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Waffle Jokes

What’s the best part of a waffle?

The w. Without it it’s just awful.

Waffle House

I went to Waffle House this morning but forgot my wallet at home. I told the waiter I couldn’t pay for my meal, so she took one of my shoes as payment and told me I wasn’t allowed back.

I guess from now on IHOP.

What do you call a waffle on a California beach?

A Sandy Eggo.
- Compliments of my cousin's 6 year old daughter (She says "Hi" by the way).

-EDIT: Wow, this blew up a lot more than I thought it would. My first gold and my first post to make it to the front page. You are too kind, Reddit.

Where can you find a beach covered with frozen waffles?

Sandy Eggo

What do you call it when you drop your waffle on the beach of SoCal?

Sandy eggo

What do you call a waffle you drop in the desert?

San Diego

^^San-dee-eygo
^^^^sandee-eygo
^^^^^sandy-eggo
^^^^^i'll ^^^^let^^^^myself^^^^out

TIL there's a city named after a waffle dropped on the beach

San Diego

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I was working in an ice cream shop and we ran out of vanilla ice cream

About 10 minutes later a lady comes in and asks for a gallon of vanilla. So I have to break the news too her.
“Sorry ma’am, we are all out of vanilla today.”
“Oh, no bother” she says, “I’ll just take a pint of vanilla then”
Slightly confused, I say “No ma’am, it’s not just the gallon size, ...

What do you call a law-abiding Middle Eastern waffle shop that caters to police officers, but tastes horrible?

Awful, awful lawful "Lawful Waffles & Falafels"

Yo mama so fat ...

The sorting hat put her in waffle house.

Why do girls prefer waffles over pancakes?

They've got pockets!

What do you call a waffle made in California?

A sandy Eggo.

Why didn't the waffle go to the pancake party?

He was a square.

Did you know waffles are called våfflor in Sweden

Sweet dish language is intresting

Waffles

Pancakes with abes

This morning I made a belgium waffle.

In the afternoon I made a Frenchman talk bollocks.

What do you call a waffle that's been buried in sand?

Sandiego


(The first joke I ever made as a kid)

This morning for breakfast, I made a Belgian waffle.

For lunch, I’m planning to make a Dutch person uncomfortable.

(NSFW) What's the difference between a clever dwarf and a blue waffle?

Well one's a cunning runt...

What does a waffle call his complete existential paradigm shift?

His eggo death

How did Helen Keller burn her fingertips?

She was trying to read the waffle iron.

Papa Mole, Mama Mole, and Baby Mole

There was a papa mole, a mama mole, and a baby mole tunneling through the ground one right after the other. They were digging and digging and digging when all of a sudden, Bam! The papa mole ran into a wall.

The papa mole was a bit shaken up. He stuck his head out and saw it was Waffle House...

Remember when frozen waffles were a big thing?

That sure was a while *Eggo.*

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What has 12 breasts and 24 teeth?

The night shift at Waffle House.

While in California, I wanted to enjoy breakfast at Mission Beach and some guy just threw my waffle on the ground.

I hate sandy Eggo.

My options are limited but …

Just overheard at a Waffle House …

Two elderly guys were having breakfast next to us. One guy reflectively said:

“Well at 81 my options on what to do are limited. … But hey, maybe I can run for President.”

Dogs are forever in the push up postion.

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

RIP to one of my favorite comedians, Mitch Hedberg. The king of one liners

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led h...

A middle eastern restaurant owner bought a new waffle iron.

He wasn't sure how to use it, so he chopped up some chickpeas, rolled them in flour and pressed them between the grates.

The mayor of the town stopped by that day, excited to try the new dish.

But when he took his first bite, the mayor declared it was so bad he would ban it from being ...

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Three men are having a contest

The contest is to see who can keep their genital in a waffle iron for the longest. The first man turns the iron on, puts his penis in, pulls out after two seconds. The next man follows suit and lasts four seconds. The third lasted an entire five minutes and when asked about how he won he said “They ...

I'd talk breakfast but...

I hate to waffle on.

What did aunt jemima say when she ran out of pancakes?

Oh how waffle!

Today I bought some frozen waffles, and it said "2 packs inside"

I knew he wasn't dead.

How do spies eat their waffles?

Syruptitiously!

A penguin’s car breaks down in a small town.

Luckily he breaks down near a garage so he walks in and ask the mechanic to take a look. The mechanic says he can take a look in about an hour and suggests the penguin hang out in the local Dairy Queen to kill some time.

The penguin walks over and orders a large waffle cone and starts to ea...

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The old Mailman

A 65-year old mailman decided it was time to retire. When the small
commmunity he worked for found out, they decided they should do
something nice for him, since he'd served them for the past 45
years.

