Why can cutlery teleport but not time travel?

It's silverwhere, not silverwhen.

I wish teleportation was possible..

I would never get late to the airport and lose my flight again...

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the ki...

Stand up Comedy on Star Trek

Yo mamma so fat… she tried to use the teleporter, but it ran out of atoms before she made it to the other side

A plane crashed into an island and three friends were the only survivors

A blonde, redhead and brunette were left stranded on the island. Figured they would need help to get off the island, they split up to look any inhabitants that might help them.

The redhead stumbled on a magical lamp, rubbed it and out came a genie. "I will grant you one wish," said the genie....

Teleports behind you

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A homeless, a homosexual and a drunk guy end up in heaven

God comes to them, points at the homeless and says:

-I will give all of you another shot, but if you ever take even a coin without earning it, my lightning will strike you

Then he points at the drunk guy:

-If you ever drink alcohol again, same will happen to you

Then he p...

A scientist is asked by the government to create the first teleporter.

Knowing that this will be an incredibly hard task, the scientist devotes every day to the task, until they have created the teleporter.

First, the scientist discovers that titanium and sulfur, when combined create a metal that would make a great base and projector for the teleporter, so they ...

Saudi-Arabia has developed teleportation technology in order to sustain their economy when oil is depleted.

First tests in their embassies are promising, but apparently there are still issues with the part that is supposed to make one reappear.

What do you call that weird sensation when you are suddenly teleported from North Pole to South Pole or vice versa?

Bi-polar disorder.

The secret of quantum teleportation is simple...

...but it's a secret.

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A german, a french and an italian are walking down the street...

Suddenly a genie appears in front of them and says: “You lucky men, come with me!” and teleports them in front of 3 empty pools. He then says: “You have to jump from the diving board and say what you want your pool to be full of.”
The german jumps and says: “Beer!” and he falls into the pool with...

Deadpool sends a sms to Wolverine.

Deadpool: Is that chick who can walk through walls still around?

Wolverine: Kitty? She's kinda dead right now.

D: Damn. What about the blue guy that at teleports?

W: Kurt's dead too.


D: How about Jean? She moves stuff with her mind right?



W: You loc...

A witch finishes watching Monsters Inc...

And has an idea. Surely if children’s laughter is more powerful, then orphans crying for joy would make their tears MORE magical! So she teleports outside of a young orphans bedroom and slowly enters the room.

Inside, the young child in the bed stirs awake. “Who’s there?” He asks the figure. ...

An old joke from Isaac Asimov(fairly long).

As is well known, in this thirtieth century of ours, space travel is fearfully dull and time-consuming. In search of diversion, many crew Members defy the quarantine restrictions and pick up pets from the various habitable worlds they explore.

Jim Sloane had a rockette, which he called Teddy....

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A bad joke

A guy finds a genie and says his wish is to fuck a goddess in a golden garden. He gets it, has some awkward sex in a lush garden with golden plants and teleports back to the genie. He then realised his mistake and asks the samething as a second wish. This time, before the goddess appears, he starts ...

Three men are stranded on an island

One is russian, one is german and one is british.

Suddenly a goldfish appears and says: "The water around this island is magical, if you jump in it and say where you wanna go you will be teleported there."

The russian jumps into the water and yells "MOSCOW!" and POOF he teleports to Mo...

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are on a wonderful island and suddenly god appears

God says you must say something that is true in order to stay on the island, or else you will be teleported back to the city

The redhead says”oh that’s easy, I think I am the smartest person in the entire wor-“

POOF she disappears

The brunette says “ok, I think I am the most ...

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An Brazilian, an Argentine and a Colombian gets stranded on an deserted island

They find a lamp and one of them rubs it.
A genie appear ad says:
Look, I have been stuck here for a long time, and I am tired, so I will only give one to each one of you.
C: Colombian; B: Brazilian; A: Argentine; G: genie;

C:I wish to go home.

*He got teleported back to his h...

