UPJOKE
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A man returns to work sporting a black eye after lunch

His coworker asked him if he got in a fight during his lunch break, and he says no, he was randomly punched by a guy after he asked him which food line he was standing in. The coworker asks if this happened in the line for the ramen shop, but he shakes his head and replies, "No, pho queue."

After spending twenty two years surrounded by criminals, I finally saw the light of day again.

I'm so glad I left my job at the sporting organisation.

A man walks into a bar sporting the worst haircut you've ever seen...

"Give me two shots of Jack Daniels," he says to the bartender. "One for me, and one for you."

"You know I don't drink on the job," the bartender says, pouring the man a shot.

Downing the drink, the man replies, "And that's why I like you better than my barber."

I was just telling my friend about a sporting event that had a hundred times more viewers than the Superbowl.

It was called the Hyperbole.

I have always wanted a job where I estimate crowd sizes at sporting events.

I wonder how many people are in that field.

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A customer is at a sporting goods store.

Customer in sporting goods store: “Excuse me, do you sell cockroaches?”

Clerk: “Yes we sell them to the fisherman.”

Customer: “I would like 20,000 of them.”

Clerk: “What would you want with 20,000 cockroaches?”

Customer: “I’m moving tomorrow and my lease says I must leave...

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a shotgun.

"It's for my husband," she tells the clerk

"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.

"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn't even know that I'm going to shoot him!"

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Sporting Chance

Mr Corporate Businessman thinks his wife may be having an affair, so one day he decides to go home early to confirm his suspicions.

Sure enough, he finds his wife in bed with a fit, young tradesman.

Shocked but without hesitation, he calmly heads to his wardrobe to reveal a fully loade...

With so many sporting events being delayed or cancelled, one sports TV outlet decided to televise the 'World Origami Championships'

It's on paperview

How much are tickets to wizards’ sporting events?

About a quid each

What do fans supporting The Culinary Institute of America cheer at their sporting events?

Die or Beat Us!

I’m sporting a quarantine beard. I didn’t like it at first.

But it’s growing on me.

What are we to do with all the canceled sporting events?

They're going to televise the world origami championships live... On "paper view"!!!

Arnold Schwarznegger owned a sporting good store.

Arnold Schwarznegger owned a sporting good store. He was never good with numbers so instead of numbering the aisles, he used a letter system.

One day a customer came in and asked Mr. Schwarznegger where they keep their firearms. Arnold is a smart business man and is concerned for safety. He d...

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A beautiful woman walking into a sporting goods store...

She spends a few minutes shopping around until she finds a fishing rod that she would like to buy for herself. She picks it up and brings it to the front counter. When she arrives the only cashier is a blind man.

"Good choice" The blind man says "That rod is only $20 this week"

"How do...

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[NSFW] A nun and a priest are crossing the Sahara desert on a camel.

On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke.

"Well sister, this looks pretty grim."

"I know, father." "In fact, I don't think it l...

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Scott Baio is Boycotting Dick's Sporting Goods Because of the Ban on AR-15s

Dick's had to find a cashier to replace him on short notice

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Dick's Sporting Goods came out against circumcision this past weekend

Changing their official slogan to Dicks Sporting Hoods.

Edit* grammar

A cricket walks into a sporting goods store:

A cricket walks into a store selling goods for sports, looking to buy a baseball bat.

He walks up to the clerk:

"Where are the baseball bats located, please?" The cricket asks.

The clerk is, not surprisingly, shocked to see a talking cricket. But he decides to play it cool.
<...

One day a man walked into a sporting goods store looking to buy a rifle.

The man had never been hunting before and asked the clerk if he could recommend a rifle.

"Oh yes," the clerk said. "I'm not a very good shot but I've done quite a lot of hunting in my day, even did some big game hunting with my brother in law."

The man responded "No way! Did you get ...

A woman goes into sporting goods store

to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.

She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

A store associate is standing there wearing dark shades.

The woman says, "Excuse me, sir, can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" <...

What does a priest bring to a sporting event?

Penance

Roger was a simple man but everyone in town knew him.

For many decades he worked alone at his picture framing store, Abbott's Framing, which was on Main St. and he would often sit outside on a chair, chatting with many of the locals. One day old Roger passed away and they held his funeral under a big oak tree with a large framed picture of him sporting...

What do you call a average potato that narrates sporting events?

A common-tater

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The Japanese aren't the only ones to clean up after a sporting event.

The Warriors, for example, just swept the Cavs.

A man goes into a sporting goods store

He walks up to an employee and says "I need some poles to hold up my badminton net. I want them to be really tall, at least 35 feet." The employee responds astoundedly, "Those are some high standards!"

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Dicks Sporting Goods stores have all have a summer sports section in their parking lot that is packed up in the winter months, making the stores a bit smaller.

Meaning Dicks shrink when it's cold.

A Canadian couple was strolling through a park in London and sat down on a bench next to an elderly Briton. The Brit noticed their lapel pins sporting the Canadian flag and, to make conversation, said "Judging by your pins, you must be Canadians".

A Canadian couple was strolling through a park in London and sat down on a bench next to an elderly Briton. The Brit noticed their lapel pins sporting the Canadian flag and, to make conversation, said "Judging by your pins, you must be Canadians".

"Indeed we are", replied the Canadian gen...

The pope wakes up one Sunday morning…

As he goes into the bathroom, he can’t help but notice that he is sporting some rather impressive morning wood. Recognizing the fact that he can’t conduct services in his condition, he decides to “rough up the alter boy”.

After returning to his home after giving an excellent sermon, he find...

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