My house was burgled the other night. When the police arrived, they asked me, “Did you happen to see, or can you tell us anything about, the burglar?” “Well... it was rather dark,” I replied.

The police officer says, “Okay… and how tall was it?”

I don't think he understood me very well.

The local wig shop was burgled

Police is combing the area..

A man came home to find his house had been burgled and every lamp had been stolen

He was delighted

A young couple's house gets burgled, so they decide to get a guard dog...

The wife goes to a pet shop and tells the owner "I'd like to see the toughest guard dog you've got!"

The owner answers "I've got just the dog for you!". He presents to her to a tiny chihuahua called Roxy.

"Sure he's cute, but can he really guard a home?" she asks skeptically.

"L...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My husband and i were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre.

Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard. When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs. Because our cat likes to chase our budgie we...

A criminal burgles into a dormitory...

He yells at one of the students:
"I'm looking for money!"
The student calmly replies:
"What a coincidence, I am too!"

Did you hear how they caught the guy who burgled Will Smith's house?

Fresh prints

I was burgled last night, someone stole all my documents.

I was de-filed.

How do you know if your house was burgled by smurfs?

Look for blueprints

I was fed up with being burgled and robbed every other day in my neighbourhood...

The alarm system was of no use so I tore it out and deregistered from our ineffective local Neighbourhood Watch.
Instead, I've Planted a Syrian, Afghanistan, Yemeni and Iranian flag in four corners of my front garden.
Now, The city police, The National Security Bureau, MI-5, MI-6, The CIA And...

How do you know you've been burgled by asians?

You come home to find your math homework was done, your computer was upgraded, and they're still trying to back down the driveway.

A man parks his car on the street and goes into a shop....

...When he comes out, the car is not where he left it and apparently was stolen. So he calls the police and hopelessly goes back home. Two days later, he finds his car at his front door, with a note left in:

“I am very sorry but I had to borrow your car, because my wife was in labor and about...

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