The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister of Sweden.

The first thing he'll do is to assemble his cabinet.

Biden runs for re-election in 2024.

He promises it will be a great first term.

When my wife told me that the Prime Minister of Canada got re-elected, I thought she was lying.

It’s Trudeau.

How was president Xi elected?

He was highest in the Peking order.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is in a car accident and when he wakes up in hospital his wife is at his bedside while the doctor gives him some bad news.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news" says the doctor, "you're fine except for one thing, your penis was badly injured and we had to amputate it.. however, the good news is your insurance has paid out £6,000 for this injury and we have the technology to give you a fully functional prosthetic penis, now,...

If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States

If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States

This is not a political post, I just want to travel

A politician visits a rural area to gain appeal for the upcoming elections

He schedules a meeting with the local leaders to discuss problems the town has been experiencing so that he could provide help and solutions.

"Governor, our town has been experiencing two big problems," says one of the leaders

The politician pounds his table, "Ok tell me what they are,...

Waiting for election results is like waiting for a grade on a group project.

I know I did my part right, but I am worried the rest of you screwed it up.

Conservatives can't tell jokes

But they sure can elect them

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says,

'So, Daddy, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'

'I don't think so. It's a 16 hour driv...

What kind of leader do Indians look for in election?

A currysmatic leader

Why do the election results take so long?

It’s a race between two 70+ year old men. What do you expect?

The first Jewish President of the United States is elected

The night before the inauguration he calls his mother.

"Mom, I'd love for you to come visit for the inauguration and stay with me for a few days."

"Oh I don't know, airfare is so expensive these days."

"Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!"

"Oh, but you know, cab fa...

Question: Who is the Governor of California after Yesterday's Election?

Answer: We can't recall.

The best part about being Russian, is getting to vote in American elections.

Which is nice, because we never get to vote in our own.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a bidet and 46th US President-Elect Biden have in common?

They both clean up after assholes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's worse than inciting insurrection to overturn a democratic election?

Lying about a blowjob, apparently.

Why did Trump play golf after the election ?

Because that’s where the winner has the lowest score.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Our President Elect is a real tough guy...

The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a Broadway musical.

How do you tell the difference between a fully vaccinated person and an unvaccinated person if they aren't wearing a mask?

Ask them who won the election.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wealthy village man, Narendra Singh, is elected the leader of a group of villages in North India

He decides to give a victory speech to each of these villages. To do this, however, he realized he would need a secretary to introduce him and brag about how great he is, because it would look stupid if he did it himself. So he hires Mohan Nath, a highly respected member of his own village.

M...

What did the Republicans do when Obama won the election 2 times in a row?

They pulled out their Trump card

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What's the medical term for an asshole transplant?

An election.

Why was it illegal to vote for Trump in the 2020 election?

It was strictly forbiden.

Why does Warsaw get nervous during its neighbor's election season?

Because of Germans rushing to the polls!

The election of Vladimir Putin will commence in a few days

Citizens will be asked to choose between Putin and the firing squad.

As of now, 80% of the population approve of him.

>!The rest 20% are missing!<

Covid is not a joke and should be taken seriously

A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards, he wrongly believed he'd won an election he actually lost by millions of votes.

So I took a programming elective in school

My final grade was C+

I wish my college professors graded papers like Trump 'wins' elections

\*Professor grading my test\*

Well he got the first couple questions right looks like I can stop grading the rest.

How do you properly milk a flock of sheep?

Tell them the election was stolen, then ask for money.

The 2020 election results are in!

Oh sorry, this is just for us Russians.

After the losing party refuses to accept election results, a country is teetering on the edge of a civil war.

Armed insurgents invade the capitol, threaten violence and are ultimately overpowered. But intelligence shows that they may be planning another attack.

The country’s leaders ask for advice in how to handle the violence.

The winning party yells “Impeach the outgoing president during...

What do you call an election ballot in mexico?







pick-o-de-guy-o

The reason Nevada doesn’t have any election results yet is

If you count in Vegas, you get kicked out

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Two conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven...

God: welcome to the St. Peter's Gates. With my omniscient knowledge, I can tell you anything you wish to know.

Conspiracy Theorist 1: Who won the 2020 US Presidential Election?

God: Joseph R. Biden

Conspiracy Theorist 2: \*Looks at his friend\* shit dude, this goes even deeper t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Election and Erection are almost spelled the same. They both mean the same thing too.

A dick rising to power

What's the only truly accurate way to determine if someone's been vaxed against Coivd-19?

