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Strand Jokes

the stranded woman and the kind indian

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes...

Three disabled stranded men

Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, bu...

Three men were stranded on a deserted island

when they discovered a magical golden fish swimming near the shore. The fish promised to grant each of them one wish.

The first man said, "I wish I were back home with my family." In an instant, he disappeared from the island and found himself surrounded by his loved ones.

...

A Jewish man is stranded on an island for 20 years

He is finally rescued by a team, and he insists on showing them the life he’s built for himself there. They come across a small clearing with a bunch of makeshift buildings.

He points to the closest one, “That’s my home.” He continues to point to the other buildings as they walk by.

“T...

Eric is stranded on an island...

Eric is stranded on an island. He starts hopelessly wandering around and hides behind the bushes when he comes upon a local tribe of cannibals and their cannibal king sitting on a golden throne.

"I'm screwed." Eric whispers to himself.

Then, out of nowhere, appears a wise old man. "No...

If Donald Trump and Mike Pence were on a stranded island, who would survive?

The United States of America

Two men and a woman are stranded on an island after a plane crash...

... Resourceful, they waste no time, build a house, find food and water, and globally have it good. After one month, the woman goes to the two men and says:


"Okay guys, let's be frank. I have my needs, you have your needs, let's do it. We'll take turns, one day it's you", she says to th...

I have this recurring nightmare where not only am I forced to become Vegan, I'm then stranded alone on a desert island....

... and there's nobody to tell.

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Stranded

So a plane crashes near a deserted island, and the only survivors are Megan Fox and a guy named Bill. So for months, Bill builds her a shelter, catches fish, cooks, and takes care of Megan, while being a perfect gentleman.

So then Megan approaches Bill one night, and they make passionate lov...

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One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years sees an unusual speck on the horizon.

"It's certainly not a ship", he thinks to himself.

As the speck gets closer and closer he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.

Suddenly, emerging from the surf, comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She appr...

I was stranded on an island with nothing but dark red grass, dark red sand, dark red trees everything was darkred.

"AHHH!" i yelled "I've been marooned!"

3 men are stranded in the desert

A blind man, an amputee, and a man in a wheelchair. They’d been traveling for hours and they crest a sand dune and to their surprise there’s a beautiful oasis. So all 3 men travel to it, the amputee jumps in, when he steps out he looks at his arm and it had grown back. Amazed he leads the blind man ...

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An American, A Canadian and a Japanese were stranded in a deserted island

An American, A Canadian and a Japanese were stranded in a deserted island in middle of no where. They understood that until rescues arrived, they will need to work together in order to stay alive on the island. So they decided to divide up the tasks. The American points to the Canadian and says: "yo...

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A married couple and a single man are stranded on an island

After a few weeks the single man is getting very horny. The married woman one day whispers to him, "I'd love to help you out but my husband wouldn't stand for it, and as you know, it's a tiny island with only one tree." The single man says, "It's ok. I'll think of something." Every day they take...

3 guys and one girl are stranded on a desert island.

After one week the girl is so ashamed of what she is doing that she kills herself.

After another week the guys are so ashamed of what they are doing that...they bury her.

Another week goes by and the guys are so ashamed of what they've been doing...so they dig her back up.

A man is stranded on a deserted island for years...

Once there was a guy stuck on a deserted island, feeling hopeless. Then, he found a lamp half-buried in the sand. So, he gave it a rub, and guess what? A genie popped out! The genie said, "I'll grant you three wishes, but here's the twist: your ex-wife gets double of whatever you wish for."
The...

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3 people stranded

3 people are stranded at an island.

They see that there is a tribe. One of them says " fuck it,
lets just go" and they go to the tribe.


They immediatly get captured and bonded to a log.

First man gets questioned.

"Ooga or death?"

"Ooga" says the first man ...

Stranded

One day an Irishman who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a ship." And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities of a small boat or even a raft..
Suddenly there emerged...

‪If I were to be stranded on an island with anyone I would prefer to be stranded with a vegan...

Mostly because it's healthier to eat grass-fed meat. ‬

Stranded on an island

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.



Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,



“Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we ...

A man is stranded on an island

A plane flying nearby see's his smoke signal and goes to his aid. Upon landing the pilot see's three huts.

"Thank you for saving me! I've been here longer than I can remember. " The man says.

