A man driving down a winding country lane noticed two people on the road.

They were wearing robes and sandals, had shaved heads and holding up signs.

One sign read "The End is Near!"

The other sign read "Change Before it's Too Late!"

He slowed the car and rolled down the window. "Get lost you religious nuts!" He yelled.

He sped off round the co...

A cop sees a car parked in the local Lover's Lane with the windows all steamed up.

He goes over and taps on the window. The guy inside rolls it down.

The cop looks inside and sees the fellow sitting behind the wheel, fully dressed. There's a young lady sitting in the back seat, also fully dressed.

The cop says, "What are you doing out here?"

Guy says, "I'm wat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young couple go for romantic walk along a country lane.

They walk hand in hand and as they stroll, the guy's lustful desire rises to a peak.

He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind but I really
do need to pee."Slightly taken aback by this, he replies, “OK. Why don't you go behind this hedge."

She nods agreem...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A strip club joke

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Man Buys His Wife A Special Type Of Dildo

A man was looking around a sex store searching for a special sex toy to buy his wife so that she won't screw around on him while he is away on a business trip for a few weeks.

After not finding anything special he asks the old man working the store.

The old man replies "Well there is...

i’ll never understand people who get in the fast lane just to drive the speed limit.

this lane is for CRIME

How do you make people in the lane next to you go faster?

You activate your turn signal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is on a date with a girl, so he takes her to Lovers’ Lane.

When they get up there, she says, ”I have to be honest with you — I’m a hooker.” The guy thinks about this for a short time and says it’s okay. He agrees to pay her $25, and they start having sex.

After they finish, the guy says, ”I have to be honest with you now. I’m a cab driver, and it’ll ...

A Southern Sheriff is driving down a secluded section of highway

when he sees what looks like a naked man peeing on a tree. He pulls over and walks up to the man and realizes he is tied to the tree.

The man smiles broadly and says,. "Oh thank God you showed up. You wouldn't believe the day I'm having. First my alarm clock didn't go off so I woke up late...

A Bridge Too Far

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly, the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime ...

Son: C’mon Dad, put you turn signal on before you change lanes.

Dad: FLICKer? I hardly know her!

Cop pulled me over & ticketed me driving alone in carpool lane.

Jokes on him, once I open the trunk!

I got pulled over in the carpool lane.

Cop: Where's your passenger?

Me: Due to social distancing they're in the car behind me.

A man is walking down a country road, and comes upon a mud puddle that covers the entire lane.

The lane is fenced in and the man must either walk through the puddle or turn back. As the man looks about for something to possibly bridge the puddle, he spies an old farmer on the other side of the fence.

The man hollers to farmer, “Hey farmer, how deep is this here puddle? I’ve a long ways...

Today on the highway driving home.

Me: Ah! Come on man stay in your lane.

My wife: I'll bet he is communist.

Me: what? Why?

My wife: because now it's 'our' lane.

A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old lamp.

He thinks he could sell it so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie.
The genie says to him " Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude."
The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it.
The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man an his little son are driving down a country lane one day...

A man an his little son are driving down a country lane one day when the little boy starts pointing out of the car window at two horses in a field and asks, "What are those two horses doin\` in that field daddy?"

His daddy looks into the field at the two horses and sees that they are shagging...

An almost blind guy walked into Lover's Lane to purchase their most see-through item for his wife. After receiving some help from the store clerk, he bought a lace teddy for $500 and brought it home for his wife to try on. She took it upstairs and realized that it didn't quite fit.

But, she figured, since it's supposed to be see-through and since he's almost blind, she might as well wear nothing at all.
So she came downstairs completely naked.
"Huh," said the old man, hugging her. "For the amount I paid, they could've at least ironed the damn thing."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is speeding down a country lane...

At one point the police stops him.

"I have to get you a speeding ticket!"

The man begs him to turn a blind eye ...

The policeman replies: "Look ... I really like riddles. If you know exactly how to answer this riddle, I won't get you a ticket!"

The man gets ready up and c...

A cop sees a car driving slowly and wiggly, changing lanes for no reason and so on

He pulls the car over, a man and a woman sit in it.

Cop: "I had to pull you over, you can't drive like that!"

Man: "I'm sorry, I've drank a little bit to much..."

Cop: "That's not an excuse to let your wife drive!"

