UPJOKE
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Afraid Jokes

Why are dogs afraid to go to space?

Because of the vacuum

Edit: Sorry if this joke is ruff

Double Edit: on the other hand, when I go to space I feel no pressure

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

6 never did trust 7. Sure, they worked closely together, but 7 always seemed at odds with him. 6 always preferred the company of 4, a perfect 10 of a duo, even though 2 kept them apart.
But when it came to 7? 6 always summed it up to bad luck. Then, 6 found the truth.
6 respected 9, even thoug...

Why is 10 always afraid?

Because he was in the middle of 9/11

Why was Yoda afraid of 7

Because 9 7 8

Why was 69 afraid of 70?

Because they once had a fight and 71.

6 was afraid of 7 because 789. But why did 7 eat 9?

Because he needed 3² meals a day.

Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards"

Me: "And?"

Wife: I'm afraid our Neighbour died

Husband: Who, Ray?

Wife: It's inappropriate to cheer when someone dies


(My 7 year old came up with this joke)

Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

Why was Fibonacci afraid of 5?

Because 5, 8, 13.

Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?

Because today they got into a fight, and 2021!

Happy new year y’all!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 needs a shit load of adapters to work

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men enter a bar in the USSR. One says, "Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?" The other one says, "Because he was afraid of capitalism."

The whole bar died laughing

Everyone knows why 6 was afraid of 7, but do you know why 10 was scared?

10 was in the middle of 9 11.

Why is the letter "C" afraid of the rest of the alphabet?

Because all the other letters are Not-Cs

A guy boards an airplane to Detroit and makes his way to his seat where he notices the guy sitting next to him looks very worried. He asks him if he's afraid of flying.

"No, my company is moving me to Detroit. I've heard terrible things about Detroit; I'm worried about my family."

The guy tells him, "Look, it's not at all like the rumors. I've lived in Detroit my whole life. Find a nice home in a nice suburb, get your kids into a decent school, the community...

I asked my math teacher why 6 was afraid of 7.

She replied, “Approximately 0.3583679495453”.

I stared at her, confused. Seeing my confusion, she added, “You know, cos (789)”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dear People who are afraid of paedophiles

You need to grow up.

The only thing a flat earther is afraid of

Is sphere itself.

I'm not afraid of getting Alzheimer's because it's like being famous.

You don't recognize anybody, but everybody recognizes you.

Be afraid, very afraid

Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked,

\- "Mrs. Jones, do you know ...

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I told my therapist I'm afraid my girlfriend will cheat on me because I'm not that good in bed

He said "We have to work on your thrust issues"

A joke my 8-year old made up: What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?

A chicken

Why was Six afraid of Seven?

Because Seven ate nine grams of bath salts and then killed all of the other numbers.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 didn't have a removable battery and blew up in everybody's pocket

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was Icarus afraid of Oedipus?

Because he was the motherfucking son.

A mathematician is afraid of flying

A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a terrorist attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. "The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero."

I'm so afraid of committment ...

I never buy a permanent marker

I'm afraid for the calendar...

It's days are numbered.

"Oh dear...this is just what I was afraid of", the doctor said as he looked over my x-rays

My heart dropped and I asked *"wha…What is it, doctor??"*

He paused and then solemnly answered:
*"Skeletons."*

What musical group is Jesus most afraid of?

Nine Inch Nails

Me: Doc, I am suddenly afraid of random letters

Doc: You Are?

Me: *screams*

Doc: Oh I See...

Me: *screaming intesifies*

Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?

Because they had a fight and 2021

I was afraid of dying alone…

so I became a school bus driver.

Doctor [looking at my x-rays] : this is exactly what I was afraid of.

Me: What?

Doctor: Skeletons

Why was five afraid of six?

Because things were getting out of hand.

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Someone: I'm afraid of Grease- Summer Nights.

Therapist: Tell me more.

What do you call a kid thats afraid of Santa?

Claustrophobic

Why was 7 afraid of π?

Let's be real, his fear was irrational.

Just another branch in the 7 ate 9 joke multiverse.

Why was VI afraid of VII?

Because VII VIII IX.

Some jokes just don't translate well.

Why was the theoretical physicist afraid to go skydiving?

Air resistance was negligible

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Since seven was a child, he has always been a prime number. He excelled at everything he did, but he was kind of odd. Seven was very vengeful and quick to anger. Even though he was popular and well praised, he couldn't stand the sight of six, who was well rounded and has a good circle of tight frien...

Why was sin afraid of tan?

Just cos.

What's a drink The Rock is mortally afraid of?

Dr. Paper

I’m deathly afraid of elevators

I’m gonna start taking steps to avoid them

A lot of people are afraid of heights.

Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

I always hated the show Naked & Afraid

It reminds me of playing hide and seek with my uncle.

I don't know why people are afraid of flying

Most crashes happen at ground level

Why was 7 afraid of i?

Nobody knows for sure, but everyone agrees his fear is only imaginary

Why are atheists afraid of exponents?

