Okay, let's put it to a vote: All in favor of banning Ivermectin say "aye..."

All opposed say "neigh."

My dentist was voted "Dentist Of The Year"....

He didn't get a trophy, they just gave him a little plaque.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner.

They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.

Cheating for "Good" Reasons

An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Martha replied, "We...

A Reporter Asks Hillary Clinton if she Thinks Monica Will Vote for Her

A reporter asks Hillary Clinton if she thinks Monica will vote for her.

“Well”, Hillary replies, “she already messed up one Clinton presidency, let’s just hope she doesn’t blow it again.”

Why was it illegal to vote for Trump in the 2020 election?

It was strictly forbiden.

The best part about being Russian, is getting to vote in American elections.

Which is nice, because we never get to vote in our own.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN:...

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Girlfriend says if this gets a thousand up votes she'll let me try anal

please don't her strap on is huge

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Voted best joke in ireland

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."

She...

I was shocked when the Republicans wouldn’t vote to convict Trump on his second impeachment.

The first time sure, they always insist a baby is carried to full term.

The second one however, shocking as they actually took care of the baby afterwards.

If I were American, I'd vote Bernie...

But I'm Russian, so I'm voting Trump

While walking down the street one day, a senator is tragically hit by a truck and killed.

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.


"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."


"No problem, just let ...

How do ghosts obtain money?

Via a polterheist. Ouch, the downvotes!

An admiral is touring a submarine

The Captain is with him, showing him the functions and rooms of the submarine. Near the end of the tour when they’re in the operations room, the admiral notices a monitor with “Up 0, Down 0” displayed on it. Perplexed, he asks the captain “What is this monitor’s function?”

“Oh, that’s the tal...

Covid is not a joke and should be taken seriously

A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards, he wrongly believed he'd won an election he actually lost by millions of votes.

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A stripper got fired for telling me who to vote for

Apparently pole workers can't do that

Joe Biden is not my president. I didn't vote for him!!!

No seriously guys he's not my president. Im from Nepal. I didn't vote for him.

P.S. Congrats US for taking the first step towards undoing the 4 years of chaos.

I think there should be a vote recount.

It’ll be awesome to see Trump lose twice.

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If Democrats hoard their gas in biodegradable containers, and Republicans hoard their gas in non-biodegradable containers, then who did the people who hoard their gas in plastic bags vote for?

The Greene Party.

How does Marjorie Taylor Green vote on Democrat sponsored bills?

Neigh

Nobody will up vote a cake day joke on my cake day.

I'm feeling desserted

On the Sherrifs Wife’s Death Bed

On her death bed, the Sheriff's wife confesses that she cheated on him three times, but swears it was always for a good reason. He asks what happened, and she says, "Well, the first time, remember when Dr. Smith said he we couldn't afford the operation, and then he changed his mind and did it for fr...

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Loud Snoring At Camp

Four guys were at deer hunting camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Luigi because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Luigi and comes to breakfast the...

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A British man and an Australian man are walking thru London

They see a sign that reads 'one man, one vote'
The Australian says 'I don't understand'
The British guy says 'one man, one vote'
Australian 'yeah, I don't understand'
British guy 'one man has one vote'
Australian 'I don't get it'
British 'one fucking man, one fucking vote'
Austr...

Why is Trump so keen to stop counting votes?

His advisers are rushin...

When you're 18 you're old enough to vote but not to drink.

But if you look at who we have to vote for, you could use a drink.

If you feel the Bern you should vote for Bernie Sanders

That way you can get a doctor to take a look at it

In democracy your vote counts.

But in feudalism, your Count votes.

Scottish lawmakers recently voted to make menstrual products free

It's about bloody time.

I once ran for class president against a boy with terminal cancer

I know I lost to the simpathy vote, although in retrospective I did run a very negative campaign

"Vote for me, I won't abandon you in 2 months"

In high school I was voted Most Likely to Lie About Past Accomplishments.

It’s true...

Why did so many Republicans vote for Joe Biden this year? (TW: Political, bad taste)

If you’re red, and you fail to take care of your voters during a respiratory virus pandemic...they turn blue.

I just found out my Grandpa, a lifelong Republican is going to vote Democratic this fall.

This would never happen if he were still alive.

If you're wondering why its taking so long to count votes in Nevada

They hired pole workers instead of poll workers

Is your refrigerator running?

If so, I may vote for it.

A blonde went to city hall to register to vote. The clerk asked her, "When s your birthday?" She replied, 'June 10."

The clerk asked, "What year?"
The blonde said, "Every year."

Reddit logic.

- Oh I see you made a comment, I'm sorry to inform you it got deleted! You don't have enough karma to make the comment.