Ask them who won the election.

People keep asking me if I was one of those who helped elect a living booger.

And I keep telling them, he wasn't my pick.

Trump has done in 4 years what 80% of presidents fail to do in 8 years

Lose an election.

I was going to post a joke about free and fair elections....

But I’m not sure the Americans will get it.

There were two Qanon believers who were absolutely convinced that Trump won the 2020 election

They were traveling together and were killed in a traffic accident. When they got to heaven, God met them and told them that he’d reveal anything about Earthly life they’d always wanted to know. They asked him how Biden stole the 2020 election. God looked kindly upon them and said, “Biden didn’t ste...

As a Syrian, I don't know why America is taking so long to get a definitive result from their election.

We know our results months in advance!

two hardcore trump supporters die and ascend to heaven.

God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions.
One of them says, “yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?”.

God says, "my son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232”.

Afte...

Donald Trump claims he won the election by a landslide

How else would you describe his campaign other than a ‘natural disaster’?

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A man is dared to stay 3 months in the dessert without masturbating

The man is told that he will receive 1.000.000$ if he can resist in the dessert for 3 months without masturbating
He will get a house, full with electicity, food and water supply for 3 months

The guy then asks:

-But what about sex?

The other guy replies:

-Uhm...you ca...

There was a jungle tribe of people who lived entirely off the land...

They hunted and foraged, and built structures with wildgrasses and leaves. Most of the tribe was kind and giving, except for the one greedy old coot. He did not live modestly: full feasts when others were hungry, 2-story hut when the rest were 1, and the rarest dyes on all of his clothes. This old c...

Drains on society

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "You know, this past election year has really got me thinking. Did you know 4 million of these people enter our country each year? They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hard-working Americans and the government ...

What do you call a failed political campaign?

An **elect**ile dysfunction.

Why is Donald Trump actually angry about the election outcome?

It's a loss he **can't** write off on his tax returns.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The 2016 US Presidential Election

That's it. That's the entire fucking joke.

4 Engineers get in a car and the AC isn't working.

The mechanical engineer says, "the belt fan motor must not be working."

The electrical engineer says, "the fuse might be blown."

The chemical engineer says, "impurities in the gasoline."

The IT engineer says, "have you tried turning it off and on"

I don't care what the liberal media says about the election. Come January, my national leader isn't going to change, and his name starts with T, R, and U.

It's Justin Trudeau. I'm Canadian.

Breaking News: Supreme court has ruled that basic intelligence tests for Election voting is Discriminatory.

The judge said that it is unfair to block all Republicans from voting.

After the election, I'm moving to Greenwich, England

I don't know what I'll do in the mean time.

The U.S. election results delay is pathetic

In Egypt, we know who won before the elections.

There was clear fraud and cheating in the 2020 United States Presidential election

and despite cheating, Trump still lost!

I'm still undecided for the upcoming election...

But I've narrowed my choices down to Mexico or Canada based on moving costs.

I’ve just time travelled from next week to tell you who won the election

It was the rich, old white guy

Shhhh, Want to know the secret of how Biden won the election?

He got more votes.

On the Sherrifs Wife’s Death Bed

On her death bed, the Sheriff's wife confesses that she cheated on him three times, but swears it was always for a good reason. He asks what happened, and she says, "Well, the first time, remember when Dr. Smith said he we couldn't afford the operation, and then he changed his mind and did it for fr...

What do you get when the people elect a narcissist as president?

A narcissistic president. What did you people expect?

It’s 294 days after the US Election...

...Biden has progressed to 269.99 electoral votes, and Nevada has discovered 26 million uncounted postal votes that were discovered on ‘Storage Wars’. More updates coming soon.

This year has been so weird it feels like tomorrow isn't election day

Oh yeah I'm not American

Trump is the first person in American history who is refusing to concede and leave the White House despite losing the election.

I think he really wants to be the precedent.

Don't let this election distract you...

From the fact that Slytherin blew a 472 to 312 point lead to Gryffindor for the House Cup during the trophy presentation ceremony at Hogwarts back in 1992.

If your election lasts more than 48 hours,

consult a physician.

I know who is gonna win the US election

Not the american people

I'm upset about the election

SNL will have to go back to political satire instead of news.

As they say during election season in Transylvania...

Every Count Votes

No matter who wins the election

Oklahoma will be OK

This 2020 Presidential election reminds me of the 2000 election....

But a lot less Gore-y

I was going to make a joke about the result of the US election

But I don't think you would ever get it

A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion

"What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job." replied the Priest.

