Two nuns are walking down the street when they notice that a man is following them.

Sister Michael, the older and wiser nun, says to the young and naïve Sister Patrick, "See that crossroad ahead? You go left and I'll go right: he can't follow us both. We'll meet back at the Abbey."

So the sisters part and the man follows Sister Michael.

Some time later, Sister Patrick...

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just as it's going by. As he gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Impeccable timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Fe...

A HTML developer was walking down the street when he was greeted by a donkey.

"Hello Mr Programmer", the donkey said, "how are you?".

"mighty fine, thank you donkey", the HTML dev replied.

Immediately the donkey started crying.

"What's the matter little friend?" the HTML dev asked.

"I called you a programmer, at least you could call me horse" t...

Yesterday, I changed a light bulb, crossed the street, and walked into a bar.

My life is a joke.

A vendor selling ice from a street cart has a sign that says “Ise Stand.” “Mr. vendor, you seem to have accidentally confused the ‘c’ in ‘ice’ for an ‘s.’” The vendor replies, “I’m certain you are mistaken!” The next day, the vendor’s freshly repainted sign reads:

“Ice Stand, Corrected”

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't ...

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Two tampons are walking down the street, which one says hi first?

Neither because they’re both stuck up cunts

I recently walked down a street where the homes were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1024K

It was a trip down memory lane

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Me: I’m terrified of the Back Street Boys

Therapist: Tell me why.

Me: (*Screams*)

Why didn't the chicken care to cross the street?

It wasn't hungry.

Who else thinks it's time we called Sesame Street out for what it really is?

Show of hands

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'

I walked down the street and saw a man with a mattress strapped to his back

I stopped him and asked what it was for,

He said “you know my father always said I should have something to fall back on”

Why did the pig cross the street?

To clock in at the precinct

I was walking in the street the other day and a man threw a block of cheese at me

I said to him 'That's mature'

Then he threw a pint of milk at me and I thought, How dairy.

A cow crossing a street sees a glove in ground. All ashamed and blushing goes:

Oh my god. Who's bra is this

NOTE: It's a dad joke but I didn't know how to make a #DadJoke label. So consider yourself warned.

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Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, and enticing Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.


The males are speechless before the hottie, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.


Aware of her c...

When you smell pee in the street you can tell

Urine the wrong neighborhood

An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, 'What kind of car ya got there, sonny?'

The doctor replies, “1500+hp Porsche 917/30. It cost half a million dollars!”

'That's a lot of money,' says the old man.
'Why does it cost so much?'

'Because this car can do up to ...

A guy was screaming "The President is Stupid" on the middle of a street in Washington DC

A policeman came up to him and slapped him once.
Man : "I was talking about the President of Ireland."
*The policeman slapped the man again.*
Man: Why did you slap me?
Policeman : "As if we don't know which President is stupid"

Husband: I heard a rumor that the mailman has slept with every single woman on our street except one.

Wife: I bet it's that snooty Priscilla Jones in Number 7.

Two nuns were walking home one night down a very dark street.

One nun was called Sister Mathematical because of her gift for numbers and the other nun was called Sister Logical because of her gift for reasoning. They soon noticed that a man was following them. They would speed up, and he would speed up. They would stop, and he would stop. Sister Mathematical s...

Four men are standing on a street corner...

...one is from Russia, one from North Korea, one from Dubai, and one from New York.

A reporter comes upon them standing there and says, "Excuse me, what do you think about the meat shortage?"

The man from Russia says, "What's meat?"
The man from North Korea says, "What's think?"...

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A masochist walks out onto the street, screaming "Please, hurt me, please!"

As he tears his shirt and wails out, a crowd gathers around him, until finally, a sadist steps forward.

Once more, the man screams to him, pleading "Please, hurt me, I need it!"

To which, the sadist walks around him in a circle, smirks at him, and says "No".

All credit to my o...

Due to COVID-19, truck dealerships have moved sales of their vehicles out of their buildings and onto the streets.

They’re calling the new service:

Curbside pickup.

A couple economists are strolling down the street

One looks in a store front window and says "That's a nice pair of shoes". The other replies, "Nonsense, if there was a nice pair of shoes, someone would have looted them already."

