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Vets Jokes

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Jack Russle and Great Dane at the vets...

A Jack Russell and a Great Dane are in the waiting room at a vets...

JR: "Why are you here ?"

GD: "Fuck off."

JR: "No, come on, let's be friendly, we're both dogs, we don't want to be here, we should support each other,"

GD: "<sigh>"

JR: "I'll tell you why I'...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three rottweilers at the vet

So Three Rottweilers are at the vet in the waiting room, to be seen. They are looking at each other with curiosity.

One finally talks to one of them and asks, what are you doing here?

The other explains to him, that he was lying quietly in the sun in the front garden when the postman ...

Three dogs are sitting at the vets office

Three dogs are sitting at the vets office, waiting for what they fear may be the worst.

The first dog says "I got out of the house and dug up all of the roses in my owner's yard, I'm afraid they've brought me here to be put down for all the trouble I've caused!"

The second dog says "Yo...

A Yorkshireman takes his cat to the vets

He says: “I’ve come to talk wi’ thee about me cat.”

The vet replies: “is it a tom?”

The Yorkshireman says: “no, I’ve brought him here wi’ me.”

My dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. I left him at the vets.

No word yet.

How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a light bulb?

You wouldn't know, man, you weren't there!

I went to the vets....

I said to the woman, "This is Charlotte, my wife's dog, and she has pain in her legs."

"Do you keep her in a cage?"

"Yeah, but I'm here about the dog."

Vets waiting room

Two dogs in a vets waiting room. 1st dog is old, grey around the muzzle has a bad limp and smells bad.

2nd dog, much younger, says to the old dog, '' Why are you here today '' Old dog replies, ''I am going to be put to sleep, i'm in very bad health, and my time has come''

Young dog...

A man took his big dog to the vets for a check up. The vet checked the dog over, then picked him up, and said “yep, he’s got a cyst on his bum. I’m going to have to put him down”. The guy looked shell shocked “you’re putting him down because of a cyst!?”

“Err, no” said the vet “he’s really heavy”

I took my Labrador to the vets for a CAT scan...

Turns out she is a dog.

Vets aren't doctors:

Mom: Help! Is anyone here a doctor?

Vet: I treat horses but maybe I can help?

Mom: My son broke his leg!

Vet: Ok hang on. My rifle's in the truck.

The Actor that plays Pennywise has a security detail comprised entirely of disfigured war vets who maim mall security

Skaarsgards scarred guards scars guards

I'm at the vets.....

A man opposite me weeps with an empty cage in his arms. I'd be crying too if I were that forgetful.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2 dogs were at the vets

One says to the other "what are you here for?" The other says "my owner got sick of me fucking her everytime she bends over, so I'm being put to sleep". "That's terrible!" The first dog says.

"What about you, what are you here for?"

The first says "I've also got a habit of fucking my...

I never understood why vets...

aren't called dogtors.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The wife told me she was taking the dog to the vets tomorrow...

Because every time I am out of the house and she bends over it tries to have sex with her. I said you cant have him put down because of that, she replied who said anything about getting him put down, I am getting his nails trimmed.

A woman walks in to the vets with her dead parrot...

'Please help me there's something wrong with my parrot' she tells him.
The vet takes one look at says 'i believe he's dead.'
The woman refuses to believe it and demands that he does something so the vet says 'Okay mam i'll go and get my magic labrador'. The vet then returns to the room with th...

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