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Omelette Jokes

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There was a man who lived in a 3 story house. **Remember: 3 stories.**

The man entered the house and saw his wife making an omelette. He told her "You're supposed to use butter, not oil." Immediately the wife slapped him and said "Who's cooking? Me or or you?"

The man went up to the se...

What's the difference between an English omelette and a French omelette?

In England, 2 eggs are used in an omelette. In France, just one egg is un oeuf.

Why do cats make the fluffiest omelettes?

They have the best whiskers

What is Kanye West's favourite kind of omelette?

Omeletteyoufinish


-stolen from raininginreverse on tumblr.

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Looking for good president jokes.

Please post jokes that can't be just copy-pasted from one administration to another.

Here, I'll start.

George Bush and Dick Cheney stopped in to a small diner for breakfast while touring through the country.

The waitress comes to take their orders. Cheney orders an omelette. Sh...

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An Englishman, an American and a Japanese guy are on a boat, moments away from plunging over a waterfall to their doom...

Suddenly a genie appears. The genie explains that he is of limited power. He cannot prevent their inevitable deaths, but he can grant each man one wish before he dies.

The American steps up first. 'I love my country. Before I die I want to sing my national anthem one last time. The full versi...

My wife made her first omelette

I was egging her on

Do egg jokes crack you up? Or do they make you scramble away...

omelette you think about it...

An egg got late to work. He says to his boss:

"Sorry boss, Omelette."

How do you make a good vegan omelette?

Make sure you use a fresh vegan.

I tried making a steak and cheese omelette but I messed up the flip...

I guess you can say that I beefed the eggsecution.

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Don't Stop

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an Englishman on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.

“Last night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman bragged, “and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how...

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How to make scrambled eggs

Step 1: Find omelette recipe

Step 2: Follow omelette recipe until folding step

Step 3: Try to fold the omelette in the pan

Step 4: Fuck it up because how the fuck do you even do that

Step 5: Enjoy scrambled eggs

A gentleman orders a spinach omelette at a diner.

He asks his waitress if she had some hollendaise sauce to go along with his omelette, she said "I sure do, and I'll even bring it on our special chrome dishes."

He was confused a bit, but he didn't say anything. A few minutes later he got his omelette and sure enough, it was on a dish made en...

How do you teach someone to make an omelette?

Show them an eggsample

How do you make an Chocolat omelette?

With Easter eggs.

3 words, 17 letters. Say it, and I'm yours.

Omelette du Fromage

Hear about the Frenchman who choked to death eating his morning omelette?

Oeuf.

Knock knock

Who's there?

Omelette

Omel-

Omelette you finish, but this was the greatest knock knock joke of all time!

What did the first egg tell the second egg when it didn't make it on time?

Omelette

I don't consider my self a necrophilia,

... but more of a paleontologist.

As the old vegan proverb goes

“You can’t make an omelette”

My girlfriend broke up with me this morning over a broken egg

She said Omelette you go

What does a French student say when is late to class ?

Sorry, omelette

I decided to have scrambled eggs this morning...

Immediately after thinking "I'll just flip this omelette."

What's it called when you fry up an egg with a bunch of different ingredients?

Omelette you figure it out

What do you get when you cross an egg with a sperm?



An omelette you probably aren't going to want to eat.

A 50 year old postman is finally retiring

As he goes down his route one less time everyone showers him with gifts. A watch, a new wallet, money, a farewell card from one of children. All is well, until he comes upon his last house. When he knocks a beautiful woman, scantily clad is at the door. She pulls him in and they make love in her bed...

Young Billy discovers the power of prayers

One day Billy's teacher yells at him for not doing his homework. He feels upset and when in bed he prays' Dear God, please kill my teacher"

When he goes to the school, he learns that his teacher passed away. He comes back home amazed by the power of his new forms of communication.

Se...

What are Amish children called?

Omelettes.

What does Kanye West eat for breakfast?

Omelette you finish this joke.

At the risk of getting egg on my face and being too cheesy.

Omelette au fromage.

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A class of high school art students are broken into groups...

...and tasked with making silly and creative paintings combining culture with food.

One group decides to paint an Indy race car made out of roti. Another group decides to paint a business suit necktie being grated into cheese. Another group paints Donkey Kong serving up a creepy bowl of banan...

What did the egg say when it got too high? (My own creation as far as I know)

"OMELETTE.."

What do Amish people call their kids?

Omelettes.

An old English gentleman walks into a diner in the USA

He sees the clients are either truckers or bikers and the place is a mess and has way more clients than they should, he sits down, asks for the menu and sees a large colorful print:

"Buy a meal and get a handjob from the coo For 10$!"

He walks into the kitchen and sees a gorgeous blon...

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Three salesmen, an Englishman, a French man, and an American, meet in an airport...

and eventually the topic turns to sex.


The Englishman says, "Before I left for this trip, I made love to my wife 3 times. The next morning she woke up and made me a big breakfast of fried bacon, potatoes and eggs. As I went out the door she gave me a passionate kiss and told me last night...

A son asks dad, daddy what does the word alternatives mean ?

Dad thinks for a bit and explains.

Say, you can go to a store and buy a case of eggs. You could make an omelette, but you could also try and put the eggs in a nest, get a hatching light, and hatch the chicken. Then you'll feed them, breed them, watch em grow up, get some roosters in the mix....

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