UPJOKE
compasstackferrysteeringgpsnavigatorshipsailingpilotingseafaringunited statestransportboatshippingsail

I received an email about an online course on Map Reading & Navigation.

They say it's so good you'll be able to read maps backwards.

But I soon realized it was just spam.

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud toward him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefu...

Back in the 1800's, cowboys hung lanterns from their saddles at night,

It's the first example of Saddle Light Navigation...

I didn't realize how bad of a driver I was until my navigation system said:

“IN 400 FEET, DO A SLIGHT RIGHT, STOP, AND LET ME OUT."

Yoda would be a terrible navigation officer

If you were piloting a ship with him and asked him “Are we going the right way to Alderaan?”

He’d reply saying “Off course, we are”.

England is finally honoring it's longest river entirely in it's border by making repairs to the over 45 navigation locks used for transportation, improving the many drinking water systems abstracting flow from it's discharge into the sea, and providing for wildlife sanctuaries near the coast.

The people will vote on the entire referendum poised to fund the project.

It's called the Bond...the Thames Bond....

How did he guess?

A shepherd was tending his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a dust cloud approached at high speed, out of which emerged a shiny silver BMW. The driver, a young man in an Armani suit, Ferragamo shoes, Cartier sunglasses and a tightly knotted power tie, poked his head out the window and asked t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A state of the art fighter jet with a sentient navigation computer malfunctioned and went into a tailspin

The human pilot realized it was unrecoverable and shouted, "Computer, initiate automated ejection sequence."

After a long silence, the computer responded, "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."

Smirking, the crafty, old-school pilot muttered, "I knew the...

Did anyone get a U2. Satellite Navigation System for Christmas?

I am returning my one, The Streets have no name.

And I still haven't found what I am looking for.

I’ve decided I’m dressing in a costume for Christmas. I’m going to wear a fleece jacket, show off pictures of kids and carry a GPS navigation unit. I’m going as......

FLEECE NAVI-DAD

A german made navigation app issues an update to fix an issue.

The issue was when people wanted to go to france and they were in germany, the app sent them through belgium

MS Joke

A helicopter with a pilot and a passenger was flying around above a large city when a malfunction disabled all of it's navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to get to their destination.

...

After a generous contribution by the band Thin Lizzy, a seaside village was able to put their navigation marks back out to sea

The residents are ecstatic. The buoys are back in town.

I'm bad at navigation.

It takes me places, though.

My wife is horrible with GPS navigation...

I think it's because, she hates being told what to do

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Phil Mickelson Pulls into a Full Service Station

Phil pulled his brand new Escalade up to the gas pumps and an attendant hurried out.

He was in awe of Escalades and really wanted to see it up close. As he was filling the tank, he asked Phil if his ride had extra features.

Phil said, "Indeed it does. It came packed with all the lates...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

I recently bought a German car, but the navigation system is all messed up.

It only gives directions to Poland.

A husband calls the Sheriff's office to report his wife missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Sheriff: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sheriff: Weight?

Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sheriff: Color of eyes?

Husband: Sort ...

My satellite navigation told me to turn around.

Now I can't see where I'm driving.

I downloaded Friedrich Nietszche's voice for my navigation system

Now it just tells me to find my own way.

The state of Florida is a navigational anomaly...

The further north you go the more southern it gets.

What's big, black and loaded with aids?

A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist.

How many impostors does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't know, but I was in navigation

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] [Long] Three men are stranded in the middle of the desert. Each one of them is starving, thirsty, and desperate to get home...

As they trudge through the endless desert, one of them spots a small cottage in the distance with scrap metal and junk all around it. He told the others and they all thought it was just a mirage. But as they drew near the cottage, they learned that it was very real.

They all get excited. C...

A submarine sounds the emergency alarm

“What is it? cries the captain.

“It’s the navigation, sir” replies the commander. “I can’t get our bearings! There don’t seem to be any continents in this region!”

And that’s why this sub went down. A lack of a regional continent.

As the world’s population swelled over the past few decades, Santa’s sleigh got heavier and heavier, requiring more reindeer to pull it.

Santa hired two new reindeer as crew, Lee and Franklin.

As part of their new hire training both Lee and Franklin go through a lot of physical training, navigational training, as well as a list of things that is to be packed on the sleigh.

Franklin is going through the list of banned it...

Star Wars X-Wing pilot

"my navigation and targeting drone keeps making bad puns about the old west.. I guess I shouldn't have gone with an RD-R2"

A pilot is flying a small one-seater plane over southern Africa in 1960...

when suddenly, his navigation equipment stops functioning. Because he has a general idea of where to go, he decides to keep flying.

Several hours pass, and the pilot is getting worried. He's running low on fuel, and doesn't have any idea where he is. He decides that he will land at the next r...

Naval History Lesson

Long ago, when ships sailed the oceans, a captain would fill a box with maps and navigation charts, and other tools necessary for warfare on the high seas. In preparation for battle, he would call to his first mate to bring him his "War Chest".

Once, a merchant ship was captured by surprise ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.