The CEO of IKEA was elected as president of Sweden

I hear he's still assembling his cabinet

If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States

If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States

This is not a political post, I just want to travel

Waiting for election results is like waiting for a grade on a group project.

I know I did my part right, but I am worried the rest of you screwed it up.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says,

'So, Daddy, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'

'I don't think so. It's a 16 hour driv...

The first Jewish President of the United States is elected

The night before the inauguration he calls his mother.

"Mom, I'd love for you to come visit for the inauguration and stay with me for a few days."

"Oh I don't know, airfare is so expensive these days."

"Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!"

"Oh, but you know, cab fa...

Why do the election results take so long?

It’s a race between two 70+ year old men. What do you expect?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wealthy village man, Narendra Singh, is elected the leader of a group of villages in North India

He decides to give a victory speech to each of these villages. To do this, however, he realized he would need a secretary to introduce him and brag about how great he is, because it would look stupid if he did it himself. So he hires Mohan Nath, a highly respected member of his own village.

M...

What did the Republicans do when Obama won the election 2 times in a row?

They pulled out their Trump card

How do you tell the difference between a fully vaccinated person and an unvaccinated person if they aren't wearing a mask?

Ask them who won the election.

Why was it illegal to vote for Trump in the 2020 election?

It was strictly forbiden.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's worse than inciting insurrection to overturn a democratic election?

Lying about a blowjob, apparently.

The best part about being Russian, is getting to vote in American elections.

Which is nice, because we never get to vote in our own.

Why does Warsaw get nervous during its neighbor's election season?

Because of Germans rushing to the polls!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a bidet and 46th US President-Elect Biden have in common?

They both clean up after assholes

Why did Trump play golf after the election ?

Because that’s where the winner has the lowest score.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven...

God: welcome to the St. Peter's Gates. With my omniscient knowledge, I can tell you anything you wish to know.

Conspiracy Theorist 1: Who won the 2020 US Presidential Election?

God: Joseph R. Biden

Conspiracy Theorist 2: \*Looks at his friend\* shit dude, this goes even deeper t...

The election of Vladimir Putin will commence in a few days

Citizens will be asked to choose between Putin and the firing squad.

As of now, 80% of the population approve of him.

>!The rest 20% are missing!<

How do you properly milk a flock of sheep?

Tell them the election was stolen, then ask for money.

So I took a programming elective in school

My final grade was C+

Covid is not a joke and should be taken seriously

A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards, he wrongly believed he'd won an election he actually lost by millions of votes.

What do you call a failed political campaign?

An **elect**ile dysfunction.

What's the only truly accurate way to determine if someone's been vaxed against Coivd-19?

Ask them who won the election.

What do you call an election ballot in mexico?







pick-o-de-guy-o

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Our President Elect is a real tough guy...

The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a Broadway musical.

On the Sherrifs Wife’s Death Bed

On her death bed, the Sheriff's wife confesses that she cheated on him three times, but swears it was always for a good reason. He asks what happened, and she says, "Well, the first time, remember when Dr. Smith said he we couldn't afford the operation, and then he changed his mind and did it for fr...

There were two Qanon believers who were absolutely convinced that Trump won the 2020 election

They were traveling together and were killed in a traffic accident. When they got to heaven, God met them and told them that he’d reveal anything about Earthly life they’d always wanted to know. They asked him how Biden stole the 2020 election. God looked kindly upon them and said, “Biden didn’t ste...

After the losing party refuses to accept election results, a country is teetering on the edge of a civil war.

Armed insurgents invade the capitol, threaten violence and are ultimately overpowered. But intelligence shows that they may be planning another attack.

The country’s leaders ask for advice in how to handle the violence.

The winning party yells “Impeach the outgoing president during...

I wish my college professors graded papers like Trump 'wins' elections

\*Professor grading my test\*

Well he got the first couple questions right looks like I can stop grading the rest.

A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion

"What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job." replied the Priest.

"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, next I can become Bishop." said the Priest.

"Yes, and then?" asked...

The reason Nevada doesn’t have any election results yet is

If you count in Vegas, you get kicked out

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Election and Erection are almost spelled the same. They both mean the same thing too.

A dick rising to power

Trump has done in 4 years what 80% of presidents fail to do in 8 years

Lose an election.

I was going to post a joke about free and fair elections....

But I’m not sure the Americans will get it.

two hardcore trump supporters die and ascend to heaven.