"Where are the other survivors?" The pilot asks.

"It's just me, myself and I" says th...

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A man is stranded on a desert island for 10 years…

One day he sees a beautiful woman in a swimsuit come ashore.

She says to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you had a drink?"

He replies "Ten years" and with that she reveals a bottle of whiskey from within her swimsuit, which the man starts drinking from.

She then asks, ...

A ship sailing past a remote island spots a man who’s been stranded there for several years.

The captain goes ashore to rescue the man and notices three huts…

“What’s the first hut for?” he asks.

“That’s my house,” says the castaway.

“What’s the second hut for?”

“That’s my church.”

“And the third hut?”

“Oh, that?” sniffs the castaway. “That’s ...

Three men were stranded on a desert island

They had been there for many years and had become good friends. One day a lamp washed up on shore and out popped a genie. The genie looked at them and decided to grant each of them one wish.

Without hesitation, the first man practically screamed; "I wish I was back home with my family!". Po...

Al, Ben, and Carl were stranded on a deserted island. One day Al found an old jar in the sand.

When the jar was opened, a genie came out and said to them, "You have freed me from my jar. For the rest of your time on this island, I am obligated to grant each of you one wish per year. But no wishing anyone, including yourself, off the island."

"In that case," said Al, "I wish for 365 boo...

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Two frat guys are stranded in the middle of the ocean

Brad and Chad have been stuck in a lifeboat for weeks. They're out of water and supplies, and they're sure they're doomed.

They notice a sealed bottle bobbing toward their boat and scoop it out of the water. They open it up, and a genie pops out.

"Thank you for freeing me!" the genie s...

Three friends are stranded on a small island

After a few weeks with no hope of rescue, they come across a lamp in the sand. They pick it up, and poof! out comes a genie.

"Thank you for releasing me from my thousand years of imprisonment. I will now grant each of you a wish," says the genie.

The first guy says, "Well, I have a wif...

A man is stranded in the desert when he comes across a genie's lamp. He rubs it and the genie grants him just one wish. The man said, "I could die happy here, if I could just get..."

... one more 's'.

A married couple has been stranded on a deserted island for many years.....

...One day another man washes up on shore. He and the wife become attracted to each other right away, but realize they must be creative if they are to engage in any hanky-panky. The husband, however, is very glad to see the second man there.

"Now we will be able to have three people doing ei...

What did Richard III say when the snowstorm stranded him several miles from his campsite?

Now is the winter of our distant tent

A stranded man

Young man’s fishing boat is blown off course and he ends up stranded on a small island. He gets along OK but he’s very lonely. Then, one day, A yacht sinks off of his island. A young woman, the only survivor, swims ashore wearing a wetsuit. He greets her and she is surprised to find somebody else on...

A man was stranded in a desert

With only his camel and a few supplies. After a few days he started feeling the itch to get it on but the only thing in sight was the camel so he thought why the hell not. However, every time he got the camel to lay down, by the time he got around to the back, the camel would move. He tried and trie...

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A guy was stranded on a desert island with Heidi Klum...

Initially, he played it cool, not making any moves on her for several weeks.

Finally, he asked her if they could start a physical relationship, so as to attend to each other's needs.

Heidi was game and a very nice sexual relationship began. 

After several months, the guy approac...

Two lawyers stranded on an island.

Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several months.

The only other thing on the island was a tall coconut tree, which provided their food.

Each day, one of the lawyers climbed to the top of the tree to see if he could see a rescue boat coming.

One day, the la...

You are always stranded if the tire bursts in your Apple car

Because it has no jack.

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A man, his wife and a good-looking stranger are stranded on a desert island.

The wife quickly loses interest in her husband and begins flirting with the good-looking stranger.

The three start to build a watchtower. The stranger offers to take first watch.

While the husband and wife gather driftwood on the sand, the stranger yells, "Hey! No sex on the beach! G...

Three Paddy's stranded in the desert

Three men; Paddy Irishman, Paddy Englishman and Paddy Scotsman, were stranded in the desert where they found a magic lamp.

Paddy Irishman picked it up, gave it a rub and a genie popped out and exclaimed "You have set me free! I'll grant you all one wish each!"

Paddy Scotsman went first...

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Three men are stranded on an island full of cannibals.

