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A man goes to his doctor because he’s been having headaches for the last 20 years.

The doctor performs a thorough examination and tells him his diagnosis. “The only way to cure your headaches is castration.” The man is taken aback, but, because he has kids and it tired of the headaches, he decides to go through with the procedure. It works, and his headaches are gone for the fi...

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A man has been getting horrible debilitating headaches for a long time a& finally decided to go to the doctor...

And he’s just begging for some relief. “They just won’t stop,” he says. “I can’t do anything, my work is suffering, I can’t spend time with my family, it’s just gotta stop!”

So the doctor does some tests and says, “well there’s good news & bad news. The good news is, I found the problem, ...

What do you call a headache caused my someone stealing your wheat

My-grain

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A MAN went to the doctors suffering from a severe headache for years on end.

The doctor said, “Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is it will require castration. You have a rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicle...

In the beginning

God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for Me."

Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"

God said, "Go down Into that valley."Adam said, "What's a valley?"

God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the river."

Adam said, "What's a river?"

God...

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Mr. Johnson has been having constant headaches ever since his teenage years. For years and years his doctor tries to cure him, but the headaches only get worse and worse.

Finally, one day, the doctor asks Mr. Johnson to undress. After inspecting Mr. Johnson's body, he sees the problem.

"You have an extremely rare condition," explains the doc. "Your testicles are pressed up against your spinal cord, giving you headaches. This condition has no known cause and on...

Why can’t pirates take aspirin for their headaches?

Parrots-eat-em-all

Getting out of bed in the morning always gives me a headache...

I'm going to try feet first tomorrow.

I'm a 5G installation engineer and people are constantly accusing me with bizarre conspiracy theories, such as how 5G is giving them headaches, or killing their sperm. I think they are completely crazy.

4G must've fried their brains.

My wife keeps complaining about having a headache that won't go away.

I keep telling her that I have a name.

Why did the console gamer get a headache at the art museum?

Too many frames.

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John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache

Had a case of cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"E...

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Man has suffered severe headaches since his teenage years.

Man has suffered severe headaches since his teenage years. He is now in his 30s still suffering terrible headaches. Doctors have run every test known, tried every medicine but still the headaches continue.

Eventually the man finds himself another doctor who after a thorough examination tells ...

The hangover man woke up in the morning with a big headache.

He barely opened his eyes and looked around, straightening up.
A glass of water and two aspirin stands on the nightstand. Her clothes were clean and ironed on the chair at the foot of the bed.
While drinking the aspirin, the note on the bedside table caught his attention;
"My darling, good ...

What does a tree take when it gets a headache?

Acedarminophen.

My neighbor always has a headache

He lives about a stonethrow away

[OC] What did the farmer say after getting a headache from people stealing his wheat

Migraines!

A four year kid is being rushed to the hospital with coughing,high fever, vomiting and a searing headache.

The doctor meets him and takes him to do examinations. First,he needs to know what's the worst. He asks "Ben,can you tell me what's bothers you the most?"
He replies: "I'd have to say my little sister".

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A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches...

A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches. He goes to a bunch of doctors, runs any test imaginable, and no one can figure out why. One day a doctor tells him- “I think we figured out a solution, but you’re not going to like it. If we cut off your balls, the constant headache will stop”. ...

As a wheat farmer, I worried about having these strange headaches all the time,

but my doctor said it's just my grains.

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A guy suffering from banging headaches, finally gets to see a specialist after baffling doctors for years.

He explains to the specialist that for years now he has been suffering from banging headaches, and everything he has tried so far has no impact on the headaches at all.

The specialist carries out an examination, pokes and prods around a bit and has an idea. He runs a couple tests to be sure, ...

A Welshman walks into his bedroom with a sheep on a leash and says "Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache."

The wife, lying in bed reading a book says, "If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep not a cow!"

The man turns to the sheep and chuckles, "She thinks I'm talking to her."

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All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge......

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I pr...

I'm a greedy farmer who gets really bad headaches

They're my grains

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A man suffered from excruciating headaches for years.

He saw doctor after doctor, and tried many different medications and treatments without success. At long last he found a specialist who discovered the cause of his problem. The doctor informed the man that his pain was being caused by a rare condition in which his testicles were pushing into the bas...