I saw a guy on the street selling clones of himself, he was having a sale where you could buy 6 for the price of one

I turned to my friend and said "get a load of this guy"

A nun is walking down the sidewalk when she sees a drunk exit the bar across the street.

He stares at her for a long while before making a beeline across the street and stopping right in front of her.

She is about to say "how are you today, brother?" When he punches her hard in the stomach.

Bent over, trying to catch her breath, she's about to say "what was that for?" Whe...

A blonde was walking down the street with headphones in

A friend of hers stops her, and tries to talk to her

The blonde just stares at them, keeping the headphones in her ears, so the friend removes them for her and the blonde stops breathing

The friend quickly puts the earbuds back in and she starts breathing again

The friend tries ...

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Two potatoes hanging out on a street corner, how can you tell which one is the prostitute?

Its the one that's stamped IDAHO

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A man walking down the street saw an old woman carrying two bags in her hands, one of which was filled with money.

He asked her, "Where did an old woman like yourself get a bag of money?"

She said, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to take a piss they stick their dicks in a hole in my fence and piss all over my flowerbed. It became a problem, so I sat next to the hole with...

An American man, a French man, a Spanish man and a German man are standing on the sidewalk, trying to watch a street performer juggle bowling pins.

The juggler notices they're having a bit of trouble, so he stands on a large wooden box and says to them, "Can you see me now?"

They answer one at a time:

"Yes."

"Oui."

"Sí."

"Ja."

A Mexican is strolling down the street in Mexico City and kicks a bottle lying in the street.

Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Mexican is stunned and
the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish; anything
you want."

The Mexican begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking tequila."
Finally the Mexican says, "I wish to drink tequila whenever I want,<...

An old man was walking down the street one day when he observed a small boy struggling to reach the doorbell at one of the houses.

The kindly old man said to the boy, “Can I help you with that sonny?”

At which point he smiled, placed a comforting hand on the boy’s shoulder whilst pressing the doorbell firmly with his other hand.

“There”, said the old man, as he stepped back from the door. “Now what do we do young ...

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A drunk American was pissing on a street in Germany

When a German girl walks by and screams “Ah Nein! “ The American guy says, “I’m flattered but I think it’s closer to 8.”

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A man is walking down the street when he notices what looks like shit on the ground

He bends over and inspects the pile.

”It sure looks like shit” he thinks to himself.

He moves a bit closer to it a takes quick breath through his nose.

”It sure smells like shit”

He picks up a piece and squeezes it in his hand.

”It sure feels like shit”

He t...

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A german, a french and an italian are walking down the street...

Suddenly a genie appears in front of them and says: “You lucky men, come with me!” and teleports them in front of 3 empty pools. He then says: “You have to jump from the diving board and say what you want your pool to be full of.”
The german jumps and says: “Beer!” and he falls into the pool with...

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the middle of a street?

An ambulance.

What did the pasta that grew up in the streets tell his kids?

I grew up in the spaghetto.

I used to be poor. Then I started singing on streets for donations.

Now I get donations to not sing on streets

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One day while I was walking down the street, 6 beautiful women flashed me their breasts completely out of the blue. Now I know what you’re thinking...

This story sounds totally ridiculous

Dozen tit?

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The most offensive thing as a black man is when you walking down the street and an old white woman clutches her purse.

Bitch really thinks she stronger than me.

I don’t trust streets with lots of trees on them.

They seem shady.

Someone on the street asked me:

What's your business?

me: I have a drive-by prostitution agency.

How's business?

me: It comes and goes.

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An out of work pianist with Tourette's Syndrome was strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one sunny afternoon....

An out of work pianist with Tourette's Syndrome was strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one sunny afternoon.

Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window: 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.

"Fucking get in there you cunt!" he says to himself...

Pat and Mike the Irishmen are walking down Regent Street...

...when suddenly Pat sees a sign. "Full suit: £25, Shirt: £10, Trousers: £10." He gives Mike a nudge. "Look at that, Mike! Clothes are so cheap here! We should buy this guy out and sell this stuff for a fortune when we get back to Ireland!"

"Great plan!" says Mike. "But if he thinks we're Iri...

President Trump should go on Sesame Street to explain his actions.