So, the last day on the job, the mailman went up to the first house,
and the ho...

What US city has the dirtiest frozen waffles?

San Diego

I took my wife to the beach today and now she’s mad at me. I thought she wanted to watch me drop frozen waffles along the shore and trick a bunch of communists into eating them.

After all, I could’ve sworn she said her dream was to see the sandy Eggo commie con.

A Russian man walks into a bar and sits down, the bartender asks him what he wants and the man replies ‘a pint of beer please’

The bartender goes up to him a first places a cup coaster and then a pint of beer on top.

Few minutes later, the man asks for the same thing, so the bartender goes up to him places a cup coaster and then the pint on top.

Once again, few minutes later the man asks for another pint. The...

Quaker surprised me about how decisive they were when canceling aunt Jemima.

I expected them to waffle.

I was making breakfast for my kids and I tripped. I fell onto a hot iron.

It was waffle

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New Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris lost his virginity to the Statue of Liberty.

Da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man is Chuck Norris’s baby picture.

Waffles didn’t exist until Chuck Norris punched a pancake.

What do you call a German Pilot’s Breakfast?

A LuftWaffle.

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[Long] A woman walks up to an ice cream shop...

She asks the man running the shop for 2 scoops of chocolate ice cream in a waffle cone.

The man replied, "I'm sorry, but the freezer where we kept all the chocolate ice cream broke, so we don't have any kind of chocolate ice cream in the shop. Can we get you anything else?"

The woman t...

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A German, a Belgian, and a Dutchman all claim to be thr next coming of Jesus

erman, a Belgian, and a Dutchman all claim to be Jesus, and decide to settle who is speaking the truth by proving their claim.

First the German tries to prove it by walking across the mighty German river, the Rhine. However he falls in and gets completely soaked, and admits he must not be the...

I only cut my waffles into Messerschmitt-shapes

They are luftwaffles

I was told to write a report of waffles

But I failed because there was to much walfling

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I was in Asda earlier...

this thick bitch was on the check-out, face like a slapped arse and all the charisma of a half eaten waffle.

I came to pay, I had only bought milk and bread but had no change.

"£1.03 please"

"Sorry this is all I've got," as I handed her a £20 note.

Haven't you got anythin...

We throw around the word "hero" so much nowadays....

What about all the other times this week when someone had to tackle a naked guy in a waffle house at 3am?

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Memories of my grandma

I grew up with 2 brothers and a sister. Our parents tried their best - but it was difficult for them to make time for each of us as individuals. That's why each of the kids alternated spending a weekend at grandma's every month.

I always looked forward to that Saturday morning breakfast. G...

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Totally didn't steal this from r/iamverysmart

Once, the Oracle of Delphi had declared Socrates to be the wisest man in the world.

In response, Socrates said "Surely I'm not, for there's so much about this world that I don't know. I know not the meaning of life nor truth nor purpose, and so much more. Please, Oracle, let me find the true ...

A Penguin goes on vacation to California

A Penguin is vacationing in California. While driving on the 101, his rental car starts sputtering and smoking. He pulls off and peels into a mechanic.

The mechanic says it'll take about an hour as he starts working on the car. Perusing Reddit in the waiting room, the Penguin starts sweating...

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Topical Joes (5/13)

Alright guys, here we are to recap the day's jokes. Let's get started.

First off in the news, it looks like the TSA arrested a woman for singing Whitney Houston on an airplane - but you should've seen what the TSA did when they caught those ridiculous musical militants of the Elton Jihad.
...

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Topical Jokes (5/14)

Folks, folks. What a day! There are some good jokes out there to be had. Let's take a gander, shall we?

There's already some news out of the presidential election front...

Some are reporting Gov. Christie is losing weight just so he can make a run in 2016. Not to be outdone, Sen. Rubio...

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What does a man with a 12 inch penis have for breakfast?

Well, today I had waffles, 2 fried eggs, bacon and a cup of coffee.

Did you hear the Germans now have breakfast delivery drones?

They call them the LuftWaffles

John grew up on a farm

John grew up on a farm in a small town away from the hustle and bustle of the city. His whole life he has been a huge fan of tractors, his curtains and carpets had tractor patterns on, there were posters of John Deere's covering his walls, he even had his parents buy him a waffle maker that makes wa...

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My Chinese neighbors had Waffles for breakfast

Bastards. I LOVED that cat

A man is checking out at the grocery store.

He buys a dozen eggs, two boxes of pasta, waffles, a bag of onions, lunch meat, oatmeal, sparkling water and throws on a pack of gum at the register.
The woman behind him says "you must be single"
"Why yes I am! Did you figure this out by noticing all the stuff I bought?"
"Nope, it's becaus...

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