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Jaywalk Jokes

A cop just stopped me for jaywalking and then tasered me after exchanging a few words...

Police: Turn around.

Me: Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you’re never coming round...

Police: TURN AROUND!!

Me: BRIGHT EYES, Every now and then I fall apart. And you I need you now tonight, and I need you more than ev--AHHHHHH!

Did you hear about the judge who gave a jaywalker a very long sentence?

"Jaywalking laws require that pedestrians obey traffic control signals unless otherwise instructed by law enforcement which, in addition to traffic signals, jaywalking laws dictate how pedestrians may legally cross the street when no signals are present and though many states require that pedestrian...

Why does Jesus Jaywalk?

Because he hates crosswalks

What do you call a police who arrests a jaywalker?

A Petty Officer!

Two Africans and an Englishman are caught jaywalking in the U.S...

The police let the two Africans off with a warning. Then they pull their guns on the Englishman and shoot him eight times, even though his hands are up in surrender.

"Well, so much for stereotypes!" says the first South African.

"Was that sarcasm?" says the second. "He was the only o...

Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?

There wasn’t a crosswalk obviously, he wasn’t going to jaywalk

Here is a British joke about Americans crossing the road:

The idea of jaywalking makes me cross.

Did you hear about the Toronto baseball player who was arrested for illegally crossing the street?

Jaywalking

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm so crap at gaming...

when I play GTA, I get arrested for jaywalking

A man escapes from the Soviet Union

He visits his relative who has been living in West Germany and did quite well for himself. The relative takes him on a tour of town in his brand new Mercedes. The Soviet man, not having seen a Mercedes in his life, asks him about the three pointed star hood ornament.

The relative decides to p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman buys a new car

It comes with a voice activated radio that will play whatever music that the driver desires. She decides to test it out while driving her new car home.

"Classical," she said.

The radio immediately starts playing Nocturne op.9 No.2.

"Country," she said as she turned left.

...

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