The 90+ Best Afraid Jokes

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

6 never did trust 7. Sure, they worked closely together, but 7 always seemed at odds with him. 6 always preferred the company of 4, a perfect 10 of a duo, even though 2 kept them apart.
But when it came to 7? 6 always summed it up to bad luck. Then, 6 found the truth.
6 respected 9, even thoug...

Doctor: “Sir, I have some bad news, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards”

Me: “and?”

A guy boards an airplane to Detroit and makes his way to his seat where he notices the guy sitting next to him looks very worried. He asks him if he's afraid of flying.

"No, my company is moving me to Detroit. I've heard terrible things about Detroit; I'm worried about my family."

The guy tells him, "Look, it's not at all like the rumors. I've lived in Detroit my whole life. Find a nice home in a nice suburb, get your kids into a decent school, the community...

6 was afraid of 7 because 789. But why did 7 eat 9?

Because he needed 3² meals a day.

Why was 69 afraid of 70?

Because they once had a fight and 71.

Why are dogs afraid to go to space?

Because of the vacuum

Edit: Sorry if this joke is ruff

Double Edit: on the other hand, when I go to space I feel no pressure

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men enter a bar in the USSR. One says, "Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?" The other one says, "Because he was afraid of capitalism."

The whole bar died laughing

Why was Yoda afraid of 7

Because 9 7 8

Why is 10 always afraid?

Because he was in the middle of 9/11

Did you hear about the math teacher who’s afraid of negative numbers?

He will stop at nothing to avoid them.

Everyone knows why 6 was afraid of 7, but do you know why 10 was scared?

10 was in the middle of 9 11.

Dear son; Your mom and I love you very much, and we miss you dearly ever since you went to prison. I especially miss you now that spring is here, and it is time to plow the fields. The ground is hard, and my back is old. I am afraid I will never be able to plant the crops in time. Dad

Dear Dad:

Do not dig in the field. That is where I hid that thing. You know I can not say what it is because they read our mail. Just do not dig out there.

Your son

\----------------------------------------

Dear son:

The cops came out and dug up my fields. They sai...

Wife: I'm afraid our Neighbour died

Husband: Who, Ray?

Wife: It's inappropriate to cheer when someone dies

(My 7 year old came up with this joke)

I'm not afraid of getting Alzheimer's because it's like being famous.

You don't recognize anybody, but everybody recognizes you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my therapist I'm afraid my girlfriend will cheat on me because I'm not that good in bed

He said "We have to work on your thrust issues"

Why was Fibonacci afraid of 5?

Because 5, 8, 13.

Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?

Because today they got into a fight, and 2021!

Happy new year y’all!

Why is the letter "C" afraid of the rest of the alphabet?

Because all the other letters are Not-Cs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 needs a shit load of adapters to work

I asked my math teacher why 6 was afraid of 7.

She replied, “Approximately 0.3583679495453”.

I stared at her, confused. Seeing my confusion, she added, “You know, cos (789)”

We all know that six is afraid of seven because seven ate nine, but why did seven eat nine?

Because you're supposed to eat three squared meals per day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dear People who are afraid of paedophiles

You need to grow up.

The only thing a flat earther is afraid of

Is sphere itself.

A joke my 8-year old made up: What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?

A chicken

Be afraid, very afraid

Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked,

\- "Mrs. Jones, do you know ...

Doctor [looking at my x-rays] : this is exactly what I was afraid of.

Me: What?

Doctor: Skeletons

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 didn't have a removable battery and blew up in everybody's pocket

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Roger was very thin because he was afraid to spend a lot of money on food. He looked forward to the day when his grandfather would die and leave him a fortune.

His grandfather was blessed with both a sense of humor and a sense of justice. So he planned that when he finally died all he would leave to Roger was a cookie.

But what a cookie.

It was made with butter, churned from milk from a yak milked by a virginal milkmaid on the highest field o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was Icarus afraid of Oedipus?

Because he was the motherfucking son.

A mathematician is afraid of flying

A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a terrorist attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. "The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero."

What musical group is Jesus most afraid of?

Nine Inch Nails

Me: Doc, I am suddenly afraid of random letters

Doc: You Are?

Me: *screams*

Doc: Oh I See...

Me: *screaming intesifies*

What do you call a kid thats afraid of Santa?

Claustrophobic

I'm afraid for the calendar...

It's days are numbered.

I was afraid of dying alone…

so I became a school bus driver.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife is deathly afraid of snakes so I got her last year by placing a rubber Copperhead in her glove compartment.

She nearly shit herself! Sadly, she finally got me back today and I must admit it was pretty crafty.

She knows that every morning I have a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast so last night before she went to sleep she fucked my brother and emptied my bank account.

What's a drink The Rock is mortally afraid of?

Dr. Paper

Why was five afraid of six?

Because things were getting out of hand.

Why was VI afraid of VII?

Because VII VIII IX.

Some jokes just don't translate well.

6 is afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9but I don’t think they should be scared

I heard that 10 is next

A lot of people are afraid of heights.

Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?

Because they had a fight and 2021

Why was 7 afraid of π?

Let's be real, his fear was irrational.

Just another branch in the 7 ate 9 joke multiverse.

Why was sin afraid of tan?

Just cos.

Why are all the black guys afraid of the white guy in prison?

Cause they know he actually did it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man: Doc, I’m pathologically afraid of Chemists.

Therapist: i may have a solution.

Man: Holy Shit! Not you too!

When I was a little kid, I was afraid of the dark.

But then I grew up and saw the electricity bill.

I'm now afraid of light.

