TIL Korean singers never say, "Yes daddy!"

They say, "K pops!"

Don't marry a singer.

I married one and it was just "me, me, me" all the time.

I just met the lead singer of Mushroomhead

He seems like a fungi

You know how some singers sing so high that windows break?

When I sing, they also break because people jump out of them.

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The song "Earth" by Lil Dicky features musical cameos from dozens of popular singers.

The song was released around Earth Day and promotes the idea that everyone should work together to be green and eco-friendly and save the planet.

Many famous singers had cameos in the song as different animals or other forms of wildlife. Perhaps the most notable cameo was the singer that sang...

What’s the difference between a terrorist and an opera singer?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the microwave until its Bill Withers

I was at my favourite singers concert, but it got delayed

Postponed Malone

A bunch of actors were getting ready to be in a movie about famous singers and they were deciding who’s gonna be who

RDJ said “I’ll be Beethoven” and Hugh Jackman said “I’ll be Freddie Mercury” and then everyone turned to Arnold Schwarzenegger said “I’ll be Bach”

The lead singer of Disturbed has Covid-19

He is really down with the sickness


Thanks for the gold!!

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A couple of Italian guys are discussing who, if they could choose any woman in the world, they'd rather bang

One of them says some big name actress, the other says "Virginia Pippilini."

The first guy's like, "Who's that? Is she a model?"

"I don't know"

"Actress?"

"I don't know."

"Singer?"

"I don't know."

"Well if you don't know, why choose her?"

The ...

The lead singer of Disturbed has decided he’s not going to self quarantine after contracting Covid-19

He’s down with the sickness

All these singers dropping their new albums and songs.....

don't you think they oughta be a little careful the next time?

I write songs about sewing machines !

I'm a singer songwriter

What's the difference between a puppy and a singer-songwriter?

Eventually the puppy stops whining.

What do you call an angry singer flipping someone off?

A song bird.

Did you hear about the singer who combines country music with rap?

His name is Hot Diggity Dogg

So this famous singer was doing a giveaway...

The prize was a tablet a brand new phone and 1 minute of singing on stage with this famous singer. So a girl named Jess signed her brother up for the giveaway knowing full well he hates crowds and technology but sure enough he won the contest and he was forced to go on stage with this singer. Boy oh...

What do you call a singer after covid-19?

Post Carone

What do fish singers use to alter their voice in recordings?

Auto-tuna!

Did you know? If a singer sings on stage their voice will echo but if a pigeon coos it doesn't

Because acoustics

Who's the Death Star's greatest country singer?

Darth Brooks.

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A woman asks her husband...

Can you take care of the leaky faucet?

“What do I look like a plumber?” He yells

Well can you fix the leaky roof?

“What do I look like a roofer?” He yells

The leaves in the yard are all over the place...

“Do I look like a gardener to you!?” He slams the door and le...

What do you call a well dressed pop singer

Billie Stylish

Who is Santa's favourite singer?

Elf-ish Presley

A country singers truck

With the evolution of self driving cars it’s not gonna take long before a country singers truck leaves him as well as his wife.

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Why did the mods of r/iamatotalpieceofshit cross the road?

To collect money from Joel Michael Singer.

My wife is a horrible singer .

When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.

TIL the lead singer of Chumbawumba is married to a champion breakdancer. She had to give up dancing when she fell pregnant but, only three months after giving birth, successfully defended her title at the World Championship.

She got knocked up, but she got down again.

Why are pirates such good singers?

They hit the high c's...

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Bono, the lead singer of U2 is known for being self-righteous ...

... He is also an A-list rock and roll celebrity.



At a recent concert in Glasgow Scotland, he asked the audience for complete and utter silence.



Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds. Holding the audience hostage in total silen...

Did you hear about that Islamic singer?

His songs were Shiite

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A woman asks her husband to fix the router

He replies "im no technician"

The next day, the tv broke, and again he tells her "im no electrician"

The third day, the power went out, so her husband tells her to call an electrician. When the husband returns home, the lights are all on, the tv works, the wifi is faster than before....

Customary tipping rules

For food and beverage service individuals, it’s customary to tip 18% of the bill.

For valet drivers, a fiver.

For singers, a tenor.

Four dads are arguing, each dad claims to have the best son in the world.

The first dad says, "My son is the best because he is so rich, I only gave him a small loan of a million dollars and he ended up making four billion dollars from his multi-billion dollar hotel business. He has even appeared on many TV shows. He is so successful that he was elected to lead a country....

I like bands that are named for their lead singer.

You know, like Alice Cooper and Tool.

My son's music teacher called me "your son is just like Elvis!"

"Is he an equally talented singer?" I asked.

"No", she replied. "We found him dead on a toilet."

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I just don't understand why black people don't like the police

They have tons of great songs and Sting is a great singer

At a celebrity party, Stevie Wonder meets golf champ Tiger Woods and mentions that he, too, is an excellent golfer.



Tiger is a bit skeptical that the blind musician can play golf well, but he's too polite to say anything.

"When I tee off, " the singer explains, "I have a guy call to me from the green. My sharp sense of hearing lets me aim."

