What's at least 6 inches long, goes in your mouth, and better if it vibrates?

A toothbrush

What is big, vibrates and makes a woman scream when put inside her?

A chainsaw.

Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?

He was afraid the ring would give him away.

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My favorite joke involving an old woman and a dildo

An old woman walked into a sex shop and approached the clerk behind the cash register.

"Excuse me young man, do you sell dildos here?" She asked the clerk.

The clerk was of course surprised to see such an old woman in the shop, but still managed to be polite and replied "Yes we do ma'...

A local Scientist recieves an anonymous tip...

One day a local scientist named Steve was sent a mysterious email. The email read:

Steve I know who you are, and where you live. My name must remain anonymous, so as of now you may refer to me as "Somebody". Steve I contact you because my independent studies have discovered a massive earthqua...

So a guy walks into a bar and has a lemon for a head...

So a guy walks into a bar and has a lemon for a head... he sits down at the bar and the bartender says "WHOA! How did you get a lemon for a head?" The man replies "if you pour me free drinks all night, I'll tell you the story" the bartender agrees and starts to pour him a drink. The man starts to te...

Thorbeaux and Dreaux

I heard this somewhere else but really wanted to share

Thor and Dreaux were out one day under the hot summer sun digging a Ditch around an apple orchard, for their boss John. After a few hours of making the ditch, deaux turns to Thor and asks :
"Hey Thor, why are we here diggin a ditch and...

A young man becomes a born again Christian after reading a religious flyer at his college.

He doesn’t initially tell his girlfriend, justifying the embarrassment as natural to any young infant in the faith. But in the following weeks his commitment escalates dramatically, and he takes up a position as a Christian missionary to Uganda.
One day the dreaded phone call wakes him up. Ob...

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I didn't make this 4 years ago. This might not be the worst joke. I'm posting again for the ones who read the original by the original poster...this is my version to pay homage

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-known porn star, and the other is a lazy ass. Lazy ass doesn't have a job and just likes to sit around the house. One Sunday, the porn star is angry and thirsty. He decides to make the brother do something useful....

A man is driving in the the remote wilderness of central Iceland

when his car broke down. After trying in vain to restart it, he got out, opened the hood and started tinkering with the engine. He was about to give up hope when he heard a voice behind him.

"That'll be your alternator. You've got an uneven air gap between rotor and stator and it's causing it...

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Pinocchio.

What would happen to Pinocchio if he said "my nose is going to grow" he would be telling a lie so his nose would then grow,but because it is growing it would make Pinocchio's statement true which would mean that his nose won't grow or might stop growing, but then again because it will stop growing i...

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Voodoo Dick

A nymphomaniac just couldn't get enough pleasure. Not from any man, nor any of the many toys she had collected over the years.


One day, while having coffee with a girlfriend, she told her friend about this problem. Her friend knew exactly what she needed, and gave her the name of a s...

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Voo-Doo Dick

A man about to go on an extended business trip decided to buy his wife a couple of toys as a surprise. He came home the night before his flight out with a sex toy called Voo-Doo Dick.

"Voo-Doo Dick?" his wife asked. "What is that?"

"You'll see," he smirked. "Just have fun. It's special...

Magic Mirror

A blackhaired woman, a brunette and a blonde are brought to a magic mirror that vibrates heavily when someone looks into it and tells a lie.

The blackhaired takes a seat in front of it and says: "I think that i will become very rich some day." The mirror begins vibrating.

The brunette ...

Old henny youngman joke

A woman is staying at a hotel and calls down to the front desk. She complains that the bed in her room vibrates so much when the train passes on the nearby tracks that she is thrown out of bed. The hotel manager doesn't believe her and goes to the room to investigate. Once he gets there he lays d...

You guys hear about the new Lebron James phone?

It only vibrates, it doesn't have a ring.

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