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Dave was suffering from a terrible headache, so he went to see his doctor, who was a recent medical graduate.

The young doctor listened to him carefully and told him, "Go home, lie down on your tummy, open your ass wide and ask your wife to pour some gin down your ass."


"What???" said Dave. The Doctor repeated patiently, "Go home, lie down on your tummy, open your ass wide and ask your wife to ...

Did you know that headaches are purely psychological?

Yeah, they're all in your head!

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Jack & Jill

Jack and Jill have grown up. They've graduated from uni, gotten married and got a job at the same firm.
One day, while going through the books and after much deliberation, their boss decides he must lay off one employee. Jack and Jill are the most recent hires, so it must be one of them. The prob...

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This guy Bill has been having headaches for about 40 years..

...he doesnt know what to do so he finally goes to a doctor for the pain. The doctor checks him and says "bill I’m not sure how to tell you this , but you have a very rare condition where your balls press up against your spine and put pressure on your head. That’s why you've been getting these heada...

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A man wakes up with a horrible headache

The conscientious man he is, he grabs the phone to call in sick at work.

„Boss, I am sorry I am afraid i can‘t come in to work today. I have this horrible headache.“

„You know, everytime I have a headache my wife gives me a blowjob and it‘s gone. You should really try it.“ Tells him h...

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A man suffered from a chronic hellish headache

He went to see a doctor who, after the usual exams, said:

- My friend, I have good and bad news. The good thing is that I can cure you of this headache forever. The bad news is that to do that I'll have to castrate you! Your testicles are pressing on your spine, and that pressure causes a he...

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A woman is in bed reading when her husband walks into the room with a sheep under his arm

He says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache ".

His wife replies, "I think you'll find that that is a sheep."

Husband says, "I think you'll find that I was talking to the sheep."

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Guy has a massive headache and its not responsive to any medication.

After doctors researching whats wrong with him for months they finally cone to conclusion. They called the guy and deliver the news. Doctor says;

-Its good news, found the problem.

-What is it doc?

-We need to remove your penis.

Guy looks sad. But after some consideration...

One day, Pete complained to his friend, “My head really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor.”

His friend said, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply tell it the problem, put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose it and tell you what you can do about the issue you’re having. It only costs $...

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No more headaches

A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."
"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"

His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror,stare at myself ...

This guy goes to the doctor...

So, this guy goes to the doctor because he's not feeling well.

The doctor asks him "What's wrong?"

The guy says "I've got this splitting headache and it feels like there's a knife in my guts. What's wrong with me, Doc?"

The doctor replies "I don't know. My guess it's something t...

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I've been diagnosed with a disease that causes intense headaches, confusion, and a complete inability to have sex. Luckily there's a cure.

Divorce.

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NSFW A duck walks into a pharmacy...

He approaches the pharmacist and says "I need some teylenol for my headache".

The pharmacist says "Are you paying with cash or card?".

The duck replies "Just put it on my bill".

So the duck goes back the next day approaching the counter and tells the pharmacist "I need some co...

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My wife said she had a headache so didn't feel up to sex this evening.

I told her to just suck it up.

A man went to the doctor's complaining of a headache

The doctor did some tests and discovered a brain tumor.

Doctor: Looks like we're going to have to perform a brain transplant.

Man: I don't want a brain transplant.

Doctor: You must or you'll die.

Man: It sounds scary, I don't want one.

Doctor: There's no other trea...

Do It Yourself COVID Test

1. Pour a glass of wine and smell it
2. If you can smell it, then taste it
3. If you can both smell it and taste it, you do not have the Covid virus



Just to test it out, I did the test 19 times last evening and, thank God, all the tests were negative. But I'll have to repeat the...

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After years of being plagued by extreme headaches,

*Disclaimer: English isn't my main language, there might be some mistakes here and there*

Jim finally went to see a doctor. After a lot of researching, the doctor said: "I have good news, but I also have bad news."

The good news is that I have found a cure for your extreme headac...

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Joe’s Headaches

Joe is being plagued by terrible headaches.One day,after years of suffering,he decides to see a headache specialist.
The doctor tells Joe to strip ,inspects him all over and announces that he has found the cause of the headaches.”Your testicles are pressing against the base of your spine” says th...

Why don't baby fish ever get headaches?

