Dvd Jokes - 46 Hilarious Dvd Jokes

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I brought a porn DVD today.

But all I could see was some fat man holding his dick.

Then I realised I hadn’t turned the TV on.

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I bought a porn dvd today and I put it in the dvd player but all I saw was a guy holding his dick not doing anything.

It was then that I realized that I forgot to turn the tv on.

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I got my dick stuck in the center of that Pixar DVD with the old man and the balloons.

TIFU.

The cast of Friends has reunited to open a DVD shop

A man walks in and says, “My Netflix subscription just ran out. Do you have the latest season of You?”

The staff points to a corner of the shop and says, “Aisle B there for You.”

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Bought a new Porno DVD!!

Popped it in the DVD player and sat back to watch.. After a few minutes was not happy. It was some fat guy sitting on a couch with a stupid look on his face just holding his c**k. Then I realized....I forgot to turn the TV on!

I got a DVD on how to improve your foreplay techniques....

I had to fast forward through all the boring bits in the beginning though.

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I fucked a DVD.

Earlier today I was really horny, and I saw what I thought to be a blank dvd. I thought, DVDs have a tight hole, they might feel pretty good. So I put my soft pp into the hole of the DVD, and for a few seconds as I started getting harder, it felt pretty good, but then, once I was fully erect, it sta...

I can't find my "Gone in 60 seconds" DVD...

It was here a minute ago...

Two rats sit in a dustbin and eat a DVD.

Two rats sit in a dustbin and eat a DVD.
Suddenly, one says:
- You know Stefan, the book was better. (͡ ° ͜ʖ ͡ °)

I bought a DVD on dealing with disappointment.

When I opened it, the box was empty.

Mario and Luigi walk into a DVD shop.

Mario holds up a movie.

“Is-a that the exorcist?” Luigi asked.

“This is It, Luigi.” Mario replied.

I once tried shoplifting a James Bond dvd...

...but a security guard scared the living daylights out of me.

For sale. Muhammed Ali DVD set. George Foreman Grill.

Both boxed.

Apparently rick Astley is really stingy with his Disney DVD collection.

Yeah he’ll share toy story, but he’s never gonna give you Up.

Friend of mine offered to lend me his Bohemian Rhapsody DVD

Turned out it was a pirated copy. Was pretty average quality if I’m being honest, could only see a little silhouetto of a man

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What's the difference between a DVD player and a cow's anus?

If you answered 'I don't know,' I'm certainly not letting you borrow any of **my** DVDs in the future!

So, my uncle died and left me his dvd collection

He had a series of Different Strokes

A husband calls the Sheriff's office to report his wife missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Sheriff: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sheriff: Weight?

Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sheriff: Color of eyes?

Husband: Sort ...

I got my crush a special edition DVD for Valentine's day...

She was so happy she hi fived and hugged me. "That's friends!" my brother smiled as he watched us celebrate then put on the DVD. I said "No, it's love, actually."

I just spent $100 on a limited edition DVD of Star Trek 2

Turns out the seller was a Kahn man

A buddy of mine asked me to borrow my DVD box set of one of HBO's best shows...

...he came over and The Wire transfer was successful.

I was phoned by Rick Astley, who asked me to borrow some Pixar DVD's...

I said "Fair enough You can have 'Toy Story', 'A Bug's Life' and 'Finding Nemo' but I'm never gonna give you 'Up'".

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A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well.
One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, ...

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Back in 2009, I got my dick stuck in a DVD player playing a Disney Pixar movie.

Turns out I really fucked up.

I met a Muslim man who said he had the Qur'an on DVD.

The trouble started when I asked him to burn a copy for me.

Just got scammed out of $15.

Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes." Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money.

You known you're stoned when you try to put a poppadom in the DVD player.

Your know you're really stoned when a Bollywood movie starts playing.

Why rivers are never viewed on dvd or video cassette?

Because they are always streaming.

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A man with 3 girlfriends is trying to figure out which one of them to marry.

There was a man who had 3 girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to give each 1 $5000 and see how each of them spent it.

The first 1 went out and got a total makeover with the money. She got new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the m...

My autistic cousin came to visit

When I was young, my autistic 10 year old cousin would constatly visit us, and I hated him because he was a brat. However, since his parents were extremely protective and thought of him as a little prince, they wanted to make me give him my "Up" DVD, because he really likes it.

When they left...

Two blondes are at an CD store. One is buying a DVD.

Blonde 1: Oh, what's that DVD about?
Blonde 2: It's how to repair household items!
Blonde 1: What do you need to repair?
Blonde 2: My DVD player

Did you hear that the Air Force just bought a bunch of copies of The Little Mermaid on DVD?

They must be preparing for an Ariel assault.

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A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie...

The man decided to try it out at dinner.

Dad: Son, where were you during school hours?

Son: At school.

The robot slaps the son.

Son: Ok! I was at my friend's house watching a DVD.

Dad: Which one?

Son: Kung Fu Panda

The robot slaps t...

Assistant to the President: Sir, there's a crisis - somehow, we only have one copy of Pixar's Up left in existence.

President: All right, find the person who currently owns it, and have him give it to me.

Assistant to the President: Well there's some bad news, sir ...

President: Bad news? Have him give me the DVD, I'll copy it and post it on the Internet, problem solved!

Assistant to the Pres...

People keep telling me that I don’t have Friends, but they’re wrong.

I have all 10 seasons on DVD.

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Lie Detector Robot

A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner.
"Son, where were you today?" The son says "at school dad." Robot slaps the son!
"Ok, I watched a dvd at my friends house!" the son says "What dvd?" asks the father "Toy story." Robot slaps the s...

I just bought a movie with 3.142 stars out of 5

It was a pi rated DVD

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Last night I got drunk and threw up in the garbage. My wife is pissed.

Mostly because she's the one the kids are complaining to that they can't find their favorite Pixar DVD.

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This one time I got my dick stuck in the hole of a DVD of a Pixar film about an old man who made his house fly with balloons

I guess it’s pretty apparent how badly I screwed Up

Muslim Band

I went to see a Muslim Tribute band last night at a Mosque.

They were called "Bomb Jovi" and I thought they were brilliant.

They performed songs like:
"Losing my Head over You",
"Rocket Launcher Man",
"You're Six, you're Beautiful, and you're Mine".

Their la...

I was just scammed out of 25 dollars.

I purchased a dvd titled "Tiger Woods' favorite 18 holes." It turned out to be about golf. Tell others so that they can avoid this scam too!!

Damn Amazon and their Black Friday deals

I ordered 4 Kindles and they sent me a 2 Ronnies DVD instead!

Friend 1: Hey, I've invited 17people for movie tonight at our home, wanna come?

Friend 2: Yeah sure but why so many people ?
Friend 1: It's because the DVD says 18+ viewers only

Rick Astley: What do you want for your birthday? ...

Wife: Pixar's “Up” on DVD.
Rick Astley: No.

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Poor Nimbad.

Has to travel 6 miles every day for fresh

water on a bike with no wheels and no seat.

Send us just £2 a month,

and we will send you the DVD. It's fucking hilarious.

I told my friend about how I caught a huge snake. He asked me how big it was and I said, have you seen the movie anaconda?

It was about the size of the Anaconda’s DVD box.

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