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What is Democracy? A boy is asked at school as homework.

So the little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is democracy?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalist. Your Mom spends the money, so we'll call her the Government. Nanny is working at home for money, she's the w...

What does democracy and football have in common?

Adding the word American completely changes the meaning.

My kids were asking me how democracy works, so I let them vote on dinner as a teaching exercise.They picked pizza..

.. but I made tacos, because they don't live in a swing state.

The USA proudly declares they're "exporting democracy" whenever they invade a country

I understand why they have to do it at gunpoint. It's generally tough to sell the junk you have no use for yourself anymore.

How do you say 'democracy' in Chinese?

You don't.

I am a big supporter of democracy.

As long as it adheres to my rules.

What is Democracy in third world?

Democracy is-
Off the people,
Buy the people,
Far the people

Why isn't there democracy in North Korea?

Because everytime they try to pronounce ‟election” everyone starts to giggle

George W. Bush, Barack Obama, and Donald Trump are dead and stand in front of god.

God asks Bush: “So? What do you believe in?”

Bush answers: “I believe in a free market, a strong America and a United nation.”

God says: “Very good. Why don’t you take a seat to my right.” And Bush takes his seat.

He turns to Obama and asks: “And what do you believe in?”
...

What's the difference between salmon and the American democracy?

Salmon can be cured.

A Russian and an American are in a bar talking about democracy

At one point, the American shouts “The problem with you Russians is, you don’t understand democracy!”. To which the Russian eloquently responded “What do you mean? We got Trump elected didn’t we?”

What’s the difference between terrorism and democracy?

Whether the United States is attacking or being attacked.

The president of the US is threatening to send the military to suppress US citizens.

Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom.

A man is dispatched by the UN to investigate the quality of the democracy in China.

Upon arrival, he has a meeting with the chinese president. He asks the president:

Do you have elections?

The president seems somewhat uncomfortable but answers:

Evely molning

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you have two cows

socialism: you will give one cow to neighbour and keep one for yourself

communism: government takes both cows and gives you milk

fascism: government buys both cows; shoots you

democracy: government buys both the cows; shoots one; milk the other and throw the milk away; imports b...

Teaching the farm animals to read was going well until the chickens read a book on democracy

Then they staged a Coop d'etat

Did you hear about the rumours about Iraq?

I heard they are going to invade America in order to install democracy there.

In democracy your vote counts.

But in feudalism, your Count votes.

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Mutiny on the high seas!

Three sailors are discussing their cargo

They are used to transporting goods and make a good living doing so, this time however they've been tasked with taking across the channel 300 crates of potatoes which were shaped like male appendages, and they all think it's a joke.

"We'll be a ...

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An old Greek man and an old Italian man are arguing. The Greek man says "Look, all I'm saying is that the Greeks invented everything the Romans get credit for!"

The Italian says "Yes, may be, but the Romans improved it and made it useful!"

The Greek man says "We invented the Democracy!"

The Italian says "We realized the challenge of direct elections and the benefit of the legislature, and thus created the Republic!"

The Greek man says "...

America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy...

But won't cross the street to vote.

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What is Democracy

Lil John asks his dad "What is democracy?".

Dad: "Imagine our home is like a country. I bring money so I am like capitalism. Your mother orders everyone around so she is like government. Grandpa... Grandpa is like work unions. Our housemaid is working group. We do it all for you so you are th...

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They voted on pizza.

Then I took all their pocket money, spent it all on booze and blamed my ex-wife for their predicament.

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No matter how much I love freedom and democracy, I know I can never stand with the Hong Kong protesters again.

The CCP broke my fucking legs

Democracy in Russia

I bet you were expecting more.

Democracy obviously doesn't work.

I mean, I was voted "most likely to succeed" at High School.

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I just realized the fight between obi wan and Anakin perfectly sums up the past year of fighting between Millenials and Boomers, respectively.

When Jedi business becomes too real.

---------------

Millenials: You have allowed this giant turd to twist your mind, until now, until now you've become the very thing you swore to destroy.

Boomer : Don't lecture me, child, I see through the lies of the libtards I do not fear t...

The great thing about democracy...

....is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid

Teacher: Today's topic is DEMOCRACY Teacher: What is Democracy?

Students: Today's topic.

US democracy is the envy of the world...

It is the greatest that money can buy.

What are the two best arguments against democracy?

Donald Trump & Hillary Clinton

What do you call a nomadic democracy?

A Roman Republic

We sent prince harry to Afghanistan. Because when you want to teach them about democracy, you send them a prince.

...to shoot at them from a helicopter.

A wise alien elder told the younglings around it: "Democracy seems great..."

...until you have been to the Planet of Walls.

Why isn't China a democracy?

Because then they'd have to hold erections.

Why is it a bad idea for China to become a democracy?

Do you know how hard it would be to orchestrate a national erection

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Boris Johnson walks into a pub...

Boris Johnson walks into a pub and asks for a pint. The barman draws it & throws it into his face. 'Why did you do that?' 'You asked for a pint, but you didn't say how you wanted it delivered.' Boris: ‘I'll have a pint in a pint glass.' 'No. You can't ask again.' 'Why not?' 'Democracy.'

The Chinese have the best Democracy in the World

They have tiny elections every few hours.
;) if you know what I mean

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Two Cows

**Edit: Just to make it clear, I am not taking credit for the joke(s). I just merely found it/them whilst browsing around and thought you guys would appreciate it/them.**



SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour



COMMUNISM

You have 2...

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Richard's new job

Richard just got a new job on a small shipping vessel. He shows up for his first day and the first mate puts him to work loading crates onto the ship. He finishes a few hours later and they get underway. Richard is put to work and is kept busy all day. After dinner, he approaches the first mate and ...

I have an idea

I vote we get rid of democracy

Trump's first day at the Oval Office after being elected President

First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon, FBI:

Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately. No delays.

CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.

Trump: The Democrats created them.

CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you w...

Politics in terms of cows

SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The state takes a high portion of the milk they produce to be redistributed.

COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The State takes both of them and you have to get into a bread line for food instead.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The State will kill you if you don't...

In Soviet Russia, they don’t play The Floor is Lava...

They play The Floor is Democracy

The leaders of the Big Three after the conference in Yalta

After WW2 in 1945 the leaders of the Big Three(USA, UK and the Soviet Union) respectively Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin met in Yalta for a conference to decide the fate of the world.

After the conference they wanted to have some fun. They decided to try and make the Persian cat in the resid...

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The Two Cow Philosophy

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neigh...

US Presidents remake the US in their image

DDE: Pave the country so all people can drive to see Nature.

JFK: Lofty sounding speeches, but nasty family history, and conspiracies abound; unusual relationship with Hollywood. Violent gun-related death that is not the fault of guns.

LBJ: Very proud of his wounds, will show them to ...

American's won't stand for Russian interference..

"Only American billionaires are allowed to undermine our Democracy!"

Burger King: Have It Your Way!

Burger Dictatorship: Have it My Way!

Burger Communism: Have it Everyone's Way!

Burger Capitalism: Have it Your Way For a Steep Price Hike!

Burger Oligarchy: 1% Have it Their Way!

Burger Democracy: Have Something Your Way!

Burger Anarchy: Don't Have It!

What is enjoyed if it is wanted and hated if its not?

Democracy

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