God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions.
One of them says, “yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?”.

God says, "my son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232”.

Afte...

As a Syrian, I don't know why America is taking so long to get a definitive result from their election.

We know our results months in advance!

Donald Trump claims he won the election by a landslide

How else would you describe his campaign other than a ‘natural disaster’?

The 2020 election results are in!

Oh sorry, this is just for us Russians.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was a wasp that lived in a jungle.

This was not your ordinary wasp though; he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself,...

Why is Donald Trump actually angry about the election outcome?

It's a loss he **can't** write off on his tax returns.

People keep asking me if I was one of those who helped elect a living booger.

And I keep telling them, he wasn't my pick.

I don't care what the liberal media says about the election. Come January, my national leader isn't going to change, and his name starts with T, R, and U.

It's Justin Trudeau. I'm Canadian.

Breaking News: Supreme court has ruled that basic intelligence tests for Election voting is Discriminatory.

The judge said that it is unfair to block all Republicans from voting.

There was clear fraud and cheating in the 2020 United States Presidential election

and despite cheating, Trump still lost!

The U.S. election results delay is pathetic

In Egypt, we know who won before the elections.

After the election, I'm moving to Greenwich, England

I don't know what I'll do in the mean time.

I’ve just time travelled from next week to tell you who won the election

It was the rich, old white guy

I'm still undecided for the upcoming election...

But I've narrowed my choices down to Mexico or Canada based on moving costs.

Shhhh, Want to know the secret of how Biden won the election?

He got more votes.

THE problem with political jokes

is that sometimes they get elected!

I'm upset about the election

SNL will have to go back to political satire instead of news.

It’s 294 days after the US Election...

...Biden has progressed to 269.99 electoral votes, and Nevada has discovered 26 million uncounted postal votes that were discovered on ‘Storage Wars’. More updates coming soon.

How do you talk to elected officials?

Like you're about to fire them.

Trump is the first person in American history who is refusing to concede and leave the White House despite losing the election.

I think he really wants to be the precedent.

Don't let this election distract you...

From the fact that Slytherin blew a 472 to 312 point lead to Gryffindor for the House Cup during the trophy presentation ceremony at Hogwarts back in 1992.

I know who is gonna win the US election

Not the american people

If your election lasts more than 48 hours,

consult a physician.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The 2016 US Presidential Election

That's it. That's the entire fucking joke.

No matter who wins the election

Oklahoma will be OK

As they say during election season in Transylvania...

Every Count Votes

This 2020 Presidential election reminds me of the 2000 election....

But a lot less Gore-y

It looks like this election won't end with a bang

But with a WI/MI/PA

I was going to make a joke about the result of the US election

But I don't think you would ever get it

Ashli Babbitt and Kevin Greeson die and go the Heaven...

At the Pearly Gates they see God who tells them he will answer any question. They look at each other and ask, "Who won the 2020 election?"

Exasperated, God responds, "Oh for the love of...! Biden! Biden won the presidency in a free and fair election! There was no grand conspiracy. The machine...

Maybe we should start believing Donald Trump about election fraud

Because nobody knows more about fraud than donald trump.

If Donald trump knew the Democrats we're going to rig the election months ago and still couldn't stop them

Does that make their plan fool proof?

It's that time of the year when many Americans go around in public pretending to be something they're not, with many choosing to appear as monsters and ghouls. But enough about the elections, it's also Halloween.

But enough about the elections, it's also Halloween.

How many insurrectionists does it take to change an election?

Apparently more than that.

My wife is a lot like the general election...

She only comes once every 4 years.

Even after losing the election and his image, what is the one thing Trump still hasn’t lost?

His weight.

Due to the results of this election I'm jetting this country and most of my friends and family will never see me again

Sincerely,

Donald Trump

What do you get when the people elect a narcissist as president?

A narcissistic president. What did you people expect?

Las Vegas will decide the presidential election

What are the odds?

Why did the block of cheese run in the US presidential election?

Because he wanted to make America grate again.

Trump is missing in action since the election, where is he?

Shredding documents

Why was Vladimir Putin sad?

No one voted for him in the last election.

Donald Trump still doesn’t realize that he has lost the 2020 Presidential Election.

Things like this become obvious when the writing is on the wall, but the wall was never finished.

Americans are so stupid, it takes them a week to get the results.

We in Russia get results 20 years before the elections.

Apparently Monica Lewinsky didn’t vote for Hillary Clinton this election.

