Who's Santas favorite singer?

Elf-is Presley !

Don't marry a singer.

I married one and it was just "me, me, me" all the time.

I just met the lead singer of Mushroomhead

He seems like a fungi

What vegetable is the best singer?

Corn, because it's always in hominy.

What do you call the drink that the Old town road singer made, which was a hot drink, but no one liked it?

Its a lil bit NasTea.

Which legendary soul singer had trouble peeing?

Urethra Franklin

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the oven until its Bill Withers

I have a photograph of me and the lead singer of REM ....

That's me in the corner and that's him in the spotlight.

TIL that Tibetan leaders can issue special forgiveness to buxom country music singers

It's known as the Dalai Pardon

TIL Korean singers never say, "Yes daddy!"

They say, "K pops!"

What was the name of that old French singer again?

I keep forgetting.

Was cleaning out our attic today when I found a dusty old Rolling Stone Magazine. One of the articles was about the late great singer Sam Cooke and had a photo of his report card from school.

History ~ Incomplete

Biology ~ Incomplete

Science ~ Incomplete

French ~ Incomplete

What do you call the people with cameras that follow opera singers?

The pavarazzi

The lead singer of Disturbed has refused to get the Covid vaccine.

He's Down With The Sickness!

In church I heard an old lady saying a prayer

It was so sweet and sincere that I just had to share with you:-
"Dear Lord,
This has been a tough couple of years.
You have taken my favourite actor Patrick Swayze.
My favourite pop singer Michael Jackson.
My favourite Blues artist BB King.
My favourite actress Elizabeth Taylor....

TIL the lead singer of Chumbawumba is married to a champion breakdancer. She had to give up dancing when she fell pregnant but, only three months after giving birth, successfully defended her title at the World Championship.

She got knocked up, but she got down again.

What’s the difference between a terrorist and an opera singer?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What's the difference between a puppy and a singer-songwriter?

Eventually the puppy stops whining.

Did you hear about the opera singer who threw the game-opening baseball?

They say he had perfect pitch.

I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines.

He's a Singer songwriter.

Or sew it seams.

more zombie jokes

What does a vegan zombie eat?

Graaiinnss

What does a zombie plumber work on?

Draaiinnss

What does a zombie conductor work on?

Traaiinnss

What equipment does a zombie construction worker operate?

Craaanness

What is a zombie poets favorite form?<...

A singer dies on the day of his concert

He really left his fans hanging.

All these singers dropping their new albums and songs.....

don't you think they oughta be a little careful the next time?

Why are pirates such good singers?

They hit the high c's...

what's the difference between a rapper and a country singer?

Country singers keep their hoes in the shed.

The lead singer of The Eagles has been arrested by Customs.

Apparently he was trying to smuggle exotic animals parts into the country.


It turns out that you can't hide those lion eyes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Singers can be selfish arseholes, especially when warming up...

It’s all “me me me me me me me”

Captain Jean-Luc Picard needed to mend his torn uniform, but his old Singer was broken. So he took it down to the repair shop...

...and said, "make it sew."

Why are Jazz singers the grossest musicians?

Because they scat all over the place.

The lead singer of Disturbed has decided he’s not going to self quarantine after contracting Covid-19

He’s down with the sickness

I was at my favourite singers concert, but it got delayed

Postponed Malone

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The song "Earth" by Lil Dicky features musical cameos from dozens of popular singers.

The song was released around Earth Day and promotes the idea that everyone should work together to be green and eco-friendly and save the planet.

Many famous singers had cameos in the song as different animals or other forms of wildlife. Perhaps the most notable cameo was the singer that sang...

So this famous singer was doing a giveaway...

The prize was a tablet a brand new phone and 1 minute of singing on stage with this famous singer. So a girl named Jess signed her brother up for the giveaway knowing full well he hates crowds and technology but sure enough he won the contest and he was forced to go on stage with this singer. Boy oh...

What do you call a singer after covid-19?

Post Carone

My wife is a horrible singer .

When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.

Who is Santa's favourite singer?

Elf-ish Presley

Did you know? If a singer sings on stage their voice will echo but if a pigeon coos it doesn't

Because acoustics

What do you call a well dressed pop singer

Billie Stylish

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bono, the lead singer of U2 is known for being self-righteous ...

... He is also an A-list rock and roll celebrity.



At a recent concert in Glasgow Scotland, he asked the audience for complete and utter silence.



Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds. Holding the audience hostage in total silen...

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer

Get a large jar, place the duck in it and fill it up with vinegar. Then wait until it’s Bill Withers.

A bunch of actors were getting ready to be in a movie about famous singers and they were deciding who’s gonna be who

RDJ said “I’ll be Beethoven” and Hugh Jackman said “I’ll be Freddie Mercury” and then everyone turned to Arnold Schwarzenegger said “I’ll be Bach”

There was this wonderful singer in my choir class once. She couldn't read any of the music, but then again, tons of famous singers didn't read music.

I mean, Ray Charles couldn't read sheet music to save his life.

Did you hear about the singer who combines country music with rap?

His name is Hot Diggity Dogg

I love old singers

My favorites are 1940s French female singers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple of Italian guys are discussing who, if they could choose any woman in the world, they'd rather bang

One of them says some big name actress, the other says "Virginia Pippilini."

