UPJOKE
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How do you end world hunger?

Put Turkey in Greece to cook it, then cut it up and put it into Chile. Then put it on China and give it to Hungary.

A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”

When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.

“W...

Hunger Games : Mockingjay

For the last installments of the Hunger Games series, the director has decided to make a change. In the new movies, Philip Seymour Hoffman will unexpectedly be killed by the heroine.

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Cashier: Would you like to donate $2 to end world hunger?

Me: Of course. Holy shit, I had no idea we were that close.

What do you call a northern Irish hunger strike?

A Bel Fast

I wanted to solve world hunger...

So I wiped out a small European nation. Thanks to my actions, there are now no more Hungary people left in the world.

What do they call the Hunger Games in France?

Battle Royale with Cheese.

The Hunger Games is like Soccer.

Everyone runs around for two hours, nobody scores, and its billion fans insist you just don't understand.

Did you hear the one about the Jedi Knight who went on a hunger strike?

It got so bad that his master had to Force feed him

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What do you get when you cross a Swedish tennis pro, a computer virus, and an insatiable hunger for mort flesh?

Cyborg Bjorn Borg hosting smorgasbords at the morgue.

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If you have the time, here is Norm Macdonald's moth joke as presented in his book, "Based on a True Story".

A moth goes into a podiatrist's office, the podiatrist says. What's the problem?

The moth says, where do I begin with my problems? Every day I go to work for Gregory Vasilovich, and all day long I toil. But what is my work? I am a bureaucrat, and so every day I joylessly move papers from one ...

World hunger? Overpopulation? One word:

Cannibalism.




I saw this months ago so if you made it or know who did comment and I'll make a edit

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Southerners are weirdly obsessed with ending hunger among Jews

Any time I visit my relatives down South, the first thing they ask is *Jew eat yet?*

I think we should solve world hunger.

You might say I'm a strong believer in world peas.


^I'll ^see ^myself ^out...

To solve world hunger we need to eat the rich and erect a giant statue of Bernie Sanders. Why do we need the statue?

Well, I’m glad that the first step didn’t raise any questions.

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An Irishman, a English woman, and an American man are all at a meeting with ambassadors of the world, discussing world hunger

The ambassador from Germany welcomes everyone, and begins clapping his hands slowly. After about a minute he says, "every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

The American says, "our country would be willing to donate food and other supplies to Africa to help this issue."
The En...

What does Africa hunger and a mercedes have in common?

Princess Diana couldn't stop either.

Hunger Games.

Zimbabwe's favorite pastime.

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When I'm hungry but on a diet, I simply think of stuff like 2 Girls 1 Cup to stave off the hunger.

That way I'm far too horny to think about eating.

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If Katniss and Peta from the Hunger Games had a ship

Would it be KatPee? Or Penis?

If a genie offered you a choice between ending world hunger or getting a billion dollars

What color would your Lamborghini be?

How many chef do you need to solve world hunger?

Depends on how you cook them

Mahatma Gandhi was a strange person.

He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when h...

What did Sonic say when he started a hunger strike?

Gotta go fast!

How do you solve world hunger and poverty simultaneously?

By feeding the poor to the hungry.

My dream is to create a bioengineering startup that solves world hunger by developing a self-replicating noodle

Laugh now, but one day you're going to see my Copy Pasta everywhere.

Everyone seems worried about global warming and world hunger...

...but the real crisis is that one day elderly drivers will know how to text.

A man was dying of hunger, so he decided to eat his arm. And his legs. But it wasnt enough.

I guess he died full of himself.

If you make fun of your significant other's love of Hunger Games are you....

Mockin'Bae

While climbing barefoot up mountains to meditate, Ghandi would squeeze garlic into his mouth to deal with hunger pains from fasting

super calloused fragile mystic with extra halitosis

A little old lady gets arrested for stealing a can of peaches from a grocery store.

At the trial, the judge asks her why she stole a can of peaches. She replies, "Your Honor, my husband and I don't have much, and we are very poor. I was simply trying to do something about my hunger."

The judge, feeling sorry for the old lady, asked, "How many peaches were in the can?"
...

Latvian man dies of hunger.

He sees St Peter at Pearly Gate. St Peter give him bread and say, "Struggle over now". Man cry from happy. But, look again! St Peter is really devil, and bread have worm. Struggle continues.