They are each told to go into the forest and bring back ten of any fruit.

The first man returns carrying kiwis and is told that if he can fit all of them into his ass without making a sound, he will be allowed to live. He manages to get four in, but on the fifth, he gasps and is taken off to ...

Six Supreme Court justices, floating face-down in a river

All 6 conservative members of the SCOTUS got stranded in the woods with only a giant suitcase and a couple of paddles. Then they came to a raging river- it was fast-moving, wide and rocky but only waist deep. They began to bicker over how to get across. Kavanaugh, Thomas, and Gorsuch said "We are st...

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A Greek, A German and An Italian get stranded after a plane crash.

They wander for days until finally they see something in the distance. They approach and are found by some local tribesmen and are accused of trespassing their village. Immediately they are led in front of the local leader:

"I am in a good mood so I will let you go if you participate in a sma...

If you were stranded on an island and could bring three items what would you bring?

Michael Phelps, a saddle, and stick with a gold medal on the end.

Stranded unfortunately...

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3 men survive a plane crash in the ocean and wash up on a random remote island. They are soon captured by the local natives who tie them up and keep them captive. After a few days of being tied up, the are brought in front of The Chief. The Chief informs them that they're to go out into t...

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3 men get stranded on a desert island

After wandering around a while, they are found by some tribesmen. The natives take them back to their hut. The chief tells them, "Go out into the jungle and collect 10 pieces of fruit."

The first guy returns with 10 apples, and the chief says "Now shove them all up your ass without showing an...

2 men are stranded in the desert, dying of thirst.

As they walk with all hope lost, one of them spots a well in the middle of the desert.

'Look, a well!' - said the first man

'There is no way that well has water... ' - replied the second man

'We should check if it has water. Look, let's drop that rock into the well to check whet...

A man was stranded on deserted island..

..for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wet suit.

Man: "Hi! Am I ever happy to see you!”

Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here along time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

Man: "It's been ten years!" With this information the girl u...

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So this guy is stranded on an island with a goat and a dog.

Days pass.. then weeks... then months... and years pass with no human contact. He starts to crave the urge to have sex.

So he looks around and sees the goat. Comes up with the idea to have sex with it. He positions her right and is ready for some action. But just as he is about to pull his pa...

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Two friends are stranded in the desert...

After roaming around for days they stumble on a small cottage and meet a 90 year old witch who promises to cast a spell to send them back to civilization if one of them will have 3 rounds of sex with her. Hell no! One friend exclaims. The other thinks about it for a minute and volunteers to go in an...

Two cowboys are stranded in the desert...

One cowboy sees a tree covered in bacon in the distance. He gets all excited and runs towards the bacon tree... As he reaches the bacon tree he gets shot to death. It turns out it wasn't a bacon tree... It was a hambush

A couple is stranded on an island.

One of them is losing hope, while the other remains optimistic.

"Honey, we've been though a lot. We were an ocean apart, yet we managed a long-distance relationship. We can do this. All you need to do is meet me half way."

"But that's exactly how we got into this mess!"

Three guys are stranded on an island...

There's a white, black, and chinese guy that are stranded on an island together. Trying to figure out how to survive, they decide to divide up responsibilities. The white guy's job is to look for food and water. The black guy's job is to build shelter. And the chinese guy's job is to look for suppli...

Four men were stranded on a small island after surviving a shipwreck

20 year old, 30, 40 and a 60 year old.

After a short while they noticed another island nearby with many beautiful, naked women walking about.

The 20 year old said: "let's swim over there", swiftly jumped in the water and off he swam fast towards the other island.

The 30 year ol...

What did one DNA strand say to the other?

Do these genes make me look fat?

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A man was stranded alone on a desert island for 10 years

A beautiful woman in a skin-tight wetsuit washes up on shore and walks up to him. She asks, "How long has it been since you had a drink?"

"About ten years," the man says. The woman unzips her wetsuit a little at the neck, pulls out a flask, hands it to the man and he drinks deeply.

"H...

3 men are stranded in a boat...

with 4 cigarettes and no way to light them. So they toss the 4th cigarette overboard, which makes the whole boat a cigarette lighter.

What does DNA strand for?

National Dyslecsics Association

stranded on a desert island

If I was stranded on a desert island I would take along a deck of cards. Because everyone knows after about 20 minutes of playing solitaire someone will come up behind you and tell you you're doing something wrong.

