A young woman visits a florist to get some flowers for her mother.
As she's perusing, she notices the most gorgeous rose she's ever seen sitting next to the cashier, and asks for its price.
"Oh, sorry," the cashier replies. "That one's not for sale. I got that as a gift from a fellow florist for hooking him up with a woman I met yesterday."
The Faltering Actor
There was once an actor who did Shakespearean plays, but had aged and long past his peak! After many years, he finds himself in the Halifax Theater in Canada, where they are prepared to give him a chance.
The director says, “This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk...
Robin Hood's last words
As Robin Hood lie dying, his loved ones and merry men, not so merry now, gathered round. With faltering, hesitant breathes, he calls for his bow and an arrow.
"This bow," he says, "has saved my life, kept me fed, brought peace to our land. I will fire it one last time and beg only that I be b...
What do you call a clumsy drug dealer?
A Christian, a Muslim, a Hindu, and an Atheist all die...
They find themselves on a path in the clouds. First they path slopes down, and they're amazed at how easy it is with the sun on their backs. When it slopes up, they're surprised to find they're not winded. The path curves around a bend slightly to the north. Continuing the curve, they feel the heat ...
A young man follows in his father's footsteps... (Long)
The father chopped wood
The son chopped wood
The father built the family home
The son helped expand it
The father did many manual labor jobs to feed the family
The son sacrificed schooling to help at these jobs
The father and son did ...
A pastor was complaining to another pastor about people in his service falling asleep
So the other pastor invited him to his own church. The Pastor began to notice some of his congregation nodding off and gave a nod to the visiting pastor.
"Ahem, I'd like to make an announcement, er a confession really" Everyone began paying attention, nudging each other, straightening up and...
A Muslim, Buddhist and Christian stands on a rooftop.
They all have great faith towards their respective God and agreed they jump from the rooftop of a 20-storey building and that they will be saved.
So the muslim, very firm in his belief, jumped first and started calling to Allah. He chanted "AllahAllahAllahAllahAllah....." repeatedly with g...
Two Russians, Vlad and Ivan, decided to have a race.
Both long distance runners, they decided the end would be a large rock a few miles past the Russia-Finland border.
Vlad was ahead for most of the race, but he faltered soon after the border and was passed by Ivan, who won.
"I told you I would win!" said Ivan.
"You may have won,"...
An old man is lying on his deathbed.
Slipping peacefully away, he is half-aware of one sense after another fading, his sight growing dim, a blessed silence falling... and then something half-forgotten teases at his nose and he twitches as it registers. It's a delicious savoury scent wafting up the stairs - his wife's wonderful cheese s...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
My favorite joke. So John owns a hardware store...
...and business is doing well. One day, as he is standing around keeping shop, he hears a booming voice from the heavens: JOHN, SELL YOUR HARDWARE STORE.
John looks around and nobody else is reacting. Nobody else heard it. So he decides to act as if nothing happened, and just hope he is not ...
A man, wandering through the desert, comes across a small town. [Long]
Being thirsty and exhausted, he looks for the nearest inn. Soon enough, he finds one and stumbles in. "Water," he mumbles to the bartender, holding up two fingers and glancing at the sign that reads 'Free Water'. As soon as the waters arrive, he gulps both of them down. "You must be th...
A farmer and his wife
A farmer and his wife are traveling in their one-horse wagon down the road.
The horse falters and causes the wagon to jolt. The farmer says, "That's one."
The horse falters again and the farmer says, "That's two."
The horse falters a third time and the farmer stops the wagon, ge...
The Secret of the Red Shirt
Once upon a time there was a pirate captain. He ran a very successful ship, and rarely lost any battles. He took a boy under him to teach him the trade.
One day, the lookout shouted, "Marine ship to the starboard, bearing down upon us!". The captain immediately shouted to the boy, "Boy, brin...