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Democracy Jokes

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What is Democracy? A boy is asked at school as homework.

So the little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is democracy?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalist. Your Mom spends the money, so we'll call her the Government. Nanny is working at home for money, she's the w...

What do you call a flawed democracy?

An electile dysfunction

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner.

They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.

What is Democracy in third world?

Democracy is-
Off the people,
Buy the people,
Far the people

What's the most persuasive argument against democracy?

"Have you ever worked in retail?"

Democracy in Russia

I bet you were expecting more.

How do you say 'democracy' in Chinese?

You don't.

I am a big supporter of democracy.

As long as it adheres to my rules.

What's the difference between salmon and the American democracy?

Salmon can be cured.

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on what movie to watch and pizza to order

And then I picked the movie and pizza I wanted because I'm the one with the money.

In a democracy, it's your vote that counts...

...and in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

So, I decided to teach my kids about democracy, right?

I was like, 'Alright kids, we're gonna have a vote. We're gonna decide on what show to watch and what food to order.'

And they're excited, they're like, 'Ooh, democracy!'

And I'm like, 'Yeah, this is how it works.'

And then I picked the show and got the food I wanted because ...

Politics in terms of cows

SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The state takes a high portion of the milk they produce to be redistributed.


COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The State takes both of them and you have to get into a bread line for food instead.


FASCISM: You have two cows. The State will kill you ...

Democracy obviously doesn't work.

I mean, I was voted "most likely to succeed" at High School.

What are the two best arguments against democracy?

Donald Trump & Hillary Clinton

America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy...

But won't cross the street to vote.

Classic Winston Churchill wit....

These are old and possibly apocryphal, but just in case of the younger redditors haven't heard them:

Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.”

Churchill: “And you, Bessie, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning."


Truman to Churchill on Churchill's replacement as PM, Clem...

Bush, Obama and Trump go to a job interview with God...

God asks Bush: "What do you believe in?"
Bush answers: "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"
"Very well", says God. "Come sit to my right."

Next, God asks Obama: "What do you believe in?"
Obama answers: "I believe in the power of democracy, and ...

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An old Greek man and an old Italian man are arguing.

The Greek man says "Look, all I'm saying is that the Greeks invented everything the Romans get credit for!"

The Italian says "Yes, may be, but the Romans improved it and made it useful!"

The Greek man says "We invented the Democracy!"

The Italian says "We realized the challenge ...

The great thing about democracy...

....is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid

US democracy is the envy of the world...

It is the greatest that money can buy.

Why isn't China a democracy?

Because then they'd have to hold erections.

Teaching the farm animals to read was going well until the chickens read a book on democracy

Then they staged a Coop d'etat

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They voted on pizza.

Then I took all their pocket money, spent it all on booze and blamed my ex-wife for their predicament.

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Three sailors are discussing their cargo

They are used to transporting goods and make a good living doing so, this time however they've been tasked with taking 300 boxes of penis shaped potatoes across the channel and they all think it's a joke.

"We'll be a laughing stock" says the first sailor.

"I'll never be able to live ...

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What is Democracy

Lil John asks his dad "What is democracy?".

Dad: "Imagine our home is like a country. I bring money so I am like capitalism. Your mother orders everyone around so she is like government. Grandpa... Grandpa is like work unions. Our housemaid is working group. We do it all for you so you are th...

What do you call a nomadic democracy?

A Roman Republic

A wise alien elder told the younglings around it: "Democracy seems great..."

...until you have been to the Planet of Walls.

Bibi Netanyahu is traveling

The clerk asks him "name?"

he answers, "Benjamin Netanyahu."

the clerk asks "occupation?"

"WE WON IT IN A DEFENSIVE WAR AND ISRAEL IS THE ONLY DEMOCRACY IN THE MIDDLE EAST!!!!"

The president of the US is threatening to send the military to suppress US citizens.

Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom.

A Russian and an American are in a bar talking about democracy

At one point, the American shouts “The problem with you Russians is, you don’t understand democracy!”. To which the Russian eloquently responded “What do you mean? We got Trump elected didn’t we?”

American citizen meets Russian citizen.

American says: "We have democracy in our country. I can stand in front of White House and shout "Biden is a scumbag!" and and the police won't do anything to me".
Russian says: "Oh, not a big deal, we also have democracy. I can stand on the Red Square and shout "Biden is a scumbag!" and the polic...

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Two Cows - Matthias Varga

* SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbor


* COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk


* FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk


* NAZISM

You ...

The leaders of the Big Three after the conference in Yalta

After WW2 in 1945 the leaders of the Big Three(USA, UK and the Soviet Union) respectively Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin met in Yalta for a conference to decide the fate of the world.

After the conference they wanted to have some fun. They decided to try and make the Persian cat in the resid...

What’s the difference between democracy and some bullets?

Democracy wasn’t stopped by Trump rioters yesterday.

Increasing expectation among military analysts in recent days:

United States to invade United States to install democracy

Breaking News: Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan and North Korea to send a joint expeditionary force...

...to Washington D.C. in order to bring peace, democracy and the rule of law to the troubled nation of United States of America.

How do you get Donald Trump to cut down a tree?

Tell him it's one of the pillars of our democracy.

The Chinese have the best Democracy in the World

They have tiny elections every few hours.
;) if you know what I mean

Trump's first day at the Oval Office after being elected President

First briefing to the President by CIA, Pentagon, FBI:

Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately. No delays.

CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Iran, Qatar and others.

Trump: The Democrats created them.

CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them o...

An American, a Brasilian and an Argentinian go take a test together

In it, they all have to get in a plane, take off, go to random location, and just by putting their hand out of the window mid flight, they have to guess if they are in their countries or not and why.

First goes the american, who says:
- We are in the USA, i can feel the freedom of democrac...

If you dressed up like a rodeo clown, broke into the capitol, and tried to destroy the democracy of the United States

You might be a redneck

Why is it a bad idea for China to become a democracy?

Do you know how hard it would be to orchestrate a national erection

Did you hear about the rumours about Iraq?

I heard they are going to invade America in order to install democracy there.

American's won't stand for Russian interference..

"Only American billionaires are allowed to undermine our Democracy!"

In Soviet Russia, they don’t play The Floor is Lava...

They play The Floor is Democracy

Mario was sick of jumping around all day

He felt like he should be more politically involved. A few weeks ago, his friend Toad helped him set up a TV (mostly for watching trashy reality shows), but Mario became obsessed with US news networks. CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, you name it. He had heard before of American democracy, and found it prefera...

How did the GOP shoot themselves in the foot?

With a Cult 45.


***
Also works with, “How does a democracy die?”, etc.

Sorry if someone already thought of this, thought it was clever and didn’t see it after a quick glance.

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you have two cows

socialism: you will give one cow to neighbour and keep one for yourself

communism: government takes both cows and gives you milk

fascism: government buys both cows; shoots you

democracy: government buys both the cows; shoots one; milk the other and throw the milk away; imports b...

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I just realized the fight between obi wan and Anakin perfectly sums up the past year of fighting between Millenials and Boomers, respectively.

When Jedi business becomes too real.

---------------

Millenials: You have allowed this giant turd to twist your mind, until now, until now you've become the very thing you swore to destroy.

Boomer : Don't lecture me, child, I see through the lies of the libtards I do not fear t...

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Richard's new job

Richard just got a new job on a small shipping vessel. He shows up for his first day and the first mate puts him to work loading crates onto the ship. He finishes a few hours later and they get underway. Richard is put to work and is kept busy all day. After dinner, he approaches the first mate and ...

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The Two Cow Philosophy

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neigh...

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