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A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company.

There's plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright - but after a few months he gets lonely...

The pig starts to look more and more attractive - soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberma...

An English Pilot is Stranded Behind Axis Lines

After a week without hearing anything from his side, he begins to despair. Just when he's about to give up, he manages to find a plane in pristine condition! After familiarizing himself with the controls, he takes off towards home, with the enemy none the wiser.

However, on the way back, he i...

A guy, a pig, and a dog are the only survivors of a terrible shipwreck, and they find themselves stranded on a desert island.

After being there for awhile, they get into a ritual of going to the beach every night to watch the sun go down.

One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle -- in short, a perfect night for romance! Well, that pig started looking bette...

2 Cowboys are stranded in the desert.

They keep pushing on and on until they see a tree.
#
This tree in particular looked like a bacon tree.
#
“We’re saved” exclaimed the cowboys.
#
They rushed towards the tree and where quickly shot down.
#
It wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
#
#
I was not aware ...

Three Canadians are driving along, when their car breaks down, leaving them stranded. Who do they call?

Triple eh.

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Three pilots were stranded on an island with inhabited by an untouched tribe.

The chief of the tribe told them that he would spare their lives if they manage to accomplish two tasks he will give them. Should they fail, they will be executed immediately. The first task was to bring him 5 of the same fruit from the forest, the second task would be told after they succeed.
...

What did the vegetarian say when they were stranded with a flat tire?

Should have brought asparagus.

Three men are stranded on an island

One is russian, one is german and one is british.

Suddenly a goldfish appears and says: "The water around this island is magical, if you jump in it and say where you wanna go you will be teleported there."

The russian jumps into the water and yells "MOSCOW!" and POOF he teleports to Mo...

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician get stranded on a desert island…

Right away the engineer finds some stick and stones, which he uses to build a hammer, which he uses to break open coconuts to get some nutrients.

After five days eating plenty of coconuts, he decides to go looking for the physicist.

He finds the physicist quite thin, he clearly have no...

So a Greek, Frenchman and Italian strand on an island

So after a while being stuck they decide to search for food.

Suddenly a tribe comes out of nowhere and took them as captive.

The tribe decided to interrogate them.

So the tribe decides to interrogate the Greek as first, after 1 hour the Greek comes out without feet.

He t...

3 Stranded Men

A ship is wrecked in a storm and sinks in the ocean. Only three passengers (All Guys) make it to a nearby island. They didnt know each other. They manage to survive on the island for some months through tremendous hardship and become very good friends.
One day they find an Old Bottle in a cave....

Three men gets stranded on an island

One day, one of the men sees an oil lamp half buried in the sand. He grabs it and brushes off some dirt, and out comes a genie!

"I will grant you one wish each, because you've been so kind and released me from my prison," says the genie.

The first man says "I want to get back home to m...

The stranded Chinese, American and Dutch

So a Chinese, an American and a Dutch are stranded on an island. The American takes responsibility and says: "We need things to survive so I would say that go fish, you Chinese guy get some suplies and the Dutch should get firewood for the night."

Like the American said, it happend. In the ev...

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Three men are stranded in the desert

One man finds a lantern and makes a bet with the third man that there won’t be a genie in the lamp. Much to his surprise, there is a genie. The genie each grants them one wish.

The first man says: “I no longer want to be stranded here, I wish to return to my home”
The genie grants the wish...

An American and a Chinese man are stranded on a desert island

"We need to work together,", the american said.

"Ok,", he continued. "I will make shelter, while you get supplies."

"Ok", the chinese man answered before walking further in on the island.

Two days went by, and the american had built shelter. He was starting to starve, and as the...

A guy was stranded alone walking in the desert. He comes across a bacon tree, "ah a bacon tree! I'm saved!" he shouts. Moments later he was gunned down.

Turns out it was a hambush

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Pedro and Juan are stranded in the desert... (My favourite joke, [LONG])

After a day of walking, staggering, then crawling, they are thirsty, starving, and near death. They are about to give up when Juan exclaims,

“Pedro, look! At thee bottom of the dune... it’s an Oasis!”

Pedro struggles to bring his head up to look. “Juan... I think so my friend. I think...

