Yesterday, I changed a light bulb, crossed the street, and walked into a bar.

My life is a joke.

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't ...

An American man, a French man, a Spanish man and a German man are standing on the sidewalk, trying to watch a street performer juggle bowling pins.

The juggler notices they're having a bit of trouble, so he stands on a large wooden box and says to them, "Can you see me now?"

They answer one at a time:

"Yes."

"Oui."

"Sí."

"Ja."

I saw a woman drop her purse in the high street this morning, so I quickly followed her.

As I was just about to tap her on the shoulder she started running for a bus.

So I ran after her shouting, “You dropped your purse! You dropped your purse!”

She didn’t hear me and proceeded to get onto the bus, so I got on the bus too.

As I walked to the back of the bus I breath...

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Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.


The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.


Aware of h...

A man was struck by a bus on a busy street.

He knew his injuries were too severe to survive so, being a devout Catholic, he called for a priest to pray for him in his last moments. The surrounding crowd frantically searched the area for a priest, but none could be found. Finally, an elderly Jewish man stepped out of the crowd. “Now I’m not a ...

Just walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB.

Well, that was a trip down memory lane.

A german was peeing in a street in New York...

... and a lady looks at him and says:

'Gross.'

To which the German replies:

'Danke!'

Spiderman, Santa Claus, and one of the talented members of Nickelback are walking down the street when they see a $100 bill. Who gets the bill?

Spiderman because there’s no such thing as Santa and there’s no such thing as a talented member of Nickelback

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A fireman is sitting in front of the station when he sees a little boy coming down the street in a little red wagon. He's put little ladders on the side and a garden hose is coiled in the front.

The kid is wearing a fireman's helmet and the wagon is tied to a dog and cat who are pulling the wagon.

"That sure is a nice fire truck you got there."
"Thanks," the boy says.

The fireman looks more closely and sees the boy has the wagon tied to the dog's collar and the cat's test...

A man and his wife are walking through the streets of Moscow in the 40s

Something starts to fall from the sky one christmas evening...

The woman stops and says, "it's snowing!"

Her husband replies, "no, it's raining, I think...."

The two of them argue for a moment before the man stops her, "let's get a second opinion...."

They approach a near...

I saw a poor old lady fall in the street today.

Well I'm assuming she's poor, she only had $1 in her purse.

A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: do you know how often people die from AIDS?

I said: now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

There’s a guy selling prosthetic limbs on my street.

He’s an arms dealer.

A man stopped me in the street yesterday

And asked "what grooming products do you use?"

"Haribo's and Facebook works every time" I said.

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A restaurant owners walks down the street and hears a homeless guy playing a guitar

He’s stunned by how beautiful his song is. It’s amazing; serene, gentle and uplifting.

He decides he wants to have the homeless guy play in his restaurant so he approaches him and asks for the name of the song.

The homeless guy tells him the song is called ‘Big Titty Mama’.

The...

The cable guy stopped me on the street.

"Hey buddy, what time is it?"

"Between noon and 4 PM."

Three peanuts are walking down the street...

One was assaulted.

I saw a man in the street with a dog and a white stick. I said ‘You must be blind.’ He said ‘Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.’

So I said ‘There’s a tree over there.’

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A priest and a rabbi were walking down the street...

When a little boy, about 8, jumps in front of them and moons them before giggling and running away.

The rabbi says, “Someone oughta do something to that little asshole.”

The priest, smiling, says “That’s what I was thinking!”

Saw a strip club across the street from the Mini Golf course.

I’m just trying to have a nice afternoon with my kids and I look across the street and see a bunch of losers playing mini golf.

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A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

’About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’

Now she’s...

What time is it when you see 16 dogs running down the street?

Fifteen after one.

A politician uses statistics like a drunk uses a street light.

For support, rather than illumination.

A Cable repairman was on my street today and he asked me what time it was.

I replied "It is between 1 and 8 pm."

