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Transporting Jokes

As a commercial livestock hauler, my main responsibility is transporting donkeys.

My clients..have their asses handed to them.

Transporting prisoners

Today in the UK twelve prisoners where being bused to another prison from HMP Stocken. Thay were in collision with a ready mix concrete truck, police are now looking for twelve hardened criminals

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Three sailors are discussing their cargo

They are used to transporting goods and make a good living doing so, this time however they've been tasked with taking 300 boxes of penis shaped potatoes across the channel and they all think it's a joke.

"We'll be a laughing stock" says the first sailor.

"I'll never be able to live ...

The only flight available was on a plane transporting corpses. I needed to get home so I bought a ticket but they refused to let me on the plane.

I think that the problem was my carrion.

A truck driver was transporting 100 penguins from Melbourne to Perth when he breaks down in the middle of the desert...

A mechanic takes a look and tells the truckie that the repair will take at least two days. He knows that the penguins won't survive in the heat for that long so he flags down a passing truck and offers the driver $5000 to take the penguins to the Perth zoo for him.
A few days later the repairs ar...

If an aeroplane is transporting 100 bricks, and one falls out, how many bricks are left?

Ninety nine.

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What are the three steps to putting an elephant in the fridge?

1. Open the door
2. Put the elephant in
3. Close the door

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What are the four steps to putting a horse in the fridge?

1. Open the door
2. Take the elephant out
...

I saw a semi truck transporting a load of sod along the highway

It was a grass roots movement

A mailman was trying to tell a joke while transporting a package

But he messed up the delivery

A white guy, a black guy, and a Chinese guy go to work at a coal mine.

When they arrive the manager assigns each of them a task. The white guy, Frank, is in charge of digging. The black guy, Jamaal, is in charge of transportation. The Chinese guy, Wong, is in charge of supplies.

They get to work and everything is going smoothly. Frank is digging up the coal at...

A cargo airplane is transporting patients from a mental hospital.

The patients are going all crazy in the cargo playing a soccer with an invisible ball. The pilot has had enough of it, tells the copilot to guide the plane, and goes in the back to make them stop the noise. They stop, the pilot returns to the cabin, but after 5 minutes, it starts all over again.
...

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This is the worst joke I know. "A mad scientist is developing an immortality serum..."

"...and so far it works perfectly in cell culture, in worms, in mice and rats, and in racoons. Next step is testing it in dolphins. As she's reaching for the syringes for her test subjects, she notices that she's run out of serum and has to prepare a new batch. The primary ingredient is a chemi...

My wife said I was overconfident by transporting Spanish desserts in the center console of my car. I didn't care.

But then the shift hit the flan.

I used to have a job transporting addicts to the nearby rehab clinic.

But I got fired because too many of my passengers fell off the wagon.

I was working a job on a boat transporting people and cars when a magical godmother with gossamer wings surprised me with a really good party for me with rides. Then I found out I still had to pay admission. It was only a couple bucks, though.

A Very Fair Fairy Ferry Faire Fare.

a hole in the street

There's a big hole in a street that caused so many accidents and a lot of deaths; the mayor held a meeting with the most intelligent people of the neighborhood to discuss solutions for this problem

the first suggests putting an ambulance next to the hole, so whenever an accident hap...

A trainer at SeaWorld was in charge of keeping the dolphins healthy.

He would feed them, give them medical attention, make sure they were in good spirits. But he knew that the dolphins eventually were going to die. Well, he couldn't have that. After researching for days to no avail, he found an article written by a disgraced marine biologist about how dolphins could ...

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What am I in for? Well, I used to be a zookeeper, you see...

One day, my boss calls me into her office, and she tells me she's trying to breed dolphins, and she wants my help. And I hear that, and I'm all in, great way to move up in my industry.

So she tells me she's trying to mate these two dolphins, but they're not feeling frisky. She tells me she ha...

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The Hitchhiker

One time as I was driving West through Arizona, I picked up a hitchhiker. He said he worked in a silver mine, and that he was coming to San Diego to have sex with dolphins. Right after we crossed the border into California, the police pulled us over and they arrested me. For transporting a miner acr...

Barrels

My brother-in-law owns a moving company. He told me that the other day he was hired to move a bunch of barrels.

Some of his employees were having trouble transporting them, so to make it easier, he told them to do a barrel roll.

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Guy is stopped by the policeman

"Sir, you were speeding I will need to give you a ticket. Do you have an ID, driving license and car insurance?"

"This isn't my car. But I think I saw insurance card in the glove box when I put there my gun. I can check."

"Sir are you armed?"

"Yes, as I told you, my gun is in th...

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