Because they have a set o' mini fins

I called the pharmacist and asked him if acetylsalicylic acid was the best remedy for a headache.

He says, "You mean aspirin?"

I go, “Yeah, that’s it, I can never remember that word."

My wife always has a headache when I come home from work. I asked her if I could help her get rid of it.

She said, “Yes, leave the room.”

Marital Misunderstanding

It's 4.00am. A man comes stumbling home and bursts drunk into his bedroom. He's totally dishevelled, stinks of booze and has a goat tucked under his arm. His wife sits up with a shriek and shouts:

"How dare you come home in that condition! And what's that thing under your arm?"

Her hu...

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News from School

Dear Mom and Dad,

It has been three months now since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not writing before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. You are not to read further unless you are s...

"Doc, I've got a sinus headache, an abscessed tooth, itchy eyes, and a canker sore. What is wrong with me? "

Doc: "Well, I'll be honest. I think it's all in your head."

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Blowjobs do not relieve headaches

The other day, I had an astoundingly painful headache and I couldn't help but complain about it to my girlfriend. She surprised me by saying, "Ya know, blowjobs can be a natural cure for a headache..."
So, I thought it was worth a shot. But that day I learned my girlfriend is damned a liar.
...

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A man has been getting chronic headaches...

...and after seeing specialist after specialist, one finally determines that the cause comes from his testicles being compressed. Unfortunately, the specialist tells him that the only solution at this time is to remove his testicles, or else he'll just continue having horrible headaches.

The ...

I went to a fortune teller today. She said she had a headache...

So I offered her some aspirin, medium strength.

What's good for a headache?

Drinking heavily the night before.

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James is suffering from severe headaches. [Long]

For as long as he can remember, he's had debilitating headaches that have hampered his life in every way. He finally seeks medical help. After some tests, the doctor returns:

"James, I don't know quite how to say this. It seems your testicles are pressing against the base of your spine, pi...

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"Honey I brought you a pill for your headache"

"But I don't have a headache"

"Perfect, let's have sex then"

A man had excruciating headaches

So he decided once and for all to go see a specialist to see what can be done.

After extensive scans and tests the doctor calls him in and gives him the bad news.
"I'm very sorry sir, you have a very rare case in which your nuts press up against the base of your spine which, in turn, is ...

My nurse wife told me this one a while ago

Why can you never get any painkillers in the jungle?

Cus parrots eat 'em all



This one always puts a smile on my face, even when I'm reaching for painkillers with a headache.

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Not tonight dear, I have a headache

A Married couple at a Zoo walks past a gorilla enclosure.

Says the woman: 'Mark, Do you know that gorillas are the only animals which resemble men in their behavior?

Look, seeing that no one is looking, I'll expose one of my breasts 2 it & see how horny it gets just as men do.'
...

Karl had the worst headache ever.

After he slowly opened his eyes, one at a time, he found that his wife had already left the bedroom. He was lying on the floor for some reason and had a raging headache and a big bump on his forehead. That probably meant he was getting screamed at, when he got downstairs.

He tried to go to th...

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Washing Machine

Husband and wife decide to make a password for sex, they decide on ‘washing machine’. 
Later in bed that night husband says, “Washing machine.” 
Wife replies, “Not tonight darling I have a headache.” 
Half an hour passes and she feels guilty so she says, “Washing machine.” 
Husband repli...

When I eat wheat it gives me a headache. Oddly, it doesn’t if the wheat belongs to someone else.

It’s just migraine

My jokes are so bad they could give you a headache..

I’m aspirin to be better.

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Headache Cure

A man goes to the doctor because he has been having severe headaches. The doctor tries everything he can medically try for the man but nothing is working. The man goes back to the doctor and the doctor tells him that when he has a headache he goes home and puts his head between his wife's breasts an...

"Not tonight darling, I have a headache" - Wife

"Not to worry love, we'll soon sort that out" - Henry VIII

A man goes to the doctor, complaining of severe headaches.

They try several treatments, but none work.

One day, the doctor says, "I know this will sound crazy, but I used to have headaches like yours. One night I was with my wife, and I went down on her. Just as she was about to climax she would squeeze my head really hard with her thighs, and my hea...