Bridge to Hawaii

One day, a man found a lamp in an old antique store and when he picked it up, **POOF** a genie popped out.
"I shall grant you anything you wish, but choose wisely, because I can only grant one." The genie said.
The man thought for a moment before saying, "I want a bridge from California to...

Super table

Clark Kent: *puts glasses on table*

Lois Lane: Is that our table? I don't recognize it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some asshole thought that he could cut lanes and drive over the limit because he had a fancy and expensive vehicle. So I slowed him down 10 miles below the limit

Fucking Ambulances, I swear

Clark Kent was lying in his death bed with his wife Lois Lane beside him.

After some time, Lois said “Darling, I have to confess something. Years ago, I had an affair with Superman. It was only one night, but I’ve regretted it ever since. I hope you can forgive me.”

“You don’t need to worry about that because,” Clark said as he took off his glasses, “I am Superman!...

Two Nuns are driving along a country lane at night.

When Dracula jumps onto the bonnet, “Quick, show him your cross” says the driver, the other winds down the window and shouts, “Get off the car you toothy git!”

Times were tough at the Daily Planet and Perry White was forced to fire a star reporter. Either Lois Lane or Clark Kent.

He struggled making a decision for days until he went to the grocery store and saw a sign. The next day he called both of them into his office where fired Lois Lane. After she left, Clark Kent asked him, "Perry, how did you decide which of us to fire?" He replied, "I couldn't make a decision until I...

I don’t mean to sound paranoid about changing lanes while driving

But I’m always looking over my shoulder

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I realized I've got a problem with road rage.

When my five year old Daughter shouted.

"Pick a fucking lane you dickhead!"

That's the last time I take her to the grocery store....

Found an Funny Indian Joke and tried to translate it.

An Indian politician was visiting a foreigner politician. He saw foreigner politicians had a big house and 2 luxury cars. He askes him how is it possible as the salary of a politician is not that much. Foreigner politician took Indian politician on drive and said

"do you see this 10 lanes hig...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The greatest truck driver in the world was driving along a country lane late one night when

his truck broke down. All he could see was a faint light in the distance. So he headed towards it. He came to an old farmhouse and knocked on the door.

"*Hello,*" he says, "*I'm the greatest truck driver in the world and my truck is broken down. I wonder could I have a bed for the night?*" <...

What do you get if you cross two kerbs, two lanes and a white line?

"I don't know", said the chicken, "but I'll find out."

I went for a walk through Memory Lane today.

I found some boxes in my closet. In it were old family relics. My great-great grandfather's World War One helmet was the first thing I saw. There was also my grandmother's surgical gear when she was a nurse in the local hospital, and countless heirlooms I can't possibly list all of which.

The...

I was driving down the highway today and saw a woman in the lane next to me reading a novel while driving

I was so angry that I stopped texting and flipped her off

A man is driving down the motor way in the fast lane with a trailer full of monkeys

he notices his friends jeep in the adjacent lane. He slows down and ushers his friend to pull down the window.

"John I'm in a massive rush, if I give you $50 could you bring these monkeys to the zoo?"

"No problem" replies John

About 4 hours later, the man drives the o...

Two Nuns cycling down a Church Lane. One says I have never come this way before.

The other Nun says, nor have I, must be the cobbles.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For a wedding gift a guy decides to tattoo his wife's name on his penis.

When erect it proudly reads "Wendy" on the side of his shaft, but when soft it only shows "Wy". While on his honeymoon in the Caribbean, he is using the bathroom and notices the guy in the urinal next to him also has a "Wy" on his penis. He then asks the guy if his wife is named Wendy. The guy re...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two nuns are driving down a country lane late one night.

Suddenly, a vampire lands on the bonnet of the car, hissing and scratching at the windscreen!
“Ooh, Sister Mary - quickly, show him your cross”! Says a panicking Sister Bernadette!
Sister Mary quickly winds the window and leans out, “Get off the fucking bonnet, you prick”! She shouts!

2 drunks walking down a country lane

2 drunks walking down a country lane.

" I don't believe it , a man is buried there who was 150 years old "

"What was his name ?"

"Miles from London "

Elsa from frozen died when when walking in the bike-lane

It was an icicle accident

I had to disable the lane departure warning on my new car.

It kept going off at random times, for no reason, and it was distracting me from my texting.

I asked my mom if I could try to breast feed one more time.

It was a trip down mammary lane.

What did Lois Lane say when she found out that Superman has ED?

Clark can't.