It’s important in times of crisis to hold politicians to account

A german was peeing in a street in New York...

... and a lady looks at him and says:

'Gross.'

To which the German replies:

'Danke!'

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A Lady Pregnant with Triplets walks down the street

A Lady Pregnant with Triplets walks down the street and while passing a store a robber comes running out and shoots her 3 times in the stomach. She is rushed off to hospital and the doctor evaluates the situation and says the babies are fine and he opts not to operate on the kids as she could lose t...

The health inspector shut down the restaurant on the corner of main street and second avenue...

A new owner rebuilt the kitchen area. The inspector was very impressed with the new kitchen. Stainless steel counters and shelves. Floors of white marble. More lighting install making a bright and clean looking work area. Tongs hanging everywhere, the food was not touched by human hands.

The ...

I saw a woman drop her purse in the high street this morning, so I quickly followed her.

As I was just about to tap her on the shoulder she started running for a bus.

So I ran after her shouting, “You dropped your purse! You dropped your purse!”

She didn’t hear me and proceeded to get onto the bus, so I got on the bus too.

As I walked to the back of the bus I breath...

I saw my ex girlfriend walking on the street

Not wanting to talk to her, I pretended to be on the phone. But she walked straight to me and said: ' are you pretending to be on the phone?'
'Excuse me,' I said to my imaginery caller, then turned to her, 'No? Why would you say something like that?'
'well your thumb is at your ear and your pi...

I saw a man in the street with a dog and a white stick. I said ‘You must be blind.’ He said ‘Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.’

So I said ‘There’s a tree over there.’

I saw a poor old lady fall in the street today.

Well I'm assuming she's poor, she only had $1 in her purse.

What did Silver say when it saw Gold walking across the street?

Au!

A cop is walking down the street when two spanish men come running up to him...

The first spanish man asks if he can understand Spanish. The cop says he can but not very well. The second man starts speaking in spanish but very quickly.

"Hold on, I need you to the slow down" the cop says in broken spanish.

Again the second man starts speaking in spanish again very ...

Now that New York's in lock down, what will the Wall Street traders be doing?

Insider trading.

Billy saw the barn was ablaze, sprinted down the street, burst into a bar room full of gunslingers and shouted "Fire! Fire!"

And they did.

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A fireman is sitting in front of the station when he sees a little boy coming down the street in a little red wagon. He's put little ladders on the side and a garden hose is coiled in the front.

The kid is wearing a fireman's helmet and the wagon is tied to a dog and cat who are pulling the wagon.

"That sure is a nice fire truck you got there."
"Thanks," the boy says.

The fireman looks more closely and sees the boy has the wagon tied to the dog's collar and the cat's test...

A boy was walking his dog down the street, when one of the neighbors said: Aww! He's so cute! What's his name?

"James." he said

"Yep, that's my name!" said the boy

A man was struck by a bus on a busy street.

He knew his injuries were too severe to survive so, being a devout Catholic, he called for a priest to pray for him in his last moments. The surrounding crowd frantically searched the area for a priest, but none could be found. Finally, an elderly Jewish man stepped out of the crowd. “Now I’m not a ...

A Cable repairman was on my street today and he asked me what time it was.

I replied "It is between 1 and 8 pm."

If you see a balloon on the street, pop it.

We can't let him get any more DNA bubbles.

A car, screaming down the street...

A car, screaming down the street, broadslides itself to rest on the front lawn of a house.
The driver jumps out and runs, full-bore, into the home
"Honey!", he yells up the stairs, "'Pack your bags! I won the lottery!!"
She yells back down, "Oh that's wonderful!! What should I pack? Beach c...

When the man in the street says: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it," the lawyer writes:

"Insofar as manifestations of functional deficiencies are agreed by any and all concerned parties to be imperceivable, and are so stipulated, it is incumbent upon said heretofore mentioned parties to exercise the deferment of otherwise pertinent maintenance procedures."

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An old man sitting on his porch sees a boy walking down the street with several rolls of duck tape. The old man says "BOY! WHATCHU DOING WITH ALL THAT DUCK TAPE"

The boy says "well old man I'm gonna catch me some ducks."
The old man says: "Boy you ain't gonna catch no ducks with no duck tape!"
The boy keeps walking and says "yeah we will see old man"
Later the boy walks by again with a bundle of ducks wrapped up in the tape and the old man says "B...

