I recently asked my neighbors little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President someday.

Both of her parents, Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?' She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.' Her parents beamed.

'Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'But you don't have to wait ...

The Democrats

A Democrat politician visited a remote little town in the Appalachians and asked the inhabitants what the Democrat party could do for them.


“We have two big needs,” said the Mayor.. “First, we have a hospital but no doctor.”


The Democrat whipped out his cellphone, spoke ...

I just found out my Grandpa, a lifelong Republican is going to vote Democratic this fall.

This would never happen if he were still alive.

How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They only *talk* about change.

Why is Trump so sure that the Coronavirus is a Democrat conspiracy?

Because pandemic has dem at the centre of panic.

Why is the Democrat nominee for President so old?

cos he's been biden his time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny meets Nancy Pelosi.

Nancy Pelosi was visiting a primary school in Tampa and visited a grade four class. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked Mrs. Pelosi if she would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy.' So our illustrious Democrat asked the clas...

If a foreign enemy attacked the United States and killed 180K+ citizens, the whole country, Republicans and Democrats, would most likely join together into defeating it...

Oh wait, never mind.

A Democrat and a Republican were walking along the beach when they spotted a bottle.

They picked it up and a genie popped out.

"I will grant you each one wish, whatever you desire", said the genie.

The Democrat said, "I would like for my fellow liberals and I to live the life and exist under the form of government we believe in!" POOF! All the Democrats in America were...

A non-partisan election joke! Not Republican or Democrat

Since we're at the end of the presidential campaign, I figured some political humor might be in store. The following is a funny and true story shared with me by KC Williams who teaches AP Government at Santa Fe High School. In one of KC's classes, they were discussing the qualifications to be presid...

Democratic Party and Republican Party: one of these parties is trying their best to make sure Trump gets re-elected.

So is the other one.

Wow I'm shocked for the first time my grandpa voted Democrat!

He never would have done that when he was alive!

Help, I'm a Democrat who has a very specific fetish of looking at foreign dictators resting on top of crackers and I'm looking for people into the same as me...

So if you're Blue and you don't know what to search for why don't you look were Fascists sits... Putin on the Ritz

Why doesn’t our democratic society permit a man to have 2 wives?

Q: Why doesn’t our democratic society permit a man to have 2 wives?
A: Because our laws protect us against cruel and unusual punishment.

Why are Democrats considered more attractive than Republicans?

Never heard of a hot piece of elephant.

The Democrats are having trouble gaining traction for any of their candidates, so

They have asked Anthony Wiener to run for President and he would have Eric Holder as his VP.


They say it's the Wiener-Holder ticket. They will beat the competition, be hard on crime, and get a grip on the big issues.


They will get to meat of it all.

A Democrat walks into a bar

He asks the bartender, "What's your most popular drink?"


Bartender replies, "a Russian Collusion".


The Democrat responds "I'll have one of those."


The bartender then gives him an empty glass and says "enjoy."

Some may say the democratic national convention is where we nominate the president

I think it’s just a political party

It took awhile, but Germany has finally emerged as a leading democratic world power.

Clearly they understood that it takes three Reich turns to make a left.

A Republican, a Democrat, and Bill Clinton are traveling in a car when a tornado picks up the car and tosses them miles into the air.

When the car finally comes back down, the three men realize they’ve been transported to Oz.



“I’m going to ask the Wizard for a brain,” says the Democrat.



“I’m going to ask him for a heart,” says the Republican.



Bill Clinton looks around and asks the two m...

In the year 2000, Putin was elected President of Russia...

The night after he was sworn into office, Vladimir Putin had a dream. In it, he stood in a long, elegant hall, and was surrounded by all of the great leaders of Russia, from Ivan the Terrible to Boris Yeltsin. Looking around at them all, he eventually bows his head and says:

"Great rulers o...

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him:

“Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 m...

People say Bernie Sanders isn’t a Democrat...

But what’s more like a Democrat than winning the popular vote and losing an election?

I asked my friend from North Korea how democratic it was

He said he couldn’t complain

So yesterday I was talking with Bill, my politician friend. Since he's a Republican, I thought I'd go ahead and ask him how Trump managed to become the face of the Republican Party.

