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Amendment Jokes

Asked my bud what he'd do if the 1st Amendment was abolished.

He couldn't say

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The 13th Amendment makes it illegal to buy people.

Apparently, it doesn't apply to congressmen.

Edit: Wow...so this is what it’s like to reach the front page... really underwhelming...

In all seriousness, while there are a bunch of corrupt politicians out there, DO call your congressman and DO participate in your local elections and pr...

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So I picked up this girl the other day.....

and she took me back to her house where things got hot and heavy very quickly. I bent her over the kitchen table and started going at it when suddenly we heard the front door open.
"Oh shit , it's my boyfriend ! " she exclaimed "Quick, use the backdoor" .

Now it's at about this time I prob...

If U.S. taxpayers had to pay maternity leave....

The right to abortion would be the first amendment.

Second Amendment

The Second Amendment of the Constitution affords me the right to wear short sleeve shirts to work.

The right to bare arms.

Why did Wyoming grant women the right to vote nearly a century before the 19th Amendment?

It wasn’t hard to convince the 5 people who lived in Wyoming

2nd amendment

A young blonde discovers her boyfriend is cheating...

She buys a handgun.

The next day she finds him in bed with a redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The boyfriend jumps off the bed and starts pleading with her not to shoot herself.

Hysterically, the blo...

If the 2nd Amendment were a religion, what kind of chairs would their churches have?

Pew pews.

The 13th amendment makes it illegal to buy people as they aren’t property

Apparently, government officials don’t apply

I can't believe girls at school can't wear tank tops, it's totally violates the second amendment.

Don't they have a right to bare arms?

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It makes sense that the Right to Bear Arms is the 2nd amendment

If the 1st amendment is, “I should be able to say whatever the fuck I want”

Then it makes sense that the founding fathers said, “Oh ya, I should probably have a gun too”

Roy Moore likes his women the same way he likes his constitutional amendments...

12 and Under

Many Saudi women are fans of the Second Amendment.

They would like a right to bare arms.

What's the first amendment in Super Mario's constitution?

Freedom of Peach

Pretty sure Betsy DeVos said the grizzly metaphor because the 2nd amendment says,

The right to bear arms.

A radio shock jock calls a prominent socialite a pig on his radio show and is sued for defamation . . .

He loses at trial and asks the judge "Does this means I can no longer call Mrs. Harris a pig?"

The judge replies "That's what it means"

The jock asks "Can I call a pig Mrs. Harris?"

The judge says "Yes, the First Amendment still allows that".

The jock turns to the plainti...

Albert Einstein once said: "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.”

He was probably talking about the 18th Amendment.

Why do the republicans defend the 2nd amendment so hard?

They need it to shoot themselves in the foot.

Did you hear about the mass shooting at the circus?

A dyslexic clowns got confused about the 2nd Amendment and armed the Bears

So Betsy DeVos resigned...

I guess some people were starting to pressure her to invoke the 25th amendment and she got scared because she can't count that high.

How do you get 46 out of 25?

Coronavirus.


To explain: The 25th amendment will result in the 46th president if the 45th president succumbs to coronavirus.

An employee at an American weapons manufacturer spots a bear in a conference room...

"Is this a set-up for a Second Amendment joke?"

Another employee : "What? No. That's our new yoga instructor."

The blonde bought a gun.

She said it's the only time she can exercise her 2nd amendment and lose weight.

A couple of policeman tried to arrest me for wearing a pair of humongous bear gloves.

I told them to check the Second Amendment.

A police officer was driving through an empty freeway in the woods one day, when he stumbled upon the corpse of a large animal laying on the side of a road...

A police officer was driving through an empty freeway in the woods one day, when he stumbled upon the corpse of a large animal laying on the side of a road, with a pickup truck parked nearby.

He parked his car, opened the door, and looked at the animal, a grizzly bear, with some of its limbs ...

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As a lawyer, whenever someone asks me the joke "why did the chicken cross the road," this is always my response.

As counsel for the chicken, I have advised my client to invoke its 5th Amendment right to remain silent. The chicken with neither confirm nor deny crossing the road, nor the existence of the road thereof. Your concept of ‘crossing’ and ‘road’ do not rise to criminal conduct in any jurisdictional cou...

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If I had a dollar every time someone called me sexist...

I'd have enough money to sponsor the repealing of the 19th Amendment.

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A young state trooper pulls over an old lady on a rural road

A young state trooper pulls over an old lady for speeding on a rural stretch of highway. After he approaches the car he asks her:
"License and registration please ma'am."

She responds with: "That's fine officer, but I have to tell you, I do keep a gun in my glove box with my information."<...

Helga Adams takes her next door neighbor to court for defamation

She tells the judge "my neighbor Herman Franklin repeatedly calls me a fat pig to my guests when they come over."

"Herman, is this true?

"Yes your honor. I detest that fat pig that lives next door to me. She is a spoiled rotten princess of a fat pig who..."

"Alright, alright. I'...

From my Twitter feed today

I have a joke about a gym trainer, but I have to warm up before I tell it.

I have a joke about the IT department, but you have to put in a ticket before i can tell you.

I have a joke on aerospace engineering, but I don't think it will fly.

I have a joke on LinkedIn, but I'm not ...

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