What does the smartphone say to the pipe?

iPhone, YouTube, WeChat.

(Sorry, is this taken?)

What do you call a flying object that can’t use a smartphone?

A Boomerang

I did something crazy the other day...

...I used the toilet without playing on my smartphone.

Instead I played with myself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL that Smartphones are now the #1 ranked hand held device.

That means Penis has slipped to second place.

Until today, I could never understand how my parents entertained themselves in their days, before smartphones were a thing

I asked my 72 other siblings and they haven’t got a clue either.

Feeling hopeless, I finally asked my parents and they said they played lots of sports. For some reason, I think they’re lying...

I asked a young lady at the office to bring me a newspaper

Then I got a lecture about this generation's advanced technology and how old and obsolete I am... At last she gave me her smartphone.


Long story short -

Fly's dead.

Phone's broken.

Girl's crying.

A woman stumbles upon a magic lamp

She rubs the lamp and out pops a genie. The genie asks her what she wishes for.

The woman says, "My wish is for my husband to have eyes only for me; I want to be the only one in his life, I want him to always sleep by my side, and I want that when he gets up in the morning I'm the first thing...

I tossed my wife into a well, but then I thought this was too harsh and threw her smartphone after her.

So she can now enjoy digital well-being

So Samsung released their new foldable smartphone....

And now the problems are starting to unfold.

A lame German joke in translation

At the doctors office:


Did you take my advice and sleep with the window open?


Yes, I did.


So, did the cough disappear?


The only thing that's disappeared is my laptop and my smartphone.

For a change, a genie appeared in front of a woman this time...

A genie appeared in front of a woman.

"Whatever you want, as many things as you want, just ask " the genie said.

"My husband’s eyes should be only on me during all waking hours."

"And then ..?"

"He should not be concerned with anything else in life except me."

"An...

NSA

My sister just told me that she taped up the **camera** because she's afraid of being spied on by the **NSA**.

*I laughed*

*she laughed*

*the smartphone laughed*

What happens when you take a Chinese smartphone somewhere unsafe?

...you take the Huawei to the Danger Zone.

The smartphone is now the number one hand-held unit among women

and second among men.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Having Sex Is Like Charging Your New SmartPhone

*You can flip over your partner and it's still Plug&Play*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American, a German, a Canadian, and a Jew are sent to a deserted island as part of a reality show.

They are told to bring one item each.

1. The American brings a smartphone

2. The German brings a book.
3. The Canadian brings a laptop
4. The Jew brings a blow up doll.

One year later, the Jew has a smartphone, a book, and a laptop.

Why did the smartphone need glasses

It lost all it's contacts

A smartphone user is browsing Reddit at a funeral. He asks the priest sitting next to him, "do you have the wifi password"? Looking at him in disgust the priest exclaims, "Respect the dead"!

The smartphone user replies, "all lowercase"?

Technology is crazy these days

We now have smartphones, wireless TVs, and tablets.
When I was a kid we had to blow everything. The Nintendo cartridge, the mouse with that ball inside, the priest.

Have you noticed how misleading modern smartphone deals are?

They're all so phoney.

Today I donated a laptop, a smartphone and $500 to a poor guy.

Can't express the happiness I got when I saw him putting the knife back in his pocket

What are we?

Smartphone users!

What do we want?

Turn off autocorrect!

When do we want it?

Cow! How! Not!

Fck

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A recent study shows that Samsung smartphones are now the most popular hand held device in the world.

For the first time, penis has slipped to Number 2.

The other day during lunch break I saw one of my colleagues playing some kind of war game on his smartphone. As I poured my coffee I asked him about the game he was playing and we started small talking. Few minutes into our small talk he stated that so far he'd spend $700 in in game purchases.

I bursted into a loud laughter while shouting how that was the stupidest thing and biggest waste of money I've ever heard of!

Man, I was still laughing out loud in disbelief walking off and even still chuckling as I entered the smoking room

An American, a Korean, a Chinese, and a Russian walk into a bar...

...they settled into their seats and when they had loosened up after a few drinks they decided to extol the virtues of their homelands.

"American industry is so superb," said the American. "A sports team can decide to move to a different city, and within a year and a half we can build a stat...

Science is progressing in leaps and bounds. In 20 years...

...we'll definitely have better smartphones.

I used to read shampoo bottles while on the toilet..

But now with smartphones I can just take a picture of the bottle and read it anywhere!

Relationships are like smartphones.....

You look at your iPhone 7 and think, it used to be a lot quicker to turn this thing on.

An American, A Frenchman, And an African excavate historical relics 300 years from now

The three men are assigned to find anything historic, and report what they found after their excavation.

The American starts digging up, and in 7 days, he finds an iPhone.

"Our country must have invented the first smartphones." He concludes.

The Frenchman starts digging up, a...

Give a millennial a smartphone and he'll live for a day...

... any longer than that and he'll become a mindless, soulless, social media zombie.

Claims that cloud storage is the future of smartphone memory issues

Sounds good, but I have no data to back it up.

What is ISIS's favorite smartphone?

Samsung Note 7 , according to them it's "the bomb" nowadays.

A woman found a magic lamp on the beach, rubbed it, and out popped a genie.

"Ask me anything and it's yours!" She thought a moment and then answered, "I want my husband to pay more attention to me, to protect me, to take me out frequently, to sleep close to me, and to be more caring, even if I get a tiny scratch." "No problem." And POOF! She was a smartphone!

How many Chinese men does it take to make a Smartphone?

I dunno, ask the Kids.

Why did the smartphone go to jail... [OC]

Because it was charged with battery

The price of smartphones are getting way too ridiculous

If I fall and hear something crack, I'm hoping it's a bone

How did our grandparents killed time when there were no Smartphones and Internet?

I already asked my mom, her four sisters and five brothers.

A man is out driving in the countryside

A man is out driving in the countryside where he suddenly comes across a big herd of sheep. He stops his car and get out waiting for the sheep to pass over the road. At the end of the herd he spots the shepherd. He goes over to the shepherd and starts a conversation.

-"If I can tell you exact...

Three engineers were trying to make smarthome devices (from a friend)

Three engineers and a manager are sitting around some appliances to help make them smarthome compatible.

The first engineer turns his attention to the refrigerator, "We should connect this fridge to the internet and make it tell you when food is going bad, I will need an Intel i7 if we want t...

Wife asks god for a better husband

Wife: Dear God , I wish you could make my husband pay more attention to me, protect me, take me out, sleep close to me at night.
I wish he would be more caring even if I got the smallest of scratches.
God then turned her into a smartphone.

A panda goes out to dinner

A panda goes out to dinner at a fancy restaurant. After finishing his meal he stands up, pulls out his gun, shoots the waiter, and begins to leave. Frantically, the manager stops the panda and says, "what did the waiter do? ! Why did you shoot him? You can't just shoot people, I'm calling the p...

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