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A man is at the dentist for a root canal.

The dentist, picking up a syringe, moved toward the patient.

“WHOAAA! What’s that for?” Asked the patient

“Well, this injection will numb the area around your tooth and keep you from feeling pain during the procedure” explained the dentist.

“No way! I am deathly afraid of needl...

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Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal?

His goal: transcend dental medication.

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I hate autocorrect on my phone......

It just text my mate,

"Fancy going for a wank, down the canal?"

It was supposed to say river.

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It is my sad duty to report the death of my granddad, who was run over by a boat whilst swimming in a canal in Venice...

Thank you to those of you who have already sent your gondolences...

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I hate it when allergies make my ear canal itch

Its ear-itating

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A woman is out walking her dog...

A woman is out walking her dog by the canal, close to the University. She decides to let it off the leash to stretch its paws. It's at this horrendous moment that it bolts straight into the canal and begins to drown.

Luckily, a German exchange student was having a stroll at the time, and dive...

The dentist said, "You need two root canals. They'll be expensive, but I'll let you pay...

..for them for $500 a month for 36 months."

I said, "Wow, those sound like car payments."

"They are."

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A guy forced his penis into my ear canal and literally destroyed my ear...

And now I got hearing AIDS.

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A Frenchman wished to assess the buoyancy of the common household cat.

So he took three cats down to the canal and threw them in, and *un, deux, trois* cats sank.

Fortunately a kindly German saw this and jumped in (after punching the Frenchman on the nose) and rescued the cats. He looked them over and said "Huh. Bit ze vorse for vair, but I zink I can save zem"....

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A week at the gym

Dear Diary

For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since playing football 24 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

Called ...

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Autocorrect is embarrassing

Just text my pal asking if he wanted to go for a wank down the river!

I meant the canal

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Why does a lost pirate get disappointed to find himself in a canal?

Because he has to cross the sea to get anal.

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A distraught farmer asked a preacher what would happen if he killed a beaver who had begun working near the canal by his farm.

"Damned if you do, dammed if you don't."

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Fella told the dentist he did not need anesthesia for his root canal.

Said he had only felt pain twice in his life. So the dentist finished the root canal and said I have never seen anyone like this before. May I ask about the two times you felt pain?
Fella explained he was out hunting one winter day. Felt the call of nature, so he dropped his pants and squatted...

Where do little ships come from?

From berthing canals.

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So a dentist just finished his first root canal...

I guess you could say it was his crowning achievement.

All the old farmer wanted to do was make his wife happy.

An old farmer came from riches, but he truly loved his wife. Unfortunately, she only wanted him for his money and would do anything to have it all for herself.

She complained about how much effort it took to plant, water, and grow the vegetables. So the old farmer built the strongest dam, and...

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Watching Childbith

The nurse approached him, smiling. "The labor is going great," she said. "Wouldn't you like to come in?"

"Oh, no," the man shook his head.

The nurse returned to the mother's side, and the labor progressed smoothly.

As the birth neared, the nurse returned to the man, now pacing f...

A farmer walks onto a field, shovel in hand and starts digging long canals. The field groans and says to the farmer..

You're really irrigating me

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Getting to know each other

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.

She said, "But we don't know anything about each other."

He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along." So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nic...

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Did I ever tell you about my friend who bought experimental AI shoes?

He always stayed out late drinking and partying and most mornings he woke up god knows where, no wallet or phone, completely lost and stranded.

One day he met a man at a bar, they got talking and the man told him about these new shoes his company was developing; no matter how out of it you we...

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Mr. and Mrs White are in the delivery room of the hospital

waiting for the arrival of their newborn son. As the child emerges from the birth canal, a puzzled look comes over the doctor's face, as the child has jet black eyes, a flatter nose, and a few strands of black hair. He notices that Mr. and Mrs. White both have blue eyes and blonde hair. "This chi...

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A former maths professor turned dentist shaved my infected tooth down into a single thin line...

I asked him, "What the hell is this?"

He replied, "A square root canal."

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Three Engineers Are Debating the Nature of God...

They are a mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a software engineer. They each speak their opinion on God's nature in turn.

The mechanical engineer says "God is a mechanical engineer". He proceeds to detail the workings of the human skeletal system, with its intricate joints and...

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In honor of Fathers Day, my dad's favorite joke

An Indian goes to the dentist to get a root canal. The dentist asks if the Indian would like any gas.

"No." reply's the Indian. "This will be nothing. I have already felt the worst pain possible and survived."

So the dentist performs the whole procedure without any gas or pain killer...

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My girlfriend told me that I got her pregnant on our trip to Venice, but I don't know if I believe her...

We only had canal sex.

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I disagree with artificial intelligence...

My mate Petersen once bought a pair of shoes with artificial intelligence. 'Smart Shoes' they were called. It was a neat idea: no matter how blind drunk you were, they could always get you home. But he got ratted one night in Oslo and woke up the next morning in Burma. You see, the shoes got bored j...

A man visits a dentist

He has horrible pain in his mouth.

The dentist examines him, and says, "There is extensive damage in here, what is your diet like?"
The man says, "Hollandaise sauce. Morning, noon and night. I eat it on everything."
"Well, the damage seems very extensive, but I think I can fix it. You w...

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The kids at school used to call my mum the village bike

She wasn’t promiscuous; when I was six years old she went missing and they found her in the canal.

(Mat Ewins)

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An American, an Englishman, a German and a Japanese go golfing on their annual meetup...

As they are playing, they hear a ringing sound. The American rushes to his golf bag and pulls out a mobile phone. He answers the phone and when the conversation is done, he explains to his friends, "My company needs to be in touch with me all the time, so I carry this fancy phone around with me." Th...

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A limerick for Grangemouth, Falkirk, Scotland

In Grangemouth there's an oil refinery
A port, a canal and a winery
An to thrill you to bits
All the girls have 10 tits
That is if you count them in binary

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Two kids talking about their dads achievements

Kid1: have you heard of panama canal?


Kid2: yes.


Kid1: you know my dad dug it.


Kid2: ok, thats it. Have you heard about the dead sea?


Kid1: yes


Kid2: My dad killed it.

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What is courage??

COURAGE?

What is the meaning of courage?

Is it to fight a Bull in a bullfight without any weapon?

Is it to undertake a cross-country auto trip in a Chrysler Corporation car?

Is it to fly a fighter plane in combat?

Is it to undergo open-heart surgery knowing that th...

Why did the numbers 25, 36, and 49 go to the dentist?

For a square root canal

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