He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "The Democrats kept beating us, so we figured it was time to play our Trump card."

Republicans and Democrats never agree on anything

Republicans said the temperature is -40° F
And democrats immediately said it was -40° C.

So many Democratic Presidential candidates it's hard to know who to pick, but there's something about Mayor Pete...

I can really see myself getting behind him and going all-in

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If there is one thing that democrats and republicans can agree on during this impeachment hearing...

...it's that "quid pro quo" is really fucking fun to say!

If all of the Democratic candidates this primary had military experience...

...then, in theory, we could have seen a race between G.I. Joe and Colonel Sanders.

Trump has a lot of opponents in the Democratic primaries, but who are his two biggest allies?

The coronavirus and touchscreen voting.

OVERHEARD: "My father was a Republican until the day he died..

Then he became a Democrat."

People say that Democrats and Republicans can't work together to get anything done.

But Jeffrey Epstein is dead.

Bernie Sanders joins list of 2020 Democratic Presidential candidates.

Err sorry, typo. That should be:
Bernie Sanders joins list of 2,020 Democratic Presidential candidates.

A Democrat and a Republican go skydiving

A Democrat and a Republican go skydiving. The Democrat jumps out of the plan and pulls his cord the parachute opens and he begins to softly float towards the ground. Seconds later the Republican jumps out of the plane. He pulls the main cord and nothing happens..he pulls his emergency cord and ag...

Democrats have been really angry over the 2016 election results

The last time Democrats were THIS angry is when the Republicans took their slaves away

I can tell instantly if you are a Democrat or Republican

What does WWF stand for?

A man gets sick and, fearing he might have Covid, goes to get tested

When the results of his test come back he gets called in and the person asks him, “first, are you a Democrat or Republican?”

The man says, “what? What does that have to do with anything?”

“Well, if you’re a Democrat you’ve got Covid. But if you’re a Republican it’s just a hoax.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a double sided dildo have in common with republicans and democrats?

No matter what side you pick your fucked.

What's a Democrat's favorite genre of EDM?

Progressive house.

Why should you never play bridge, whist, and similar card games with a Democrat?

They get rid of their Trump cards.

A Republican, a Democrat, a Communist, a priest, a rabbi, an Imam, an African, a Caucasian, an Asian, a horse, a giraffe, an elephant, a fairy, an elf, and an unicorn walk into a bar...

The bar tender looks up

"What is this? A joke?"

What’s the only way to get American Democrat’s and Republicans to agree on something?

Elect a third party candidate for president. They will agree to disagree with everything he or she does.

The political parties can't agree on what a second economic stimulus package should look like. Democrats want every American to receive a $1,200.00 check, while Republicans favor giving everybody 10 pounds of Parmesean cheese.

The GOP wants to "Make America Grate Again".

The Democratic Caucus has released a new gum flavor

Orange n’ Peach Mint

The Difference Between Republicans and Democrats

A young man, down on his luck, was hitch-hiking through New England. A well-dressed man driving a Lincoln pulled up, lowered the passenger side window, and asked, “Do you vote Republican or Democrat?”

“Democrat,” said the hitch-hiker. And the Lincoln sped off in a cloud of dust.

The ne...

On his deathbed, a lifelong Republican told his best friend that he was switching parties and becoming a Democrat.

“My God,” his friend replied, “why would you do such a thing?”

“Simple,” the man muttered in his last breath, “because I’d rather one of them die than one of us.”

I only sleep with democrats.

That way, I don't have to worry about the baby afterwards.

I recently told a joke about how Democrats favor small government, and decreased taxes.

It didn't go over very well. Everyone said it was politically incorrect.

A Republican walks up to a Democratic with a face mask and say, “do you know what I say to sheep like you?...

Whatever the Republican Party tells me too say.”

Eric Swalwell has become the first Democratic candidate to withdraw his bid for POTUS

I guess he passed the torch.

What do Democrats do when they lose a game of CSGO?

They blame the Russians

How many parties does it take to run a democratic nation?

