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Rebel Jokes

What do you call it when cats rebel?

Mew-tiny!

I read about a feudal uprising where a duke's son was killed by rebels.

They used a trebuchet to knock him off the battlements with the only available ordinance: a peasant's decapitated head.

It was the first recorded instance of a serf-face-to-heir missile.

Why does the rebel alliance need multiple intergalactic smugglers to change their lightbulbs?

Many Hans make light work.

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Took down my rebel flag and peeled off my NRA sticker off the front door.

We have disconnected our home alarm system and quit the candy-ass neighborhood watch. We bought two Pakistani flags on eBay and raised them in the front yard, one at each corner, plus a black flag of ISIS in the center. Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service...

Thought this up while driving behind a car with a Star Wars Rebel sticker on it.

What is the favorite type of weather of Stormtroopers?

Mist

What do you call a rebelling Eukaryote?

A Protesta

What do you call it when someone rebels against their diabetes treatment?

Insulince.

What did the suicide bomber from the Rebel Alliance say before detonating?

ADMIRAL ACKBAR!

A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father.

He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced, "I'm running away from home!"

The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. "What if you get hungry?" he asked.

"Then I'll come home and eat," bravely declared the child.

"And what ...

Why did the rebels lose at the hoth battle?

The terrain was inhothpitable.

A group of soldiers was fighting against a group of rebels...

They had been fighting for a few years now, and many people, including innocent citizens, had lost their lives during this period. The soldiers tried and tried to rid the city of the rebels, but the latter was a strong resistance and were hard to defeat. Regardless of the many new personnel, bases a...

When rebels were combatting Franck’s regime, they found that it was most cost effective to use bullets made of tin

Nobody expects the Spanish tin munition!

Why do certain asian boxers hate the Rebel Alliance?

Because they are Thai fighters.

Why do gyms produce the best Rebels?

Because of all the resistance training

What's the fastest way to become a general in the Rebel Alliance?

Leia Princess!

(X post) After many abuses, the horse finally rebelled from the lack of food.

It was the last straw.

I got a new cylindrical bailer for the hay, but the cows all rebelled...

...they wanted three square meals a day.

In tonight's debate Trump said we can't trust the rebels

I'm not surprised; he has always reminded me of Emperor Palpatine.

This may be controversial to most people, but i feel it must be said. I FULLY support flying the rebel flag.

How else are we supposed to show our support and remembrance of the battle of Hoth, and our willingness to topple the empire and bring peace to the galaxy?

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Ruffling some feathers.

A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella.

The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green. Little Johnny, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire-truck red.

After seeing th...

Why did Rudolph run away from Santa, get a tattoo and dye his tail purple?

He was a rebel without a Claus

What's the Hamburglar's favorite David Bowie song?

Rebel Rebel

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A Stormtrooper and a Twi’lek prostitute are chatting after sex

She says to him, “You know, I’ve fucked guys from the Empire and from the Resistance and I’m more partial to you Imperials.”

“Why is that?” Asks the stormtrooper.

“Well you guys always seem to last longer.”

“Is that so? Whats wrong with the Rebels?”

“Well,” she says with...

In the onion kingdom, the red onions ruled over all other onions. The red onion King was a well respected ruler. However, one fateful day, the spring onions rebelled.

As the red onion King was thrown from his dais, he turned to the leader of the rebellion. "You'll never truly be King! You're nothing but a shallot-on!"

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[nsfw] so apparently adult male whales have a 10 foot long penis when fully erect

The only thing i dont get is how rebel wilson fits it in her pants

May the first be with you

In Jedi deaths you rebel scum!

John, Paul and Peter were running through a tropical jungle when...

...they heard their pursuers (a rebel group) nearby. They saw an abandoned farmhouse and entered it. There was nothing there that they could use to fight the rebels off. They only saw three empty burlap sacks. The trio entered the sacks and stayed still. The rebels entered the farmhouse and saw the ...

What do you call a writer who doesn't follow the rules of sentence structure?

A rebel without a clause

The biggest tragedy in Star Wars is their lack of information on one of their greatest unsung heroes.

I mean, he brought the Rebels the plans for the second Death Star before he died, but that is all we know about Manny Bothans.

Irishman steps up on Mastermind, the quiz show. His chosen topic: the Irish Rebellion, 1916.