Benny and the Magic Urn

Once upon a time there was a man named Benny. Benny was a simple man with simple talents and simple desires. He was a quiet fellow who loved to walk the beach when he had some time to spare. He was the kind of guy you wouldn't mind having a drink with, but anything more might be tedious. One day, as...

3 Stranded Men

A ship is wrecked in a storm and sinks in the ocean. Only three passengers (All Guys) make it to a nearby island. They didnt know each other. They manage to survive on the island for some months through tremendous hardship and become very good friends.
One day they find an Old Bottle in a cave....

Three guys are stuck on an island.

Three guys are stuck on an island with no supplies to survive or give an SOS signal, so one of them starts digging to see if they can get fresh water. He instead finds a lamp and the genie pops out after he rubs it.

"I'm kinda tired today, so I'm only granting one wish each for the three of y...

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Three men go to hell

Three men go to hell and the Devil offers them all a second chance on earth as long as they can out smart him. The first man steps up and says "I'm gonna melt this block of cheese and I bet you can't put it back together." The man melts the cheese and the Devil puts his hands over it, turning it bac...

Three men were stranded in a hot desert when suddenly a gene appeared!

The gene says: “I see you three have been walking in this hot desert for over a week and you’re almost out of food and water! I will give each of you one wish, and one wish only!”

The first man immediately shouts “Please teleport me home!”

And in an instant the man was teleported away...

3 girls are on a deserted island. A blond, A redhead and a brunette...

They walk along the beach and find a lamp, they rub and a genie pops out and says you each get 1 wish

The Brunette says "I just wanna be home" and she's instantly teleported home

The Redhead takes some time and thinks about it and replys "I want to go home to a mansion and a large vaul...

A sodomizer, an alcoholic, a thief and a drug addict await judgment in Hell...

The gatekeeper of Hell says, "Each of you are here because you let your addiction get the best of you. But I'm giving all of you a second chance, prove me wrong and I will drag you back to Hell!". Just like that the sodomizer, alcoholic, businessman and drug addict are teleported back to Earth.
...

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Israeli Hell

A person dies and is judged for his sins.

“Well,” says the angel, “Sorry, dude, but you are going to hell. But as a bonus for not being a complete putz, you are granted the choice to which hell to go. Your options are: the Soviet hell, the Nazi hell or the Israeli hell.”

The sinner thi...

The empty house across the street

A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician are sitting on a porch having a beer and looking at the empty house across the street.

They see two people walk in through the front door, and an hour later three people walk out.

“How interesting!” said the biologist. “They must have...

A man stumbles upon a magic lamp

A man stumbles upon a magic lamp. Intrigued by his discovery, he proceeds to rub the lamp and before his very eyes, a genie appears.

"I have finally been released from my slumber and now I shall grant you three wishes in return. choose wisely!" The genie says.

The man considers his de...

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A Gargoyle, A Jinn, and A Dark Shaman are hanging out in a cemetery...

A gargoyle a jinn and a dark shaman are hanging out in a cemetery, close to midnight.

The shaman turns to the jinn and says,
"I bet my soul against your eternal servitude, that I can raise more corpses freshly dead within the past 10 years, than you can steal the souls of the living by gra...

>>> joke from the future <<<

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because its teleporter was fowled-up.

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An American, a Japanese, and a Chinese man are lost in a desert...

The three of them find a bottle in the sand and a genie appears. The genie says to them that he'll grant each of them three wishes.

The American says "I wish for alot of money". The genie grants his first wish. "I wish for even more money" The genie grants the wish again. "I want to use my th...

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The purple feather

Billy was walking to school when he spotted a purple feather on the side of the road . "A purple feather! I can't wait to show everyone" he exclaimed. It was lunch time at school and Billy decided to show his friend Jacob. Jacob held the feather and asked "how did you find this?" Billy replied "I w...

A Brazilian and Argentinian find a lamp after a football (soccer) match...

On their way back from a very tight football match, two fans, one Brazilian and one Argentinian bump into each other and see a lamp at their feet.

Assuming there is a genie inside, they begin arguing who gets to rub the lamp first. The Brazilian concedes and allows the Argentinian to go firs...

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