Tiger is impressed, and Stevie suggests that they p...

Liam Gallagher, lead singer of Oasis, decides to learn the politics of his home country. So he goes up to Noel and asks-

"What's a Tory, (Morning Glory), weeeelllll??"

Whose soul did Ed Sheeran have to sell to become such a famous singer?

Because it certainly wasn't his

Who is r/jokes' favorite singer?

Repost Malone

What is a classical singer's big break?

An opera-tunity.

The singer for the band Steppenwolf has been decapitated in a motorbike accident...

They found his head out on the highway...

Why don’t suspenders make good singers?

Because they don’t know how to belt

Singers needed

in choir within your local church.

I had to break up with my opera singer girlfriend...

It was always about MI MI MI MI MI!

The Queer eye producers want to to run a spinoff show with the singer P!nk

But pink eye for the straight guy never really took off

Two sewing machines walk into a bar.

One says ‘Are you a singer?’

The other says ‘Sure, janome?’

What's the difference between an unusual undercooked pasta, and the easing of tensions between a famous parody artist and the singers he parodies?

One is a weird al dente, and the other is a "Weird Al" detente.

What did the opera singer say when he was cutting down a tree?

Timbre!

How many Country and Western singers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Five.  

One to change the bulb and four to sing about how much they loved the old one.

Why are lumberjacks such great singers?

Their voice has an incredible timber.

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A singer is holding a concert indoors.

While doing so, he feels the urge to defecate. As soon as he finishised the piece, he excuses himself upstairs.

He notices the WC has the hole continue indefinitely instead of curving, but doesn't worry too much. He does his buisness and goes downstairs.

There, everybody is running awa...

There was a Swedish singer who was Catholic

Theres a swedish singer who was catholic, then renounced religion and became atheist in her teens. When she was in her early 20s she decided to follow Catholicism again. She was a Björn again Christian

Do you know that Indonesian Jazz singer?

Frank Sumatra

Soviet Russia used to have a leader who was also a singer in a rock band.

He's none other than John Lenin.

What's the most important part of a heavy metal band?

The lead singer.

Why did the folk singer bring a notebook to battle of the bands?

He heard that paper beats rock.

Sam was a struggling singer

Sam wanted the new iPhone but he had no money for that so samsung

The lead singer of Smash Mouth is up late with a friend.

The lead singer of Smash Mouth is up late with a friend. His wife's not home; the past few nights she's returned past midnight with increasingly elaborate alibis. He's getting frustrated; he loves her, but he's not sure he can keep giving her the benefit of the doubt. His friend asks what he's go...

Why are singers so curious?

Because they are in-choir-ing.

How do you know when a singer is at the door?

He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.

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I would tell you guys a long-winded tale involving the singers of "It Wasn't Me" and "Drop It Like It's Hot"...

...but I don't think you guys would have time to read yet another Shaggy/Dogg story.

The singer Seal walks into a club.

Good thing he wasn't a baby.

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I opened the door last night to carol singers & said "Do you know Silent Night?"

"Yes" they replied
"Well piss off then because I want one!"

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A band needs a new member

A guy shows up and says "fuck black people."

They look at him shocked, and he goes on to say "Asians suck too."

They're gobsmacked, and then he says "don't even get me started on Mexicans."

Finally, the lead singer says to him "the ad was for a *bassist*."

Who is the greatest singer of Christmas songs?

A-wreathe-a Franklin

I like metal bands with female lead singers...

Something about women screaming makes me rock hard.

Bryan Singer and Kevin Spacey walk up to a bar

The bartender asks for their IDs. They walk away and say" well I guess we're not going to find what we're looking for here."

Oh you know the singer of “What is Love”?

I guess you could say he Haddaway with the ladies

Why did the singer of System of a Down open a restaurant?

Because of his self-righteous soup and sides.

There was once a man

Let's call him Jim. Jim had a remarkably ordinary life. He went to school, got his degree, got himself a secure office job, set up his pension fund, met a nice girl, got married, and had 2 wonderful sons. Jim was set for life. But he was bored.

It was that sneaky boredom that you don't quite ...

Why is it hard to have Opera singers as friends?

...it's aways about "mi mi mi".

I hate singers that sing in unison.

But I wouldn't harmony.

Why was the amputee such a bad singer?

Because he couldn’t hold a note or carry a tune!

Which sultry-voiced singer will happily spit in your face?

Llama Del Rey.

What do you call a sad singer in a bath tub....

A soap opera...


(My first joke)

I met a British dude who insisted that he was a famous singer.

I said that I didn't believe him, but he was Adam Ant.

Why are singers not nervous during Victoria’s Secret performances?

It’s easy to picture everybody with their clothes off

In 1972, American singer/songwriter, Bill Withers, originally wrote a song for a new Broadway version of Peter Pan. In the musical, Hook has become very discouraged by his lack of success in defeating Peter and the Lost Boys, so his right hand man sings to him and offers a shoulder to hold on to...

Lean on Smee.

Which singer has problems casting spells?

Barry Mana Low

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