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Home COVID Test

1. Pour a shot of Scotch and sniff it.
2. If you can smell the Scotch, drink it to test that you can taste it.
3. If you can smell and taste the Scotch, congratulations, your test is negative.

I took this test ten times in a row last night, all negative. But, this morning, I woke up wi...

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Headaches.

A man strides into a bar, grinning from ear to ear. He sets down at the bar and orders a beer. "In fact, make that a round on me."

The bar cheers, and the bartender brings him his drink, he asks, "So, why the celebration?"

"I am reinventing myself! A new man! Just a month ago, I was m...

A police officer, was scheduled for all-night duty at the station...

... he was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom, and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said "Honey, would you go down to the all-nigh...

Did you hear about the guy who got a headache after stealing wheat from my farm?

He got my grain

Husband: Hey honey I brought you some Tylenol for your headache.

Wife: I don't have a headache

Husband: Great because I also bought condoms

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Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work."

The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. Makes everything better and I can go to work. You try."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice ho...

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Headache . . .

The husband arrives home.
"Darling, I brought you an aspirin"
And the wife says:"But I haven't got a headache"
The husband says:"Then let's fuck"

A man wakes up his wife midnight

"Hey my love, here is your aspirin!"

"But I don't have a headache?"

"Great!"

An infallible way of curing a headache...

Put your head through a window and the pane will disappear.

- Doctor, do you think this headache I have is bad?

~ "Doctor"?? What "doctor"??? I am St Peter!!

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Due to the recent cutbacks caused by the coronavirus Bruce was told he had to terminate one of his compliance managers.

Alice and Jack we're both exemplary employees and he honestly had no idea which one he would get rid of, but being an honest man he decided he'd speak to them both ahead of time thinking that it might help him make his decision. He called in Alice first and he said listen, I've either got to lay you...

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My wife came into the bedroom and I said she wanted to have sex

I told her "no chance tonight I've got a headache" and rolled over.
She left the room and went downstairs.
She came back into the bedroom and started prodding me in the lower back with the hilt of a broom

I asked "why are you poking me with that"

She responded " this is what you ...

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A man walks into a brothel...

Which is well known for its good looking ladies and good food.
He walks up to the desk and slams £1000 on the counter "I'd like the toughest most over cooked steak you do and the ugliest girl you have for one hour. But she needs to tell me she has a headache and to do it myself" The madame looks ...

When I have a headache, I take an Advil and follow the instructions on the bottle:



"KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"



(based on Kauffman, G. and Blakeley M. eds. 1980. Pulling Our Own Strings. Page 51)

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A 30 year old man has had a headache for 15 years

He goes to the doctor to see about it. His doctor says “I’ve only heard of this once before, the only solution was to cut off your penis”

The man says “oh wow, can I think it over for a couple days before the procedure”

The doctor says “of course”

The man goes home and thinks a...

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There's an elderly couple who has reached that point in life, where sex isn't part of the itinerary anymore. One night, the wife turns to her husband and says, "Every-time one of us wants to have a bit of a slap and tickle, we just have to say, "Washing machine."

A night passes, and the husband leans over and whispers, "Washing machine." The wife gives him a shove and informs him that she has a headache.

A few nights go by and the same thing happens, but the husband is determined and he reckons he’ll just give it one more try. He leans over and whispe...

What is it called when a blonde has a headache?

Phantom pain

If Ice Cream Required a Prescription

Each scoop would cost $300 negotiated down to a mere $50.

It would only be available at the pharmacy across town.

You would have to buy 200 pounds at a shot and store it on your own.

There would only be one flavor, black licorice.

It'll take 20 years for a generic ice...

A young guy suffers from debilitating headaches (slightly long)

After going through many tests over several months the doctor says the only way to cure them is to cut off his balls. After another couple months the pain is so great the patient finally agrees to the operation. A week after the operation the patient is super depressed and asks the doctor what he c...

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A man goes to the doctor and complains that no medicine helps with his migraines.

"When I have a migraine," says the doctor, "I go home and
soak in a hot bath. Then I have my wife sponge me off with
the hottest water I can stand, especially around the
forehead. Then I take her into the bedroom, and even if my
head is killing me, we have sex. Almost immediately, th...

Headaches

Doctor: "I recommend that you take a pain reliever for those headaches."
Me: "OK, which kind?"
Doctor: "Aleve it up to you."

what do you call a painter who gets terrible headaches?

an aspirin artist.

