It's been said that Greece's greatest contributions to European society were the inventions of democracy and sodomy.

France is then generally given credit for slightly improving both of these ideas, by discovering that you could also involve women.

Life for Anti-vax kids is like Democracy for Countries with oil:

it never lasts too long and in any case it was just pathetic...

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner.

They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.

Democracy in Russia

I bet you were expecting more.

Why isn't there democracy in North Korea?

Because everytime they try to pronounce "election" everyone starts to giggle

What’s the difference between democracy and feudalism?

With democracy, it’s your vote that counts. With feudalism, it’s your count that votes.

US democracy is the envy of the world...

It is the greatest that money can buy.

America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy...

But won't cross the street to vote.

What do you call a nomadic democracy?

A Roman Republic

Democracy obviously doesn't work.

I mean, I was voted "most likely to succeed" at High School.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They voted on pizza.

Then I took all their pocket money, spent it all on booze and blamed my ex-wife for their predicament.

What are the two best arguments against democracy?

Donald Trump & Hillary Clinton

We sent prince harry to Afghanistan. Because when you want to teach them about democracy, you send them a prince.

...to shoot at them from a helicopter.

Teacher: Today's topic is DEMOCRACY Teacher: What is Democracy?

Students: Today's topic.

The great thing about democracy...

....is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid

A wise alien elder told the younglings around it: "Democracy seems great..."

...until you have been to the Planet of Walls.

Why is it a bad idea for China to become a democracy?

Do you know how hard it would be to orchestrate a national erection

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

democracy EL5

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom spends the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of you, the people and your b...

Why isn't China a democracy?

Because then they'd have to hold erections.

What do you get when you mix a Republic and a Truck

A Semi-Democracy

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I wake up every morning feeling like a Japanese democracy.

Huge erection.

The Chinese have the best Democracy in the World

They have tiny elections every few hours.
;) if you know what I mean

God and it's Presidents

God recently was looking for humble person, who in an unselfish way with great self-knowledge could help God on Earth make America great again.

Bush, Obama and Trump was invited and went for the job interview with God

God asks Bush: “What do you believe in?” Bush answers: “I believe in...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Japan is not a Democracy. It's a Constitutional Monarchy.

They don't have big erections.

We need a wall on our southern border to keep out the filthy, raping, murdering savages

Keep the Yankees out of our glorious country!

We might be small and weak but at least we are actually a democracy!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old Soviet joke

Nikita Khrushchev and John Kennedy are chilling at a bar after a hard day of work.

"You know, Nick", says Kennedy, "Here, in the United States of America, we have a real, undisputed democracy. In my country, every citizen can come over to the White House and call John F. Kennedy a faggot fr...

George W. Bush, Barack Obama and Donald Trump are standing in front of god ...

God begins by asking Bush: "George, in what do you believe?"

Bush: "I believe in free trade and the USA as a strong nation".

God, seemingly impressed: "You may sit to my right".

Then God looks at Obama and asks "Barack, in what do you believe?".

Obama: "I believe in democ...

Politics in terms of cows

SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The state takes a high portion of the milk they produce to be redistributed.

COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The State takes both of them and you have to get into a bread line for food instead.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The State will kill you if you don't...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Two Cow Philosophy

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neigh...

Trump's first day at the Oval Office after being elected President

First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon, FBI:

Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately. No delays.

CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.

Trump: The Democrats created them.

CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you w...

American's won't stand for Russian interference..

"Only American billionaires are allowed to undermine our Democracy!"

In Soviet Russia, they don’t play The Floor is Lava...

They play The Floor is Democracy

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old Greek man and an old Italian man are arguing.

The Greek man says "Look, all I'm saying is that the Greeks invented everything the Romans get credit for!"

The Italian says "Yes, may be, but the Romans improved it and made it useful!"

The Greek man says "We invented the Democracy!"

The Italian says "We realized the challenge ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two Cows

**Edit: Just to make it clear, I am not taking credit for the joke(s). I just merely found it/them whilst browsing around and thought you guys would appreciate it/them.**



SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour



COMMUNISM

You have 2...

Bibi Netanyahu is traveling

The clerk asks him "name?"

he answers, "Benjamin Netanyahu."

the clerk asks "occupation?"

"WE WON IT IN A DEFENSIVE WAR AND ISRAEL IS THE ONLY DEMOCRACY IN THE MIDDLE EAST!!!!"

Burger King: Have It Your Way!

Burger Dictatorship: Have it My Way!

Burger Communism: Have it Everyone's Way!

Burger Capitalism: Have it Your Way For a Steep Price Hike!

Burger Oligarchy: 1% Have it Their Way!

Burger Democracy: Have Something Your Way!

Burger Anarchy: Don't Have It!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

26 groaners

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.



2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.



3. She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still....

The leaders of the Big Three after the conference in Yalta

After WW2 in 1945 the leaders of the Big Three(USA, UK and the Soviet Union) respectively Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin met in Yalta for a conference to decide the fate of the world.

After the conference they wanted to have some fun. They decided to try and make the Persian cat in the resid...

Puns for the elevated mind...

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath ...

What is enjoyed if it is wanted and hated if its not?

Democracy