Two friends are standing at a crosswalk waiting to cross.

One turns to the other and says "Hey, wouldn't it be ironic if you got hit by an ambulance?" The other guy scoffs. "An ambulance wouldn't be good enough for me," he says. "It'd have to be a luxury limousine!" He steps out into the street, and is promptly hit by a garbage truck.

A man is hit by a car on a crosswalk.

The driver gets out in a hurry and asks "Are you alright?"

The victim replied "No, I think you broke my arm."

The driver points out towards a medical clinic; "You're lucky, there's a doctor there that can help you!"

The victim makes a sarcastic face.

"I know, I'm the doct...

Did you hear about the screenwriter who was so distracted from working on a screenplay in his head, he stepped into a crosswalk and got hit by a hit-and-run driver?

Another victim of a cross site scripting attack.

A man walks into an antique store and starts looking around.

Suddenly, he gazes upon the most beautiful bronze statue of a siamese cat. He asks the store owner how much he wants for the statue. The store owner replies "It's $100 for the statue and $1000 for the story that goes with it."

The man replies "I really don't care about the story, but I do wa...

Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?

There wasn’t a crosswalk obviously, he wasn’t going to jaywalk

I can drive this Tesla more stylishly and smartly than any of you.

But I still don’t understand how you can tell a crosswalk apart from a traffic light or fire hydrant so easily?

A woman goes to a Porsche Dealership

A Woman goes to a Porsche Dealship to get a car

\-I need a car, said the woman

\-Of Course! what do you have in mind?

\-Looking for a convertible

\-Then you might be interested in the 911 GTS Cabrio

The price was very expensive but she still bought it

weeks ...

An old Man is in the big city the first time in his life for an doctors apointment.

He takes a taxi, a mercedes, to get to his appointment. The whole ride he bombards his driver the most stupid questions about live in the big city. The taxi driver gehts more and more irritated about the questions.

Finally the man asks: "What´s the star in the middle of your hood for?"
...

Intelligent Crows

When I was in school, some professors noticed that the crows on campus were astoundingly intelligent. These crows recognized that when lights were green, cars could go and when they were red, cars would stop. Using this knowledge, the crows would put nuts on the crosswalk so that during a green ligh...

Why did the penny arrest the nickel?

He could because he was a copper.

The nickel refused to stop on a dime even though he was only a quarter way through the intersection. He hit 50 cent (who was crossing on the crosswalk) and thought it was a buck.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was walking through the park..

As he is walking down the trail, he notices a tennis ball in the grass. He looks around, doesn't see anybody it might belong to, so he picks it up and puts it in his pocket to take home, thinking the neighbor's dog might enjoy it. After leaving the park to walk home, he comes to a crosswalk. While w...

What do you get when you dip a chicken in paint?

A crosswalk.

How does Jesus get around the busy streets of bethlehem?

By using the crosswalk

Road Rage

An honest man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him.

He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailga...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A snail decides to buy a car...

There's this snail. All his life, all he's ever wanted was a little red corvette, convertible, with a big black "S" painted on the hood. He saves and saves and finally buys his life-long dream. He pulls out of the dealership and his driving down the street, proud as can be. Two guys, waiting at ...

California Roll

A man driving approaches a stop sign and slows down to a cool 5 mph, rolls smoothly across the crosswalk, looks both ways, and glides forward when he sees the coast is clear.

Unbeknownst to him, a cop sees this and pulls him over on the next block.

The cop pulls the guy out of the car ...

Why does Jesus Jaywalk?

Because he hates crosswalks

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