The first guy's like, "Who's that? Is she a model?"

"I don't know"

"Actress?"

"I don't know."

"Singer?"

"I don't know."

"Well if you don't know, why choose her?"

The ...

A country singers truck

With the evolution of self driving cars it’s not gonna take long before a country singers truck leaves him as well as his wife.

The singer for the band Steppenwolf has been decapitated in a motorbike accident...

They found his head out on the highway...

What is a classical singer's big break?

An opera-tunity.

Who's the Death Star's greatest country singer?

Darth Brooks.

What do fish singers use to alter their voice in recordings?

Auto-tuna!

Did you hear about the Dwarf Chernobyl survivor that went on to become a pop singer?

They're currently making microwaves in the industry.

Why are cats such great singers?

They're very mew-sical!

I like bands that are named for their lead singer.

You know, like Alice Cooper and Tool.

Who is r/jokes' favorite singer?

Repost Malone

Whose soul did Ed Sheeran have to sell to become such a famous singer?

Because it certainly wasn't his

I like metal bands with female lead singers...

Something about women screaming makes me rock hard.

Did you hear about that Islamic singer?

His songs were Shiite

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Poor Dyslexic James (long, original)

James was dyslexic. Because of this, he always struggled in school. He was embarrassed by his dyslexia and never let on or got help for his problems, so his grades suffered. His teachers and guidance counsellors told him he’d never amount to anything. All his life, James just wanted to prove them wr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I opened the door last night to carol singers & said "Do you know Silent Night?"

"Yes" they replied
"Well piss off then because I want one!"

How many Country and Western singers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Five. &nbsp;

One to change the bulb and four to sing about how much they loved the old one.

The lead singer of Smash Mouth is up late with a friend.

The lead singer of Smash Mouth is up late with a friend. His wife's not home; the past few nights she's returned past midnight with increasingly elaborate alibis. He's getting frustrated; he loves her, but he's not sure he can keep giving her the benefit of the doubt. His friend asks what he's go...

Why don’t suspenders make good singers?

Because they don’t know how to belt

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A singer is holding a concert indoors.

While doing so, he feels the urge to defecate. As soon as he finishised the piece, he excuses himself upstairs.

He notices the WC has the hole continue indefinitely instead of curving, but doesn't worry too much. He does his buisness and goes downstairs.

There, everybody is running awa...

Liam Gallagher, lead singer of Oasis, decides to learn the politics of his home country. So he goes up to Noel and asks-

"What's a Tory, (Morning Glory), weeeelllll??"

Soviet Russia used to have a leader who was also a singer in a rock band.

He's none other than John Lenin.

Do you know that Indonesian Jazz singer?

Frank Sumatra

In sweden we have what is called Bellman jokes

Disclaimer: Carl Michael Bellman was a swedish author, singer, composer etc. For no particular reason swedes tell jokes about him. Usually involving him and two other guys from different nationalities. Bellman usually wins out in the end somehow.

On to the joke

There was once a Ge...

Joke

So a man walked into a bar and said “I’ll take a coffee.” The woman serving asked him to pay and he did. He drank the cup of coffee and thanked the waitress. Then he asked for another. He looked through his pockets and there was no money. She saw it and said, “Money or no coffee.” Which he replied w...

Why are lumberjacks such great singers?

Their voice has an incredible timber.

Bryan Singer and Kevin Spacey walk up to a bar

The bartender asks for their IDs. They walk away and say" well I guess we're not going to find what we're looking for here."

Singers needed

in choir within your local church.

The Queer eye producers want to to run a spinoff show with the singer P!nk

But pink eye for the straight guy never really took off

Why did the singer of System of a Down open a restaurant?

Because of his self-righteous soup and sides.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I would tell you guys a long-winded tale involving the singers of "It Wasn't Me" and "Drop It Like It's Hot"...

...but I don't think you guys would have time to read yet another Shaggy/Dogg story.

What's the difference between an unusual undercooked pasta, and the easing of tensions between a famous parody artist and the singers he parodies?

One is a weird al dente, and the other is a "Weird Al" detente.

The singer Seal walks into a club.

Good thing he wasn't a baby.

I had to break up with my opera singer girlfriend...

It was always about MI MI MI MI MI!

There was a Swedish singer who was Catholic

Theres a swedish singer who was catholic, then renounced religion and became atheist in her teens. When she was in her early 20s she decided to follow Catholicism again. She was a Björn again Christian

What do you call a sad singer in a bath tub....

A soap opera...


(My first joke)

The theme of my companies team building retreat this year was mindfulness. They asked each one of us to give two examples of an open minded person. They said there were no wrong answers but,

If your answer is author Ernest Hemingway and singer Kurt Cobain it gets you a meeting with HR.

Sam was a struggling singer

Sam wanted the new iPhone but he had no money for that so samsung

Which singer has problems casting spells?

Barry Mana Low

Oh you know the singer of “What is Love”?

I guess you could say he Haddaway with the ladies

Which sultry-voiced singer will happily spit in your face?

Llama Del Rey.

Back in the 70's, when the lead singer of the Who had a mental breakdown, the rest of the band wanted him committed...

...but his psychiatrist refused to do it because it says in the bible, "Thou Shalt Not Commit A Daltrey."

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