptop fixed.

FYI This is a story from last year, not today.

So I had a laptop that was playing up. The screen kept going all janky. One day there was a popping noise and a smell of burning plastic, so I thought that was enough and I contacted the service department.

I found out they had an office...

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After a night of drinking, Brian crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.



When he awoke, he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you?" demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"



The mysterious Man answered "This isn...

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A man is hosting an emotions party.

In order to get into the party, guests had to be dressed as their favorite emotion.

As the host is getting ready for the party, he hears the doorbell.

He opens the door and sees a couple dressed all in red. The man says, "And what are you supposed to be?"

The couple replies, "...

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Emerson, Lake, and Palmer walk into a bar. . .

RESUBMITTING WITHOUT LINKS



Picture it. June, 1971. London.



Keith Emerson, Greg Lake and Carl Palmer are celebrating the release of their album Tarkus at the Seven Stars Pub.



Very quickly, both ELP and their BACs are riding high.

Nothing can spoil t...

A professor asked one of his automotive students if he knew what the definition of "mixed emotions" was...

The student said "watching your mother-in-law drive off a cliff in your new Cadillac."

My Brain Amazes Me!!!

Not a joke!!! Just a bad incident that might make a few people chuckle who been through similar goof-ups!!!



Here it goes,



I have been living with my brain for 28 years now and I still don't know how it works!!!



I tried to train it but all in vain; its fun...

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Emotional party

Haven’t seen this one posted before; apologies if I missed it. I heard this at least 30 years ago.
——
Sarah throws a fancy dress party with the theme “emotions”.

Her friend Alice turns up in bright colours and glitter. “I’m happy!” she announces, and Sarah lets her in.

Meg turns...

Observing the baby one night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's crib.

Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, scepticism.
Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around he...

I run a rehabilitation program where we get prison inmates to write poetry to help them cope with their emotions.

I call it:
Prose and Cons

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A couple is watching Dr. Phil and he begins to talk about mixed emotions.

The man laughs and says "I can't have mixed emotions. Either I'm happy or sad. There is no middle ground. And I don't believe anyone can be."
After a lengthy debate, and the woman not making any head way with him, she sighs and says, "OK, I can prove it."
He laughs more and says "there is noth...

I just got diagnosed with the inability to feel emotions

Now I'm sad

Hey! What do they call a bear that has uncontrollable emotions?

A Bipolar bear.

What part of the leg understands your emotions?

The empathighs.

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So there's this party where everyone has to come dresses as an emotion...

...one guy comes in all black - sadness. Another in all yellow - fear, and another in green - envy. Then the host answers the door to see two guys standing there, butt-naked, except one of them has a pear on the end of his dick, and the other had a can of custard on his dick.
"What the hell are ...

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A guy was hosting an "emotion" party for all of his friends.

In the invitation for the party he said that all of his friends should arrive in different outfits that depict different emotions.Everything was normal when some people showed up wearing green for envy, or red for anger. Suddenly two men he had never seen before strutted in completely naked except f...

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A new emotion

So one Halloween a group of friends decided to throw a small costume party with the theme being you need to dress as an emotion. The party begins and everyone is enjoying themselves until they realize that Darryl hasn't shown up yet. The doorbell rings and in walks Darryl stark naked with nothing bu...

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