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A Canadian, American, and Japanese guy get stranded on an island

The American guy says: "We really need to find some supplies for our survival."

The Japanese guy turns to him and says: "I'll get working on the supplies, you guys try to create a signal in case help arrives near the island", and with that the Japanese guy turns and runs into the forest on th...

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Three men are stranded on a remote island and get captured by cannibals

The chief tells the three men, "Tonight, you will be killed. However, you have one chance to save yourselves. Go now into the woods and gather ten of whatever fruit you find, then bring it back here." The three men go off into the woods. The first man returns some time later with 10 apples. The chie...

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded in the desert.

Their car broke down so they all agree to grab something from the car to help them survive. The Brunette shuffles around and grabs food. The Redhead rummages through the trunk and pulls out water. They are talking saying that it’s to prevent them from starving or becoming dehydrated while they wait ...

3 guys stranded on an island...

After a plane crashed on a deserted island, there were only 3 guys left. As they roamed to look for supplies, they came across a magic bottle. After gently rubbing the bottle, a genie appeared.

*I am the magic genie and I have 3 wishes to grant!*
The men decided they’ll each get one wish....

3 men were stranded in a desert

3 men were stranded in a desert.

They were dying of thirst when a genie appeared to them. The genie said, “Here, I have a magical slide. Slide down it and shout any liquid and you will land in a pool of said liquid.”

So the first man got to the slide, slid down it and shouted ‘WATER’ ...

A British guy, a French guy, and a Korean guy got stranded on an island

A British guy, a French guy, and a Korean guy got stranded on an island. The British guy decided it would be best for them to split up and meet back the next day. He told the other two that he would build a shelter, and told the French guy to gather food and the Korean guy to get supplies. The next ...

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An American, Russian, and Asian are stranded on a desert island...

... They decide in order to survive they will have to work together and plan on splitting up the day's work.

The Russian was tasked with building a hut, the American was to search for food, while the Asian was to search for supplies.

Each sets off in their separate directions.
<...

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Three guys are stranded on an island populated with cannibals.

The king of the cannibals tells them that there is a way to get out of the island if they accomplish a certain task.

So the king says to the three men, "Collect ten of any single type of fruit and bring them to me."

The three men quickly get to work and starts looking for fruits. The...

It's my cake day, so one of my favorite jokes ... A sixteen year-old boy came home with a brand new Ford F150.

His parents look at the truck and ask, "Where did you get that truck?!"

"I bought it today," he says. "With what money?" says his mother. They knew what a new F150 cost.

"Well," he says, "this one cost me just fifteen dollars."

The father looks at him like he's crazy. "Who wo...

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3 Men and a Woman are stranded on an Island

Like everyone, they try to establish contact to other people at first and they build a shelter.

After about 3 Weeks the Men approach the Woman with a proposal to let one of the 3 have sex with her every other day so that everyones Sex drive could be fulfilled.

The Woman agrees and the...

Two men stranded on an island...

Two men are stranded on a deserted island. One despairs, but the other one claps him assuredly on the back and says, “Don’t worry, they will definitely find us, and soon.”


“Really? Why do you think so?”


“I owe the IRS five years’ worth of taxes.”


A Chemist, an Engineer, an Electrician and an IT guy get stranded on the side of the road after their car break down...

It’s the dead of winter and the wind chill is below freezing. One of them gets off the phone with the towing company, “they said it’s going to be at least two hours.” They all stay in the car.


After a few minutes the Chemist tells the other three, “I’m pretty sure I know what happened......

Three men are stranded in the desert.

One of them steps on something. He goes to pick it up, looks at it, and realizes it’s a genie lamp. He eagerly called the other two over as he rubbed the lamp. Suddenly, a plume of blue smoke cascades over them, and a genie pops out. He gives the men three wishes. The first man says “Take me back ho...

There are 3 blondes stranded on an island.

3 blondes are stranded on an island, they rub a magic lamp and a genie pops out to grant each one wish

The first blonde says "I wish I was smart enough to make my way off this island." She turns into a red head and swims off the island

The second one says "I wish I was smarter than her...

A man is stranded in the desert with nothing but a camel.

As the days drag on, all alone with no sign of civilization in sight, the man becomes increasingly lonely. One day, the feeling is so strong that he loses his better judgement and decides to make love to his camel.