"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, next I can become Bishop." said the Priest.

"Yes, and then?" asked...

"How can this idiot possibly be elected as president?"

Says a nation that hasn't gotten over the death of a gorilla in 6 months.

How do you talk to elected officials?

Like you're about to fire them.

President-Elect Trump invited the Pope for lunch

President-Elect Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht, the Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the Pontiff's hat off, right into the water.

It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just stayed in place.

The crew and the secret service we...

Hillary Clinton is elected president, . . .

and on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."

She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was a wasp that lived in a jungle.

This was not your ordinary wasp though; he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself,...

It's that time of the year when many Americans go around in public pretending to be something they're not, with many choosing to appear as monsters and ghouls. But enough about the elections, it's also Halloween.

But enough about the elections, it's also Halloween.

With the election coming up Tuesday, Exit polls show Donald Trump having a 300 point lead in one state...

Dementia.

Maybe we should start believing Donald Trump about election fraud

Because nobody knows more about fraud than donald trump.

My wife is a lot like the general election...

She only comes once every 4 years.

Las Vegas will decide the presidential election

What are the odds?

I’m nineteen and won’t vote in this upcoming election. Here’s why:

I’m Swedish

Why did the block of cheese run in the US presidential election?

Because he wanted to make America grate again.

Trump is missing in action since the election, where is he?

Shredding documents

If Donald trump knew the Democrats we're going to rig the election months ago and still couldn't stop them

Does that make their plan fool proof?

How many insurrectionists does it take to change an election?

Apparently more than that.

Despite all the flak the public gives him, Trump has already solved the immigration problem in just a few days after becoming President-elect

Just ask yourself, who would want to sneak into America now?

Even after losing the election and his image, what is the one thing Trump still hasn’t lost?

His weight.

What's the difference between the Special Olympics and the 2020 US election?

~~Everyone cheers the winners of the Special Olympics.~~

Venue.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If that fucker Trump gets re-elected, I'm going to Mexico

but not by choice though

Apparently Monica Lewinsky didn’t vote for Hillary Clinton this election.

She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

Putin won the election with 76.6% of the vote

Funnily enough the exact same percent I gave myself when my teacher told us we could mark our own tests and I didn't want to look suspicious

Remember when President-Elect Trump said immigrants were going to take our jobs?

It's all true! Just ask Michelle Obama!

Why does Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election?

Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between an erection and an election?

One involves only one dick, and the other involves many.

Donald Trump still doesn’t realize that he has lost the 2020 Presidential Election.

Things like this become obvious when the writing is on the wall, but the wall was never finished.

This election is crazy.

One candidate has a Trump card. The other is just Biden his time. There's a lot of Harrisment between the the two of them and I don't think it looks good on either of them, that's just my 2 Pence though.

Why did Ronald lose the election?

People thought his elect Ron campaign was too negative.

Joke about it all you want, but Rudy Giuliani is prepared to fight election fraud all the way up to the Supreme ...

... Courtyard by Marriott

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two rednecks discussing the election

Jimmy Bob: I don't believe Biden won by those margins. I voted, my wife voted, my sister voted, my aunt voted, and my daughter voted!

Bobby Jim: Dang, and y'all still lost?

Jimmy Bob: You betcha, our two votes didn't count for shit.

If Kanye West actually won the US Election and became the president, I think he would turn America into a communist nation.

Because he believes no one man should have all that power.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The REAL winner of this election is...

WEED!

It may not be funny but I'm laughing my ass off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As the election is getting closer..

It's important to make sure your Viagra says "Made in the USA".

We don't want foreign countries meddling in our erections.

THE problem with political jokes

is that sometimes they get elected!

In the year 2000, Putin was elected President of Russia...

The night after he was sworn into office, Vladimir Putin had a dream. In it, he stood in a long, elegant hall, and was surrounded by all of the great leaders of Russia, from Ivan the Terrible to Boris Yeltsin. Looking around at them all, he eventually bows his head and says:

"Great rulers o...

Biden and Trump compete against each other in an election. Who loses?

The American people

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Walking home after a blowout Election Day party.

Two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.

The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wi...

Did you here that all newly elected politicians have to take an updated oath of office?

It’s now called the Hypocratic Oath...

Don't move to Mars because of president-elect Trump.

Last I checked, it was a red state.

I heard Trump hired a personal trainer before the election

He thought it would help him pick up more votes.

The election is finally over!

Let “Bye, Dons” be “Bye, Dons”!!!

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