There's a gang going through town, systematically shoplifting clothes in order of size.

Police say they are still at large.

I’m a pro at shoplifting candy bars. How, you ask?

I got a few Twix up my sleeve.

I once tried shoplifting a James Bond dvd...

...but a security guard scared the living daylights out of me.

Gorgeous women have trouble successfully shoplifting

Because everyone in the store is trying to check them out.

I never thought I'd be shoplifting from a kitchen supply store

But that's a whisk I'm willing to take

I’m being accused of shoplifting.

I take it they’re not happy.

What happened to the rhubarb when he got caught shoplifting?

He was taken into custardy then crumbled under questioning.

Senior Shoplifter

A cranky older woman "in her senior years" was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store. She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard to the arresting officer who took her away. She complained and criticized everything and everyone throughout the process.

Whe...

Yesterday I went shopping with my mother. Just as we were leaving, she was arrested for shoplifting.

I told her she would never be able to carry off that outfit.

I always go shoplifting for chocolate bars using slight of hand.

I certainly have a few Twix up my sleeve.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teenage boy is caught shoplifting

The shop owner knows the boy's family so he just chews him out and calls his Dad who takes him home and grounds him. The boy's grandfather sees him crying and asks what's wrong. Through sobs the boy tells his grandfather what happened.

The grandfather says "You need to grow some balls son. S...

A women is in court for shoplifting a tin of peaches

The Judge says, you are a persistent offender, I've decided I'm going to make an example of you, I'm going to open a tin of peaches and for every peach I count, you will get a month in jail.

He counts 7 peaches, sentences her to 7 months inside and asks for her to be taken down.

As sh...

I can count the number of times I've been caught shoplifting on one hand.

Which is just as well, as I live in Saudi Arabia.

A man was in a court after being caught shoplifting a can of peaches.

The judge asked him, "How many peaches were in the can you stole?"

The man replied, "Five".

The judge gave him his sentence, "You will have five weeks in prison, one for each peach in the can".

The wife of the man, who was present in the court room, raised her hand and said, " Y...

A woman gets called to court for shoplifting...

The judge asks, "So, you stole something from the grocery store?"

"Yes," the woman says.

"And what did you steal?"

"A can of peaches, Your Honor," the woman replies.

"And how many peaches were in the can?" the judge asks.

"Six," the woman replies.

"Alright....

What did the man get for shoplifting a calender?

12 months

Michael J Fox was arrested for shoplifting yesterday

Serves him right, trying to steal that tambourine

Shoplifting.

An old lady gets caught shoplifting.
On court day the lady and her husband who goes with her stands before the judge and he says to her, "Why did you shoplift?" And she says "I was hungry." The judge says "What did you take?" She replys, "A can of peaches." So the judge trying to figure out how ...

shoplifting

This 80 year old woman was arrested for shoplifting in a supermarket.
When she went before the judge he asked her, 'What did you steal?'
She replied, 'A can of peaches.'
The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches, and she replied that she was hungry.
The judge asked h...

An elderly woman gets picked up up for shoplifting...

...a can of peaches at the local grocery store. When she arrives at the courthouse for her hearing, the judge asks her "Why did you steal the can of peaches?" to which she replies "Because I was craving peaches very badly and had no money, sir. I am very sorry." The judge sits and thinks for a minut...

Why did the bodybuilder go to jail?

He was caught shoplifting

I just took a DNA test, turns out, I'm 100%

going to jail for shoplifting.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you have sex with a hooker without paying

Is it shoplifting?

On the first day of Juvenal court, the judge was sitting down to start reviewing the day's cases.

"Bring out the first defendant," He said to the new bailiff. He left, and came back a moment later with young boy who was accused of shoplifting. He was covered in black soot, wore tattered overalls, and over-sized work boots and gloves.

The judged asked the boy why he came to court ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I took some viagra and now my erection won't go away.

I think I have a shoplifting fetish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You're at the mall when a security guard comes up to you.

He (falsely) suspects you of attempted shoplifting.

You try to explain to him that you're not, but he thinks you're getting aggressive and trying to resist arrest.

He pulls out his taser.

What happens next may shock you...

A man was arrested for stealing while standing on the shoulders of two vampires

He was charged with shoplifting on two counts

Did you hear about the man that bench pressed an entire supermarket?

He got arrested for shoplifting.

A ghost was arrested

And placed in a holding cell with others as they await processing. The ghost turns to the man and asks "what did you get arrested for?"
"Shoplifting" he says, "how about you?"

The ghost smiles and says "possession".

An elderly lady went to court…

An elderly lady went to court for shoplifting.
"What is it that you stole?" the judge asked her.
"Well, Your Honor, I stole a can of peaches."
"Alright. How many peaches were in the can?"
"Six," she answered, wondering what he would ask that for.
"Okay. Well, I'm going to give you...

My buddy Sam is a thief.

My friend Sam wasn't always this way. You see, we grew up in the poor part of town, although his dad worked hard and provided, where mine was not around much and when he was my mom always yelled at him to find a permanent job. As a child I remember showing up to his house every day before school and...

Old lady thief....

An 80 year old women was caught shoplifting a can of peaches.

During her court appearance the judge asked the lady "So tell me why did you steal the peaches?" to which the old lady replied, "Your honor I was very hungry because my husband and I have no money to eat".

The judge then ask...

What do you call it when you go to the store just to use their dumbbells and then leave?

Shoplifting

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