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Cctv Jokes

A man in Florida has been caught on CCTV stealing police car tyres.

Police are reported to be working tirelessly to catch the thief.

I saw a burglar on the CCTV of my elements shop. He was taking gold, iodine, carbon, uranium, platinum, and three bottles of nitric oxide. I said over the tannoy....

'Au, I C U! NO NO NO!'


I didn't mention the Fifth Element because it was so overpriced and overhyped.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

my grandpa tells us about his good old days in Hong Kong

He said, "when I was your age, I can go into the groceries with 10 dollars, and come out with 2 loaves of bread, 2 dozen of eggs, 2 kilos of potatoes, maybe a few cans of soda, plus handful of candies and probably some beef jerky."

We were like, "omg!!! That's a lot!! 10 dollars now can only ...

When I was a kid you could walk into a shop with a quarter and come out with 2 cokes, 3 bags of chips and an Ice cream...

Nowadays, CCTV everywhere.

Grandfather: When I was your age, I used to go to the market with one dollar

...and bring home soap, rice, milk, bread, face powder etc..

Grandson: Nowadays it's difficult. There are CCTV cameras everywhere.

TIL that India is installing 15000 CCTV cameras in Delhi for Obama's visit.

This is ridiculous.
Just because he's black doesn't mean he'll steal anything.... When will the world stop this Racist behaviour ?

Back in my day, I used to be able to go to the store with $1 and get 2 sodas, 3 chips, and a chocolate bar...

Nowadays there are CCTV cameras everywhere.

I was a rather optimistic child

I used to think CCTV was a very, very positive Spanish television channel

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man very sadly died recently after breaking into a brewery and falling into a vat of beer

However, the police are treating his death as suspicious as the CCTV footage shows him getting out 3 times to take a piss.

When is was a kid, mum used to send me the shops wtih 50p. i could come home with a chicken, 2 pints of milk, 6 eggs, 2 packs of bacon and a comic book...

You can't do this nowadays though because of CCTV.

Someone complimented me that I have a heart of a LION

On an unrelated note... Do they have CCTV cameras in the zoo??

My local beauty shop was broken into last night.

CCTV footage shows a suspect moonwalking out carrying a large amount of moisturising cream.

The officer at the scene told the shop owner "You've been struck by, a smooth criminal".

Who the patron saint of surveillance?

St Francis of a CCTV.

I remember the days...

I remember the days when you could walk into a shop with a £1 note and come out with a 40 cigarettes, a bag of sugar and a load of bread. Can't do that nowadays though.
Too much CCTV

Peter got a job as a train conducter...

On the first day of his job, a random guy without a ticket got past him and on the train without being noticed. This was eventually caught on CCTV and Peter was warned by his boss.

Second day of his work, a group of refugees snuck on the train between carts without Peter noticing and one of t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

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