A coach full of jazz musicians has broken down on the motorway, blocking all lanes.

Police say to expect some long jams.

I took the HOV lane underground, when suddenly my hands started cramping on the steering wheel.

Must be my carpool tunnel syndrome.

My mate punched my driver for pulling into the cycle lane...

He\`s a bit of a CYCLE-PATH.......





yeah its bad..

What does your appendix, Republicans, and the slow lane have in common with Matthew McConaughey?

All right, all right, all right.





I had someone tailgate me when I was going 10 over the speed limit in the fast lane.

So I got in the slower lane and he continued to tailgate me! He looked so ridiculous with those flashing lights and that annoying siren.

A man is driving down a country lane and wants to smoke a cigarette but doesn't have a light.

He sees a small pub and decides to go in and buy some matches.

Upon entering, the barman greets him with, "Hi. What can I get you?"

"That's very kind," replies the man. "I'll have a pint of cider."

The barman pours the cider and says, "That'll be £2.49."

"What?" asks the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had sex in the carpool lane...

Now I'm HOV Positive.

A nun turns her bicycle down an unfamiliar, cobblestone lane.

"Oh, well I've never come this way before."

Moses, Jesus, and an old man go golfing...

They’ve been going for a bit now and they’re at the final hole. It’s a large course with a big lake right in the middle of the fair lane, with the hole on the other side.

Jesus goes first. He hits the ball and it lands on the shallows of the lake. Jesus walks across the water and hits it and...

Lover's Lane

A cop comes upon a car parked late one night on Lover's Lane. Upon further investigation he finds a male subject reading a book in the front seat and a female subject filing her nails in the back seat.

The cop asks the guy, "What are you doing up here?"

"I'm reading a book sir."
...

When They Say Everything is Coming your Way, there’s 2 Meanings to that.

1.) Everything is going as you expected.

2.) You’re in the Wrong Lane.

What do you get if you cross a four-lane highway and a narrow footpath?

Closer to wherever you were going.

Nate the Snake (Long)

There once was an island in the middle of the ocean, shaped somewhat like a dog bone, with two populated ends separated by a long narrow strip of land with a highway connecting the two ends of the island.

Oddly enough, the entire island was held up from sinking into the ocean by a big lever,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It is a cold, foggy night, and several passengers are in a bus, driving along little lanes through the countryside.

Suddenly, the bus swerves violently. The passengers are irritated. A young man who was woken up by the bus's swerving says: "What happened?"

"Mist," the bus driver says, dismissively.

The young man thinks that yes, it is harder to drive in fog, and falls back asleep thinking nothin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is travelling through some English country lanes . . .

. . . when his car breaks down next to a field.
He gets out and lifts up the bonnet. Steam gushes into his face. 'Jesus, where do i start?' He says.

'Check the radiator' a voice says.

The man looks around, all he can see are 2 horses standing in a field. He checks the radiator, all ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lois Lane is on an assignment in Japan.

Meanwhile Superman is flying around saving the day, he misses Lois and is feeling horny.

He flies over the Justice League headquarters and sees Wonder Woman on her back, sunbathing nude on the roof. He contemplates for a moment and decides to make his move.

As fast as a speeding bullet...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the chicken make a triple lane change on the highway without a turn signal?

Because he was a cock.

My dad told me this joke in Serbian years ago. Hope it translates well.

A man is terminally ill and has 3 months left to live. Seeing as he was a holy man for all his life, God gave him a visit and granted him 3 wishes. The man ponders for a few minutes then asks for his first wish.

“God, I’d love to have a nice steak dinner and some brandy to wash it down with.”...

I was in San Francisco. I took off in a lane next to a self driving car. The self driving car hesitated momentarily at the green light and the vehicle behind him honked at him. So i lowered my window and yelled,

"Oh C'mon! Give it a break! It's only ***Artifically*** Intelligent!"

The first high definition photos have been received from the Mars rover, Perseverance.

As I predicted, it has found a McDonalds with a drive-thru lane, and a Walmart Supercenter.

It has also started receiving calls from telemarketers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2 nuns driving down a dark country lane late one night.

Half way down the see the devil standing in the middle of the road blocking their path. They stop the car look at each other and sister mary turns to sister agnes and says 'oh dear sister mary whatever shall we do?'

To this question sister mary says ' I have an idea sister agnes, climb out of...

How do you signal when changing lanes?

