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Parliament Jokes

What did the dad say when he saw the parliament was full of birds?

This is a parliament most fowl indeed...

The Houses of Parliament is like an orgy.

A lot of pricks standing around desperate to get attention.

A young kid parks a bike near the Houses of Parliament and walks on...

A police constable stops him and asks: "Why did you park your bike here? You don't know about this road? MPs, Lords, and Civil Servants pass by here daily!"


The kid replied, smiling: "No worries, I've locked my bike."

Parliament vote on Picasso painting:

Eyes to the left: 2
Nose to the right: 1

Interesting Parliaments.

Member of Parliament: Mr speaker, half of the members in this house are stupid.

Speaker: Honourable member please withdraw that statement.

Member of parliament: My apologies Mr speaker, half of members in this house are not stupid.

Speaker: Thank you, lets move on.

Diana Ross just resigned as a Member of Parliament.

Apparently it was a Chain Reaction.

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Explaining how the parliament works.

One day a boy asks his dad how the parliament works. So his dad tells him,
"Well, i am the working man of the family so think of me as capitalism. Your mom is the government, your baby brother is the future and the housekeeper is the working class. Now ponder over what i've told you and tell me w...

Only one man has ever entered parliament with honest intentions...

... Guy Fawkes

I parked my car outside parliament. "Sir, you can't park here," said a cop. "This is where our politicians work."

"Don't worry, I've locked it."

An old Ukrainian joke: How do you get a new, uncorrupt parliament?

First of all, we get rid of the old one. All of them get the boot.

We announce a new election. We elect 450 new deputies and then we hang them all.

Finally, we announce another election, get ourselves new, fresh 450 deputies and we hang them all.

Now, after the 4th or 5th elect...

Two facts about me, 1) When I die I have arranged for my remains to be spread around the Houses of Parliament.

2) I don't want to be cremated.

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Did you hear the Speaker of Parliament was in a car crash?

He was really fucked up, eyes to the right, nose to the left

How many European Parliament representatives does it take to change a lightbulb?

Trick question. You have to have a brain to change a lightbulb.

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An Englishman, an Irishman, a Welshman, and a Scotsman are all in a car, headed to Parliament.

When they arrive, they drive through the front gates and park up outside.

The Englishman says, "*I'm going to speak to the Prime Minister, to see what we can do about getting some national pride back.*"

The Scotsman says, "*Ah'm goin' tae speak wi' the Prime Minister, an' ask if they c...

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A Slovak oligarch, Japanese nationalist, communist and a pirate meet in a parliament...

This isn't a joke. It's Czech Republic.

Mark Zuckerberg refuses formal appearance before Parliament

Couldn't find a tux with a hoodie

What did John Bercow say when the government caused a stink in the Parliament, last night?

"Odooour!"

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut

After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him a...

What's the first question you get when you walk into a parliament?

"Who"

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What does British parliament name as the #1 cause for pedophilia?

Sexy children

what did the redditor say to the retiring Ugandan Parliament member after he cast his final ballot?

take your U.P. vote and get out lol

Putin, Medvedev, and a few other members of the cabinet and parliament walk into a restaurant...

They get seated, and the waiter asks Putin:

– What would you like to eat, sir?

– I'll have some meat.

– And how about the vegetables, sir?

– The vegetables will also have some meat.

Greek guy parks a car in front of the parliament in Athen.

"Sorry sir, you can´t park here," a police officer tells him. "This is the place where our politicians work."

"It´s OK," the guy replies calmly. "The car has an alarm."

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Submitted Dating ad:

I am man, 33, looking for a long term relationship.
Profession: Member of parliament for 11 years.
Traits: Strenuous, hard-working, righteous, honest, incorrupt, truthful, fighting for the rights of poor people.

Answer:
I am 30.
Profession: Working 15 years as a prostitute.
Tra...

What did the Prime Minister see when they looked in the mirror?

A Member of Parliament

If I get the Coronavirus....

It is my sacred duty to visit the Senate, the Parliament, the Government and several parties' headquarters.

A man walks up to Parliament Hall...

Man: I need to speak to Prime Minister Harper immediately!

Guard: I'm sorry sir, Steven Harper is no longer the Prime Minister of Canada.

##The man leaves. The next day, the man comes back again.

Man: Please, I need to speak to Prime Minister Harper!

Guard: Like I told yo...

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If you call a group of lions a pride, and a group of crows a murder; what do you call a group of pedophiles?

The British Parliament

Margaret Thatcher appears to Boris Johnson in a dream...

"Privatise the NHS and paint the Houses of Parliament green!" she says to Johnson



Johnson looks confused; "Why green?"



Thatcher smiles, "I knew you wouldn't object to the first part"

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Minister

One of the members of the parliament came out as a homosexual and was forced to resign.

Guess he is no longer a cabinet minister.

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Why does May come after April?

Because that's when Parliament is *really* gonna fuck her.

I'm hung like ..

.. parliament.

Robber and walker

Late one night in the capitol city an Army deserter wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.

"Give me your money!" he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this
...I'm a Member of Parliament!"

"In that...

Why do the bees have honey?

Because they have a queen. If they had a parliament, they would have had nothing.

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Long one

Doctors were asked if we should reopen the country. Here's what the experts said:

Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but Neurologists thought the Administration had a...

Canadian Protesters...

So there were some protesters at the Canadian parliament buildings yesterday. 2 of them had the great idea to scale the Peace Tower (the massive tower on the centre front) and stand on the roof. Unfortunately, the copper roof broke and one of the men fell down the tower hitting the bells on his way ...

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Because the clockwork in the clock tower was being repaired, Big Ben wasn't tolling the hour...

Well, Parliament put an advertisement in the newspaper for someone to ring the bell on the hour.

The first fellow to show up for the position had no arms. In the interview, they asked "How can you hit Big Ben with the striker if you have no arms?"

Not to be stopped by his handicap, h...

How could I forget, mate?

At an Australian parliament meeting, two guys were shouting back and forth and one said:

"I am a country member!" and the other said:

"Oh, I remember!"

Each Man Gets One Wish...

Steve Bannon, Donald Trump, and Justin Trudeau are walking along the path outside the Ottawa Parliament, when they come across a lantern in their path. Upon picking it up, a a cloud of smoke appears, and when it clears, to their amazement, there's a Genie!

The Genie says, "As there are three ...

Politician dies....

While walking down the street one day a Member of Parliament is tragically hit by a truck and dies.


His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.


'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter.


'Before you settle in, it seems there is a pro...

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So Jeremy Corbyn went to see the Queen.

Jeremy Corbyn asked the Queen. "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient organisation? Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well." Said the Queen. "The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Jeremy Corbyn then asked. "But how do I know if the peo...

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