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Sorting out my shit for me! [Long]

Moe owns a bar, and he has been finding it really hard to manage the bar and take care of his personal life. Things are just piling up and getting on top of him. Recently his Aunt got divorced and so she has been sitting at the end of the bar drinking away his profits, his Rottweiler Chomper has jus...

What's the worst part about sorting by new?

The jokes

I have a joke for all you sorting by new.

A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.

An **optimist** sees light at the end of a tunnel.

A *realist* sees a freight train.

The ***train driver*** sees three morons standing on the train tracks.

I tried sorting r/Jokes by new

But all the results were from 13 years ago.

When I am tasked with sorting through a stack of résumés, I throw about half of them in the garbage.

I do not want unlucky people working in our company

I was sorting out my loose change when I dropped a 1p coin and saw it roll into a drain, which everyone around me thought was hilarious.

Laughing at my ex-pence.

The Interview

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of rsums he found four people who were equally qualified. An American, an Indian, a European and a Nigerian.He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answers w...

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A guy is sorting shelves at a grocery store when

A guy is sorting shelves at a grocery store when a new old.lady approaches him and asks, "where's the broccoli?"

He says, "sorry we're out of broccoli"

She walks away and comes back ten minutes later and asks them same thing to the same guy.

He's a little confused but remains po...

Why should you never use a tool for sorting big and small fences

It's a fence-sieve

Trump (thanks for sorting by new)

It's Trump's wedding anniversary in a few days - in a rare tender moment he described the first time he laid eyes on Melania, and clicked 'add to cart'

I was sorting the sub by new.

Nothing came up.

My daughter was having problems with her G string and didn’t want her daddy’s help sorting it out.

Good thing I’m learning violin too and could help.

Does anyone really know what the 'controversial' sorting is good for?

Each time I ask I get a different answer.

Meanwhile, sorting posts by 'hot' almost looks like sorting them by 'top posts of all time'.

Congrats! I'm sure this means the jokes are getting better and better.

What do you call a rock band that makes songs about sorting?

OC/DC

Sorting out Problems

Remember, whenever you have a problem with someone, use hydrochloric acid. It's always a solution.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Early one morning, you pull down your favourite cup, only to find a small dragon, curled up and sleeping contentedly inside.

Confused and still half asleep you take the cup outside to empty the dragon carefully onto the grass, then return to rinse your cup and make coffee. The next morning he is back, curled snuggly inside the cup as before and you repeat the process.

After a week of repeating this process you make...

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