I drive a BMW

A local copper was walking through his quiet English village when he spots a red Ferrari coming through just a little bit too fast. He steps out into the road, stops the car, and walks up to the driver's window.

"Going a bit fast there, don't you think?"

"This road is the b35 so I was going 35mph." Replies the driver.

The copper shakes his head at the driver's stupidity. "That's not how it works, son. It's tight bends and small single lanes for miles around here, 30mph maximum." The copper the...

A snail saw a slug looking sad whilst watching a couple of beetles scurrying about having fun.

"What's up mate, life in the slow lane getting you down?", asked the snail.

The slug just looked at him and replied, "No. Surely it's obvious why I'm so down? I've had my home repossessed!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Super man was flying over metropolis and saw Louis Lane (nsfw)

Laying on her roof naked. Super man thought “I’m so fast I can fly down get me a little Yoo-hoo from my lady love and be gone before anyone sees me.” So Superman does just that, flys down gets him some action, kisses her on the cheek and flys off before anyone knows he is there. Louis being totally...

I got pulled over in the carpool lane today

The cop said I can't be driving in this lane without anyone else in my car, but the joke's on him. The trunk is full of people.

A man finds a bottle with a genie inside. *poof* “I will grant you one wish, what is thy bidding master?” “I want a freeway to Hawaii from Santa Barbara with a tollbooth that only I can enter!”

The genie scoffs. “Foolish mortal, that is not possible, even for a genie like myself. The logistics of designing and building such a thing over thousands of miles of open ocean is ludicrous, please wish for something else.”

The man thinks for a moment. “Hmmm, then I wish that I could actuall...

A friend of mine who was an officer invited me for a ride along.

As we were driving along he told me: "I've been a cop for almost 20 years now. I can follow anyone, and I mean anyone for just 1 mile down the road and I can find something I can cite them for."

I said prove it, so he started following the next guy he saw. After a mile he said "I can't believ...

Everyone knows the muffin man lives down Drury Lane.

But did you know the ice cream man lives down Rocky Road?

I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB

That was a trip down memory lane

Why was the road afraid of the bike lane?

'Cause it's a cyclepath.

I saw a women texting and driving in the lane next to mine...

Incensed, I rolled my window down and threw my beer at her.

Steve is in his car driving on the highway by the ocean in California...

...when he stops and asks God for just 1 wish for being a super faithful and good human being. God instantly appears and tells Steve that he has earned the right for one wish.

Steve: I wish for a bridge from here to Hawaii so that I can drive there and have a great time

God: Ehhhh! You...

A Blonde Date

Guy met a beautiful blonde and asked her for a date. They go to dinner and everything went fine. On the way home, Romeo decides to stop at the local Lover's Lane. They start kissing and things are getting pretty hot. So Romeo asks the Blonde, "Hey, how would you like to move to the back seat?" Blo...

A biker stopped by the

local Harley shop to have his bike repaired. They couldn’t do the work while he waited, and so, since he didn’t live far from the shop, he decided to walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped at the feed store / livestock dealer and p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Millionaire marriage proposal

A bachelor Chinese millionaire is on a business trip in Los Angeles. He has had very bad luck finding the perfect bride in China and had given up hope of getting married. During his business presentation, he sees the perfect bride for him -- she is an intelligent, tall, slender single brunette wit...

A young couple were in a car parked on Lovers Lane...

A young couple were in a car parked on Lovers Lane when the young man turned admiringly to his pretty date and said, “Wow, you smell good. You wearing perfume or something?”

The girl blushed charmingly and confessed that she was wearing a new perfume that she’d bought especially with him in m...

What Beatles song charted highest in Italy?

Penne Lane

I got pulled over for driving in the left lane on the highway.

He said "This a passing lane only. Are you from around here?"
I said "No I'm just passing through."
He let me go with just a warning.

11 Minutes

A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known lover’s spot, famous for all obscene activities. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing.

The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.
Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer ...

A Bridge from the US to Europe

A man is walking along the beach when he accidentally kicks a bottle. The bottle opens, and a genie appears.

“Thank you for freeing me!” The genie exclaims. “I’ve been waiting 2,000 years for this moment! I am a genie, and will grant you one wish.”

The man doubtfully looks the genie up...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One Saturday night, John and William conspired to steal a crate of rolls from the baker

As they wondered where to take their stolen loot, John suggested the cemetery, as no clear headed person would dare to take a Saturday night stroll among the graves.