So the man pulls down his pants and positions himself behind the camel. Then, ...

3 men are stranded on a desert island...

They wander around and find a magic lamp, from which a genie appears.

The genie offers to grant each man one wish.

The first man wishes for a boat so he can leave. *poof* The man is rewarded and he makes his getaway.

The second man wishes for a helicopter so he can leave. *poof...

I don't understand why people starve when stranded in deserts...

There is the sand which is everywhere.

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Four men are stranded on a deserted island

After wandering for days, they finally come upon a small shack in the distance. Unsure of its safety, one friend volunteers to investigate while the other three stay behind.

Taking a deep breath, the bravest of the friends walks through the front door and finds a witch waiting for him.
...

Death Stranding is not a video game...

it's a Hideo game

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Three Tourists get stranded on an Island

Not long after, they are captured by a local tribe, and brought before the Chief.

"We do not take kindly to trespassers. You must pass a test, and if you fail, we'll throw you back into the Ocean! Go into the jungle, and bring me back a fruit!"

The three head out. The German assumes th...

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3 dudes stranded in an island

3 dudes stranded in an island. They are trying to survive together, unfortunately, there is a cult around there and the cult captures them right away. More for their despair, the cult leader is a human eater dude who loves sick stuff.

The leader gives 3 dudes a challenge. They will let them...

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A dude gets stranded on a deserted isle all alone....

Six months later, a woman walks out of the ocean in a wet suit. She's gorgeous.

She strolls up and says, "Want a scotch on ice?"

The guy is dumbfounded and nods yes.

She unzips the wet suit a little and pulls out a flask, ice and a glass. She makes a Walker over ice.

She ...

A man is stranded on an island

A man is stranded on an island with only a sheep and a dog for company. After a while he begins to feel the need for some physical contact and he starts eyeing up the sheep. However every time he tries to make a move on said sheep, the dog becomes extremely aggressive growling and barking at the man...

Trump left hundreds of supporters stranded in the freezing cold last night

Which goes to show that even the biggest support can be turned blue

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Three people are stranded on an island with a wizard

The wizard tells them “When you climb those trees,whatever you ask for will be at the top waiting for you.”
The first guy climbs and yells “Money!” and he becomes rich.
The second guy yells “A boat full of money!”,and he uses the boat to leave the island
The third guy climbs the tree and sa...

Mathematicians have found a new, advanced strand of Ebola...

called Hyper-bola


I'm sorry :(

A biologist and a radio operator are stranded on an island

None of them had anything except the biologist's phone, and a radio.

The radio operator started to tune the radio to send morse code to send rescue.

The biologist simply made a phone call.

Within a few hours, the both of them were saved.

Amazed, the radio operator asked "...

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So these two guys get stranded in the desert...

So these two guys get stranded in the desert, their car is broken down, they are out of water and help is no where in sight... Except for a shack in the distance. So the two make their way to the shack and knock. An old, ugly, wrinkly, greasy woman answers the door. It smells like she hasn't showere...

Oregon have legalised marijuana and are creating a new strand

It's called Oregon-o... ^^^I'm^^^Sorry.

Three friends stranded on an island

There was no way they could survive on that island and leaving by boat or swimming wasn't an option too.

But they find a genie on that island that gives every friend one wish.

One of the friends said:
" I wanna be in New York " and suddenly he is in NY

The other said:
"I ...

A boat full of people is stranded in a boat a few miles off shore....

A boat full of people is stranded in a boat a few miles off shore. But the water is infested with man eating sharks. A man, steps up and says "I am a doctor at peak physical strength, I'll swim to shore and get help." He jumps into the water and is almost immediately eaten. Another man steps up and ...

What did one strand of yarn say to the other?

I'm not ready to dye, I still have a few ends to tie up.

"Ball up..."

A redhead, a brunette and a blonde are stranded in the desert...

In the middle of nowhere they find a junk car, after seeing it the decide to take parts of it to help them survive.

Redhead: I’ll take the gas tank, maybe we’ll find water and we can use it to carry it.

Brunette: I’ll take the roof, we can use it to cover us from the sun.

Blonde...

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If you have the time, here is Norm Macdonald's moth joke as presented in his book, "Based on a True Story".

