Who's Santas favorite singer?

Elf-is Presley !

I just met the lead singer of Mushroomhead

He seems like a fungi

Whats a sharks favourite singer?

Sharkira!!! (Don't say you didn't see this coming)

Don't marry a singer.

I married one and it was just "me, me, me" all the time.

What’s a singer’s favorite sandwich?

So-la-mi

Dexter Holland wasn't always lead singer of the Offspring

Long ago he was in the seafood industry. He had a job shucking oysters for a restaurant. Anyway, one day he sees an ad for a competition in oyster shucking, but it is a team challenge. He shows up solo, and knows he won't be let in. His confidence is low at this point, but he still signs up. The att...

How many country singers does it take to change a light bulb?

2. One to change it and one to sing about how much they miss the old one.

Which legendary soul singer had trouble peeing?

Urethra Franklin

Frank Sinatra was dining out one night when a young high school lad came up to his table.

“Mr. Sinatra," said the teen-age boy, “my name is Bernie Rosenberg. Would you please do me a favor?”
“What kind of favor?” Sinatra asked.
Well, I’m here with my girl and I want to make a good impression on her. I certainly would appreciate it if you would drop by my table and say ‘Hi, Be...

What do you call a fake opera singer?

Placebo Domingo

TIL Ariana Grande is actually a pop singer.

I thought it was a fancy coffee for white supremacists.

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers

What vegetable is the best singer?

Corn, because it's always in hominy.

What do you call the drink that the Old town road singer made, which was a hot drink, but no one liked it?

Its a lil bit NasTea.

The lead singer of Disturbed has refused to get the Covid vaccine.

He's Down With The Sickness!

What do you call the people with cameras that follow opera singers?

The pavarazzi

Was cleaning out our attic today when I found a dusty old Rolling Stone Magazine. One of the articles was about the late great singer Sam Cooke and had a photo of his report card from school.

History ~ Incomplete

Biology ~ Incomplete

Science ~ Incomplete

French ~ Incomplete

I have a photograph of me and the lead singer of REM ....

That's me in the corner and that's him in the spotlight.

TIL that Tibetan leaders can issue special forgiveness to buxom country music singers

It's known as the Dalai Pardon

In church I heard an old lady saying a prayer

It was so sweet and sincere that I just had to share with you:-
"Dear Lord,
This has been a tough couple of years.
You have taken my favourite actor Patrick Swayze.
My favourite pop singer Michael Jackson.
My favourite Blues artist BB King.
My favourite actress Elizabeth Taylor....

TIL Korean singers never say, "Yes daddy!"

They say, "K pops!"

What was the name of that old French singer again?

I keep forgetting.

Did you hear about the opera singer who threw the game-opening baseball?

They say he had perfect pitch.

A guy stands next to a singer but gets arrested, why?

He was idolling for too long.

TIL the lead singer of Chumbawumba is married to a champion breakdancer. She had to give up dancing when she fell pregnant but, only three months after giving birth, successfully defended her title at the World Championship.

She got knocked up, but she got down again.

What’s the difference between a terrorist and an opera singer?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What's the difference between a puppy and a singer-songwriter?

Eventually the puppy stops whining.

The community theater recently posted auditions for Aladdin and a Christmas play

On audition day, local news reporter Thi Xix Hao spotted someone crying outside the audition room.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

The dejected man looked up. “You look familiar” he said.

“I am local news reporter, Thi Xix Hao. You also look familiar to me”

“I am Chad Kroeger, ...

I am a really good singer

The shampoo bottles didn't say anything negative about me.

So a horse is in a farm...

A horse is in a farm when one day he finds a website that claims it can teach any farm animal music.

"That's amazing," thinks the horse "I've always wanted to learn to sing."

He signs up for the website, and within a few weeks he is an incredible singer.

Impressed, he tells his ...

A singer dies on the day of his concert

He really left his fans hanging.

My wife is a horrible singer .

When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.

Who is Santa's favourite singer?

Elf-ish Presley

Why are pirates such good singers?

They hit the high c's...

The lead singer of The Eagles has been arrested by Customs.

Apparently he was trying to smuggle exotic animals parts into the country.


It turns out that you can't hide those lion eyes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Singers can be selfish arseholes, especially when warming up...

It’s all “me me me me me me me”

Captain Jean-Luc Picard needed to mend his torn uniform, but his old Singer was broken. So he took it down to the repair shop...

...and said, "make it sew."

Two people walk onto a stage, both holding metal tubes. One sings and the other raps. How do you tell which is which before they start performing?

Easy: The singer’s got pipes, and the rapper’s got bars.

I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines.

He's a Singer songwriter.

Or sew it seams.

I was at my favourite singers concert, but it got delayed

Postponed Malone

So this famous singer was doing a giveaway...

The prize was a tablet a brand new phone and 1 minute of singing on stage with this famous singer. So a girl named Jess signed her brother up for the giveaway knowing full well he hates crowds and technology but sure enough he won the contest and he was forced to go on stage with this singer. Boy oh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bono, the lead singer of U2 is known for being self-righteous ...

... He is also an A-list rock and roll celebrity.



