UPJOKE
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You destroyed my garden? Eh, no worries.

I don’t carrot all.

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Boom twang

A joke my dad told me when I was a kid.

It's a bit long.


Terry the truck driver was on his usual route when he spotted a nun on the side of the highway in need of a lift, well he flicked on the Jacobs brake and started dropping gears. He pulled up beside her and said "jump on in s...

Two men are playing golf when one realizes he's left his jacket at the last tee He goes back to get it, stops halfway and turns back.

"What's up?" asks his mate.
"Well, you see those two women at the tee. One's my wife, and she's playing with my mistress."
His mate laughs and says, "No worries, I'll go get it for you."
He stops halfway, comes back, looks at his mate and says "Small world."

Worries in life

There are only 2 things in the world to worry about, Are you healthy or or you sick?

If you''re healthy, there's nothing to worry about. If you're sick, there's two things to worry about.

If you''re gong to get better, there's nothing to worry about. If you're going to die, there's tw...

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What could possibly wrong with Hitchhiking Nun

Neil is a skilled truck driver and drives the freeway every day. But Neil wouldn't be Neil were it that he sings a song every five minutes: "I'm Neil and I fuck behind the wheel".

And he sings this every five minutes.

At one point, Neil sees a nun hitchhiking along the highway. Neil ha...

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As a drunk man is walking home from the bar

He gets sick, leans against a wall and pukes. Some of it gets on his shirt and now the man worries that his wife will know he was a drunk mess tonight. But then he gets a bright idea and puts $20 in his shirt pocket. When he arrives home his wife looks at him and says, "look at you! did you puke on ...

An older man is at a routine doctors appointment

Everything checks out, and he appears to be in good health.

At the end of the appointment, the doctor asks him if “he had any questions?”

The old man replies “no, I’m okay, but I am concerned about my wife; I don’t think her hearing is what it used to be.”

“That happens with ag...

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A man on the verge of pooping into his pants rushes into a busy mini beach market

The only cashier in the small canopy-style store joyfully asks him:

\- Good afternoon sir, how can I help you?

\- I need some toilet paper please.

\- Ah, no worries, we have all kinds of toilet paper. Would you like 1-ply or 2-ply?

\- Uh... 2-ply.

\- Okay! Would yo...

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