A moth goes into a podiatrist's office, the podiatrist says. What's the problem?

The moth says, where do I begin with my problems? Every day I go to work for Gregory Vasilovich, and all day long I toil. But what is my work? I am a bureaucrat, and so every day I joylessly move papers from one ...

What do you get if you insert strands of Human DNA into a goat...?

Banned from the zoo.

A man is stranded in the desert dying of thirst.

As he crawls along he spots something on the horizon. As he gets closer, he sees the objects are market stalls. He goes t the first stall and pleads for water. The stall holder tells him he only sells jelly with broken biscuit in it. He crawls to the next stall and and pleads for water put the stall...

Three women are stranded on an island

Three women are stranded on an island. There is a brunette, a redhead and a blonde. The women decide to try to swim to the mainland.

The brunette swims 1/4 of the way then drowns

The redhead swims 1/3 of the way then drowns

The blonde swims 2/3 of the way but gets tired and swi...

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An Brazilian, an Argentine and a Colombian gets stranded on an deserted island

They find a lamp and one of them rubs it.
A genie appear ad says:
Look, I have been stuck here for a long time, and I am tired, so I will only give one to each one of you.
C: Colombian; B: Brazilian; A: Argentine; G: genie;

C:I wish to go home.

*He got teleported back to his h...

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Some football fans are stranded in the woods

There are 3 of them.
One liverpool fan, one hartlepool fan and an arsenal fan.
They decide that they are going to need some food if they are to survive.
They set a trap and manage to capture a bear.
"We can't eat bear meat!" the arsenal fan shouts, "we're going to die if we don't" the li...

Two men are stranded on an island

One day one of them smells bacon. He tells the other it must be a bacon tree.

The second man tells him no such thing exists, so the first man goes on a journey to find it and prove him wrong.

Days later, he arrives back to the same spot on the island bruised, with an arrow in his che...

Three guys have been stranded on an island for several years.

One day, they come across a genie bottle. After rubbing it, a genie appears and says he only has three wishes to give, so each of the three guys will only get one wish.

The first guy says, "I really want to get back home, but when I get back home I want to have millions of dollars, live in ...

After a terrible storm, a man and his sheepdog are stranded on a large desert island.

They manage to set up camp and survive. The man searches the island every day, but never finds any other people.

One day, as the man and his dog are walking, they find a small flock of sheep grazing.

Looking at the sheep, the man gets an idea.

Now, he isn't the kind of guy wh...

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A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are stranded on an island.

The natives capture them and tell them if they can stick 10 fruits up their butts they can live. The brunette gets 10 peaches and goes first. She laughs after 3 and is killed. The redhead is up next is shows up with cherries. She gets through 8 then laughs and is also killed. In heaven the redhead a...

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A seamen, an airmen, and a green beret, are stranded on an island...

and captured by a tribe of cannibals. The tribe ties them up and brings them in front of the chief. The chief explains to them, “We are going to eat you and skin you and use you to make our new canoes. We thank you for this gift and as a thank you we will allow you to choose the way you die.”
...

A man is stranded on a dessert island

and it was delicious.

Some drug screens involve taking a strand of hair and analyzing it for illicit substances. It's called a follicle test.

Of course there are guys who try to beat that by shaving their head, but that doesn't work because the lab will just take a pubic hair instead. That's called the phallical test.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded in a desert when their car breaks down.

Thinking quickly, the brunette decides they should all start trying to scavenge and collect supplies for the long walk to the nearest gas station.

The other two girls agree, so they begin their hunt.

The brunette grabs her knife from the car and cuts a few cacti open, hoping to col...

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A sadist and a masochist become stranded on a deserted island.

Masochist: Torture me, please!

Sadist: Nope...

A leather worker was stranded on a deserted island.

A leather worker was stranded on a deserted island.

Desperate to survive, the leather worker searches the island for food to eat. Luckily, he finds a herd of docile cows on the island. He successfully hunts one of the cows and skillfully cleans and prepares the cow's skin and meat for himself...

A guy gets stranded on a small island with a dog and a sheep...

After a few months, the sheep starts looking really pretty. But every time he makes a move on it, the dog growls menacingly. He tries to run up and shove it in the sheep before the dog notices, but the dog freaks out and starts biting him, so he runs off, leaving the sheep alone.

Then one da...

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