UPJOKE
resemblancelikenesssamenesscomparisoncharacteristicsimilarapproximationcorrespondenceanalogyvariationsortcorrelationjuxtapositionsignificancerelation

What’s the biggest similarity between waitressing and prostitution?

Tips are a big part of both jobs

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What's the similarity between election and erection?

Only dicks can stand in both of them.

What's a similarity between a guy in a wheelchair and a bad comedian

They can't do standup

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What’s the similarity between boobs and Raspberry Pi computers?

Both were intended for kids but it’s the adults that end up playing with them more

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what is the one similarity between a dick and a bottled drink

U shake them well for best taste

What is the only similarity between serial killers and gamer

**They collect skins**

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What's the similarity between Santa's presents and a horny virgin?

They both come in socks.

What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and life

They’re both pointless
*NYEH* *HEH* *HEH*

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What is the similarity between a bank and sex?

In both cases, you lose interest after a withdrawal.

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What’s the similarity between having sex and bungee jumping?

If the rubber breaks, you’re doomed.

What's the similarity between hamsters and cigarettes?

They're both harmless... till you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.

What is the similarity between Julius Caesar and Tifa Lockhart?

Both of them were witnessed getting impaled in the Italian senate...

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What is the similarity?

What is the similarity Between a 9-volt battery And a women's asshole?

You know it's wrong But sooner or later You're bound to stick Your tongue in it

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What's the similarity between getting a blow job from an eighty year old woman and walking a tightrope?

In both cases, you really don't want to look down.

What’s the similarity between a Poker player and a Butcher?

At some point, both will raise the steaks

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What’s the similarity between tofu and a dildo?

Both are meat substitutes

what is the similarity between a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist?

Both are allowed to smell but neither of them is allowed to eat.

What’s the similarity between a grenade and a wife?

You pull off the ring and then your house is gone

What’s the similarity between a unicorn and a good politician?

Neither exist

What’s the similarity between a female and a vacuum

They only suck when they are turned on

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What's the similarity between a nice bunch of flowers and a bitch-demon from hell?

One has pretty petals, the other is the British Home Secretary.

What's the similarity between a pack of chewing gum and a gun?

When you pull it out in class, everyone wants to be friends

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What's the similarity between a woman living in Saudi Arabia and Amsterdam?

They both get stoned after sex.

Similarity between a beer and a penalty?

The English can easily swallow 3 of them in a few minutes.

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What is the similarity between having sex with a hot German girl and James Joyce's Ulysses?

I fall asleep before they finish.

What's the similarity between my brain and my computer hard drive?

Both are actively deleting memory and I have no idea why.

What is the similarity between me and an experiment involving a biased coin with two tails?

The probability of getting a head is zero.

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What's the similarity between orgasm and pulse?

It doesn't matter if she had it

What’s the similarity between talking about calculus and talking about getting a girlfriend?

It’s confusing and I’ll never use it.

What is the similarity between a communist and an IT technician?

They both believe restarting it might work.

What’s the similarity between a man with an upset stomach and a list of ancient Egyptian pharaohs?

>!They both have a toot in common!<

What's the similarity between a river with too much agricultural runoff and really liking someone from the Far East?

One is eutrophication, the other is "You terrific Asian"

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Whats the similarity between avian flu and prostate cancer

cock inspection

What's the similarity between my jokes and yo mama?

They never get hot

What’s the similarity between the police and a bikini?

What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.

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What's the similarity between a dick and a McDonald's burger?

They're both smaller and less-filling than advertised.

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What's the similarity between an alcohol-free beer and your sisters pussy?

When you taste it, it tastes ok. But there's something wrong with it

What's the similarity between Boris Johnson and the clapper on Big Ben?

They're both massive bell-ends.

What's the similarity between mom jokes and moms?

You can see them from a mile away.

What's the similarity between dark humor and food?

Some people don't get it.

What's the similarity between a fresh pair of shorts and a Bugatti bought by a shady businessman?

Both were laundered.

Whats a similarity between Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd?

Their last big hit was the wall

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What is the similarity between the Sun and boobs?

With sunglasses, you can see it longer.

What's the similarity of a failure and you spanking a hard ass?

You're both hitting rock bottom.

What’s the similarity between semicolons and pregnancies?

Both mean you won’t be seeing a period for a little while.

What is the similarity between COVID-19 and corruption?

Both are spreading through the highest levels of the US government.

What's the similarity between America and Melania Trump?

They're both getting screwed by Donald Trump and neither one of them is happy about it.

I came up with this last night, but it might be a repost.

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What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year old and her fetus

They both be thinking “Shit. Mom’s going to kill me”

Sorry if this has been posted before

What is the similarity between a joke and shame

It's on me

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What’s a similarity between an Astronomer and a Prostitute?

