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Armed Robbery Jokes

A man and his falcon are arrested for attempting an armed robbery

It seems like it'll be a couple of months before the pair can be tried in court, so it's up to the police to deal with them in the meantime. After much debate, they come to a decision, and the next morning an officer comes to the county jail and gestures for the man to follow him. The officer explai...

Judge: So, Mr. Gonzalez, you are here on one charge of armed robbery. How do you plead?

Gonzalez: My abuela told me to do it.

Judge: Case closed, have a good day, Mr. Gonzalez.

During an armed robbery at a bank, one teller hissed and whispered to the next teller.

"Here are the 100 bucks I owe you."

Will Smith has been connected to an armed robbery in Philadelphia...

They found fresh prints at the scene of the crime.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, a woman finds herself in an armed robbery at her local bank.

She's pregnant with triplets, and has a hard time getting to the ground then the robbers ask her to get down. In a frenzy, she is shot three times in the stomach, and is rushed to the hospital.



While she's there, the doctors find that the babies are all still okay. But the doctor tell...

Someone told me that if you hold a Shell up you can hear the sea

All I got was 6 years for armed robbery.

Paddy goes to court for armed robbery!

Paddy goes to court for armed robbery!
The jury foreman comes out and announced
"Not Guilty"
"That's Grand", shouted Paddy!
"Does that mean I can keep the money?"

What was Pinocchio's defense when he was tried for armed robbery?

well, Geppetto was the one pulling the strings

Why do amputees make good thieves?

Because no one's going to charge them with Armed Robbery.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Students training to be police officers were given the following difficult examination question.

**A student training to be police officer was given the following difficult examination question:**

>"You're on street patrol when an explosion occurs on a nearby road. You investigate and discover an overturned van besides a large crater. Both occupants of the van are injured, and smell ...

My grandfather did 5 years in Vietnam.

Turns out armed robbery is illegal there too.

Yesterday I had a picture framed

Now is doing time upstate for armed robbery.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The week in jail

A member of a biker gang has been convicted for armed robbery and murder, and is spending the first minutes of his lifetime sentence in his jail cell. Even though he is an extremely tough guy, not afraid of anything or anyone, he is having quite some difficulty controlling his tears when all of a su...

A British tabloid receives an order for a smear article about an activist...

After two weeks of digging, the assigned reporters go to the editor and shake their heads.


"It's impossible, boss," they say. "There's nothing about the bloke, not even gossip. He doesn't even have a parking ticket. In fact, he's pretty much a saint: the only time his name appears in poli...

My armless uncle was a bank robber for 40 years and th e police couldn't ever capture him...

Apparently, they couldn't arrest him for armed robbery.

I didn’t hear the sea when I held a Shell up

I did, however, get six years in jail for armed robbery of a petrol station.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Italian man is looking wistfully out at his fields...

It's spring, and for decades and decades now, he's always planted tomatoes, a tradition he brought over all the way from the old country to his adopted home in the US.

Unfortunately, he's getting old, and the work of turning the soil over to prepare for planting the tomatoes is beyond his bod...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of prisoners is in their rehabilitation meeting.

Their task for the day is to each stand up in turn, speak his name and admit to his fellow inmates what crime he has committed.

The first prisoner stands and says, "My name is Daniel and I’m in for murder!" Everyone gives him approving look and pats him on the back for admitting his wrongdoi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pregnant woman during a bank robery

[translated from dutch, sorry if anything is translated wrong]
A pregnant woman goes to a bank to collect the money for the ultrasound she is gonna have soon, when all of the sudden the bank gets robbed. 3 armed guys run into the bank shouting everyone to get down. The woman, being pregnant, can...

A deranged man was tossing a brick off of the interstate overpass

He had the brick tied to a rope which he was using to toss at cars, then reel back in, to toss at more cars.

Police surrounded him, telling him to drop the brick. As they started moving in, he tossed the brick again, aiming right at a semi.

The brick crashed through the windshield, ca...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Original Jokes.

A man is speeding down the beach road in Nags Head, NC when a seagull smashes into his windshield. He gets it stuck in the wiper blades trying to get it off, and eventually a cop comes up behind him and hits the cherries and berries. At that moment the seagull flips off the guy's car and smashes int...

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