If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States

If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States

This is not a political post, I just want to travel

Waiting for election results is like waiting for a grade on a group project.

I know I did my part right, but I am worried the rest of you screwed it up.

How does President-Elect Biden Celebrate his anniversary?

Netflix & Jill.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's worse than inciting insurrection to overturn a democratic election?

Lying about a blowjob, apparently.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says,

'So, Daddy, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'

'I don't think so. It's a 16 hour driv...

The first Jewish President of the United States is elected

The night before the inauguration he calls his mother.

"Mom, I'd love for you to come visit for the inauguration and stay with me for a few days."

"Oh I don't know, airfare is so expensive these days."

"Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!"

"Oh, but you know, cab fa...

Why do the election results take so long?

It’s a race between two 70+ year old men. What do you expect?

In Sweden the CEO of IKEA was just elected president.

He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week.

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What does a bidet and 46th US President-Elect Biden have in common?

They both clean up after assholes

The best part about being Russian, is getting to vote in American elections.

Which is nice, because we never get to vote in our own.

Why did Trump play golf after the election ?

Because that’s where the winner has the lowest score.

After the losing party refuses to accept election results, a country is teetering on the edge of a civil war.

Armed insurgents invade the capitol, threaten violence and are ultimately overpowered. But intelligence shows that they may be planning another attack.

The country’s leaders ask for advice in how to handle the violence.

The winning party yells “Impeach the outgoing president during...

COVID-19 is not a joke and should be taken seriously

A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards that he wrongly believed he'd won an election that he actually lost by 7 million votes.

I wish my college professors graded papers like Trump 'wins' elections

\*Professor grading my test\*

Well he got the first couple questions right looks like I can stop grading the rest.

Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven

God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions. One of them says, “Yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?”

God says, "My son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232.”

After a fe...

Trump has done in 4 years what 80% of presidents fail to do in 8 years

Lose an election.

How do you talk to elected officials?

Like you're about to fire them.

The reason Nevada doesn’t have any election results yet is

If you count in Vegas, you get kicked out

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Election and Erection are almost spelled the same. They both mean the same thing too.

A dick rising to power

As a Syrian, I don't know why America is taking so long to get a definitive result from their election.

We know our results months in advance!

Breaking News: Supreme court has ruled that basic intelligence tests for Election voting is Discriminatory.

The judge said that it is unfair to block all Republicans from voting.

I was going to post a joke about free and fair elections....

But I’m not sure the Americans will get it.

Donald Trump claims he won the election by a landslide

How else would you describe his campaign other than a ‘natural disaster’?

I don't care what the liberal media says about the election. Come January, my national leader isn't going to change, and his name starts with T, R, and U.

It's Justin Trudeau. I'm Canadian.

I'm upset about the election

SNL will have to go back to political satire instead of news.

Why is Donald Trump actually angry about the election outcome?

It's a loss he **can't** write off on his tax returns.

There was clear fraud and cheating in the 2020 United States Presidential election

and despite cheating, Trump still lost!

The U.S. election results delay is pathetic

In Egypt, we know who won before the elections.

How many insurrectionists does it take to change an election?

Apparently more than that.

I’ve just time travelled from next week to tell you who won the election

It was the rich, old white guy

If Donald trump knew the Democrats we're going to rig the election months ago and still couldn't stop them

Does that make their plan fool proof?

Shhhh, Want to know the secret of how Biden won the election?

He got more votes.

Even after losing the election and his image, what is the one thing Trump still hasn’t lost?

His weight.

I'm still undecided for the upcoming election...

But I've narrowed my choices down to Mexico or Canada based on moving costs.

It’s 294 days after the US Election...

...Biden has progressed to 269.99 electoral votes, and Nevada has discovered 26 million uncounted postal votes that were discovered on ‘Storage Wars’. More updates coming soon.

Trump is the first person in American history who is refusing to concede and leave the White House despite losing the election.

I think he really wants to be the precedent.

After the election, I'm moving to Greenwich, England

I don't know what I'll do in the mean time.

Don't let this election distract you...

From the fact that Slytherin blew a 472 to 312 point lead to Gryffindor for the House Cup during the trophy presentation ceremony at Hogwarts back in 1992.

No matter who wins the election

Oklahoma will be OK

Maybe we should start believing Donald Trump about election fraud

Because nobody knows more about fraud than donald trump.

If your election lasts more than 48 hours,

consult a physician.

I know who is gonna win the US election

Not the american people

This 2020 Presidential election reminds me of the 2000 election....

But a lot less Gore-y

My wife and I were up too late and started making up election jokes....

Here you are, the fruits of our shared brain cell.

Why did Biden get all of the Vietnamese votes?
They wanted to give him the Nguyen’s.

When Trump was getting the numbers of votes in, he read the number of white votes, which was pretty high; black votes, which was fewer; and Asian a...

I was going to make a joke about the result of the US election

But I don't think you would ever get it

It looks like this election won't end with a bang

But with a WI/MI/PA

As they say during election season in Transylvania...

Every Count Votes

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Whoever wins the election can be nicknamed “the tampon”...

... because they’ll be in the best possible place at the worst possible time.

The results of the election are in!

Oops, sorry, that info is only for us Russians.

Did you here that all newly elected politicians have to take an updated oath of office?

It’s now called the Hypocratic Oath...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Arabs must participate in the US presidential elections

They have a right to choose who will lead their leaders.