She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

What's the difference between the Special Olympics and the 2020 US election?

~~Everyone cheers the winners of the Special Olympics.~~

Venue.

If Kanye West actually won the US Election and became the president, I think he would turn America into a communist nation.

Because he believes no one man should have all that power.

Waiting for the US election results is giving me the same nerves as the NZ election the other week did

That would be no nerves, I’m British.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between an erection and an election?

One involves only one dick, and the other involves many.

A politician finds a magic lamp, rubs it and a genie pops out.

The genie says “I shall grant you any wish you ask, on the condition that when I ask, you set me free and when I ask you acknowledge my part in your wish.”

The politician agrees and after much consideration, he wishes that his lies and exaggerations would come true.

He holds a press c...

Joke about it all you want, but Rudy Giuliani is prepared to fight election fraud all the way up to the Supreme ...

... Courtyard by Marriott

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two rednecks discussing the election

Jimmy Bob: I don't believe Biden won by those margins. I voted, my wife voted, my sister voted, my aunt voted, and my daughter voted!

Bobby Jim: Dang, and y'all still lost?

Jimmy Bob: You betcha, our two votes didn't count for shit.

Why did Ronald lose the election?

People thought his elect Ron campaign was too negative.

If Trump loses the election at least he’ll get a movie deal

The Lyin’ King

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The REAL winner of this election is...

WEED!

It may not be funny but I'm laughing my ass off.

A local congressman was sitting in his office when the phone rang.

He picked it up, said little, smiled widely, said "Thank you," and hung up the phone.
He picked the phone back up to call his mother. "Mom, it’s me,"he said. "I won the election!"
"Honestly?" she said in response to the news.
"Does it really matter how I did it?" he replied.

This election is crazy.

One candidate has a Trump card. The other is just Biden his time. There's a lot of Harrisment between the the two of them and I don't think it looks good on either of them, that's just my 2 Pence though.

I’m nineteen and won’t vote in this upcoming election. Here’s why:

I’m Swedish

Biden and Trump compete against each other in an election. Who loses?

The American people

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Walking home after a blowout Election Day party.

Two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.

The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As the election is getting closer..

It's important to make sure your Viagra says "Made in the USA".

We don't want foreign countries meddling in our erections.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There may be some validity to the sexual assault claims against Donald Trump.

After this election, it is clear he doesn't take no for an answer.

The election is finally over!

Let “Bye, Dons” be “Bye, Dons”!!!

President Trump was recently handed a document, which he claims shows the most amount of red, ever, during an election year.

What he didn't tell you was that it was the balance sheet of his most recent IRS business filings.

President-Elect Trump invited the Pope for lunch

President-Elect Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht, the Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the Pontiff's hat off, right into the water.

It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just stayed in place.

The crew and the secret service we...

"How can this idiot possibly be elected as president?"

Says a nation that hasn't gotten over the death of a gorilla in 6 months.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If that fucker Trump gets re-elected, I'm going to Mexico

but not by choice though

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm starting to think this election is really sexist

Pundents are constantly going on and on about Male ballots, and I haven't heard a single mention of Female ballots!

Trump's campaign slogan for the 2016 presidential election was "Make America Great Again."

Biden's campaign slogan for the current election should be "Make America Great Again."

It shouldn't be surprising our first black president was elected prior to Trump

It's always darkest before Don

One day, a family from mexico moves up from Mexico city all the way to Jacksonville Florida

One day, a family from mexico moves up from Mexico city all the way to Jacksonville Florida. They settle in a small little house. The neighbors are a little skeptical, being their race and all, so they keep an eye out on their plot for a few days. To his suprise, he sees that the family is one of th...

Dialed my friend at 5am to ask about the election.

He said it was too early to call.

Last election, I voted for the party with the red colour

I don’t know why, but the blue party was just one of the most unappealing, disgusting political parties I had ever seen, with the weakest leader ever. The policies they presented were going to basically ruin everything I had.



I voted for Justin Trudeau.

Imagine watching the election to know if you have job tomorrow or not

That’s how it feels like to be Melania’s divorce Attorney

Why can't mixolydian get elected?

Its leading tone is flat.

Hillary Clinton is elected president, . . .

and on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."

She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
...

A group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments at the coffee shop...

"My arms have got so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one. "Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; I can't even see my coffee."

"I couldn't even mark an "X" at election time because my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.

"What? Speak up! What?...

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