LONG : An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.



Looking at the shiny car ,the old man asks the doctor "What ya driving there sonny?

The doctor replies, “1500+hp Porsche. It cost half a million dollars!


'Why does it cost so much?' Says the old man.


'Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!' state...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard a rumour about this grey butterfly that hangs around street lights in dark alleys.

Turned out it was an urban moth

A politician uses statistics like a drunk uses a street light.

For support, rather than illumination.

Two donkeys are standing near a street light and deciding whether to cross the zebra crossing or not

Donkey-1:Yo! What are you waiting for?Lets cross the road!

Donkey-2:No Way! Did you see what happened to the zebra?

My dad used to say to come home before the street lights come on

One night the street light broke and never came on, I guess that's why my dad never came back

My parents said I don’t have to come home until the street lights come on

but we live in an Amish neighborhood so I think they just don’t love me

Three Guys are on an private jet when the pilot says they need to lighten their load.

They all agree to drop one item each. The first man drops an empty briefcase, the second man drops a beach towel, and the third man drops a live grenade. The flight continues as normal and the three men decide to visit the area where they dropped their items to see if any damage was done.

Soo...

One night, a man on his way...

One night, a man on his way home happened upon a drunk, down on his hands and knees searching for something under a street light. The man asked the drunk what he was looking for so diligently and the drunk said he had tripped and his Rolex wrist watch had broken loose from his wrist. The man, being ...

An Australian is visiting Britain...

He's from a small rural village and is completely unfamiliar with traffic rules and street lights and just crosses streets whenever. After almost getting hit by cars several times and lots of honking a police officer sees him and shouts: "Oi! You there, did you come here to die?" The Aussie replies:...

A 15 year old boy turns 16 tomorrow.

He asks his mom for a brand new car so he can drive around, but his mon tells him that if he wants his own car, he'd have to work for it and get it himself.

The mom leaves for work the next morning, and when she comes back that night she sees all the street lights in her cul-de-sac covered in...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife's favorite joke

It took me months to gather courage to post this here, but, it's finally time. It's a terrible joke, so please be gentle.

A drunk man climbs a street light, and starts yelling that he will commit suicide.

A woman who was passing by, sees the scene, and start trying to convince the man ...

A drunkard walking down the street

The poor fellow hits his head on every street light there is to hit on the sidewalk. A policeman doing his beat sees the man hitting another post exceptionally hard and fall to the ground. He walks to the man, helps him to his feet and asks:

- Sir, are you okay? Do you need any assistance?...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Buddy laid this one on me a while back. His acting made me believe it all the way till the punchline.

Was at a party when a friend starts telling this story. You'll have to change some things around to make it work for you but it goes like this.

So did you hear I got a ticket last week? I was driving down this farm road cause I thought it would be a short cut getting to my girlfriends house....

So a while back the Pope went on a visit...

to a city. He was trying to get across town without attracting too much attention, so instead of the Popemobile, he was driving in a heavily armored SUV with very tinted windows.

So the chauffeur is driving the Pope around, and the Pope gets to wondering. "Man," he thinks, "I haven't driven i...

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