Spiderman, Santa Claus, and one of the talented members of Nickelback are walking down the street when they see a $100 bill. Who gets the bill?

Spiderman because there’s no such thing as Santa and there’s no such thing as a talented member of Nickelback

My neighbor. She’s single. She’s shapely & beautiful and she lives right across the street.

I watched her as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on my door.

I opened the door, she looked at me and said, ”I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and have fun tonight. Are...

I was walking down the street with a friend and we saw two blind guys fighting

We got closer and I said "My bet is on the one with the knife."
They both ran

A lawyer is driving a car down the street and instead of stopping at the stop sign, the lawyer slows down. A policeman sees this and pulls the car over and asks the man why he didn’t stop at the stop sign?

**“It’s the same thing,” the lawyer stated, “I don’t believe there is a difference between stop and slow down.”**

**“Allow me to prove it to you,” the policeman said. He asks the lawyer to step out of his car and suddenly starts hitting him with his baton.**

**After a lot of pain that ...

I was digging in the front garden when my neighbor saw me struggling with the shovel and came over to help with a rotortiller. A couple minutes later the other neighbor brought his garden tractor, and the guy down the street show up with a backhoe...

Well that excavated quickly.

A blind man with a guide dog walks down a busy street.

Out of nowhere the dog starts to lead him onto the road and into oncoming traffic. Just before the blind man is hit by a truck, a man pulls him off the road with the dog. After realising what's happened the blind man gives his dog a treat, his rescuer asks
'He's just nearly killed you, what are y...

A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: do you know how often people die from AIDS?

I said: now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

A politician uses statistics like a drunk uses a street light.

For support, rather than illumination.

There was a protest going on in my town about how there is too much trash on the streets.

Litter rally.

What‘s a tank in the jewish street?

A Ghettoblaster.

The cable guy stopped me on the street.

"Hey buddy, what time is it?"

"Between noon and 4 PM."

Little known fact: Jesus was a street sweeper.

Yeah, Jesus swept.

A man and his wife are walking through the streets of Moscow in the 40s

Something starts to fall from the sky one christmas evening...

The woman stops and says, "it's snowing!"

Her husband replies, "no, it's raining, I think...."

The two of them argue for a moment before the man stops her, "let's get a second opinion...."

They approach a near...

A policeman arrests a well dressed man in a suit and tie, walking down the Main Street of the city talking on his cell.

The man has a desk strapped to his back, complete with laptop, printer and filing cabinet. He has a dustbin on his head.

“Hold on councillor, I have a policeman trying to arrest me, and I haven’t got a clue why.” He turns and asks “What are the charges?”

“Impersonating an office, Sir”

What time is it when you see sixteen dogs running down the street?

Fifteen after one.

There was 3 women walking down the street

I saw those women, and I shouted:

"Why are you 3 women walking down the street, there is nothing down there"

And then they turned around and flew away...

Apparently, it was just some birds

Olympic Gold medalist Picabo Street retired from sports to work in the hospital. A doctor has a patient in need of intensive care and cannot find her.

The doctor calls her station and she answers, "Picabo, ICU."

There’s a guy selling prosthetic limbs on my street.

He’s an arms dealer.

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I tried to share a bag of chips with a homeless person on the street.

He told me to fuck off and buy my own.

If someone is passed out on the streets dont be soulless and walk past.

Move him to the side so others can walk.

A man stopped me in the street yesterday

And asked "what grooming products do you use?"

"Haribo's and Facebook works every time" I said.

Was walking down the street yesterday, seen an ad in the shop window. "T.V FOR SALE, €1, VOLUME STUCK ON FULL"

I said, can't turn that down.

I was walking down my street the other day when I realised everybody's drives were full, as well as all the on street parking

Looks like an outbreak of car owner virus

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I heard a rumour about this grey butterfly that hangs around street lights in dark alleys.

Turned out it was an urban moth

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A priest and a rabbi were walking down the street...

When a little boy, about 8, jumps in front of them and moons them before giggling and running away.

The rabbi says, “Someone oughta do something to that little asshole.”

