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Spread Eagle Jokes

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Superman is flying around the city, horny as hell...

He suddenly sees Wonder Woman spread eagle, naked on top of the building. Superman thinks, "This is my chance!" He swoops down, faster than a speeding bullet bangs her and is gone in the blink of an eye. Wonder Woman sits up and says,"What the hell was that!?" The Invisible Man rolls off her and say...

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Superman is flying around Metropolis and sees Wonder Woman sunbathing on a rooftop, buck naked, spread eagle...

Superman says, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I can swoop down, get some, and be gone before she notices anything happened." Soon after he's gone, a startled Wonder Woman yells, "what the he'll was that???" And the invisible man says, "I don't know, but my ass is killing me!"

George Bush goes to hell. Classic. First posted on Reddit 13 years ago.

One day in the future, George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'...

I was laying in my hotel room bed, naked and spread eagle, when the cleaning lady comes in.

Finally.

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The New Cowboy

Young man is on his first cattle drive, new to being a cowboy. Chow time, all the men are sitting around the campfire, new cowboy asks, "So what do we do for fun?' One of the old hands tells him, "Well, it's dark and nobody around - just go find yourself a stump and fuck the hell out of it."
<...

Marital expectations

Two women were out walking in the city. Suddenly one of them spots her husband across the street. She points at him and says ”Look, it’s Jim, and he’s got a big bouquet of flowers that he’ll come home with tonight. Damn, that means I’ll have to lay on my back, spread eagle all night.” Both women sha...

What do you call a Native American nymphomaniac?

Spread Eagle

Dave and his girlfriend check into the hotel room.

As soon as they walk in, the girl immediately jumps up on the bed and lays in a spread eagle.

She asks - Dave, do you know what it means?

Dave - yeah, that you wanna sleep on this bed all by yourself.

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Superman flying around horny... (Dirty and Long)

One day Superman is flying around and he sees Wonder Woman sun tanning, butt naked and spread eagle on top of the justice league building. He thinks to himself, "I am fast as a speeding bullet, I can fly in, pump a few times, and be gone before Wonder Woman even knows what happened".

So as fa...

Trump dies and goes to hell.

When he arrives, he is greeted by the devil.

The devil says that there are 3 other people here that have done less bad than Trump, so Trump gets to decide which one goes to heaven so he can take their place.

The devil opens 3 doors, the first door has Richard Nixon in it. Nixon is swim...

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Technological man walks into a bar

A nice looking man in his 40s walks into a bar and sits down. He orders a beer and as he’s drinking it, a phone rings and the man looks at his bare arm and taps on it and begins speaking to someone through his fingers.

The bartender waits for him to finish talking and asks “holy shit, were yo...

A guy goes in to a brothel with only a few pennies in his pocket...

He walks up to the Madame and handing her the coins asks "Who can I get for this?". Taking the money the Madame says "Go see the girl in room 23."

Walking up the stairs the guy thinks "What kind of monster am I gonna find for such little money??".

But as he enters the room he see a gor...

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Superman and Batman meet up on the rooftops,

and Batman notices Superman looks a little banged up. "What happened to you Superman?", asks Batman. Superman says, "You won't believe this shit Bats. I'm flying along right, and I see Wonder Woman sunbathing nude on the roof of this building spread eagle!" "Wow," says Batman with a grin. "So,"...

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Super man is flying home one night....

And he sees Wonder Woman, she is butt naked and spread eagle and moaning, and Superman thinks to himself, this is my chance to make the perfect baby, I’ll be in and out in a flash. So he flys in and out. All of the sudden the Invisible Man jumps up off of Wonder Woman, and she asks what’s the matter...

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One day a girl decided to buy some crotchless panties to surprise her boyfriend.

She went and bought them, got home, put them on and waited. When the boyfriend got home there she was spread eagle on the bed with only her panties and bra on. “Come over here baby.” she says smiling. The boyfriend backs off, “If your pussy can do that to your panties – I ain’t going any where near ...

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Superman's flying around.... (comment from r/pics)

Superman's flying around metropolis and he's horny as hell. He's checking out the rooftops and all of a sudden he sees Wonder Woman sunning herself on the roof of the Justice League. I mean she is lying there buck naked and spread eagle. Looks like she wants to get fucked right? So Superman starts t...

An 11 year old boy is walking down the hall of his house at night and hears screaming from his parent's bedroom. He opens the door and sees his dad standing there with a wig on in assless chaps with his mom on the bed in cheerleading outfit...

An 11 year old boy is walking down the hall of his house at night and hears screaming from his parent's bedroom. He opens the door and sees his dad standing there with a wig on in assless chaps with his mom on the bed in cheerleading outfit...

"Daddy!? What is going on?!" the kid spurts out, ...

Its just a fax

A guy walks into a bar and sits down.
After a few minutes, he starts dialing numbers
like a telephone but on the back of his hand.
He then flips his hand over, and starts talking into
the palm of his hand.
The bartender walks over and tells him this is a
very tough neighbo...

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A farmer was looking for a new rooster as his old one after many years of faithful service had finally passed on.

When he told his neighbouring farmer about the problem he said "I have just the rooster for you , but I have to warn you Ron is one horny goat of a rooster". How horny can a rooster be the farmer said to himself. "OK sure I'll buy him off you". When the farmer got back to the farm with Ron the roost...

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Old Joe, the blind fur trader walks into a bar...

After sitting down and folding up his blind poking stick he says, "I'll bet anyone here $50 here I can guess what your pelt is and what you killed it with!"

The first taker throws a pelt on his table. Joe feels the fur, tests its texture and smell, feels the wound of the killing blow. Says, "...

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Superman decides to take the day off...

He hasn't taken a day off in a while and doesn't know what to do, so he calls Batman to see if he can hang out. Batman tells him unfortunately the Batmobile needs some repairs and he has to stay in. Green lantern is busy too.

Feeling bored and unsure what to do with himself, Superman begins ...

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A man recieves $500 for his birthday and decides to make a trip to his local brothel.

He walks inside the establishment and informs the madam that is is his birthday, so she offers him the birthday special. He hands over $250 and heads up the stairs entering the first room, to find a very attractive woman laying spread eagle on the bed.

Impressed by what the establishment has...

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