UPJOKE
toiletryestheticmakeupfacialmakeoverdecorativeornamentalenhanciveaestheticaestheticalestheticalnonfunctionalmake-upsurgicalnail enamel

Cosmetics Jokes

Why aren't cosmetics students scared of missing examinations?

Because they're used to taking makeup tests.

I would post a joke about cosmetics

But I can't seem to make up one

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some people claim that cosmetics often contain small traces of manure.

I believe that's bullshit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

-Sir, there are people protesting our products outside because of our animal testing.

-I'm tired of all this hypocrisy …big pharma and cosmetics test their products on animals all the time…
-Yes sir, but we make dildos.

A married couple on a tight budget were shopping in a supermarket. The husband picks up a case of beer and places it in their shopping cart...

The wife complained, "Put that back, we only have enough funds for essential items - not luxuries such as beer costing $20."

A little later while walking through the cosmetics aisle, the wife picks up a beauty cream and places it in the cart.

The husband says, "I thought we were on a t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New company mergers

(I marked it NSFW because of the last one - not sure if it's considered NSFW, so just to be safe...)

For all of you with any money, be aware of these expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks. Watch for these consolidations:

1. Hale Business S...

How Old

His wife had just bought a new line of expensive cosmetics absolutely guaranteed to make her looks years longer. She sat in front of the mirror for what had to be hours applying the "miracle" products.

Finally, when she was done, she turned to her husband and said, "Honey, honestly now, what...

The Cheap Businessman

After traveling on business, Tim thinks it would be nice to bring his girlfriend a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asks the cosmetics clerk. She shows him a fifty-dollar bottle.
"That’s a bit much," says Tim, so she returns with a smaller bottle for thirty dollars.
"That’s st...

When I was young, I really wanted to work with animals

But I just couldn’t get a job in cosmetics

Mary Poppins Decided To Grow Some Vegetables

Mary Poppins decides to grow some vegetables. When she picks her crop in the autumn, her carrots, potatoes, onions, and spring beans have all failed, but her cauliflowers have grown a treat.

She picks them, cooks some for Sunday lunch in a cheese sauce, and they taste wonderful.

After ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man has three girlfriends, but doesn't know which one to marry... [Long]

So he decides to make a test to find out which one of the three suits him the best. He gives each of them 5K USD and says to them: Spend it on whatever you like.

The first girlfriend goes shopping. Buys clothes, jewelry, goes to the barber, cosmetics etc. She says to the man: I spend all your...

Never Argue With A Woman Who Reads

An elderly married couple is traveling by car from California to New York for a National Book Conference. After Spending almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to pull over and rent a room. They didn't want to waste much time, so they only planned to sleep for f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 50 year-old woman decides to spend a lot of money on her birthday...

...on cosmetics, wrinkle reduction treatments, a new hairdo, new clothes, etc. When she decides she's done the most she could, she feels really good about herself and decides to go for a walk.

First, she enters a shop to buy a magazine. While she's paying, she asks the cashier:

'How ol...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Decision Time

A man who had been seeing three different women decided it was time to settle down and get married. The problem was, he couldn't decide which woman to ask to marry him. Then he had an idea: he'd give $1,000 to each of them and whatever they did with the money would influence his decision.

S...

A man and his wife

A man and his wife are shopping at the local grocery store. The man picks up a 12 pack of beer and carries it up to his wife.


His wife turns to him and says "how much does that 12 pack of beer cost?"

The man says " $15.99"


"$15.99!?" the woman exclaims
"that is way...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.