At a recent concert in Glasgow Scotland, he asked the audience for complete and utter silence.



Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds. Holding the audience hostage in total silen...

Did you know? If a singer sings on stage their voice will echo but if a pigeon coos it doesn't

Because acoustics

What do you call a well dressed pop singer

Billie Stylish

what's the difference between a rapper and a country singer?

Country singers keep their hoes in the shed.

A bunch of actors were getting ready to be in a movie about famous singers and they were deciding who’s gonna be who

RDJ said “I’ll be Beethoven” and Hugh Jackman said “I’ll be Freddie Mercury” and then everyone turned to Arnold Schwarzenegger said “I’ll be Bach”

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer

Get a large jar, place the duck in it and fill it up with vinegar. Then wait until it’s Bill Withers.

There was this wonderful singer in my choir class once. She couldn't read any of the music, but then again, tons of famous singers didn't read music.

I mean, Ray Charles couldn't read sheet music to save his life.

The lead singer of Disturbed has decided he’s not going to self quarantine after contracting Covid-19

He’s down with the sickness

What do you call a singer after covid-19?

Post Carone

All these singers dropping their new albums and songs.....

don't you think they oughta be a little careful the next time?

What is a classical singer's big break?

An opera-tunity.

I love old singers

My favorites are 1940s French female singers.

more zombie jokes

What does a vegan zombie eat?

Graaiinnss

What does a zombie plumber work on?

Draaiinnss

What does a zombie conductor work on?

Traaiinnss

What equipment does a zombie construction worker operate?

Craaanness

What is a zombie poets favorite form?<...

A country singers truck

With the evolution of self driving cars it’s not gonna take long before a country singers truck leaves him as well as his wife.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple of Italian guys are discussing who, if they could choose any woman in the world, they'd rather bang

One of them says some big name actress, the other says "Virginia Pippilini."

The first guy's like, "Who's that? Is she a model?"

"I don't know"

"Actress?"

"I don't know."

"Singer?"

"I don't know."

"Well if you don't know, why choose her?"

The ...

Who is r/jokes' favorite singer?

Repost Malone

The singer for the band Steppenwolf has been decapitated in a motorbike accident...

They found his head out on the highway...

Who's the Death Star's greatest country singer?

Darth Brooks.

What do you call an angry singer flipping someone off?

A song bird.

Why are cats such great singers?

They're very mew-sical!

I like bands that are named for their lead singer.

You know, like Alice Cooper and Tool.

I like metal bands with female lead singers...

Something about women screaming makes me rock hard.

Whose soul did Ed Sheeran have to sell to become such a famous singer?

Because it certainly wasn't his

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I opened the door last night to carol singers & said "Do you know Silent Night?"

"Yes" they replied
"Well piss off then because I want one!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A singer is holding a concert indoors.

While doing so, he feels the urge to defecate. As soon as he finishised the piece, he excuses himself upstairs.

He notices the WC has the hole continue indefinitely instead of curving, but doesn't worry too much. He does his buisness and goes downstairs.

There, everybody is running awa...

The lead singer of Smash Mouth is up late with a friend.

The lead singer of Smash Mouth is up late with a friend. His wife's not home; the past few nights she's returned past midnight with increasingly elaborate alibis. He's getting frustrated; he loves her, but he's not sure he can keep giving her the benefit of the doubt. His friend asks what he's go...

Why don’t suspenders make good singers?

Because they don’t know how to belt

Did you hear about that Islamic singer?

His songs were Shiite

Liam Gallagher, lead singer of Oasis, decides to learn the politics of his home country. So he goes up to Noel and asks-

"What's a Tory, (Morning Glory), weeeelllll??"

Soviet Russia used to have a leader who was also a singer in a rock band.

He's none other than John Lenin.

Do you know that Indonesian Jazz singer?

Frank Sumatra

What do you call a sad singer in a bath tub....

A soap opera...


(My first joke)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I would tell you guys a long-winded tale involving the singers of "It Wasn't Me" and "Drop It Like It's Hot"...

...but I don't think you guys would have time to read yet another Shaggy/Dogg story.

Why are lumberjacks such great singers?

Their voice has an incredible timber.

Bryan Singer and Kevin Spacey walk up to a bar

The bartender asks for their IDs. They walk away and say" well I guess we're not going to find what we're looking for here."

Why did the singer of System of a Down open a restaurant?

Because of his self-righteous soup and sides.

The Queer eye producers want to to run a spinoff show with the singer P!nk

But pink eye for the straight guy never really took off

The singer Seal walks into a club.

Good thing he wasn't a baby.

I had to break up with my opera singer girlfriend...

It was always about MI MI MI MI MI!

Which singer has problems casting spells?

Barry Mana Low

There was a Swedish singer who was Catholic

Theres a swedish singer who was catholic, then renounced religion and became atheist in her teens. When she was in her early 20s she decided to follow Catholicism again. She was a Björn again Christian

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Poor Dyslexic James (long, original)

James was dyslexic. Because of this, he always struggled in school. He was embarrassed by his dyslexia and never let on or got help for his problems, so his grades suffered. His teachers and guidance counsellors told him he’d never amount to anything. All his life, James just wanted to prove them wr...

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