A man on the street was trying to sell me a "slightly used" television...

"How can a television be slightly used?" I inquired

"The old lady that owned it, she was blind in one eye." he said

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Cop sees a lady walking down the street with tit hanging out.

He says, "Ma'm, your need to adjust your shirt."

She says, "Oh shit! I left baby on the bus!"

A bus driver was heading down a street. He went right past a stop sign without stopping. Next he turned left where there was a "no-left turn" sign. Finally he went the wrong way down a one-way street. He didn't break any traffic laws. How?

He was walking.

A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when he jumped up, he couldn’t quite reach it.

The man decided to help the boy, walked up on to the porch and pushed the doorbell. He looked down at the boy, smiled and asked: “What now?”

The boy answered: “Now we run like crazy!”

When I checked-in earlier today at the hotel, I asked if I could have a room with a street view.

The receptionist said "Sorry, they're all pixelated."

A senior West Wing staffer told Trump that...

...he had a dream, and in that dream Trump got his huge military parade after all, complete with hundreds of thousands of cheering, flag-waving people lining the streets.

"Was I smiling?" Trump asked.

"I don't know," the aide replied. "It was a closed casket."

Why did the sperm cross the street?

I put on the wrong socks this morning.

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A guy and his girlfriend are crossing a street

He looks both directions for traffic, but when she notices this, she says, "There's no point, it's a one way."
He responds, "What if the first people to try anal said that?"

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A man in a Uber car sees a hot young nun passing down the street

The man tells his driver:

\-Look at that nun, I can't help to be sad that a girl like her made a chastity vote.

He answers:

\-Ah, I know her! There is an easy way to fuck her: You dress up like Jesus when it's very dark and ask her for sex, works every single time.

Late t...

An Englishmen, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are watching a street magician perform his routine from a good distance away. Half way through, the magician looks around and notices how far away the men are and asks, "Can you see me ok?"

"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sí"
"Ja"

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A man and his son were walking down the street.

A man and his son were walking down the street. Along the way, son notices one dog humping another and asks his dad,



"Dad, what are those two dogs doing?"



Dad, tiptoeing around talks about the birds and the bees, avoids an honest answer and replies. "Well you see so...

What‘s a tank in the jewish street?

A Ghettoblaster.

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A snail takes for ever to cross the street and finally knocks on a guy's door

The guy answers, sees the snail, picks it up and throws it far away. Two years later the snail returns, knocks again and the guy answers. The snail says, "Yo! What the fuck was that about?"

I was driving to work this morning and the navigation app took me down the wrong street

It was then that I realized the error of my Waze.

Two psychics bump into each other walking down the street...

One says to the other “You’re doing alright, how am I?”

I was walking down the street with a friend and we saw two blind guys fighting

We got closer and I said "My bet is on the one with the knife."
They both ran

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[long] A guy is driving his brand new Ferrari down the streets

A guy is driving his brand new Ferrari down the streets, as he stops at a trafic light, he recognizes an old friend from high shcool driving a barely functionning Fiero. The guy can't resist making fun of his old classmate and his apparent bad luck with money.

*"Hey Mitch, it's been a long ti...

A fifteen-year-old came home with a Porsche, and his parents began to yell and scream

"Where did you get that car?"He calmly told them, "I bought it today."


"With what money!?" demanded his parents. "We know what a Porsche costs."


"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars."


The parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a ...

Two corn cobs walked down the street,

One was then hit by a car. At the hospital, the doctor said to the other corn, “I have good news and bad news,”

“Good news is your friend is going to pull through.”

“Bad news is he’s going to be a vegetable”

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A charity worker stopped me in the street and asked me if I fancied taking part in a marathon

I was going to decline but he told me it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties.

I thought, fuck me, I might win this

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Did you all hear about the new drug that hit the streets

Its a generic Viagra, called micocksafloppin

Word on the street is that an Iranian lawmaker is trying to take out the President

He should know that the President has a preference for hamburgers and caviar.