Two, one to... just kidding you can't run a democratic nation on two parties.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cannibal is walking around in a forest

He gets hungry so after a while of searching, he finds a restaurant run by a fellow cannibal. He sits down and looks the menu over, “lost hiker 5$” “fried missionary 15$” “fisherman 10$” and “grilled politician 250$” he asks the owner why the democrat was so expensive to which he replied, “Politicia...

Checkmate Democrats

If teachers don't have arms, how are they supposed to write on the board?

Why are Hong Kong police always the first ones in the public square?

They get there early to beat the crowds.

The problem with Trump jokes:

Republicans don't think they're funny, and Democrats don't think they're jokes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman frantically calls 9-1-1 and says, "There's a Democrat jerking off on my lawn!"

The dispatcher says, "OK ma'am, I've got a squad car on the way ... but tell me, how do you know he's a Democrat?"

She says, "Well if he was a Republican, wouldn't he be fucking someone?"

*(rearrange political parties to your own preference)*

Despite the fact she is a Democrat, Monica Lewinsky decided to vote for Trump in the last election...

....she said to her friend, "I'd like to vote for Hillary, but the last Clinton left a very foul taste in my mouth."

The Democratic nominee walks into a bar

because Donald Trump set it so low.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just realized the fight between obi wan and Anakin perfectly sums up the past year of fighting between Millenials and Boomers, respectively.

When Jedi business becomes too real.

---------------

Millenials: You have allowed this giant turd to twist your mind, until now, until now you've become the very thing you swore to destroy.

Boomer : Don't lecture me, child, I see through the lies of the libtards I do not fear t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Democrat, a Republican and a guy with hemmerhoids walk into a bar...

They're all butthurt.

All nascar racers must be Democrats

Becuase all they do is go left

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as half Democrat and half Republican

I'm bipartisan

The Democrats agreed to sign over $6 Billion for the construction of the border wall, on one condition... that Trump stay on the other side.

Trump agreed.



...but Mexicans refused.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Republicans are at a bar

The first Republican says, "You know who I really like? I know she's a Democrat, but that Tulsi Gabbard is hot. Mm-mm-mm."

And the second one says, "She is, but she's got nothing on Ivanka. Beautiful face, gorgeous body, great big perfect tits. I'd fuck her. Would you fuck her?"

And th...

If there weren't any democrats...

then who would be left?

I searched Reddit and this joke hasn't been posted.

USPS came out with a Donald Trump stamp. They were Yugely popular at first, but suddenly went out of circulation, because they wont stick to the envelopes.

This enraged the president, and he demanded a full investigation, blamed the democrats and JINA and the lame-stream media.


<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I like this new Democratic candidate, Pete Buttigieg. Some people think he's not experienced enough...

But it's my vote, so I'll Buttigieg of that.

How do Democrats apply their sunscreen?

Liberally.

If A Democrat Wins, I'm Leaving,

If a Republican wins, I'm also leaving.

This has nothing to do with politics.

I just really want to travel.

A blind answer poll was made to dads everywhere, whether they liked Republicans or Democrats.

The only answer they got back was "Yes."

I try to reassure everyone I meet, Republican or Democrat alike - the cost of replacing Trump is actually not that high.

It is only 1 Pence.

Donny is getting worried about his future as President.

He decides to call the world leaders he most admires. He makes a conference call to Putin, Kim Jong-un,and Rodrigo Duterte.

"Guys, next to me, you are the greatest leaders in the world. What can I do to stop from getting impeached?"

There is a lot of talking between them and then Vlad ...

What's the difference between democrats and republicans in America?

One group wants to abolish ICE, the other wants to abolish ice.

A little boy asks his mother what the difference is between a Democrat and a Republican?

The mother thinks hard and comes up with this explanation for the child.

A Democrat is like that very nice aunt you have that always promises to take you to Disneyland. But something always comes up and you never actually go.

A Republican is like a grumpy uncle. Every time you ask hi...

Three politicians and little Johnny are walking down the street.

There's a republican, a democrat and a libertarian walking on one side of the street and little Johnny on the other. They come across a horribly dilapidated bridge, looking like it's about to collapse.

"We should raise taxes and have some company fix it. Then everybody will be able to use it ...

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