I don't know why people are afraid of flying

Most crashes happen at ground level

Why was 7 afraid of i?

Nobody knows for sure, but everyone agrees his fear is only imaginary

Why was the peanut afraid to go to central park?

It was a salted

I always hated the show Naked & Afraid

It reminds me of playing hide and seek with my uncle.

Why was the pdf afraid of the folder?

It had a .rar file in it.

I know it's horrible, but I came up with it when I was twelve.

My parents nearly took my computer away.

I asked a German girl if Germans are afraid of numbers

She said 9

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Since seven was a child, he has always been a prime number. He excelled at everything he did, but he was kind of odd. Seven was very vengeful and quick to anger. Even though he was popular and well praised, he couldn't stand the sight of six, who was well rounded and has a good circle of tight frien...

Doctor: I am afraid you are suffering from Tom Jones syndrome.

Patient: Is it common?

Doctor: It's not unusual.

The swordfish has no natural predators to be afraid of...

Except for the penfish, which is thought to be mightier.

I’m deathly afraid of elevators

I’m gonna start taking steps to avoid them

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A jealous king was about to go on a long journey but was afraid that his queen would be unfaithful to him..

Therefore he summoned his best blacksmiths, in order to create a device that was going to provide protection from any penetration to his queen.

The most ingenious blacksmith came with an invention that could split in half anything that would dare to penetrate the queens genitals.

...

Doctor: I'm afraid you lost 20% of your sight.

Me: *(sigh)*

Why are atheists afraid of exponents?

They don't believe in a higher power.

Why was the milkman afraid on Christmas eve?

The ghost of Christmas Pasteurisation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A therapist asks a man what he is afraid of

Man: I know it might seem strange but I’m afraid of letters

Therapist: oh I see

I watched an episode of America's Most Wanted last night that scared me so bad I'm afraid to even go outside now.

I'm afraid someone is going to recognize me.

My partner was afraid that I was cheating, which I wasn’t.

She came to me one evening, very serious. I knew something was going on. She asked, in that tone that instantly puts a lump in your throat, “I suspect you’ve been unfaithful. Do you have a sec to talk?”

I wanted her to know she has my full attention, so I replied, “I have a lot of secs!”
<...

Why are some Jewish boys afraid of Hanukkah?

Because their dad sat them down one day and said: "Son, when you're old enough, I'm going to teach you how to put these Menorah Candles up yourself."

In the dark of night, I fear vampires, but, when the first light of day breaks, I wonder why I had ever been afraid

It's hard to take vampires seriously after Twilight.

A pregnant woman afraid of giving birth asks her doctor for a solution

Long but one my dad told me 10+ years ago.

A woman and her husband go and talk to their doctor about her fears of child birth. She says she is far too afraid of the pain and worries that she will not be able to endure it, she asks the doctor if there is anything at all that might lower the p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is six afraid of seven?

Because seven smeared shit on six’s bed, severed six’s finger with a glass bottle, and is now in court pretending to be the victim after six’s reputation got ruined.

We should all be afraid of fiddle players

Everyday they wake up, and chose violins

Why are The Smashing Pumpkins afraid of the game Wordle?

Because the Wordle is a vampire

Doctor: I'm afraid you're suffering from Auto Correct Syndrome

Patient: I didn't even know I was I'll

Never let others keep you down, never stop trying and never be afraid to fight for what you want.

Unless your name is Amber Heard in which case can you please stop? Like, now please?

I am afraid that I’m about to lose my job at the graffiti removal company for poor performance.

The writing…is on the wall.

Why was epsilon afraid of zeta?

Because zeta eta theta.

I don’t know why everyone is afraid of an F5 tornado...

It’s just a refreshing breeze!

Men are afraid of women's laughter...

Women are afraid of manslaughter.

What do you call someone who is too afraid of calling themselves left or right wing?

A chicken wing.

Why aren't cosmetic students afraid of missing their exams?

They love make up tests!

A man was deathly afraid of ice cream

So much so that the mere sight or mention of the tasty frozen treat could send him into a panic attack.

He tried to avoid it, but it was everywhere. In movies. In songs. On social media. In real life!

Due to the severity of his condition, the man resolved to find a life partner who hat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. "Why?"

"Because," the doctor says. "I'm trying to examine you."

What animal was Osama bin-Laden afraid of?

SEALs

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

-0.8959441702
...
...
...

^^^^^cos(789)

I was afraid when I found a tick on me, when I was abroad visiting Rome.

But ever since then I keep falling in love.

I guess I got bit by a RomanTic bug.

Why is Joe Biden afraid of getting COVID?

Because he'd lose his sense of smell.

Why was 1000 afraid of 0111

0111
1000
1001

I hope this joke gains traction when machines takes over the world

what are caterpillers afraid of?

Dog-erpillars

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The king is afraid that the queen was disloyal to him and had sex with the castle guards.

So the king got a witch to put a magical spell on the queen so that anything that goes into the queen’s body gets chopped off.

One day, the king decides to summon all the men up and orders them to show him their private parts.
All the men had no penis except one of them.
The king walk...

What do your call a knight that is afraid to fight?

Sir Render.

Dr: “I’m afraid I have bad news and worse news”

Dr: “I’m afraid I have bad news and worse news”
Pt: “Give me the worse news first”
Dr: “You have cancer”
Pt: “Oh no! What’s the bad news?”
Dr: “You also have Alzheimer’s”
Pt: “Well, at least I don’t have cancer”

Those who are afraid of gaining weight, should drink a shot of whiskey before every meal…

alcohol reduces fear.

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