I was walking down the street when I saw someone get jumped by 2 men so I decided to help out.

It was easy, he couldn't take 3 of us down.

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I tried to share a bag of chips with a homeless person on the street.

He told me to fuck off and buy my own.

Who's Leonardo Dicaprio's least favorite Sesame Street character?

Oscar.

My neighbor. She’s single. She’s shapely & beautiful and she lives right across the street.

I watched her as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on my door.

I opened the door, she looked at me and said, ”I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and have fun tonight. Are...

A crow flies to a woman on the street

Crow: Miss, would you donate to my charity?

Woman: Why should I?

Crow: CAW CAW CAW CAW

Woman: What does that even mean?

Crow: Its four good caws

A blind man is walking down the street through a fish market.

At one point he stops, takes a big whiff, and says “Good morning ladies!”

“Hey what’s the word on the street?”

“Uh... pedestrian crossing.”

A flash flood warning is broadcasted. The streets fill with water, and people begin to evacuate—except for one Catholic woman.

She stays in her home and prays. A bus pulls up to her house, and the driver urges her to get out, but she replies, “No. God will save me.” The bus driver reluctantly pulls away.

Water begins pooling into her house, and she calmly rises to the second floor.

Through the window, she sees...

The ice cream truck is going down the street

And a lady runs after it but it doesn't see her and keeps going. She keeps following until the driver sees her in his mirror. He stops and shes out of breath

Truck driver: “hey, sorry about that, I didn't see you, what can I get you? “

Out of breath she says “I just wanted to tell you....

A kid saw Arnold Schwarzenegger walking down the street...

the kid ran up to Arnold and said, "Whoa, you're a terminator! Do you really kill people?"

Arnold says, "Actually I'm retired so I only kill bugs now. I'm an ex-terminator."

2 Jewish guys are walking down a street...

...when they see a Catholic church with a sign out front that says "Convert today and get $1000 dollars". The first Jewish guy says "Can you believe their chutzpah, thinking someone would convert for money?!". The other Jewish guy says "A thousand dollars?! I'm gonna go for it!" and runs into the ch...

A young boy comes running down the street looking for a cop. He finds one and then begs "Please, officer, come back to the bar with me, my father's in a fight." Well, they get back to the bar and there's three guys fighting like you wouldn't believe.

After a while the cop turns to the kid and says "Okay, which one's your father."

The kid looks up at the cop and says, "I don't know, officer, that's what they're fighting about."

What did the cow say after it crossed the street?

Moo

A woman is walking down the street when she bumps into an old friend she hasn't seen in a long time. They sit down on a bench and catch up on their lives.

Friend: So do you have any kids?

Woman: Yes, I have 5 boys.

Friend: Nice! What are their names?

Woman: Steve.

Friend: You mean... All of them are named Steve?

Woman: Exactly, it's so much easier that way! It's hard enough to supervise 5 boys playing together, it's ...

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If two tampons pass each other in the street, which one says hello first?

Neither, they're both stuck up cunts.

I man is walking down the street and passes a pet shop.

He notices in the window a parrot going for cheap. He enters the shop and asks why the price was so low.

The chap told him the bird used to be in a local brothel waiting room.

The man takes a chance and buys it. He takes it home and removes the cover to which the parrot says " hello th...

A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe...

...watching people going in and out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Some time passes. After a while they see three people leaving the house.

The physicist says: "The measurement was inaccurate."

The biologist says: "The peop...

There is this homeless man in my street who keeps asking me for a blanket

I told him I won't give it back.

I went to Vietnam and someone on the street peed all over me

I still get splashbacks

I saw a homeless guy on the streets and I had 50 bucks on me...

I thought, “This’ll be wasted on drugs and booze.” So I just gave it to the homeless guy.

Was walking down the street yesterday, seen an ad in the shop window. "T.V FOR SALE, €1, VOLUME STUCK ON FULL"

I said, can't turn that down.

