UPJOKE
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I got myself a Crypto wallet and surfed the Dark Web, seeing what illicit "goods and services" were available, if you know what I mean?.

Chuffed to bits. Managed to get an appointment with a GP.

I went to see my GP because I have a fear of palindromes.

**He prescribed me xanax**

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a GP's office with a fork stuck in his cheek.

'Help me, doctor!' he says in a desperate voice.

'I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do for you,' says the doctor while putting on his coat. 'My shift ends at 5 p.m. and it's already five past.'

'But doctor, please, there must be something you can do!', cries the man.

'No, sorry...

The GP calls Jeffrey into his office.

Jeffrey says: ‘I slept with my girlfriend’s sister and I’m afraid I have an STD.’

‘Don’t worry’ says the doctor ‘we all make mistakes.’

Yeah I know but that’s not the biggest problem, I think I passed on to my girlfriend.’

‘Dammit so now we all have it!!’

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A man goes to a GP...

A man goes to a GP and the receptionist says "Hello sir, what is your problem?" The man replies with "There is something wrong with my dick." The receptionist, being a prude, says "You can't say that here. Go outside, come back, say there is an issue with your ear." The man does what he is told and ...

My wife's grandfather told me this one infront of 2 nurses his wife and my now motherinlaw in hospital when we went to visit and announce our engagement.

Gp- "So you know what ro do when she (wife) annoys you right?... bend her over your knee, pull her pants down. And you'll forget why you were annoyed."

Medical Checkup

GP: You have too much sugar in your diet. I recommend swapping desserts for appetisers. They’re much better for you nutritionally.

Patient: Ugh do I have to?

GP: Doctor’s hors d’oeurves.

The Peanut

Sitting at home one night with his wife, a man is casually tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth.

As the couple takes in the latest episode of their favorite program, the man loses concentration for a split second and a peanut goes into his ear.

He tries to get it...

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I was siting at the bar trying to forget a bad day...

I was siting at the bar trying to forget a bad day when the barman asked me if I knew the Great Pedro. Well barman, let me tell you about my day first.

I was riding my donkey towards the town, minding my own business, when this huge fella coming in the other direction gestured me to stop.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[nsfw] An old man walks into his doctors...

... and heads to the reception desk, and asks to see his GP.

"Certainly sir, but first tell me the problem so I can add it to the notes"

Loudly, he proclaims "It's my cock!"

"Sir please! There are women and children here! Please avoid using such language! Get out of here, and co...

A long day at the hospital

After a long day working at the hospital 3 doctors are walking home:

- "After seeing so many patients, it's really nice to see normal, healthy people" says the first doctor, a GP
- "Not only that, they are actually alive" answers the coroner
- "Who cares about all that! Just look at all...

Asked my doctor for a blood test

I went to see my doctor to have some blood tests. I've always been wanting to get this one test done, but it's really uncommon, so I made sure to ask my doctor for it as politely as possible. However, when I asked him to test my Midi-chlorian count, he said: "you're gonna have to force me to". Kinda...

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