Their action begins when it’s dark!

Corona beer sales have plummeted just because of the name similarity

Which I don't get cause, when O.J killed his wife I didn't stop drinking orange juice

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What's the similarity between a dick and the bible?

Jewish people cut off the end

What’s the similarity between a pot head and a Syrian girl wearing jeans?

They both get stoned.

I what’s the similarity’s between a cop and a kinky girlfriend?

They both keep chocking you even after you ask to stop.

What’s the similarity between a vegan and a frat boy?

They always manage to slip it in.

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What's the similarity between a vasectomized man and a Christmas tree?

The balls are just for show.

What's the similarity between Nike and the KKK?

They both make black men run faster.

What's the similarity between love of life and child?

I don't have either of them

What's the similarity between my uncle and sharks?

The both prey on schools

What's the main similarity between a morgue and an office complex?

Both are good places for a stiff to go.

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What's the similarity between Hitler and an asthma patient?

Neither of them can finish a race.

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What's the similarity between Hitler and my sister?

They both used chemicals to remove the polish.

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What's the similarity between becoming an eunuch and becoming a toreador?

Both cases, it takes balls to do it.

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What is the similarity between electric cars and your penis?

Both of them are touch to start

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What's the similarity between a woman and a condom?

They both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

what's the similarity between mod and god ?

they both judge you on the basis of your karma.

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What’s the similarity between a medieval military engineer and a pornography director?

They always want the biggest breastworks.

What is the similarity between an annoying person and spoilt food?

Both should've been swallowed in time.

What’s the similarity between a Marriage and a Tornado?

There’s a lot of sucking and blowing then someone loses the house.

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One for the ladies

A man is doing yardwork while his wife is wife is gardening when he notices the similarity between her butt and the charcoal grill.
So he yells, " Hey honey you better start eating more of those veggies because your ass is as big as the grill."
Later that night, he is feeling frisky and st...

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What is the similarity between Ancient Greeks and Hitler?

They were both fucking assholes.

What’s the similarity between foreshadowing and foreplay?

Either way you know something is coming.

What's the similarity between a joke and a small, cute, furry mammal?

They both die when dissected

What is the similarity between a pilot and an air traffic controller?

If the pilot screws up, the pilot dies. If the air traffic controller screws up, the pilot dies.

A similarity about the job of President and Astronaut.

Educated, brave or ex-military there is a persona of the role, and the strife to get there. On the other hand, if you're a billionaire, for enough cash you can land yourself a seat up there with the help of Russia.

What's the similarity between the unborn Chinese female and this joke?

[removed]

What is the similarity between a bar and a bra ?

They both drive men crazy when they open.

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What's the similarity between a bad boxer and a porn star?

They both take a pounding in the ring.

What’s the similarity between a lawyer and sperm?

1 in 300 million have a chance to become a human being.

What is the similarity between Caps Lock and prison?

They both turn "o" into "O".

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whats a similarity between a post on r/jokes and the dick of its poster?

The poster flairs both as "long" when it isn't.

What's a similarity between an antivaxx kid and this joke?

Both die in new

What’s the similarity between Jane Goodall and the Viet Cong?

They’re both masters of gorilla warfare

What's the similarity between kids and tattoos

They are both permanent and can be removed with lasers.

Whats the similarity between dark jokes and children with cancer

They never get old

What’s the similarity between girls into nail art and Germans?

Both remove polish with chemicals.

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[OC] What's the similarity between cycling and prison ?

Your ass gets used to it after a couple of months.

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(NSFW) Whats the similarity with a hand wash and sex with me?

20 seconds is a good performance

What's the similarity between a lawyer and a basketballer?

They see their opponents in court.

What's the similarity between a dentist and an engineering graduate?

Both like plaques

What's the similarity between DiCaprio and this decade?

Both will have dates in 20s.

What is the similarity between a fat American and rich British person

Both of them have a lot of pounds

What's the similarity between a coffin and a condom?

You put a stiff one in both.

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What's the similarity between a dead Hitler and a cat?

They both have nein lives.

What's the similarity between pessimists and people with a phobia of sausages?

They both fear the wurst

What's the similarity between Bill Cosby and Santa have in common?

They both come when you're asleep.

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What's the similarity between a member of r/jokes and an elevator on the top floor?

They let everyone down.

What's the similarity between black and Mexican jokes?

If you heard Juan, you heard Jamal.

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What was the similarity between jews and shoe sizes?

... There were more in 42 than in 46.

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What’s the similarity between sex and 9/11?

Both were inside jobs.

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What is the similarity between erect dicks and math problems

They are long and hard

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