- **Quizmaster**: 'Your first question: who read the *Proclamation of Independence* from the steps of the GPO?'

- **Contestant**: 'Pass'

- **Quizmaster**: 'OK. Second question: name the Irish rebel leader born in Scotland.'

- **Contestant**: 'Pass'

- **Quizmaster**: 'Ques...

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January, 1774. Revolution stirs in the English colonies.

January, 1774. Revolution stirs in the English colonies. Just last month a rebel group called the Sons of Liberty caused a ruckus in Boston about tea being taxed too high. Tax collectors tarred and feathered. High anti royalist sentiment. William Cotillion, King George's personal advisor to the colo...

I once gave a girl an Australian Kiss.

It's like a French kiss but down under.

credit to Rebel Wilson who I heard it from first.

Describe yourself in 3 words

I am a rebel

Before Luke Skywalker died, he saw his mother and father before him...

His mom asked why he had blonde hair when he was young, as neither she nor anikin had it.

Luke fell silent, but before he could answer, his father answered " he was going through a rebel phase, dear"

A punk has an accident and loses their nose

call that a rebel without a schnoz.

What do you call a confederate that's bleeding out?

A rebel without a gauze

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What instrument does Darth Vader play?

The rebel bass.

Best explanation of Star Wars

The story of an orphaned boy who becomes radicalised after a military strike kills his family. He is indoctrinated into an ancient religion, joins a band of rebel insurgents, and carries out a terrorist attack which kills 300'000 people.

The leaders of Russia, Syria, and America are arguing about who is the best at catching criminals.

The secretary-general of the UN decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and tells them they must catch it.

The American team goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive inve...

In German Prisoner-of-War camps, escapes were a a major problem.

The officers would try to break the prisoners’ spirits by making them do mindless things. In particular, they would make the prisoners stand in a line and all move their heads like a clock back and forth and say, ‘tick tock tick tock.’

Some prisoners, unable to escape or otherwise change thei...

What do you call Luke, Leia, Han, Chewie and the rest of The Rebellion at the beginning of a rugby match?

Rebel Scrum

A group of cosmic rays establishes a stock trading company

A group of cosmic rays establishes a stock trading company. As energetic as they come, they start off with a bang. With a handful of eager young protons joining their ranks, they begin to see extremely positive gains in their investments in no time. They're making more money than they know what to d...

If the British empire spoke queens English does that mean..

The Americans spoke rebels tongues.

A soul is sent to hell.

"Get me the manager! I demand to know why I am in Hell!" the soul shouted.
The fallen angel sighed. "We rebelled against God."
"That's no reason to punish me!"
"You do not understand. You were not sent here to be punished by us. You were sent here as punishment to us."

What do you call a rogue toaster?

A rebel appliance.

With the new Space Force I heard

America was building their very own Death Star...and the rebels are going to pay for it

The country of Ohms is run by a brutal dictator.

Due to the suppression of their rights, the citizens of Ohms frequently rise up and attempt to storm the gates of the capital city. However, the dictator always has just the right number of mercenaries to repel the rebels and cause the survivors to disperse for a few months or so.

The dictat...

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Two Stormtroopers are in a Space fight...

One female one male. the female decides to give the male a blowjob whle he shoots and chases after the rebels. As she unbuckled his pants she says "Is it true what they say about Stormtroopers?". "Yes" he says, as he misses all his shots and they die in the explosion of the Death Star.

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I bought this really cool vintage Indian motorcycle.

The whole bike is original, and I don't want to change anything. The gas tank has a small split in the seam on the top, but it's really no big deal, anytime it rains I just wipe a bit a Vaseline on it to keep the moisture out.
Well......
I was supposed to go meet my girlfriends parents for ...

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There once was an evil queen...

This queen was a dreadful ruler, but it was primarily because, like superman, she was an extra terrestrial being practically immortal, and superior to the human race she conquered. She'd make continents(ignoring Antarctica) compete in building large sculptures of her and the last place sculpture wou...

Once upon a time there were three kingdoms.

They all bordered a large lake, which created trade and travel for all three kingdoms. Eventually, the ruler of the first kingdom decided that it wanted to control the whole lake. With his superior navy, he took control. In the generations to follow, his kingdom prospered. The second kingdom tried i...

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