They don't believe in a higher power.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man: Doc, I’m pathologically afraid of Chemists.

Therapist: i may have a solution.

Man: Holy Shit! Not you too!

A gorgeous young redhead on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?"...

Why are verbs afraid of talking about people?

Because they're followed by the subject.

Why was the pdf afraid of the folder?

It had a .rar file in it.

I know it's horrible, but I came up with it when I was twelve.

My parents nearly took my computer away.

There once was a woman who had 100 children....

She named each of them after numbers in the order they were born. There was a fire and all of them died except Ninety.
Ninety went off to have kids of her own. They were very kind and loving. One day they found an injured dog. They took it home and nursed it back to health. They hid the dog and n...

Why was the milkman afraid on Christmas eve?

The ghost of Christmas Pasteurisation.

When I was a little kid, I was afraid of the dark.

But then I grew up and saw the electricity bill.

I'm now afraid of light.

Don’t be afraid of a little metaphor.

It won’t bite you.

The swordfish has no natural predators to be afraid of...

Except for the penfish, which is thought to be mightier.

why should you be afraid of a white man in prison?

because you know he's guilty.

Why are all the black guys afraid of the white guy in prison?

Cause they know he actually did it.

Why was the peanut afraid to go to central park?

It was a salted

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is six afraid of seven?

Because seven smeared shit on six’s bed, severed six’s finger with a glass bottle, and is now in court pretending to be the victim after six’s reputation got ruined.

Doctor: I'm afraid you lost 20% of your sight.

Me: *(sigh)*

Doctor: I am afraid you are suffering from Tom Jones syndrome.

Patient: Is it common?

Doctor: It's not unusual.

I asked a German girl if Germans are afraid of numbers

She said 9

Why was epsilon afraid of zeta?

Because zeta eta theta.

We should all be afraid of fiddle players

Everyday they wake up, and chose violins

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife is deathly afraid of snakes so I got her last year by placing a rubber Copperhead in her glove compartment.

She nearly shit herself! Sadly, she finally got me back today and I must admit it was pretty crafty.

She knows that every morning I have a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast so last night before she went to sleep she fucked my brother and emptied my bank account.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

-0.8959441702
...
...
...

^^^^^cos(789)

Men are afraid of women's laughter...

Women are afraid of manslaughter.

Why was 1000 afraid of 0111

0111
1000
1001

I hope this joke gains traction when machines takes over the world

My partner was afraid that I was cheating, which I wasn’t.

She came to me one evening, very serious. I knew something was going on. She asked, in that tone that instantly puts a lump in your throat, “I suspect you’ve been unfaithful. Do you have a sec to talk?”

I wanted her to know she has my full attention, so I replied, “I have a lot of secs!”
<...

Doctor: I'm afraid you're suffering from Auto Correct Syndrome

Patient: I didn't even know I was I'll

Dear son; Your mom and I love you very much, and we miss you dearly ever since you went to prison. I especially miss you now that spring is here, and it is time to plow the fields. The ground is hard, and my back is old. I am afraid I will never be able to plant the crops in time. Dad

Dear Dad:

Do not dig in the field. That is where I hid that thing. You know I can not say what it is because they read our mail. Just do not dig out there.

Your son

\----------------------------------------

Dear son:

The cops came out and dug up my fields. They sai...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three guys go in for a job interview.

The first guy goes in and kicks ass, best job interview he’s ever done in his life. End of the interview comes around, the interviewer says:
“By the way, do you notice anything strange about me?”
“Yeah,” says the guy… “Your nose is really huge, man!”

“I’m sorry, says the interviewer, bu...

A pregnant woman afraid of giving birth asks her doctor for a solution

Long but one my dad told me 10+ years ago.

A woman and her husband go and talk to their doctor about her fears of child birth. She says she is far too afraid of the pain and worries that she will not be able to endure it, she asks the doctor if there is anything at all that might lower the p...

what are caterpillers afraid of?

Dog-erpillars

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Roger was very thin because he was afraid to spend a lot of money on food. He looked forward to the day when his grandfather would die and leave him a fortune.

His grandfather was blessed with both a sense of humor and a sense of justice. So he planned that when he finally died all he would leave to Roger was a cookie.

But what a cookie.

It was made with butter, churned from milk from a yak milked by a virginal milkmaid on the highest field o...

A man was deathly afraid of ice cream

So much so that the mere sight or mention of the tasty frozen treat could send him into a panic attack.

He tried to avoid it, but it was everywhere. In movies. In songs. On social media. In real life!

Due to the severity of his condition, the man resolved to find a life partner who hat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

I've told this story to many naive greens before me, so self-absorbed in their own notions of human conflict and the meaning of war. Whenever I finish the tale they're always pale as Lyndon B's corrupt lyin' ass. I can't blame 'em. This story kept me up throughout my whole deployment in those damn j...

What animal was Osama bin-Laden afraid of?

SEALs

Why is Joe Biden afraid of getting COVID?

Because he'd lose his sense of smell.

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