Two atoms are walking down the street and one says "I think I just lost an electron".

The other atom says "you sure"?

The first atom says "yeah, I'm positive"

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So there was this assassin that charged $10,000 per bullet.

A guy comes up to him in the bar one day and says, "Are you the guy who charges $10,000 a bullet?"

"Yup."

"What if you miss?"

He looks at the man, deadly serious. "I don't miss..."

"Okay, well I've got $20,000. I just found out my wife is having an affair with my best fri...

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There was a man in Jamaica who had only one testicle. Jamaicans being Jamaicans gave him the street name 'Onestone'.

He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!"

The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Bl...

A Texan walks into an Irish bar...

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back to back."

The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's of...

If you ever go to Moscow you will notice there is always a sense of urgency on the streets.

Because everyone there is Russian.

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A Wall Street stockbroker decides to go off the grid completely

He’s had enough of that dog eat dog lifestyle and the stress and rat race of NYC.

So he buys a cabin in a remote part of the Adirondacks. Closest neighbor is miles away on a neighboring mountain. Pure solitude, nature, zero cell phone service, no electricity.

Months go by and he has ze...

Word on the street is Iran needs a new General.

Trump is doing so great, he’s even creating jobs in Iran.

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A nun and her friend are walking down the street late one night...

...when suddenly Dracula steps out of the shadows and stands in front of them, staring menacingly.
“Oh my God, it’s Dracula! What should we do?” says the nun.
“Quick, show him your cross!” says her friend.
“Good idea” says the nun. She quickly walks towards Dracula and shouts “Hey! Get o...

I was walking down the street the other day when I noticed someone pickpocket a dwarf.

I don’t understand how anyone could stoop so low.

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Three men are walking down a street.

One man is white, one black and one Asian. The three are then confronted by a man in a trench-coat who is wielding an axe. The man tells them that if their penis sizes don’t add up to 13 inches, he will kill them all. The white man measures his own and says it is 6 inches long. The black man gets th...

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A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by.

He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman... he's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."...

I told a joke during tech sound setup: "There were two European tourists walking down the street. One was from Budapest."

"There was a Czech one, too."

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My friend and I were walking down the street when we saw a beautiful girl drive by and whip out her breasts and shake them at us.

Me: "Wow! That was quite a show!"

Friend: "Sure, but I see that all the time at work."

Me: "You do? I thought you were worked in IT."

Friend: "Yeah. That was just a flash drive."

You're walking alone on a street when a person slaps you with a silk glove and runs away. As you watch them run, 2 cops are chasing them. Michael Jackson was right...

You've been hit by, you've been stuck by, a smooth criminal.

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White people don’t shoot each other in the streets like black people do.

We do it in schools, because we have class.

What do you call a street full of potholes and ice cream?

Rocky Road

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A bloke buys a camel from some shonk on a street corner, and he proudly rides it into the pub car park, causing a bit of a stir with the local drinkers.

"Nice camel, mate," one of his drinking commented. "Is it male or
female?"


"Female!" the bloke beamed.


"How do you know" his mate enquired.


"Well," the bloke explained, "On the way here today, at least twenty
people yelled out: 'Hey - look at the cunt...

Two donkeys are standing near a street light and deciding whether to cross the zebra crossing or not

Donkey-1:Yo! What are you waiting for?Lets cross the road!

Donkey-2:No Way! Did you see what happened to the zebra?

[NSFW] A cowboy is walking down main street in nothing but his boots and hat...

Shortly after he got into town, a sheriff stops him.

"Sir, why in the hell are you walkin down the street naked as a jaybird?"

"I can explain! See I met this girl named Sally. Well, I took her back to my place and she took her shirt off... So I took off mine. Then she took her pants of...

Homeless dude approached me on the street...

and said, "Do you have a dollar for a sandwich?"

I said, "Show me the sandwich."