= That's fine! How do I make enough karma then?

- You need up votes and rewards on your comments of course!

= ok...? I will make one then and hopefully I get u...

What happens when you don't get any upvotes on your cake day....

You feel desserted.

Waiting in line to vote, somebody pulls up and asks " How long have you been waiting to vote?"

Some guy in the back of the line yells "FOUR YEARS!"

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Why is Nevada taking so long to count the votes?

When Vegas found out someone was counting they beat the shit out of them and kicked them out.

What does a president who cant get his votes up suffer from?

Electile dysfunction

Kanye West Concedes After Failing to Get 0.5% of Vote in Early Returns

Now he is an electoral college drop out

Apparently Monica Lewinsky didn’t vote for Hillary Clinton this election.

She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

I’m nineteen and won’t vote in this upcoming election. Here’s why:

I’m Swedish

The house just voted to decriminalize marijuana and Oregon recently decriminalized hard drugs.

It looks like drugs is winning the war on drugs.

If you are wondering how Trump got almost half the votes.

“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”




Thank you George Carlin's for the punch line

I was voted most artistic in Highschool

I was also voted most dyslexic

What determines if an old person can stand in line to vote?

Depends.

The errors 404 and 403 went to vote, 404 voted for Trump.

403 forbidden.

Why was Vladimir Putin sad?

No one voted for him in the last election.

Me- "Do you know in middle east most of married girls can't even vote on Facebook opinion poll".

Friend- "That's not true, there is no such law anywhere in middle east".
Me- "Yeah, but you need to be above 13 to use Facebook".

Why did the horse get kicked out of the Barnhouse Union?

Because he always voted neigh.

Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton...

Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton, I would be stuck with a president under constant federal investigation from day one.

Turned out, he was right. I voted for Clinton and I have been stuck for years with a president under federal investigation from day one.

All my social media apps and people I know keep telling me to vote...

I’ve probably cast like 40 ballots by now, and they STILL won’t stop telling me to do it!

It's pretty sad that even though women have had the right to vote for 100 years now...

we still spend more time talking about mail ballots.

I listened to him boast about standing head and shoulders above the rest and how he felt it was acceptable, even encouraged, to look down on others. I realized I couldn’t cast a vote for this man.

He was a height supremacist.

Best way to cross a river. Vote now.

Roe v Wade.

England is finally honoring it's longest river entirely in it's border by making repairs to the over 45 navigation locks used for transportation, improving the many drinking water systems abstracting flow from it's discharge into the sea, and providing for wildlife sanctuaries near the coast.

The people will vote on the entire referendum poised to fund the project.

It's called the Bond...the Thames Bond....

Why didn't Sanders supporters vote for him on Super Tuesday?

Because they were too busy posting on Reddit

Putin won the election with 76.6% of the vote

Funnily enough the exact same percent I gave myself when my teacher told us we could mark our own tests and I didn't want to look suspicious

Last election, I voted for the party with the red colour

I don’t know why, but the blue party was just one of the most unappealing, disgusting political parties I had ever seen, with the weakest leader ever. The policies they presented were going to basically ruin everything I had.



I voted for Justin Trudeau.

Why did the guy who voted for Trump in 2016 switch sides this time?

Because hindsight is 2020

Just this week an American astronaut voted from space...

Too bad her vote doesn't carry the same weight.

So a politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

‟So, you’re a politician...”
‟Well, yes, is that a problem?”
‟Oh no, no problem. But we have recently adopted a new system for people in your line of wo...

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Back when Pope John Paul II died, the Vatican College of Cardinals were faced with the responsibility of choosing a new pope for the Catholic Church...

... At first, they favored a British Cardinal by the name of Cardinal Nigel Mason.

Card. Mason had been a pilot in WWII, fighting Germany's Luftwaffe. He was decorated for his service, during which he shot down 12 Nazi fighter planes.

He himself was finally shot down and made a rough l...

When I was in high school, I was always voted "Most Secretive".

I can't tell you how much that meant to me.

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If you only sucked average sized penises...

You could accurately say that you suck a mean dick.

Edit: The amount of upvotes on this post has exceeded the final recorded megawatt output from Chernobyl’s reactor number 4 on the morning of the Chernobyl disaster. (33,000)

The reactor was designed to operate at 3,200 megawatts.

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How did a sexy but unqualified Japanese woman get voted into public office?

Erections.

The Dean of the College of the Cardinals was at his wits end

The conclave had been contentious, and no clear leader emerged after many days of bickering. He needed a break, and was resting in his private office when there was a gentle rap at the door.

"What is it? Is there word of a new Pope?"

"Not exactly, sir."

"Who is it that disturbs...

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