The priest, smiling, says “That’s what I was thinking!”

Saw a strip club across the street from the Mini Golf course.

I’m just trying to have a nice afternoon with my kids and I look across the street and see a bunch of losers playing mini golf.

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A charity worker stopped me in the street and asked me if I fancied taking part in a marathon

I was going to decline but he told me it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties.

I thought, fuck me, I might win this

The ice cream truck is going down the street

And a lady runs after it but it doesn't see her and keeps going. She keeps following until the driver sees her in his mirror. He stops and shes out of breath

Truck driver: “hey, sorry about that, I didn't see you, what can I get you? “

Out of breath she says “I just wanted to tell you....

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Cop sees a lady walking down the street with tit hanging out.

He says, "Ma'm, your need to adjust your shirt."

She says, "Oh shit! I left baby on the bus!"

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A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

’About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’

Now she’s...

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken tothe hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked "Is my time up? "

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.She even had someone come in and change her hair color...

A man on the street was trying to sell me a "slightly used" television...

"How can a television be slightly used?" I inquired

"The old lady that owned it, she was blind in one eye." he said

When I checked-in earlier today at the hotel, I asked if I could have a room with a street view.

The receptionist said "Sorry, they're all pixelated."

A young boy comes running down the street looking for a cop. He finds one and then begs "Please, officer, come back to the bar with me, my father's in a fight." Well, they get back to the bar and there's three guys fighting like you wouldn't believe.

After a while the cop turns to the kid and says "Okay, which one's your father."

The kid looks up at the cop and says, "I don't know, officer, that's what they're fighting about."

Why did the sperm cross the street?

I put on the wrong socks this morning.

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White people don’t shoot each other in the streets like black people do.

We do it in schools, because we have class.

A man is walking down the street with a few rolls of toilet paper

...threaded onto a piece of twine, wearing it like a necklace.

Passers-by keep pestering him, "Where did you buy it? Where can I get some?"

Finally, the man gives up: "Guys, guys, leave me alone, I didn't buy it, I just picked it up from the DRY-CLEANERS'!!!"

\[ ...is there a b...

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A wealthy Texan oil tycoon made his way to Ireland one day

as he walked into an Irish pub there he made a declaration to all them that were in the room. He pulled out a wad of five-thousand dollars in cash and placed it on the bar. He said, " I hear you Irish can drink, so I put to you the challenge that not one of y'all can drink five hundred shots back to...

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A man in a Uber car sees a hot young nun passing down the street

The man tells his driver:

\-Look at that nun, I can't help to be sad that a girl like her made a chastity vote.

He answers:

\-Ah, I know her! There is an easy way to fuck her: You dress up like Jesus when it's very dark and ask her for sex, works every single time.

Late t...

A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when he jumped up, he couldn’t quite reach it.

The man decided to help the boy, walked up on to the porch and pushed the doorbell. He looked down at the boy, smiled and asked: “What now?”

The boy answered: “Now we run like crazy!”

A fifteen-year-old came home with a Porsche, and his parents began to yell and scream

"Where did you get that car?"He calmly told them, "I bought it today."


"With what money!?" demanded his parents. "We know what a Porsche costs."


"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars."


The parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a ...

A bus driver was heading down a street. He went right past a stop sign without stopping. Next he turned left where there was a "no-left turn" sign. Finally he went the wrong way down a one-way street. He didn't break any traffic laws. How?

He was walking.

A crow flies to a woman on the street

Crow: Miss, would you donate to my charity?

Woman: Why should I?

Crow: CAW CAW CAW CAW

Woman: What does that even mean?

Crow: Its four good caws

A woman is walking down the street when she bumps into an old friend she hasn't seen in a long time. They sit down on a bench and catch up on their lives.

Friend: So do you have any kids?

Woman: Yes, I have 5 boys.

Friend: Nice! What are their names?

Woman: Steve.

Friend: You mean... All of them are named Steve?

Woman: Exactly, it's so much easier that way! It's hard enough to supervise 5 boys playing together, it's ...

Donald Trump is visiting a school

He enters one of the classrooms and asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a tragedy.

One little boy stands up and says, "If my best friend was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy."

"No", says Trump. "That would be an ACC...

