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Constitution Jokes

Maybe if we all emailed the Constitution to each other…

…the NSA will finally read it.

What's the first amendment in Super Mario's constitution?

Freedom of Peach

"The Constitution says I have the right to bear arms," I told the officer

and he said, "where's the rest of the bear?"

Why did so many people dislike the constitution?

It was too negative, they should have changed con to pro.

A Russian spy infiltrated in America is arrested

A Russian spy under the alias of “Joe Smith” is arrested by American officials. He is put in an interrogation room and confronted by an official, Agent Perry.

Smith: “I don’t understand, why am I being interrogated?”

Perry: “Drop the act, Smith, if that even is your real name. We know ...

The opposite of "constitution"...

...is "prostitution"...

What's the difference between prostitution and constitution?

Well, one has its pros and the other has its cons.

Did you know that the U.S. Constitution protects the right to wear a short-sleeved shirt?

It says "the right to bare arms shall not be infringed."

(credit to my dad for this one)

What's the difference between the US constitution and the Chinese constitution?

They both garantee freedom of speech

but only yhe US constitution garantees freedom *after* speech

I got caught with a copy of the Constitution

I swear I read it for the articles.

Three guys are about to be executed.

One's a lawyer, one's a priest, and one's an engineer.

They bring out the lawyer first, put him under the guillotine, and pull the lever, but the blade gets stuck halfway down. The lawyer goes, "Ah-ha! By pulling the lever, you have technically carried out the execution, which according to th...

Donald Trump says he can "protect the Constitution"

Do people really think he can stop Nic Cage?

The gyms must remain open

The Constitution guarantees freedom of the press

My Scottish girlfriend was feeling homesick so I decided to try and make a homemade haggis to cheer her up.

I thought I had a fairly strong constitution but as soon as I starting mixing the heart, lungs and kidneys I realised I didn't have the stomach for it.

Mr. President, what do you think about the constitution?

"It's truly awesome. I defeated the virus in only four days and I feel better than 20 years ago."

What do you call a party of dwarves with very low constitution?

An extra short campaign

Roy Moore likes his women the same way he likes his constitutional amendments...

12 and Under

A District Court judge, a Circuit Court judge, and a Supreme Court justice are sitting at a bar

The District Court judge says, "I interpret the Constitution the way I read it."

The Circuit Court judge says, "I interpret the Constitution the way it's written."

The Supreme Court justice says, "The Constitution isn't anything, until I interpret it."

(original joke was three u...

A drunk falls into a hole

He sees a young man walking by, and he calls him over.

"Oy! Laddie! Can you help me get out of here?"

"Who are you?"

"Pastor Jones, from the local Parrish, now help me out, boy!"

"Why are you here?"

"I fell in while taking my afternoon constitutional."

"What...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Intelligence is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.

Wisdom is knowing that tomato doesn't belong in a fruit salad.

Charisma is convincing people to eat the fruit salad anyway.

Constitution is not barfing when your fruit salad tastes of tomato.

Dexterity is hiding your fruit salad in the potted plant.

Strength is smacking t...

Armenian Radio

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “We are told that the communism is already seen at the horizon.”

Then, what is a horizon?”

We’re answering: “Horizon is an imaginary line which moves away each time you approach it.”

**And another one for good measure.**

Th...

Gee I sure hope the rioters in DC don’t do anything to the IRS building

at 1111 Constitution Ave. NW, Washington, DC 20224.

Oldy repurposed

Trump was feeling the pressure of the office and stood before the protraits of our greatest leaders.
Looking at Washington, the Donald said:
"George, you were the first. Can you give me some advise?"
A ghostly voice replied
"Tell the truth"
Trump knew that wouldn't work, so next went ...

Trump comes to the fortune teller

Trump comes to the fortune teller and asks how she sees his future.
She looks into the crystal ball and says:
You are travelling down the Constitution Ave. On both sides are cheering and happy crowds with flags and flowers...Go on, tell me more! Jumps Trump.
Everyone is happy, people are ...

Con is the opposite of pro, and con is bad.

So if we want to turn the constitution into something better, then we should change it to...

An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad.

Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died.

Until then, she’d never even been out of the country. So she began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have one issued.
“You must take the loyalty oa...

Three pregnant women were knitting tops for their soon-to-be born.

One posh one says "I'm taking vitamin A, as I want my baby to have strong bones and teeth". The other posh one says "I'm taking vitamin C, as I want my baby to have a good constitution and good heart". The chavvy one says "I'm taking Thalidomide cos I can't knit arms".

Why couldn't Hillary Clinton keep up her US presidential campaign?

She was let down by a weak Constitution.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time, there was a wasp.

Now, this wasp was no ordinary wasp. No, no, this was an extremely intelligent wasp. He was so smart, in fact, that one day he decided to leave the nest to go to high school. Obviously, this was a big deal for his family, but they supported him in following his dreams, so they packed up his few belo...

Why do January 6 deniers never last very long in Dungeons & Dragons campaigns?

They always fail their Constitution checks.

Second Amendment

The Second Amendment of the Constitution affords me the right to wear short sleeve shirts to work.

The right to bare arms.

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day . . .

Teach a man to phish and he'll create a constitutional crisis using hacked emails and kompromat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I thought this sub was the appropriate place for some of these hard to believe real West Virginia Laws.

-If you wear a hat inside a theater, you may be fined.

-Roadkill may be taken home for supper.

-No children may attend school with their breath smelling of "wild onions."

-Doctors and dentists may not place a woman under anesthesia unless a third person is present.

-It...

Little Tony was the son of a well respected Mob boss.

One day, the Mob boss decides he wants to test his son to see if the boy has what it takes to lead the family business. "Little Tony," he asks. "If you received stolen money, and you were looking for a place to hide it, where would you stash it so the cops could never get it?"

Little Tony thi...

Kids' thoughts.

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? --Age 15



Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a gr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man's car breaks down in Tibet..

A man's car breaks down in Tibet, and wouldn't you know it? His phone gets no service. So he walks up a long windy road to a huge monastery at the top of the hill. He knocks at the reinforced double doors and a Tibetan monk after some minutes finally opens.

"My car broke down. Do you...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a Bartender, a Priest, and an Anti-Lockdown protester walk into a bar... [LONG]

Ok, not a bar, because the bars are all closed. But I digress. So they walk into... I dunno, Wal-Mart, Whatever. Turns out all three know each other and start talking about the lockdown and how it has been affecting them.

The Bartender started by lamenting the loss of their income and social ...

Someone should tell trump and his fellow Republicans that the constitution isn’t a bible

You can’t pick and choose which parts you want to obey.

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