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A man has an extreme headache...

...and after a few agonizing days he decides to go to the doctor to see what's wrong with him.
"Well I have terrible news" says the doctor "you have a very odd condition where your spine is constricting your testicles. If you don't remove your testicles your headache will never go away."
O...

The King's Headache

A King is sitting in his throne complaining of a headache.

"This chair was built poorly, it disrupts my posture and causes headaches."

The squire asks, "What shall we do my Lord?"

The King says, "There is a region known as Fenn, the artisans there build the finest chairs in t...

Ebola causes headaches, feelings of nausea and is very difficult to get rid of.

Is it a virus or a free U2 album?

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[Long] Once there was a guy who was suffering from a severe headache.

It went on for a month before he finally decided to visit a doctor. After completing the diagnosis, the doctor said, "You will have to lose a testicle". He was aghast when he heard the news. He pondered for few days —asked a few friends— and finally decided to operate it out. His headache receded fo...

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A man goes to the doctor with a huge lasting headache, "I can't live with it anymore doc, please find out what's wrong".

So the doctor ran some tests, and after carefully studying the results, he presented the bad news to the patient. "It seems you have a very rare nervous disease near your testicles causing your headache. You have two options; either we cut off your testes or I can put you on very heavy pain medicati...

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Headache

Guy gets home from the bar and he wants some sexy time but he finds his wife asleep. So he proceeds to go to the bathroom and makes a lot of noise rummaging the medicine cabinet. The wife wakes up.

Wife: What's with the noise?
Husband: just open up your mouth.

She opens up jet mo...

Doctor: “How’s your headache?”

Man: “She is fine.”

They say a good nights rest can get rid of a headache...

If you ask my parents they’d say it doesn’t do anything.

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.

"I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon.
"The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!" Oh God no!" cries the man "My golfing is over!
Please Doc, what's the good news?"
"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm
and I'll...

I've hit a new low in laziness.

I just told my hand I had a headache.

A Wife's Headache

A man walks into his bedroom, where is wife is reading. "Honey, I brought you some aspirin for your headache."


"I don't have a headache."

"Gotcha!"

Quickly after robbing my bakery, a man got a severe headache

Serves him right. It's not his grain, it's migraine

Terrible Headache

A patient to a doctor:
- Doc, I guess I am allergic to leather shoes. Whenever I wake up with my shoes on, I feel terrible headache.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is suffering from terrible headaches....

... So he goes to a doctor

Doctor tells him "sir, I'm sorry but we'll have to cut off your balls, it's the only way"

"No way doc, I want a second opinion"

So he goes to another doctor and another and another and they all tell him the same thing

Meanwhile his headaches are...

I mistakenly swallowed Paracetamol, my wife quickly text our doctor

My wife : My husband just swallowed a Paracetamol by mistake. What should I do ?


Doctor : Give him a headache now, why waste medicine!

COVID-19 home test:

Open a beer and smell it. If you can smell the beer, this is good, as one of the symptoms of COVID-19 is a loss of smell.

Now drink the beer. If you can taste it, this is good, as another symptom of COVID-19 is loss of taste.

I was tested 11 times yesterday, and all tests turned out ne...

Doctor: How's your headache?

Husband: She's out of town.

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Headaches

This guy has been suffering these terrible, excruciating headaches for months and finally decides to go to the doctor, despite his aversion to doing so. He explains to the doctor what's going on, so the doctor decides to run the gamut of tests on him to see if they can pinpoint what's wrong.
<...

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I took the missus two paracetamol and a glass of water

She said "I ain't got a headache"

I said "That's good, any chance of a fuck"

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Aspirin

A man comes home to his wife one evening.

“Honey, I’m home!” He says and gives her a kiss.

“I’ve brought you some Aspirin “ he says.

“But I don’t have a headache” she replies.

“Ok then. Let’s have sex”

Ever heard about the bread theif that always has a headache?

He's got my grains.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Long]A man is having terrible headaches

So a man is having terrible headaches. These have been going on for years –and they just keep getting worse. When the headaches strike the poor man can’t work, he can’t sleep, he can’t bare light or sounds or even touch. The poor guy sees doctor after doctor and tries every therapy from yoga to pres...

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