There’s a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him.

The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him.


So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him. By now, the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops...

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Two Englishmen are strolling down a London street,

when they see a stray dog licking its own testicles.

One of the Englishmen turns to the other and says, "Say, I wish I could do that!"

His mate watches the dog for a moment, sighs longingly,
and replies,

"I should say so! But don't you think you ought to get to know him fi...

One rainy, windy night, a man was walking home alone, down a dark, deserted street that ran right by the local cemetery.

As he passed the gates, he heard a bump in the darkness behind him. Not daring to look back, he quickened his pace. But, the bumping noise continued behind him.He stopped and turned to see what it was. Coming down the road behind him was a coffin, standing on end, bumping from side to side -

...

A man was walking home down a dark street at night. As he was walking, he heard this thumping....

He stopped and looked, and there was nothing there. It seemed to have stopped. He continued on. Then he heard more thumping, and he knew he wasn't crazy. He turned, and what he saw horrified him. A coffin was thumping after him! He ran. The coffin on his tail. He ran to his house. He closed and lock...

Two kids were walking down the street. One was drinking battery acid and the other one was eating firecrackers.

Police charged one and let the other one off.

What would goldfish be called if they were a street drug?

The crack that smiles back

I asked Ryu from Street Fighter, "Can I borrow that uppercut move you do... Whatever that's called?"

He yelled back "SURE-A-YOU CAN!"

A person is walking down the street and hears a bunch of people in a fenced-in yard shouting, "19! 19! 19! 19!"

Curious, he walks over and looks through a hole in the fence. Someone from the other side pokes him in the eye and they all start shouting "20! 20! 20!"

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Challenged my boss to a street race.

My boss drives a Prius to work every day. One day I challenged him to a street race after work, my Focus against his car, for pink slips. Quarter mile. He accepted

That night waiting for him, he pulls up, in a Corvette. We raced. He won. I didn't stop. Kept going. Next day I called into work...

Two Priests are walking down the street when a drunk man comes up to them.

He says to the first Priest "I'm Jesus Christ."

The Priest replies "No son, you're not!"

So he says to the second "I'm Jesus Christ."

He says "No son, you're not."

The drunk says "Look I can prove it."

He takes the two Priests into the bar.

The bartender tak...

Ran into a Chinese guy on the street with his car up on a jack and a bloody nose.

He was trying to change a flat tire. I asked him what had happened and he told me in broken English that he had tried to borrow some tools from the house across the street and the husband attacked him. I asked him what he said to the man that made him so angry.

He said:

"I told him I ...

A little old lady is walking down the street,

dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill comes flying out of it onto the pavement.


Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag..." "Damn!" says ...

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As an Asian man, I have always wanted to know how it felt to be black. Today I finally accomplished that goal.

I sneezed and watched every one walk to the other side of the street.

A magician was driving down the the street...

And poof, he turns into a driveway.

Three guys are walking down a street ...

A rich man, middle class man and a unemployed man are walking down a very windy street with their wives. A strong gust of wind causes the skirts of the wives to rise up and their husbands notice none of the women were wearing any panties.


The rich man turns to his wife and asks her why s...

Three politicians and little Johnny are walking down the street.

There's a republican, a democrat and a libertarian walking on one side of the street and little Johnny on the other. They come across a horribly dilapidated bridge, looking like it's about to collapse.

"We should raise taxes and have some company fix it. Then everybody will be able to use it ...

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A woman pregnant with triplets , 2 girls and a boy, was walking down the street when she was shot 3 times in the stomach

Somehow, miraculously , she and all 3 of her babies survived. 19 years later she’s at a family reunion and her first daughter comes up to her , visibly shaken. She says “mom, I just pissed out a bullet and I’m freaking out!” She sits down and holds her head in her hands , panicking. The mom figures ...

A young lady, upon meeting a Scotsman on the street one day asked...

"sir, is it true what they say about what's under a Scotsman's kilt?"

