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Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.

The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.'

The Angel thanks Dol...

My friend Joe recently started the Dolly Parton Diet...

And to my surprise, it works! It ACTUALLY made Joe lean!

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Dolly Parton and Princess Diana pass away on the same day.

They arrive at the pearly gates at the very same time.

Saint Peter is waiting in judgment. With both women vying for entry, St. Peter announces, “Ladies, I only have one more space in Heaven today. You’ll have to prove you’re worthy.”

Dolly Parton laughs and says “No problem, Pete!” ...

Why did Dolly Parton help fund the COVID-19 vaccine?

So that we'd all get back to working 9 to 5.

Dolly Parton has invested $1m in the Moderna covid vaccine

It's working 9 to 5 perecent of the time, what a way to keep us living

Dolly Parton just announced she's buying Big Lots, Piggly Wiggly, and Harris Teeter.

She's combining them to open a superstore called Big Wiggly Teeters.

Dolly Parton just got a dose of her own medicine.

Literally.

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A traveling salesman asked a farmer to spend the night.

The farmer agreed, but told him he would have to sleep in the barn.

The farmer, being a nice guy and knowing how horny traveling salesmen get told the man, "Look son, see that wall? It's got three holes in it. You can screw the first two but don't mess around with that third hole.

Go...

My kid has a stuffed alpaca toy...

I call it her Dolly Llama!!!

What did Dolly the Sheep’s friend say to her right after her clone was born?

“Look, it’s a little ewe.”

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Did you hear about Dolly Parton's husband becoming a professional sperm doner?

* He's jerkin' 9 to 5, what a way to make a living.



(I made this up and i'm kinda proud' feel free to spread it around the globe try it on your friend / spouse now and tell me if it got a smile / laugh - or a slow head shake and a sigh)

Dolly Parton is such a beloved figure in America, the DSM-5 has already classified a disease that American's might feel when she dies.

Post-Parton Depression

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Just bought my new car stereo, which is voice activated.

If I shout "country" it plays Dolly Parton, if I shout "rock" it plays Guns and Roses. I was driving through town the other day when some children ran out in front of me, I shouted "FUCKING KIDS!" and it started playing Michael Jackson.

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Dolly Parton and Princess Diana are at the pearly gates of Heaven...

St Peter, standing guard, asks them to share their contributions with him. Dolly Parton lifts her shirt and shows him her boobs. Then Princess Diana takes a cup, pees in it, and hands it to St Peter. St Peter asks them to hold on for a moment and then walks away. When he returns, he lets Princess Di...

What does Dolly Parton put in her swimming pool?

Chlorine chlorine chlorine chlorineeeee

How do you pick Dolly Parton's Kids out of a crowd?

They're the ones with stretch marks around their lips.

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So the Queen of England and Dolly Pardon both due on the same day,

When they get to heaven St. Peters says, I only have room for one more person to get into heaven, so you have to tell me why you deserve to get in. Dolly Pardon grabs her boobs and says this is the best pair God ever made I deserve to get into heaven. The Queen of England, without missing a beat gra...

TIL Dolly Parton has small feet...

I guess nothing grows in the shade.

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My mate went to Holland and bought me back a life size blow up dolly that gives blow jobs. I thought that's nice.

Two Lips from Amsterdam.

What type of windows were on the bus that Connor McGreggor threw the dolly at?

Short tempered glass

Dolly Parton's made a major move into the grocery business...

She bought the chains Piggly Wiggly, Giant and Harris Teeter, and is going to rename them "Giant Wiggly Teeters".

What do Tibetans use to move their alpacas around?

Dolly Llamas

An old joke from Isaac Asimov(fairly long).

As is well known, in this thirtieth century of ours, space travel is fearfully dull and time-consuming. In search of diversion, many crew Members defy the quarantine restrictions and pick up pets from the various habitable worlds they explore.

Jim Sloane had a rockette, which he called Teddy....

I had a nightmare last nigh

I dreamed I was Dolly Parton's baby and she was bottle feeding me.

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During class

A teacher asks her young students what their favourite toys are.

"Mine's a choo-choo train!" shouts one student.

"Very good, but let's please use big people words." says the teacher.

"Mine's a dolly!" shouts a little girl.

"You mean a doll. Grown up words, please."
...

Celebs at the Pearly Gates

Queen Elizabeth II and Dolly Parton are standing at the pearly gates when St. Peter approaches and greets them.

He says "Greetings! It's not often that we have such women of notoriety join us at the same time! However we're swamped today and can only let one of you through, so you're going to...

Two cows standing next to each other in a field.

Daisy says to Dolly: "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," replies Dolly. "It's true, no bull!"

Marriage counselor

My mate Dave and his flat chested wife went to see a marriage counselor yesterday.

The counsellor asked them, "What seems to be the problem?" he said, "Well, Dolly Parton here thinks I'm too sarcastic."

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Two morticians alternated in sharing the responsibility of covering the night shift.

One early morning about 3:00 am, a body was brought into the
mortuary, and the mortician began work. When he had unclothed the corpse,
he noticed a cork in the anus. Removing it, the strains of "Hello, Dolly,
well, hello, Dolly...!" were plainly heard being sung. He put the cork
back, an...

A priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Jewish Rabbi were at the bar debating over which of their religions was best

The priest suggested a competition. He said that the best way to figure out whose religion was best was to see who could convert an atheist to his own religion.

“No that’s too easy,” said the Rabbi.

Suddenly, a bear walked by and the Baptist preacher said, “the true religious man wou...

Top 10 worst jokes!

The 20 Worst Jokes Ever!

1.Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.


2.A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve You, but don't start anything."


3.Two peanuts walk into a ba...

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My Blasphemous Joke..

So, Dolly Parton and the Queen of England somehow end up dying at the same moment and find themselves at the Pearly Gates in front of St. Peter.

He tells them both that there's only enough room for one of them to pass, so they need to prove themselves.

Dolly Parton simply opens her blo...

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Looking for similar jokes to 'Does a bear shit in the woods?'

Hey /r/jokes,

Looking for some sarcastic one liners. All I got so far is:

* Does a bear shit in the woods?
* Is the pope catholic?
* Is grass green?
* Is the sky blue?
* Is the tin-mans cock made of sheet metal?
* Does Dolly Parton sleep on her back?

When are people.....

When is someone going to tell Dolly Parton that 9+5 don’t make eleven?

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