UPJOKE
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Your body parts are arguing about who should be in charge.

One day the different parts of the body were having an
argument to see which should be in charge.

The brain said "I do all the thinking so I'm the most
important and I should be in charge."

The eyes said "I see everything and let the rest of you
know where we are, so I'm the m...

Starved boy and Pork chop.

Today I went out from steak house and found a starved boy looking inside.

Are you hungry little boy? I asked him.

I never had a chance to eat pork chop, he replied.

So I invited him inside and order one for him.

He looked even more sad and said nothing.

Something i...

Why don't people starve in the desert?

Because lack of water gets them first

A man wanted to literally die with his $$$, so he trusted a third of his money to a Priest, a third to a Doctor, and a third to his Lawyer to bury him with it when he died.

After his death, at the man’s funeral the priest whispered to his dead body and placed a bag in his coffin. The doctor then proceeded to whisper to the body and placed a bag in there as well. Then the lawyer went and dropped off a bag and moved on.

As they were carpooling back from the funer...

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Reading Cormack McCarthy's ~The Crossing.

You hear about the Texas lion and the New Mexico lion? the old man said.
No sir. I dont believe so.
There was this Texas lion and this New Mexico lion. They split up on the divide and went off to hunt. Agreed to meet up in the spring and see how they’d done and all and whenever they done it wh...

What's the easiest way to starve a zombie?

I shouldn't have to tell you anyways, it's a no brainer.

Why is it impossible to starve on the beach?

Because of the sand which is there.

(My favorite riddle when I was a kid)

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How do you starve a black person?

The same way you starve a white person you racist piece of shit

When I was younger, I promised myself that I wouldn’t become one of those people who starves for attention and tries to get everyone to look at them but

Look at me now!

I don't understand why people starve when stranded in deserts...

There is the sand which is everywhere.

Your momma so dumb..

The brain eating amoeba she contracted starved to death

Why’d the sniper starve to death?

He only had 50 cals on him.

A man walking in a desert was about to starve to death, when he suddenly...

Died of thirst.

Why did the cow starve to death?

Because a vegan ate its food.

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Long ago in a far away land,

A hero comes upon a village. The villagers all look very upset, so the hero asks what happened.

"There is a huge dragon living in the mountain. Every week, it comes down and eats one of our virgin girls" one of the villagers replies.

The hero then promises to help with their predicam...

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Why did the blind fly starve to death??

Because he couldn't see shit

Did you hear about the cheap farmer that let a town starve?

He didn't give a crop

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An American, a British and a French woman were asked what they would do if they ended up on an island with five sex starved men.

The American woman answered, ‘I would try to find somewhere to hide. Then I would try to send some kind of a signal to a passing ship, so they could come and rescue me.’
The British woman answered, ‘I would find the strongest man, shack up with him and get him to protect me from the other four.’<...

Why would you never starve on the beach?

Because of all the sandwiches there.

How do you starve a right wing christian?

Hide their money in their bible.

Why did the blonde starve to death?

Her new phone came with a little packet in the box that said, "Do not eat."

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Desert Island Dicks

A man who has been shipwrecked on a desert island for several years is beginning to feel the effects of being starved of sex for so long. However, the only living creatures on the island are a pig and a dog. One day, the man decides he’s had enough and thinks to himself that it has to be the pig. Bu...

How do you starve a neurosurgeon?

Hide his paycheck with his kids.

The difference between an impoverished nation and a wealthy nation:

In an impoverished nation, the shelves are empty and people starve.

In a wealthy nation, the shelves are overflowing and people starve.

Three people die and appear before Buddha

Stunned by the divine presence before them, they lower their heads.

-Raise your heads. You were humble in life and your deeds were praiseworthy. You have earned the right to a reincarnation of your choice. You have much to accomplish yet though.

One of the people takes a step forward a...

A thug walks into a bar.

He sees a lone man sitting in front of his beer, crying.
He walks up to him, pushes him off the chair, slaps him left and right in the face and drinks his beer.

The man then started crying even louder and sobbing in absolute desperation.
The thug, annoyed, yelled: Why are you crying lik...

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