When Gandhi was on his first hunger strike

People would routinely bring him flattened bread in an attempt to get him to eat. What people don't understand though is that Gandhi was actually a very temperamental man, and prone to anger. So even when his friends and family were the ones bringing him bread, he would take it and hurl it at them, ...

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Two Jews die and wait outside the pearly gates.

While waiting they realise that they both survived the same concentration camp.

After some chatting, one says to the other: "remember that time when the guard pushed you onto the electric fence and you almost died?" A second of silence passes and suddenly they both start laughing hystericall...

Poor boy in hunger asked help from a woman

I've already given a "like" on facebook

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What do they call the Hunger Games in Japan?

Batteru Royaru with Chizu

I was lied to about the Hunger Games...

It's absolutely nothing like Top Chef.

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Bono and u2 were performing at a gig in scotland

And as you all will know, bono is a cause celebre for all sorts of charity aid, world peace, ending hunger, heal the world etc that sort of thing. He jets around the world having concerts and all that for the benefit of others and frequently raises this at his concerts.

He begins this concert...

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Tommy goes to the doctor complaining about increased appetite and insatiable hunger.

The doctor asks for the symptoms and diagnoses that he has tapeworms. The doctor prescribes medication and asks to meet him in a week. Tommy comes back and says that it was ineffective and that he still feels hungry all the time.

The doctor prescribes new stronger medicine but even then T...

If you could own the entirety of Bill Gates' fortune or solve world hunger,...

what color would your Lamborghini be?

At a U2 concert, Bono started clapping his hands slowly.

At a U2 concert, Bono started clapping his hands slowly, about once every two seconds. The audience started to join in.
And Bono says:

"Every time

Clap*

I clap my hands

Clap*

A child in Africa

Clap*

Dies of hunger"

A guy in the front row ...

Did you know Ghandi didn't wear shoes and often fasted?

Walking barefoot all the time hardened his feet, but hunger weakened his body and made his breath smell terrible.

In fact, you could say he was a
super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis

This year my News Year’s resolution was to solve world hunger. My first step is to feed all the homeless

to bears.

A joke my brother made up when he was 13...

Two men were marooned on an island with no food.

After a week, they are both starving. To solve the issue of hunger, one of the men suggests that they cut off each other's legs and eat them to survive.
The other man agrees.

The first man, after a bloody and gruesome struggle, saws...

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The Fly and the Pitchfork (long)

Once upon a time, there was a happy little fly buzzing around a barn when she happened upon a large pile of fresh cow manure. Since it had been hours since her last meal and she was feeling hunger pangs, she flew down to the irresistible delicacy and began to pig out. She ate and ate … and then... s...

"I'm hungry. I just need something small to satisfy, any suggestions?"

"...Maybe the chicken strips for $6?"

"Maybe it does, but that doesn't help with my hunger."

Mahatma Gandhi decides to open an all you can eat buffet

After thinking about a slogan for a while he settles on:

“Gandhi’s, when hunger strikes.”

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A poor couple...

A poor couple try their best to make ends meet. Times were hard, and there were days when the couple couldn't afford to eat. To curb their hunger, the couple would have sex.

One evening, the husband comes home from work and finds his wife humping the arm rest of the couch. Perplexed, the husb...

We did it Reddit! For ONE GLORIOUS DAY, people of the world will put aside their differences! There'll be no hunger, no pain, no suffering! No war, no fighting! Peace will embrace us like a warm blanket! Sickness and disease will cease! So please welcome this momentous occasion....

February 30, 2021

A man walks into a pub, and requests a pint of Guinness

A man walks into a pub, and requests a pint of Guinness only to be told by the bar staff, "I can't give you a pint of Guinness, the bats will get you".

Confused by this he heads a few doors down to another pub and to his astonishment is told the same thing;

"I can't give you a pint of ...

What do Ghandi and Mary Poppins have in common?

Gandhi's political power was born from his ultra modest means - but it came at a price. His feet were in terrible condition due to his insistence on wearing rough leather sandals. Hunger strikes weakened his immune system and he was very prone to illness, but in his moments of weakness, he is said t...

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Activist: Hello, we are collecting money for rescued farm animals, would you like to donate?

Human: How dare you asking help for animals when children in Syria are dying of hunger?

Activist: Hello, we are collecting money for children in Syria, would you like to donate?

Human: How dare you asking help for children in Syria, when children in our country are dying of hunger?
...