Upon arriving at this questionable hangout, the gate proved to be quite a cumbersome obstacle to overcome. In the mad scramble ...

I lost my computer RAM.

I guess I will have to take a trip down memory lane to buy a new one.

What's Mrs.Claus's favourite Christmas song?

Here comes Santa Claus, Here comes Santa Claus, right down Santa Claus lane!

i just crashed my car in a lane between two houses, owned by mr and mrs ball, and one owned by mr and mrs smith

thank god i was dragged out by the smiths

Penny Lane

A school day starts as normal but minutes after the bell rings a student comes in the teacher asks "where have you been" to which he replies "up Penny Lane Miss", teacher shrugs as he takes a seat, minutes pass and another late comer arrives "where have you been?" "Up Penny Lane Miss" " ok take your...

So, this dude was walking down a beach and kicked a lamp, and a magic genie pops out.

The genie gives him the old "you freed me, so I will grant you a wish" thing that genies do. So the guy says "I love riding my motorcycle. I would love to ride it around the world. Can you build a highway that connects the entire world together?" The genie pauses for a moment, and with a look of...

My brother used to think the suicide lane is for committing suicide.

He only made the mistake once though

Two nuns, Sisters Mary and Teresa, are riding their bikes back to the convent from the shops in the old city.

Sister Mary says “Up ahead the road is blocked, but if you follow me, I know another route.”

Sister Teresa dutifully follows the older Sister as they wind their way through the city streets and down an old lane.

“Sister Mary,” asks Sister Teresa, “do you know this route well?”

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Spooky Halloween time!

Along a dark road. On a dark night, a man was walking home. A fog rolls in. The man puts his ear buds in. Listening to classical. A little bit of Bach never hurt anyone. The man, in the middle of "Toccata and Fugue in D minor" hears a loud bang behind him.

It wasn't metal or a gun or a firewo...

While walking down "K" St, I noticed the houses were numbered 32, 64, 128, 256, and 512.

It was a stroll down Memory Lane.

A driver gets pulled over for improper use of a carpool lane..

Cop: "Carpool lane is 2 or more passengers and I don't see your second passenger."

Driver: "well I'm just beside myself."

Two hunters were driving down a narrow two lane road in an off-road jeep, and saw a sign that said 'Bear Left'...

They turned around and went home.

A man walking in the Beach sees a lamp and out of curiosity, starts wiping it.

After wiping it and cleaning it. A gene comes comes. He looks at the sky and greets the person who was cleaning the lamp.

Hello there. I may grant you one wish.
The man says, what happens to three.
The gene says, one is all you get.

The man thinks hard Says.
My family...

So a poor man walks into a pet store

Hoping to buy a parrot. He looks at a whole bunch of parrots, but all of them are out of his price range. He asks one of the employees if they have a cheaper parrot.

“Actually, we have one parrot that nobody has wanted to buy. His name is Chet and he very lovable, but he’s only got one leg.”...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Single Guy Moves From New York City to the DEEP Country

He is so tired of city life he decides to move to the middle of nowhere and try something new. He buys a plot of land with a small farmhouse and 100 acres.

As he is unpacking his UHaul, he sees an old beat up truck kicking up dust down the dirt road. The truck turns on his lane and a man ge...

God gave a wish to a man

God gave a wish to a man.

The man asked, " I want the whole world to be connected by a road".

"Sorry son, it's technically impossible to engineer such a road. Ask something else" , he replied.

"Well then, I want Trump to think before he speaks something", he asked.

"You...

Two guys driving in the highway with broken side mirror car

The driver wants to switch lanes and tells the passenger: “Can you look if there any car is coming”

The passenger turns and looks back and says: “No there’s no car coming”.

Driver turns the signal on and proceeds to change the line and huge truck hits them.

Driver turns to pass...

What's big, black and loaded with aids?

A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist.

Did you hear about the guy who was obsessed with building HOV lanes through mountains?

Did you hear about the guy who was obsessed with building HOV lanes through mountains?

Classic case of carpool tunnel syndrome

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The old farmer said, “ Well as I see it, Donald Trump is like a Post Tortoise”

The man, not being familiar with the term, asked what a ‘post tortoise’ was.

The farmer said, “When you’re driving down a county lane and you come across a fence post with a tortoise balanced on top, that’s a post tortoise.

The farmer saw the puzzled look on the man’s face so he cont...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.