Apparently Kanye mistakenly conceded the election.

It was an accident. Someone asked him if he’s conceited.

People keep asking me if I was one of those who helped elect a living booger.

And I keep telling them, he wasn't my pick.

It's that time of the year when many Americans go around in public pretending to be something they're not, with many choosing to appear as monsters and ghouls. But enough about the elections, it's also Halloween.

But enough about the elections, it's also Halloween.

If Kanye West actually won the US Election and became the president, I think he would turn America into a communist nation.

Because he believes no one man should have all that power.

My wife is a lot like the general election...

She only comes once every 4 years.

Due to the results of this election I'm jetting this country and most of my friends and family will never see me again

Sincerely,

Donald Trump

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Our President Elect is a real tough guy...

The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a Broadway musical.

With the election coming up Tuesday, Exit polls show Donald Trump having a 300 point lead in one state...

Dementia.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There may be some validity to the sexual assault claims against Donald Trump.

After this election, it is clear he doesn't take no for an answer.

Las Vegas will decide the presidential election

What are the odds?

Trump is missing in action since the election, where is he?

Shredding documents

Donald Trump still doesn’t realize that he has lost the 2020 Presidential Election.

Things like this become obvious when the writing is on the wall, but the wall was never finished.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two rednecks discussing the election

Jimmy Bob: I don't believe Biden won by those margins. I voted, my wife voted, my sister voted, my aunt voted, and my daughter voted!

Bobby Jim: Dang, and y'all still lost?

Jimmy Bob: You betcha, our two votes didn't count for shit.

Americans are so stupid, it takes them a week to get the results.

We in Russia get results 20 years before the elections.

Why did the block of cheese run in the US presidential election?

Because he wanted to make America grate again.

Joke about it all you want, but Rudy Giuliani is prepared to fight election fraud all the way up to the Supreme ...

... Courtyard by Marriott

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Walking home after a blowout Election Day party.

Two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.

The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wi...

Waiting for the US election results is giving me the same nerves as the NZ election the other week did

That would be no nerves, I’m British.

Waiting for election result is pointless..

We all know an old dumb guy gonna win. AGAIN

President Trump was recently handed a document, which he claims shows the most amount of red, ever, during an election year.

What he didn't tell you was that it was the balance sheet of his most recent IRS business filings.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between an erection and an election?

One involves only one dick, and the other involves many.

Why did Ronald lose the election?

People thought his elect Ron campaign was too negative.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The REAL winner of this election is...

WEED!

It may not be funny but I'm laughing my ass off.

Biden and Trump compete against each other in an election. Who loses?

The American people

The election is finally over!

Let “Bye, Dons” be “Bye, Dons”!!!

What's the difference between the Special Olympics and the 2020 US election?

~~Everyone cheers the winners of the Special Olympics.~~

Venue.

Last election, I voted for the party with the red colour

I don’t know why, but the blue party was just one of the most unappealing, disgusting political parties I had ever seen, with the weakest leader ever. The policies they presented were going to basically ruin everything I had.



I voted for Justin Trudeau.

Apparently Monica Lewinsky didn’t vote for Hillary Clinton this election.

She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

I'm not voting for Trump nor Biden this election

I live in the UK

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm starting to think this election is really sexist

Pundents are constantly going on and on about Male ballots, and I haven't heard a single mention of Female ballots!

Dialed my friend at 5am to ask about the election.

He said it was too early to call.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As the election is getting closer..

It's important to make sure your Viagra says "Made in the USA".

We don't want foreign countries meddling in our erections.

This election is crazy.

One candidate has a Trump card. The other is just Biden his time. There's a lot of Harrisment between the the two of them and I don't think it looks good on either of them, that's just my 2 Pence though.

If Trump loses the election at least he’ll get a movie deal

The Lyin’ King

Imagine watching the election to know if you have job tomorrow or not

That’s how it feels like to be Melania’s divorce Attorney

New Pope

There were two Roman Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola whose lives paralleled each other in amazing ways. In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was born in Italy. Faithfully, they attended parochial school from kindergarten through their senior year in High School.
...

Being from the UK, I see the US election is a bit like baseball.

Lots of adults inexplicably wearing caps and I have no idea who is winning or what the rules are!

Biden: Mr. President, do you know what the irony was about this election?

Trump: I don't know Joe. What was the irony about this election?

Biden: I beat you in my sleep.

It appears more and more that my worst fear about this election is about to come true.

Someone will win.

Why do people believe in election fraud?

Christians are known to believe in something without proof.

What do Corona and Trump winning the elections have in common?

Long-term effects.

The amount of unqualified candidates in this election is

unpresidented.

The Presidential Election will never bring a satisfactory conclusion, there’s no flow it’s just one candidate that changes the subject constantly,while the other can’t perform for too long

we truly have Electile Dysfunction

Why can't mixolydian get elected?

Its leading tone is flat.

Daddy, do all fairy tales start with Once upon a time?

No dear, there’s a whole series of fairly tales that start with “If elected, I promise”.

Trump wins the 2020 presidential elections

The joke is over, what are you looking for?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was an election inside a body. The brain said "without me this body loses control, i am the coordinator, so i should be the president"

The lungs objected "if we stop working you all die in a few minutes, we should be the ones who rule".

The heart sneered "if i stop, you will die within a few seconds, i am the president."

The ass exclaimed "I am the most vital organ, you don't get it, but i will show you" and the ass ...

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