North Korean international press conference

The North Korean representative starts:

\- I will have you know that in North Korea no one has died of hunger

\- No one has died of thirst, of cold or homelessness

The Russian representative:

\- have you tried polonium ?

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A woman finds a lamp and of course it contains a genie...

... which offers to give her only one wish as he is very much tired from his 10.000 years of imprisonment.

,,I want a million dollars!'' she screams excited.

The Genie nods. ,,It shall be as you wi-''

,,No!'' interrupts the woman. ,,Such a wish is selfish and petty. No, what I w...

I was looking at my savings...

and realize that I've saved enough, and I don't have to work again for as long as I live. I'd be dying of hunger in 3 days, but I'd be free to enjoy what a like.

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Mahatma Gandhi The Wise?

I thought not. It's not a story the British would tell you.

It's a Hindi legend. Gandhi was an Indian activist, so powerful and wise he could walk miles and miles without shoes, developing blisters on his feet. He had such a knowledge of resilience, he could even live through hunger strikes w...

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Once upon a time.....

.......there lived a beautiful Queen with large, beautiful, queenly breasts. Gerald the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Gerald revealed his secret desire to hi...

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The Robin Barron lets the Cat ouf of the Bag

The Robin Barron raises a motion to prohibiting the riff raff hunting worms.

Now the cat is out of the bag.

Hunger drives the Pigeonlatariate to call for state regulation of the bird feeder.

The Black Birdgeosisie pontificate on the mobs of raucous Gold Pinchers fouling up the w...

Different ethnic groups in the USSR have a meeting.

Each group has a representative, who must talk about what it is like living in the soviet union (and praise lenin and communism along the way if they don't want to get killed).

The Chukchi people live in Siberia, and haven't had it so great under soviet rule. Their representative begins to sp...

Ghandi is my role model

Everyone knows about Gandhi. Pacifist, role model of MLK, and arguably the most important man in the movement of Indian independence. Of course, aside from his upstanding character, he did have a multitude of physical flaws. As an Indian peasant, he rarely wore shoes because he was too poor to affor...

What does the Muslims play during the Ramadan?

The Hunger Games

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Mother sharks and her offspring were swimming one day when they came upon a sinking ship.

Mother shark saw the humans abandoning ship. Once the ship sank, she instructed her offspring, "Follow my lead. We're going to swim in circles around the humans". The little sharks, their hunger already growing, were excited. One asked, "Can we eat them now?" Mother replied, "Not yet, dear. Just fol...

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1911: dracula used to drink virgin girls' blood....

in 2019: he died of hunger

A guy is wandering the desert, he knows death is close....

He has loads of water, but no food. None. It's been so long he can hardly remember what food looks like. The hunger pain is real. Starvation death looms over him.

As he stumbles along through the sand, the sun eroding the last of his energy he sees something in the distance. An oasis and with...

What does Tupperware and a walrus have in common?

"They're both looking for a tight seal." Master shake - aqua teen hunger force

Fat people have feelings too.

They feel hunger.

My Boss saw me slacking

So he asked me: What have you done today?

I said: Solving world hunger.

Boss: How so?

I took a bite of my sandwich and said: there is one less hungry person on earth now.

A fat person walks in the street

He sees a thin person and says: when I see you, I always think there’s hunger in your country. The thin person replies: and when I see you, I think it’s your fault!

What's the difference between onlyfans and onlyflans?

Onlyflans is for hunger, but onlyfans is for thirst.

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A man was traveling through Asia when one night, he stopped at a monastery

He asked the monks for a place to sleep and some food, and the monks indulged him. But that night, he couldn't sleep. He kept hearing this droning, thumping sound. After a while, he went to investigate. He followed the sound down the stairs, into the basement. There he encountered a richly decorated...

The Trump Years in a Nutshell

2016: Trump doesn't stand a chance.
2017: Trump's still trying?
2018: "Hey, are you guys going to watch the hunger games tonight? I hope my district wins"

What is a communist’s favourite movie?

Hunger Games

A duck, a lion and a snake walk into a bar.

After some drinks, they are talking about their own greatness.

The Lion tells stories about his harem, how he rules above a vast territory and how he never knew hunger.

The duck describes how beautiful the world looks like from above, and never having to endure harsh winters becaus...

There are almost no problems that cannot be solved by adding puppies into the equation...

except for world hunger...which come to think of it, they can also solve.

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