"Lassie, just reach right up and see for yourself!" He replied.

The young woman reached up the Scotsman's kilt and felt nothing but what God has given the Scotsman, as a grin crossed his lips.

"SIR, that's gru...

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A lawyer was walking down the street...

When he spotted a woman with spectacular breasts. He immediately offered her $100 if she would let him bite them.
“No way!” She exclaimed
“What about for $1000?” He persisted
“No certainly not what kind of woman do you think I am?”
“You wouldn’t even do it for $10,000,” he asked.
The...

A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today

I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle

A man on my street used to fill his own prescription pills.

He'd buy the capsules and fill them with powder.

After 10 years of filling prescriptions for the neighborhood, it was discovered that he was drying out dead cats and grinding them into powder to fill the capsules.

He was a caterpillar.

Sorry.

I met a homeless duck on the way to work yesterday. We got talking and I asked him how he ended up on the streets...

He said it was because of his nasty quack habit.

A magician stops a woman on a street....

“Pick a card, any card” he says. She grabs one at random.
“Now, look away and memorize that card. Don’t show me.”
She turns away, memorizes it, and turns back to see that the man was gone.
She lived her life as any other. She got a job, fell in love, got married, and got pregnant with her f...

A crying women walks up to man selling fruit on the street,

Man: Hey what’s wrong?

Women: My boyfriend and I tried to run away and get married but we were caught by my parents. My parents wanted a big formal but we don’t want to do that.

Man: Oh I’m so sorry, can I offer you some fruit on the house?

Women: Oh thank you, I would love some...

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Vagina flavor lollipop

A street vendor was shouting "Vagina flavor lollipops, get your vagina flavor lollipops here!"

A man approaches and says "This can't be real, but I'll have one please" the man licks it.
"Uugh.. This taste like shit!"

"Turn it around" says the vendor

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I just found a dead body in the street

So I took it home and put it on the cat's pillow


See how she fucking likes it !

An elderly Catholic man is hit by a bus . . .

A bus on a busy street struck a Catholic man.

He was lying near death on the sidewalk as a crowd gathered.

"A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasped.

Long seconds dragged on but no one stepped out of the crowd.

A policeman checked the crowd and finally yelled, ...

Which state has the most streets per square mile?

It's Rhode Island.

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One African immigrant works as a street cleaner

He hates his job. People disrespect him. A friend of him, working as him, coming from the same village, tells him to quit. The guy refuses, says he has a family to take care and keeps cleaning.


His friend tells him to stop and to look at the shop. He sees some crocodile leather shoes sold...

Why did the guy throw jelly into the street?

He wanted to create a traffic jam.



(yes I know that they are different substances)

Two nuns are bicycling down a street and one nun says, "I've never come this way before."

Other nun says, "Meh, me neither. Must be the cobblestones."

What do you call a person who has outstanding street smarts?

A roads scholar

Found a sweet little thing walking the streets last night so I offered her a ride home, got her some dinner and got laid for my effort.

Still not sure whose dog this is though...

A woman was sobbing on the side of the street because she had accidentally locked her keys in her car,

a passing soldier saw this and assured her that he can help.

She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.

Magically it opens....... "That's so clever," the woman gasps. "How did you do it?"

"Easy," replies the s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bought a new satnav its called a U2.

Its crap, the streets have no name and I still cant find what I'm looking for

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a police man was walking down a street when he saw an old woman with two big bags. One bag was broken and $20 bills were falling out of it.

So, the police man stops the old lady and asked her “ hey, How did you get so much money, you didn’t rob a bank did you?” The old lady stopped replied “ No dear, I live next to a Golf course and I was sick of golfers peeing through my fence, so whenever I see a golfer stick his dirty bits through m...

What is the difference between a street seller and a sausage dog??

A street seller bawls out his wears on the pavement..

„Harry Potter's” author is walking down the street

J.K., she's Rowling.

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