A senior West Wing staffer told Trump that...

...he had a dream, and in that dream Trump got his huge military parade after all, complete with hundreds of thousands of cheering, flag-waving people lining the streets.

"Was I smiling?" Trump asked.

"I don't know," the aide replied. "It was a closed casket."

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[long] A guy is driving his brand new Ferrari down the streets

A guy is driving his brand new Ferrari down the streets, as he stops at a trafic light, he recognizes an old friend from high shcool driving a barely functionning Fiero. The guy can't resist making fun of his old classmate and his apparent bad luck with money.

*"Hey Mitch, it's been a long ti...

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Seamus is at the pub with a row of whiskey shots lined up in front of him, looking depressed as ever.

A newcomer to the small town, looking to make friends, sits down next to Seamus and asks him what's wrong.
 
Without looking at the newcomer, Seamus downs a shot and in his thick Irish brogue says "I've lived in this town me whole life. You see the sidewalk out front? I laid every brick with m...

True story but funny.

While filling my car up i noticed a woman smoking while filling her car up, silly thing to do but I know better than to confront strangers about their stupidity.



I see 2 cops on the other side of the street, they can see her but they aren't doing anything about it... tax dollars in ac...

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A guy and his girlfriend are crossing a street

He looks both directions for traffic, but when she notices this, she says, "There's no point, it's a one way."
He responds, "What if the first people to try anal said that?"

Word on the street is that an Iranian lawmaker is trying to take out the President

He should know that the President has a preference for hamburgers and caviar.

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A snail takes for ever to cross the street and finally knocks on a guy's door

The guy answers, sees the snail, picks it up and throws it far away. Two years later the snail returns, knocks again and the guy answers. The snail says, "Yo! What the fuck was that about?"

A blind man is walking down the street through a fish market.

At one point he stops, takes a big whiff, and says “Good morning ladies!”

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A young woman visits a florist to get some flowers for her mother.

As she's perusing, she notices the most gorgeous rose she's ever seen sitting next to the cashier, and asks for its price.

"Oh, sorry," the cashier replies. "That one's not for sale. I got that as a gift from a fellow florist for hooking him up with a woman I met yesterday."

"Yesterday...

I saw a homeless guy on the streets and I had 50 bucks on me...

I thought, “This’ll be wasted on drugs and booze.” So I just gave it to the homeless guy.

Two corn cobs walked down the street,

One was then hit by a car. At the hospital, the doctor said to the other corn, “I have good news and bad news,”

“Good news is your friend is going to pull through.”

“Bad news is he’s going to be a vegetable”

An Englishmen, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are watching a street magician perform his routine from a good distance away. Half way through, the magician looks around and notices how far away the men are and asks, "Can you see me ok?"

"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sí"
"Ja"

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Did you all hear about the new drug that hit the streets

Its a generic Viagra, called micocksafloppin

2 Jewish guys are walking down a street...

...when they see a Catholic church with a sign out front that says "Convert today and get $1000 dollars". The first Jewish guy says "Can you believe their chutzpah, thinking someone would convert for money?!". The other Jewish guy says "A thousand dollars?! I'm gonna go for it!" and runs into the ch...

I was walking down the street when I saw someone get jumped by 2 men so I decided to help out.

It was easy, he couldn't take 3 of us down.

What did the cow say after it crossed the street?

Moo

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There was a man in Jamaica who had only one testicle. Jamaicans being Jamaicans gave him the street name 'Onestone'.

He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!"

The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Bl...

A kid saw Arnold Schwarzenegger walking down the street...

the kid ran up to Arnold and said, "Whoa, you're a terminator! Do you really kill people?"

Arnold says, "Actually I'm retired so I only kill bugs now. I'm an ex-terminator."

Who's Leonardo Dicaprio's least favorite Sesame Street character?

Oscar.

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The Angle

This prostitute is working the street when a John pulls up and lets her in the car. After sex, she tells him "That was great. What are we gonna name the baby?"

The guy panics and tosses her another $100 on the condition she forgets all about him. Seeing that she may have discovered a new ang...

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.

I asked him, “what’s the word on the street?”

A magician was driving down the street

All of a sudden, he turned into a driveway.

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